Monday B*tchfest — The Bump
May 2020 Moms

Monday B*tchfest

Let’s hear them, ladies!

Re: Monday B*tchfest

  • @ieles2531 Wow that’s terrible, so sorry you had to see that!! Those anti abortion people are over the top. 
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  • Just having some minor future looking freakouts. My 3 yr old is out of his mind, and I cannot figure out a good strategy to curve the defiance and tantrums. I'm at the end of my rope. It's mostly due to going to bed, and going to school. I know its "transitions" and all normal, but man when is this phase over?!?! I've tried prepping him for what we're going to do, giving him choices, not giving him choices, distracting him, giving him chances, counting to 3, setting hard limits, staying calm, validating his feelings, not giving in, not giving rewards for poor behavior, I've overt the last 3-4 months and it seems like it's just getting worse. My 2 yr old is cool as a cucumber, but the older one is giving me a run for my money. UGH!!!

  • @ieles2531 those people are so awful! In my city they set up on any random busy intersection. Even if I agreed with them (I don’t) it’s an asshole thing to be showing those posters in public where everyone sees them. We got their flyers in the mail once too. 

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @mamaqdubu 3 was the worst year for us with DD. 4 has been MAGICAL so far. Have you tried a behavior chart? Some people are opposed because it’s “bribery” but it actually worked well for us. They sell one on amazon geared toward kids 3-5 where the goals are things like “I stayed in bed” or “I didn’t whine”. As for bed, try “the Rabbit who wants to fall asleep”. Get the audiobook. It’s literally hypnosis for little kids. Just be careful, it will make you fall asleep too. 
  • @ieles2531 I see a bunch of old men across the street from my work every Friday protesting the Planned Parenthood. I REALLY REALLY want to walk in one day while wearing my tightest preggo clothing just so cuz I can and then ask them to donate to a shelter/adoption center if they want me to not go ahead with the abortion. 

    Imagine what a difference these waste of space humans would make if they could instead spend the time volunteering at an orphanage or something. 🤬
  • @ieles2531 thanks for the suggestions! We tried a chores chart for a while with reasonable success, but a behavior chart is a good idea to try! Maybe I could put it on my phone so i could have it both upstairs in his room & downstairs. How consistent were you? for how long? and did you find that eventually it taught good behavior without the "reward"? I'll also definitely look up the book! maybe a good santa gift. listening to audiobooks and following along might be an interesting change up for him in general. 
  • ruby696ruby696 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2019
    @mamaqdubu We have a star chart and my 3.5 yo DD LOVES it. So does my 5yo DS. Ours is magnetic, so thet get to put the star on themselves. Each week we pick what their reward will be together, so it changes and they're excited to work towards it. They love counting the stars as the week progresses and will seriously run to their room to make their beds when they realize they haven't yet and it will get them another star. I highly recommend it.

    Eta: autocorrect 
  • @ruby696 what kinds of rewards have you been using?
  • Hmmm... some weeks they pick out a treat, like a frozen yogurt. Or they ask for "a money" and get a quarter. We did a single hot wheels car for each of them once. They each got to pick a book put one time. We've done a trip to the library. Once they picked going to an outlet mall so they could ride all the mechanical cars - those cars/trucks/horses that you put quarters in. Stuff like that. You might want to start with a very small, daily treat to get him excited and then slowly work towards a bigger weekly treat. 
  • @mamaqdubu we’ve been using it for about 2 years. The one we have is called “I Did It”. We originally started it to help us with the poop part of potty training, and we discovered that DD is very goal oriented. We swap out behaviors depending on what we’re having issues with in any given week. For example, last week was tough with her talking back, so this week one of her spots is “I didn’t talk back”. They’re magnetic with magnetic stars so swapping is so easy. Her rewards vary...sometimes it’s stopping for ice cream on Friday after school, a trip to Chuck E. Cheese, a pair of shoes she really wants, having hot chocolate by the fire pit, etc. I have noticed that her behavior and listening overall has improved since we started the chart. Good luck!
  • Ugh. Old Navy and their sales really tick me off. I want to buy maternity clothes due to my uterus's sudden relocation this weekend. They have a sale going on plus I have super cash. Cool, right? Turns out if you are trying to use super cash on top of any percent off they do some funky math. With my super cash I would have only saved $3. 
    DD #1 April 2017
    expecting mid-late May 2020

  • I’m sick of everything and everyone today. I am frustrated by work. I need to learn to let things go but that’s not my personality especially when it effects services for my people. And my back is so uncomfortable that I’m just a miserable bitch who can’t sleep and when I do fall asleep my fucking cat jumps up and licks me until I wake up and then walks away, yeah he’s on the top of list today. 
    Me:30 DF:29
    DS1:Dec 13
    DS2:May 2020
  • jess09lynnjess09lynn member
    100 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited December 2019
    Long rant, kudos if you make it through. 

