On the bench/Awaiting Cycles

stella_700 · November 2019

Hoping that the ladies that are awaiting their turn with either IVF or FET's will feel free to hang out here some while waiting. Cause we all know that 85% of this process is waiting.

stella_700 · November 2019

*LC and TR*

DH and I ended up with fraternal twins from our first round of fertility treatment, born 11/17. Chase and Victoria turned two last week.

We went in for our second FET in September as I turned 40 this year and while the treatment worked we found out at our 10 week appointment that we had lost the pregnancy. Went through the unpleasant part seemingly okay, still doing bloodwork.

So I'm benched for both financial and medical reasons for a bit and am a little at a loss, emotionally and mentally around what/when to do next. I'm hoping that over the next months I gain some clarity as to what to do next, I'll be working on it. We have two embryos frozen but will have to save for the treatment and pay off the remaining previous try.

inthewoods23 · November 2019

Oh @stella_700 I'm so sorry! Heartbreaking. Any idea when you might be able to get back in to it? I'm happy you created this thread as I've just been periodically checking on other threads to see what's happening in the IF world for others. It'll be nice to chat with others would have a few months before things will happen again.

Currently I am in the mock transfer/biopsy cycle. Doing both the ERA and Receptiva testing to check for inflammation and to see if we need to adjust timing of the cycle. I did some BW the following cycle after the failed FET for loss testing (they checked for lupus and a few other things) and that all came back in normal ranges.

With the holidays I won't have my biopsy until January 6th. Hopefully we can move right into the real FET the moment I get AF after that. I'm thinking the earliest FET date would be in early to mid March.

stella_700 · November 2019

@inthewoods23 I'm pretty certain that I won't be doing anything until after the new year. I'm currently in the anger stage over the whole shebang. I know its a normal part of the grieving process, but dammit I was so close, at my last RE appt! REALLY universe! This has really pulled into focus how much I lucked out with DH, he's been amazing, just really astoundingly supportive.

I've heard (not thoroughly researched) that doing an ERA before an FET can help. I'm glad that your clinic is being really thorough with you. I'm relieved that the testing came back normal for you, you won't be navigating any additional hurdles. The holidays always slows everything down. When during your cycle do they do the Era/receptiva testing? Will they be putting you back on BC after the ERA?

You got fun holiday plans?

inthewoods23 · November 2019

@stella_700 it definitely took me a few weeks into October to finally be through my grieving process from my failed FET. This is such a hard time since I know right at Thanksgiving would be the transition into the 2nd trimester and making a cute announcement to the world but no, not anymore. I'm hoping I can get through the holidays without a lot of anger!

I'm essentially going through a "real" FET cycle except instead of doing a mock transfer on "transfer day" they're taking a biopsy of my lining. I'm on BCP for 30 days to pass time, start lupron back up in early December, have a period, then go into doing the meds again as if it were a real transfer. ERA I believe is the one that checks the timing. So maybe I might need an extra day or 1 less day of progesterone or whatever. The other test checks for inflammation (aka super mild Endo) which can be enough to prevent implantation. If that's positive I have to be on depot Lupron for a month to 3 months depending on severity before doing the real transfer. I'll know our timeline once those results all come back in mid-January.

No real fun holiday plans besides seeing family. I may convince DH to do the road trip we took on October again. We drove to Chattanooga and Atlanta to go to the aquariums there. Super fun, long weekend trip. I have the 2 days after Christmas off and as long as weather isn't nasty I would really love to do it all again!

How about you?

stella_700 · November 2019

@inthewoods23, yep anger, I know its normal. My RE who normally has wonderful bedside manner tried to make me feel better by saying that I'm healthy enough to try again ASAP. I didn't lose my temper but I bet my face went expressionless in an effort to not be angry at my last blood draw. A better thing for me is to try and dwell on what I am thankful for, I'm also looking for some volunteer stuff out in the community. I hate to say it and but a slap in the face reminder that *I* really do have the good life might be needed.

