Newbie (loss mentioned) And apparently my life story

Hello all! I'm Audrey, and my husband and I are starting our fourth transfer protocol today. It's the first time I've gone out seeking a community to talk through things with, as everyone else I know mean well, but haven't experienced the issues we have here.

I got married 6 years ago, and we started trying right away, but I always knew I would have trouble because, despite doctors telling me otherwise my entire life, I knew the fact that I didn't have AF on a regular schedule was probably not a good thing. After a year of doctors telling me everything was fine, a substitute doctor came in and said she thought I had PCOS. When I looked at my file, I saw PCOS had been written on every visit I'd had with the other doctor. I'd never even heard of it. And there was no mention of how to treat it, just that I had it. Needless to say, I switched doctors. They put me on metformin (which my body did not like, thanks) and we tried two medicated cycles, and in January 2016, I got my first (and last-so far) BFP. I was ecstatic. But I started spotting early, and since my doctor hadn't done the first scan yet, was referred to the ER three times, only for them to tell me everything was fine. The last ER doctor essentially told me to stop coming in because even if I was miscarrying, there was nothing they'd be able to do, anyway. At 8 weeks, I had the first scan at my doctor. They told me that the baby wasn't growing the way they wanted, and scheduled another scan for 2 weeks later. I didn't freak out until we got put into the exam room, where there was a bag of 'first visit' stuff that they then came in and removed. I knew then, despite them saying not to panic, that I was probably going to miscarry. And three days later, I did.

Later that year we started trying IUI's, but none of them worked. We visited an RE in March of 2017 who told us we had to lose weight in order to be successful. But he spoke directly to my husband 90% of the time, and barely looked at me. Neither of us liked him, but we did lose some weight, and I began doing acupuncture as well. When we were ready, we found another doctor who got us started almost immediately on protocols for egg retrieval and a fresh transfer. Only 4 embryos made it to day 5, and the first transfer we did a single one. I was so positive that this would work, that the obstacle was just getting the egg to fertilize. It failed. We tried again in July, with 2, and it also failed. Due to family medical emergencies and the loss of my dad, we took the rest of 2018 off, and scheduled our next transfer cycle for February 2019 for our final embryo. At the beginning of January, we heard about this test on the news, the ERA. I did some research, and it had been around for a while, so we asked our doctor. They said 'Oh, yeah, you're a good candidate for that', despite never having mentioned it to us before. But to do the ERA, we'd need to put off our last cycle since it required a mock cycle first. I was ready to be done with that doctor and move on, and I had zero faith that the last embryo would take. So we skipped it, and the transfer failed again.

About a month before the last transfer, I found information on a PCOS dietary change that was supposed to be beneficial, so I asked the doctor about it, they said it was fine, so I began following it and dropped fifteen pounds before the transfer. I continued after the transfer failed, and also looked up every supplement I could take and began to take them all. In March we found a new doctor, and the first thing she did was tell us to be on the supplements I was already on (though she did advise higher doses). . We did two back-to-back egg retrievals a few months later, and ended up with a total of 13 day-5 blasts that we sent for PGS testing. 4 came back as normal. The next two cycles were taken up with tests for me--the doctor wanted to do an endometriosis biopsy (again, first time it was mentioned despite my history with heavy and inconsistent AF) and agreed to do the ERA the following cycle. The endo biopsy was positive, so in August I started 3 months of Depot Lupron. The ERA was fine, so our timing should be right. I start my Delestrogen today, so we're looking at mid-December for our first transfer with this doctor. We're also trying an antihistamine protocol before the transfer.

I'm getting to that place where we've done so much (I'm down 45 pounds from those dietary changes alone, even though I went way off the wagon the last few months), that I feel like it's *got* to work this time, and that scares me, because if it doesn't, I need to not fall apart. 

Anyway, sorry for my life story. I started typing and it all started pouring out. I guess the long and short of it is, I've been so frustrated for so long with the doctors I've had, and this one seems to be doing everything she knows to help us, and that makes so much difference to me. At this point, I'm back eating within my dietary guidelines (which sucks, because Christmas cookies!) and am trying to temper my enthusiasm, just in case.