    My car decided it wanted to break on me. Water pump broke, lost all my coolant, engine over heated, sealant on something else broke so all  I smell is burning coolant and engine oil. Oh and fan broke, it only blows out of the hands and a little on the feet no matter what position I have it in. So some mornings I can't see a damm thing because of the frost and because I don't want to have breath in all of those fume I have to close the vents which means either fogged up window or no heat. And to top it all off just fixed all of this two years ago... it's only a 2012 so it should have a lot of life in it. I was warned not to buy a Chevy.

    MH has an older beater that we wants me to drive but I have a 45 minute drive and live in a very snowy climate so I don't feel safe driving it. But he doesn't understand why so he is hell bent on me just driving his car until the baby comes. We're leaning towards buying a new vehicle but I also don't have much say in that. All I'm asking for is something I could plug my phone into so I can listen to Spotify or an audiobook but all of the vehicles he's looking at are too old for that. He also doesn't like the idea of spending money on an aftermarket radio that would allow me to plug it in 

    Edit: fixed some words
  • My order from Thrive Market came in yesterday at 2, while it was snowing. I don't get home until 5. Luckily Fed Ex put a cheap plastic bag over the box, but the bottom was still a little wet. Then when I go to open it up, the packaging tape was broken (except on the edges). Then I open it and everything has a filmy feeling to it. Well one of the boxes of powdered laundry detergent was broken and leaking everywhere in the box. Ruined my 3 food items, luckily everything else was fine. They are refunding me for the 4 items by way of store credit, and if I do a survey I get an extra $10 <insert eye roll> . Super annoying and frustrating to deal with last night when I got home.
    TTC#1 July 2015 
    • BFP: 9/16/15 — MC: 11/8/15 Blighted Ovum
    • BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
    TTC#2 April 2019 
    • BFP: 9/12/19 — EDD 5/15/20

  • My bitchfest is parents who show up for the parent conference at the wrong time on the wrong day and then yell that I’m the jerk since I’m already taking to someone else. The paper says Thursday at 1, not Tuesday at 3! So much eyeroll happening here. 
  • @Linsbins some parents are the worst
  • It's way past Monday but I need a bitchfest....

    MIL is throwing a fit about being there for the birth of the baby...not the actual delivery but she thinks flying out from 3 hours away to be with us, with FIL and BIL in row is acceptable because "we'll stay in an Airbnb". 