I don't have any experience of Lupron so I'm wincing at the three months before transfer. That sounds like a lot. *hugs from creepy internet stranger*

Oh roadtrips. I love them. DH and I went before our fertility journal began on a road trip to Asheville, NC (my sister's there) from Texas. We had a great time. I wished I'd had time to explore some more areas between the two places. I was so close to getting DH to head down toward the Shiloh national park (history nerd). Maybe next time we go. Go, do it!

We are stuck doing mostly local trips this holiday, mostly cause our extra funds got used up right now. I'd like to do a weekend trip with DH if we can swing it.

inthewoods23 · November 2019

@stella_700 weekend trips are nice, just for the short getaway from it all!

I should clarify that the depot Lupron is a monthly shot. I think my RE said you could do the daily shot but that gets expensive very fast. Depot lupron is more economical. Even more economical if I don't have to take it!

mtpbadger · November 2019

Hello all! I'm currently just waiting until after the holidays to do another FET after a failed transfer in October. My RE was ready to jump right back into another transfer but we are travelling for both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year so the timing just wouldn't have worked and I'm looking forward to enjoying the holidays and not worrying about shots, appointments or anything.

TW*** I have a 18 month old daughter from a previous FET but it took us 4 transfers and 6 embryos to get our little miracle so I know I have an uphill battle. II'm trying to look on the bright side of this transfer not working and will enjoy all the wine, soft cheeses, etc this holiday since I couldn't really indulge the last two years (pregnant and then nursing).

I have one frozen embryo left so then it'll be a huge discussion if we go through another retrieval or not. For my first retrieval insurance covered 50% of IVF costs but has since done away with any IVF coverage, which totally stinks so we would be paying out of pocket for everything if we need to go that route.

@stella_700 how are you doing? i would be a littel miffed at your RE too - like geez, give a little time to process all the emotions!

@inthewoods23 I did an ERA about 2.5 years ago and I felt better with the information. I came back receptive but it was nice to rule out anything wonky with the transfer time and make sure we had all the information needed before moving forward with another transfer.

stella_700 · November 2019

@inthewoods23 Whew! Once a month sounds a lot more doable. I was seriously wincing for you thinking those were daily shots.

@mtpbadger I've been given the crud so singing bass right now.

TW***

the twins have shared it.

I overall like him a lot. He's one of the few doctors here that will treat me at all. I've been to two other fertility clinics in this area seeking treatment (4-5 years ago now) and been given business cards to bariatric surgery clinics and told to come back after.

mtpbadger · November 2019

@stella_700 gotta love when the kiddos share all the germs with you! I'm right there with you on dealing with the crud.

Glad your RE is overall a good guy, sometimes I think they just forget how hard this can be to go through and deal with all the ups and down.

inthewoods23 · November 2019

@mtpbadger my hope is that our FET failure was just due to not being receptive and needing to adjust timing! Simple right? 🤨
I have to ask since your pic is Bucky - do you live in WI?

@stella_700 at least the regular lupron is a small needle. It definitely would get old if I had to do it for months!

mtpbadger · November 2019

@inthewoods23 I did both my undergrad and grad degrees in Madison and go back often to visit friends but live in the DC area now. I’ve converted DH into a Wisconsin fan and I’m already trying to brainwash my 18 month old into going there when she’s 18 lol. Are you in WI?

inthewoods23 · November 2019

@mtpbadger haha nice with the brainwashing! I am in WI. It's nice to find people familiar with the state.

mtpbadger · November 2019

Awesome! I’m trying to convince DH to move back to the Midwest in the next few years. I’m originally from MN (my parents still live there) so we spend holidays there and my sister lives in northern WI and we go there every summer.

inthewoods23 · November 2019

@mtpbadger nice! Pretty sure cost of living is less than DC right? Plus closer to family so win-win!

caseyw8784 · November 2019

Hi everyone! I re-introduced myself last week on the main part of the IF board...finally getting a moment to say hi here! In case you missed my intro:

**TW** DH and I have 23 month old twins, Nate and Izzy, and we are thinking about getting the ball rolling on trying for baby #3.

