Holiday Support Thread 2019

emeraldduchess · October 2019

@NYTino24 so many hugs, friend.
@mvt2003 what @bluetickgal said.

@rachelredhead thank you. *TW my first loss was also a week before Christmas, so I am not sure how I am going to get through December. I am so sorry about the approaching empty due date. Mine was in August and it was rough to reach that date with no rainbow in sight. End TW*

tyrion_ · October 2019

@emeraldduchess I’m so sorry about that reminder in the store. Those triggers out of
nowhere just really take you out. I wish I could scoop you up in a big weird internet hug.

@bluetickgal I hope you’re able to find a balance between family time and protecting yourself this holiday season 💗

@b_1029 I really hope you have success before the holidays. Even then I hope you’re able to give yourself plenty of grace as you approach the two year mark. Big hugs to you, I can’t imagine what you have been through on this journey.

@NYTino24 I’m sorry things were just so heavy for you yesterday. I hope today was better.

NYTino24 · October 2019

Today was better despite another announcement. I swear I “snoozed” so many people on FB and hid so many ads and posts today. That helped and I stayed away from my phone, spending time counting my blessings and running errands on my day off.

tyrion_ · October 2019

Glad it was better for you, @NYTino24 💗

emeraldduchess · October 2019

@NYTino24 so many hugs. I'm glad you had a better day despite another trigger.

NYTino24 · October 2019

@emeraldduchess NJ is so densely populated that you can’t escape anything anywhere. I need to find some affirmations to repeat to myself.

mvt2003 · October 2019

@NYTino24 So many hugs. I'm so inspired by your commitment to counting blessings and finding an affirmation. I think I need to do the same!

I'm almost through Halloween! Thursday evening will be a little tough for me, but I think my exposure will be a little less than usual, my ILs might be making another stop in my neighborhood. As always I'm going to basically avoid social media on that day!

My MiL started talking about Thanksgiving this weekend, and she's kind of prepping for a smaller one. MH's aunt and her family are a little flaky about holidays, they cancel at the last minute sometimes. So when they do cancel it ends up being just us, MH's parents, and his mom's sister. My BiL and SiL go to her family every year, and I have to hear my ILs complain that they don't get to see the kids on Thanksgiving, which as you can imagine makes me feel amazing...

When I was single my mom and I used to go to Disney World for Thanksgiving, I kind of wish MH would go for that this year. It'll never happen, but a girl can dream, right?

capnjackharkness · October 2019

NYTino24 I always joke that I've unfollowed so many people on FB, and if people don't stop getting KU/I can't figure out how to be less of a bitter old hag, then pretty soon my FB page is going to be nothing but the elderly crazies talking about how we're going to be microchipped in 2017 and the like... *le sigh*

mvt2003 I used to always watch those movies where the couple/family would go away for like Christmas and was always appalled... NOW I get the draw!

mvt2003 · October 2019

@capnjackharkness We started doing it after my dad died, and it was basically just the two of us for holidays. It was pretty delightful, actually. We used to go for the week, and would get Thanksgiving dinner at Epcot every year. I look back on it fondly, and will probably start mentioning it to MH more seriously. We could never "skip" Xmas, that's his big family holiday, but Thanksgiving keeps getting smaller and sadder.

tyrion_ · October 2019

@mvt2003 “smaller and sadder” 😭😭😭 and now I am crying. That tradition sounds lovely. I hope your husband will truly consider it.

Those words really got me. Sunday was my dad’s second birthday in heaven. And that “smaller and sadder” really resonates with me. I’ve been so deep in my own feelings that I didn’t realize my poor mom is not ok. His birthday rolls into all the holidays and it’s still so obvious and sad that he isn’t here.

I mean, the man was 6’4 350 lbs. He was figuratively and literally a big piece of our family 💗

Somehow this year seems harder. The permanence is difficult to grapple with.

babyodo · October 2019

@mvt2003 - I don't blame you for wanting to go to WDW for Thanksgiving. I wish I had thought of that sooner! WDW is our happy place, we used to go annually, but have recently spaced it out to every-other-year because of grad school and TTC and all that. Thanksgiving dinner at Liberty Tree Tavern in MK sounds divine. I could really use a getaway, but alas, it's just not in the cards this year.

mvt2003 · October 2019

@tyrion_ I absolutely think the hardest part for me was seeing my mom have to figure out a life for herself after my dad passed. In the end, she lived for 7 years without him, and I think we did ok. She depended on me heavily (and once MH was in the picture, him as well) but we made it as happy as we could! For us, the key was figuring out new things to do, rather than sit around and think about what we didn't have anymore. It didn't help for us that my dad's death was a year after my grandmother died, and my mom's family at that point splintered off into everyone doing their own things with their own immediate families for holidays.