    No no no. This is my first child, I'll be busy recovering not trying to manage what time you can come visit. My mom will be here to take care of me & it would make sense for my dad to come the week after, see the baby and then they can leave together. This would put MIL, FIL, and BIL only 10-14 days away from seeing the baby but she claimed to DH that we were keeping her from baby. I am the one that has to put my foot down and be the bitch but sorry that I need time to recover and make logical sense with my parents visiting and your visit will be delayed by a whole 10 days cuz we'd like extended help around the baby instead of a freaking zoo. 
  • @tj_2 I had this talk with DF the other day too. With DS she came and was there all through labor too, this time, I want my mom and him there. I want to do the Golden Hour and I want things calm (she tends to stress me the fuck out). People came last time without even asking me to the hospital which annoyed me too, I was trying to figure out being a FTM and I was in rough shape. I woke up from a nap and there were like 3 people standing there and I was like "whoa wait a minute" I think it is important to set your boundaries now. 
    Me:30 DF:29
    DS1:Dec 13
    DS2:May 2020
  • @tj_2 ugh, some in laws just suck. It is your partner’s job right now to deal with his mother, not yours. It is also the time to put your boundaries in place for sure. Honestly it sounds a little ridiculous to say you’re trying to keep her from baby (it is not even her baby!!!) because you want her to wait 10 days. Puhleeeze. 
    I put my foot down with both sides this time (this is birth #3) and said absolutely no visitors the first week. 
  • @tj_2 My husband and I are in discussions about his parents. We own our own house but we rent up the upstairs and live in the basement suite. It's two bedrooms and a perfect size for us. My husband doesn't want to change our spare room into the baby's room until after baby is born because he wants his parents to stay with us for a few weeks when baby is born. I told him I don't want anyone staying with us but he is not budging on it. He says that he will need help and doesn't want to take more than a few days off work so they will be here to help me instead of him. I am not ok with this at all. I will need his help and I hate having people in my space to long. I'm an introvert and being around people, even my family, is exhausting. I will need a lot of help and I am ok with his parents staying with his sister who lives a 30 minute drive away and coming to visit during the day. He doesn't understand this and thinks I'm being selfish. 
  • @jess09lynn Oh man, that would be a deal breaker for me. The 4th trimester is so hard, and you need to be comfortable in your home while navigating a new baby. You'll be bleeding, your boobs will be leaking, and your shirt will be off or pulled down every few hours. I think you'll be surprised at how little help you'll need after the first week or two. If your in-laws will be there at all, I would make sure in advance with them and YH, that they are there to cook, clean, and do laundry while you're in your room with baby. If they think "helping" is holding the baby all day while you host them, you're going to lose your mind, resent them, and hate YH. Just some food for thought.
  • @jess09lynn um, you’re going to be figuring out life with a tiny human you just pushed out of your body, you have every right to be selfish! 

    Google “lemon clot essay” and make sure your husband reads it. 

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • catem07catem07 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2019
    A few weeks? Oh no. I agree that you’ll need less help than you think, and especially will not need the kind of help that you haven’t chosen and lives with you 24/7. 

    Also he’s basically trying to outsource parenting/partnering to his parents...
    DD #1 April 2017
    expecting mid-late May 2020

  • I’m fortunate that my in-laws aren’t a problem and they understand boundaries. The issue is my own mother. When I told her the baby’s due date, she decided to request two weeks off work to come and stay with us. I wasn’t informed until she got the time off approved. If anyone remembers, my mom is also the one to have a gender reveal party for herself at work — neither myself or DH were in attendance. 

    I won’t mind the “help”, if that means someone else cooking food and cleaning. Otherwise, to stay with us is a lot. She’s currently interviewing for another job, and I’m (Not so secretly) hopping that she gets the job and won’t have the vacation time to stay for more than a weekend.
    Me: 28  DH: 29
    BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
  • @jess09lynn I won’t even let my own mother stay with me after baby is born. YH needs to realized that you are the only person who’s opinion matters seeing as you’re the one who will be there with the baby all day and night. If he has to work, it does NOT make up for it to have his parents breathing down your neck when you feel like you just got hit by a truck (at least that’s what I presume it’ll feel like, I’m also a FTM)

    @drkoyya Your mom sounds like she and my mom would get along great 😂 I hope your mom gets the new job and won’t be able to get the time off. My mom also said she wanted to take off the time around my DD, but I told her I didn’t want her staying at my house. She tried to sell it by saying she’s a “good guest” and doesn’t need to be entertained/will be very helpful. IDGAF if you’re the best house guest on earth, I don’t want anyone else in my house after I birth a baby. We need to figure out a routine and “help” from others won’t really be very helpful. 
  • @sunshinesea22 Good for you! I lost the battle with my mom about the birth. I’m also anticipating that she’ll get butthurt about something and not stay the entire time. I did win the second battle, she wanted to take an additional week and stay with us once I got back to work. I convinced her it’s not necessary because my work schedule is extremely flexible and I will only be at work 2-3 days a week and we already have a baby sitting plan. 

    I appreciate the excitement but dang let us figure it out without constant presence.
    Me: 28  DH: 29
    BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
  • The final resolution was that both my mom (who I want) & my MIL (who I would prefer not be there but don't care too much about) will be there the first week so MIL can be there as soon as baby is born. Luckily she lives a 4-hour flight away and won't be able to make it until well after the baby is born/golden hour etc. 

    It's not ideal but I think it's an okay compromise because the moms can help me/baby without us having to figure out scheduling on when exactly she can visit and dealing with guilt trips on how she's there for only X number of days and wants to see the baby. 
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