We have an appointment on Dec 3 with our RE, and DH is already starting to get anxiety and worried if we should even try for another baby. He promised me this meeting at the least, and I know that the RE will have us update our bloodwork, and HSG and baseline ultrasound and all that jazz. i kind of don't want to go through all of that just for DH to change his mind, so...who knows what will happen. I also think I'm talking about it too much to him, and it's freaking him out, so I'm glad that I have you all to vent/talk to!

Anyway, very excited for Dec 3 to come quickly, and not so excited that DH is starting to get cold feet already. Though, he did go through this last time we did IVF for the twins.

stella_700 · November 2019

@mtpbadger I love that part of the country, we spent 5 years in the upper peninsula of MI in the early-mid nineties. My dad was active duty.

@caseyw8784 Will you have to do a complete recycle with IVF? or do you have frozen embryos? My DH also had cold feet when we went back, he worries about money too much. Strangely enough after last month he's more determined that we take another shot at it this next year sometime, I'm not sure what triggered the switch, I'll ask him tomorrow. My thoughts is that you've really got a limited time to do this, even with the medical miracles you read about, if you wait for the "perfect time" it'll never happen.

I'm super excited, both DH and I have taken half day tomorrow. We plan to pick up Thai food and have a gaming fest and just take some time to reconnect and do something we enjoy together. The weather tomorrow is suppose to be wet and cold so I might do a pot of soup for dinner tomorrow and just have a nice afternoon/evening. We need it.

mtpbadger · November 2019

@stella_700 the UP is a beautiful place! I actually miss a real winter. In DC, we get too much freezing rain and it’s always a damp cold. That sounds like a perfect day tomorrow! Definitely enjoy it!

@caseyw8784 my DH was hesitant to go back too and he said he’s totally fine with just our daughter but supports whatever I want to do. We had friends over for dinner this week with their 8 month old and after seeing her interact with a baby, he got a little more excited to keep trying.

inthewoods23 · November 2019

@stella_700 that sounds like a wonderful day!

@caseyw8784 hope YH comes around and warms up to the idea of #3 🙂 I feel like I might be in that battle in the future. We're still trying for #1 and at this point DH has come to terms with being childless but we haven't tried everything yet! So I'm sure with #2 he'll be hesitant because he doesn't want to go through the long process all over again.

caseyw8784 · November 2019

@stella_700 We do need to go through a full cycle again, boo. Last time we had 4 5-day blasts that were tested, and 2 had the FraX mutation and 2 didn't, so we transferred both and got the twins. Ironically, I took a look at my calendar from 2017, and I started on the BCP in late January, so the timing this time might be similar as last time!

@mtpbadger @inthewoods23 I believe DH does want another baby...we've had a few friends have babies and he loves holding them (he will deny it to his dying breath though!) and more recently been making comments about how he misses the twins being so tiny and misses holding a newborn. One factor that I know that he'd hate me mentioning, he's a veteran and has some PTSD, which is manageable and he has under control. Sometimes when both kids are screaming and crying, he'll get frazzled and be all, "this is why i don't want another!" but then acknowledges that the crying phase is relatively temporary and stuff. But I think he's letting himself get anxious about the big changes that a 3rd kid would bring; he doesn't like change all that much, and this would be a big one

I also hope (would guess) that once we have the meeting and aren't in the "waiting" period, he'll get more excited.

inthewoods23 · November 2019

@caseyw8784 I get a similar comment from DH of "are you sure you want one?" when we hear kids screaming or just being overly active.

caseyw8784 · November 2019

So I found out from a close friend that DH is telling some of his good friends that we're going to start trying again. I guess that means that he's more serious about it than he led me to believe?

::shrugs::

lucyb1954 · November 2019

Hi @caseyw8784 are you another person who is a fragile X carrier? I’m the only person on these boards that I know currently is doing IVF and is a carrier. Would love to touch base with you about your protocol if you are 🤓 I’ll be starting another cycle in January.

nasah15 · November 2019

Hi everyone. I was in the october and september FET group. Had 2 back to back FET’s cancelled. My last cycle got cancelled due to a large hydrosalpinx on ultrasound a few days before the transfer. I have history of the hydrosalpinx on my left side on a prior HSG. My RE didnt think it needed to be removed prior to FET as it hadn’t shown up on any subsequent scans but it did show up this time. Now im getting surgery to remove the tube this wednesday. I changed clinics as well and realistically am looking at a possible FET in January if everything with this surgery goes well. I am scared about the surgery but at this point i just want to get it over with after a month of dreading this procedure.