So I've now lived through the "smaller and sadder" cycle twice, and I know I'll survive it. And I know you will too. I'm not sure if I've told you this or not, but honestly Year 2 was harder for me than Year 1 both times, so you're absolutely NOT alone. You're completely normal.

mvt2003 · October 2019

@ttcbabyodo I highly recommend it. Thanksgiving Day is delightful there, the Saturday of that weekend tends to be packed, but by Monday it quiets back down. It's not in our budget this year either really, but a girl can dream! It's our happy place too! I hope you get to book something soon, you absolutely deserve it.

rachelredhead · October 2019

@NYTino24 do you write your blessings down? I have a Note on my phone that I started a year or so before meeting my husband, so maybe started @ 2015ish. I try to write down one thing a day but it actually ends up being jotting down several once a week. I have around 1200 little things written down. It’s such a nice reminder of big and small moments. Even with losses and fertility frustrations, it has been nice to remind myself of the things I wrote down as I was walking through dark periods. Even if it’s just « my latte was the perfect temperature this morning. »

emeraldduchess · October 2019

@mvt2003, @tyrion_ I can relate to "smaller and sadder", too. My mom's side of the family is very tiny, so many of my aunts, uncles and even cousins are no longer with us. Most holidays there's only 5 of us. My dad's side of the family kind of fell apart after my grandparents died (bad blood between some of the siblings), so they don't celebrate holidays together anymore.

beckylookatherbump · October 2019

1. I did thanksgiving at Disney last year and it was insanely packed, like not even worth it I felt like. Avatar had a 4 hour line. It was insane if it makes you feel better about being there 2. Me and my hubs were going to spend thanksgiving just the two of us since we don’t have family near by and we decided to reach out to our friends, even though we assumed most had plans, and now have 12 people coming so reach out to the people you know holidays aren’t just for family.

emeraldduchess · November 2019

Bump! Thought I'd resurrect this thread with Thanksgiving right around the corner.

keikilove · November 2019

Glad to see some of the old threads are making their way back to the first page!

emeraldduchess · November 2019

How is everyone doing this week? I am feeling good about Thanksgiving next week, but a tad overwhelmed. I have my betas on Monday, so that's probably going to influence how I feel the actual day of.

NYTino24 · November 2019

@emeraldduchess I’m looking forward to the holidays as a nice distraction of things to do and see to keep me busy. Everyone we know and will see knows about our IF / MC and they won’t say anything insensitive, so at least I know that isn’t a possibility. I’m more worried about the January drag after the holidays. We will probably do our IUI a day or two after Thanksgiving, so we won’t be able to see my twin until after Christmas.

tyrion_ · November 2019

*TW loss mentioned* Ugh the January drag takes me right into my empty due date and I’m panicking about how fast it’s coming. Please tell me once it passes I’ll calm down?!

I’m currently calm about hosting Thanksgiving but will start to get wild in a day or two trying to get my ducks in a row. My mom and I still aren’t speaking so I may be spending Thanksgiving with no parents. And no delicious rice she makes 😭

mvt2003 · November 2019

@tyrion_ So sorry, friend, and so many hugs. Honestly, the fights with my mom during life after we lost my dad were the worst, and not having him there as balance was awful. I've been there, and I'm sending you love and light.

@NYTino24 I agree, I'm worried for January at this point too. Hopefully this IUI takes and you don't need to worry at all about January though.

@emeraldduchess Keeping FX for betas!

AFM, I'm feeling better about the holiday season knowing that my RE appointment is December 9th, which will be smack dab in the middle of a cycle, so I could potentially begin BCP around Christmas (if they don't have me wait an additional month because of insurance turnover etc.) I just want to feel like I'm accomplishing something, you know? And that the waiting is going to have an ending. I'm sure I'll get some nosy questions at Christmas, because something about being married for 6 years with no LO has empowered people to feel like they can ask now. I guess we'll see how the 9th goes.

capnjackharkness · November 2019

@tyrion_ I've actually found I have a LOT more anxiety leading up to my due dates. Once they get here (and definitely once they've passed) I tend to be a lot calmer. It's also harder if you're still TTCAL and desperately trying to get PG before your due date, and if you 'miss' that, then the pressure and the stress and depression can be overwhelming; however, once you pass that date then, the pressure has 'eased' a bit (because you already missed the deadline), so it's more manageable.
Also, sorry about the fighting with your mom. Hoping you are able to cope and have a relaxing holiday!