caseyw8784 · November 2019

@lucyb1954 - hi! sending you a PM!

inthewoods23 · November 2019

@caseyw8784 I guess sometimes they just need a day or 2 to come around lol

@nasah15 welcome! Hope your surgery goes well! I'm not familiar with hydrosalpinxes, can they affect the success of FETs being that it's an issue in the fallopian tube?

nasah15 · November 2019

@inthewoods23 most of the research online says that since hydrosalpinx is a tube full of fluid, the fluid can leak into the uterus and cause failure of the embryo to implant or even if it implants to miscarry. It causes success rates for IVF to fall by more than half. I was conflicted throughout why my RE didnt want to remove it prior to proceeding with FET. My new RE was also really surprised that i hadn’t got the tube removed prior to FET since that seems to be the standard of care. Anyway now i just want the damn thing out..

nasah15 · November 2019

@inthewoods23 and @stella_700 i had been following your journeys on the FET boards. So sorry it didnt work out. Hopefully the future will bring us more positivity..

caseyw8784 · November 2019

@nasah15 - good luck with your surgery on Wednesday! I hope that it's a quick and painless recovery and you'll be able to jump back into a January FET!!

inthewoods23 · November 2019

@nasah15 that makes a lot of sense! Glad you're getting that taken care of. So interesting how different places and doctors operate. After my failed FET I was told I would be doing a bunch of testing before they would even consider transferring another embryo. I see so many here just jump right in to the next FET!

My meds for the biopsy cycle are arriving tomorrow but I don't start them for another week. Finally. Feels like I've been waiting so long for this. Yay being in BC for 30 days 😐. I'm also just anxious after the biopsy results to find out the next calendar as I have an out of state (by flight) wedding at the end of February and the next weekend in March is another event and I'm trying really hard not to think about what the schedule could be. Isn't going to be an intense 2 weeks with appointments and family events.

stella_700 · November 2019

@inthewoods23 I'm so glad that things are finally moving for you. Try not to worry (I know, its impossible) until after you get the results from the biopsy, that might dictate the schedule anyway. I'm trying to not think to hard of things and just trying to be present for the holidays.

@nasah15 Listening to your story make me question your former clinic. I'm glad that you switched clinics and that you are getting that problematic tube removed. I wish speedy healing for you.

@caseyw8784 Sounds like your DH has some excitement in there about trying again. Wishing you much luck but bummed to hear that you'll be going through retrieval again. *fingers crossed for many good embryos*. Your appointment is next week already. I can't believe next week will be December, this year has flown by. I hope for a good consult and plan moving forward.

JWatt5 · November 2019

Hey!!

@stella_700 I had no idea. Such a bummer to heard that!! *hugs*
Half of your already know me - I have Parker who is two now. We did IUIs (I got lucky with an IUI last time so I really had my hopes up) - 1 was a chemical and 2 negative.

So we just had an IVF consult and we’re trying to decide on Private or Funded. Funded = just paying meds BUT waiting for my spot on the list which would likely be October 2020. Private = Paying for everything but can do it now.

Either way a little break is doing us good. She said if we wanted to do another IUI in the new year why not - we had one implant so never know but...I’m kinda over it all in the moment for some reason. Looking forward to the holidays and a new year!!

caseyw8784 · November 2019

@JWatt5 - i remember you! ::waves::
I have my first IVF consult next week...excited but nervous all over again!

stella_700 · November 2019

@JWatt5 I think my post got kind of lost on the MS. For now I'm just trying to enjoy the holiday time and leaving later for later. I'm in the U.S. so I'm not sure how things work in CA. I guess it comes down to how long you want to wait/how long of an age gap you want for your kids. Does funded IVF come with the PGS testing automatically there? That might sway me to wait, if it were me.

mbradfo2 · November 2019

We're on the bench indefinitely due to the fact that we will have to do a full new cycle just to get anything and my AMH was already 0.62 going into my first cycle (where we got two embies). Since I have gotten pregnant naturally and I've had a couple very late AF's postpartum (at least one was a true BFN, the other was a chemical, one I never actually tested before AF finally came because I was so busy!), it's been a bit of a rollercoaster.

My egg quality is crap though so I'm actually terrified of a natural BFP since *TW* the first natural pregnancy was abnormal with a m/c at 8 weeks and one of our embies was abnormal as well (vanishing twin at 8 weeks).

I don't think I could go through all of that again so I got on BC for now. I'm just trying to focus on our various house projects and enjoying our little miracle baby. I'm sure people are going to start bugging us about it though.

It really sucks that insurance doesn't cover future cycles since we'd probably do one or two if it did. But since it's all out of pocket, we have to decide between future plans (buying a vacation home, private schools, etc) and having another kiddo. I know my parents would pay for it if I asked, but I feel awkward about it.

nasah15 · November 2019

Had my surgery, they removed the left tube and found that the cause of the hydrosalpinx was endometriosis. They didnt see any other major adhesions so thats good i guess. The right tube thankfully is functioning fine and im really happy about that. Now have a post op appt mid december and will discuss further course of action. At least i finally have some answers!

inthewoods23 · November 2019

@nasah15 glad your surgery went well!

caseyw8784 · December 2019

@nasah15 - I’m glad your surgery went well and I hope you’re recovering quickly. Fingers crossed for a quick course to action once you have your next appointment!

AFM, DH and I had out consult with our RE yesterday. It went well, and went about how I thought it would. DH is going to the VA tomorrow to get updated bloodwork and semen analysis, and I’m waiting til Day 1 of my next cycle so I can get the bloodwork, baseline, and HSG done. Doc said cause of the holidays we will probably meet next in early January. Also, DH seems to be a lot more on board (although a could times he’s said “IF”...many other times he would bring up what we would need to buy, and what names he is thinking of, etc...)

inthewoods23 · December 2019

How was everyone's thanksgivings?

My SIL offered to DH to be a surrogate 😐 she doesn't have kids so she's not even qualified. I was not pleased when DH got that off his chest. At least we're both in agreement that we don't want to go that route if it came to that.

stella_700 · December 2019

@nasah15 I'm so glad that the surgery is behind you at this point and you can start to look forward to a transfer again after some healing time.

@caseyw8784 I'm excited for you. I sounds like your husband is on board.

@inthewoods23 Thanksgiving was a bit "meh" this year here. We went to my husband's (he's an only child) aunt's house for it and that actually went fine. My husband thought that we'd be there at 11. We still had to bake two pies and the homemade rolls that morning. Anyway he was super grumpy all day cause of his misguided assumptions. The meal wasn't until 2, we ended up making it right at 1pm, it just wasn't what he had planned in his head. I'm not sure if it was his grouchiness or what but I finished the night having a mini-cry fest.

I don't know your SIL so I don't know from what place/mind that offer was given. It sounds like it might of been given without much thought if she didn't even bother doing some research before hand. I'm sorry that this was even part of the conversation at all during your holiday. I'm also sorry that your husband had to have that conversation with his sister. If you wanted to talk about what you are going through with people then the appropriate person to start that conversation should always be you/your husband. How people assume that children/family size/pregnancy are open subjects to ask about always strikes me as weird.

inthewoods23 · December 2019

@stella_700 From what DH said, it was just between the two of them. Like at some point it had been brought up and she offered. Idk, I wasn't part of the conversation. He just told me the following day about it.

I understand where she was coming from as my MIL has said she really enjoyed her pregnancies and way back when they had looked into her being a surrogate because she loved being pregnant. She said they never ended up going through with it though - whether that be because she wasn't qualified or because the whole process was more than they could handle, I don't remember.

Anyway, since my MIL is aware we're struggling I'm guessing she brought it up to SIL since they talk basically every day. We've never said any details to them though so idk if the offer was like "if it comes to that, I'd be a surrogate for you" or if they made assumptions as to why we're struggling.

But yeah, the fact that she clearly didn't do any research before hand just really irked me.

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