I'm relaxed about Thanksgiving and starting to just accept that Christmas time will involve us driving on both Christmas Eve and Christmas day and to just accept it, no matter how much I hate it. Small victory though, in-laws were informed that if they are forcing (literally, they told DH they EXPECTED us to visit during week of Christmas) us to visit over certain time periods that we EXPECTED them to come to Thanksgiving at our house and to visit either on the way to/from Florida (they're snowbirds and it's legit like an hour out of their over 16 hour drive to stop at our house for a day or two, and they get a hotel room anyway to breakup the trip... so... wtf). So, if those things don't happen, then next year I figure I can pull that as trump card and be like, "Um, no, we're too busy to stop by... just like you've been the last 5 years we've lived in this house and only been here ONCE!"

emeraldduchess · November 2019

@mvt2003 I hope you don't get those nosy questions. I had the opposite experience. One DH and I hit the 5 year mark, everyone (MIL/FIL included) just gave up on us ever having kids and never brought it up after that.

ashaislurking · November 2019

I really appreciate this thread. My dad's family knows we had planned to start TTGP by now, but also know why we're benched for the time being and has been nothing but supportive, though my grandmother brings it up every once in a while. Fortunately for us being benched works out in a couple ways, but it's still really hard on me to be benched right now. I'm just hoping that my pre-conception appointment goes well and we won't get the news that I'm benched longer than we're anticipating.

TW: medical explanations, LC mention:

My 16mo is having surgery the day before Thanksgiving, and with my HG I wouldn't be able to properly assist him with recovery if I were pregnant right now. I'm currently benched because of the multitude of pregnancy complications last time, including placental abruption and partial uterine rupture leading to a second emergency c-section. We meet with my ObGyn in 2 weeks and will hopefully get a safe date to start trying again.

emeraldduchess · November 2019

Thinking of everyone this week. 💚

emeraldduchess · November 2019

Bump!

I am going to try to check the board a few times today. Sending love and strength to everyone today! 🦃🍁🥧

ssbl · November 2019

I have the Thanksgiving Day parade on, and I dissolved into tears watching an ET-themed Xfinity commercial... so that’s the official start of the holidays for me.

Good luck today, everyone! I’m thankful for you.

ziggymama06 · November 2019

@ssbl I got emotional watching that too! I hope you can enjoy the day 💗

Wishing you all a wonderful Thanksgiving (or just Thursday)... Thankful for this community and all of you 💜

NYTino24 · November 2019

Wishing you all a Happy (American) Thanksgiving! Thinking of you and grateful for your support, friendship, and insight.

inthewoods23 · November 2019

While cuddling in bed this morning my mind went to the fact that this week would have been about the 12 week mark had our FET worked and would have been when we announced to family. And then I thought about my embryos 😢

Hope I can survive 3 Thanksgiving dinners in 3 days. 😵 Too much family time

ashaislurking · November 2019

Thinking of everyone today and sending lots of love!!

notagoodpatient · November 2019

Random cousin-in-law already asked me why I haven’t had kids yet. And then when I said no to a glass of wine, made a big deal. Great great great.

Hope everyone is having an ok holiday!

emeraldduchess · November 2019

@notagoodpatient ugh, what a nosy Rosie. Your uterus, your business.

charmedlifex3 · November 2019

Today at the family dinner -
Family member asked me if I was pregnant again yet? Check!
Cousin who got married TWO MONTHS ago announced her pregnancy? Check!
Parent suggested if we are having this much trouble, we should "just stop trying." Check!
THREE friends showed me pictures of their babies born in the last week? Check!

Excuse me while I go hid in some pie.

mindyb2019 · November 2019

@the_road_to_oz wowzers that’s a lot to be asked in one evening. So sorry you have to go through all that. 😔 Family gatherings are nice but can be tough. ❤️ Hugs *

emeraldduchess · November 2019

@the_road_to_oz I am so sorry you got hit with all that (it's like a crappy ttc edition of bingo). It makes my blood boil that someone would comment that having ttc trouble is a sign you should stop. Lots of hugs to you. 💚

misshelen86 · November 2019

@the_road_to_oz so sorry you had to deal with all that! I can’t believe how insensitive people can be. Makes me so angry that we have to deal with these comments and triggers on top of everything else. Hugs to you!

ashaislurking · November 2019

@notagoodpatient and @the_road_to_oz I'm so sorry both of you had to deal with that crap today. I wish there was some kind of warning system that someone was about to say something insensitive (think flashing red light on their head) so you could just shove a piece of turkey in their mouth and you walk away before they have a chance to speak.

NYTino24 · November 2019

@the_road_to_oz Ugh, that sucks. Hugs to you, lady.

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