PGAL w/o 11/18

coffeeandcookies84 · November 2019

This thread is for anyone who has experienced a loss during this journey.

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom?

Previous loss(es)?

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?

Any appointment updates?

Rants/Raves/Questions?

Any milestones coming up?

rachelredhead · November 2019

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 6+3/July 12ish/zero

Previous loss(es)? MC in March, CP in Sept

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? I google too much. I’ll feel like things are going well but then I’ll start googling risks associated with weeks of pregnancy and go down a dark spiral. I also think sometimes the Bump is tough. It’s a self-selected group and I think there’s a high representation from loss moms (because we seek out support). That’s a great community to feel encouraged by, but it also means I read about later losses than the ones I experienced and that makes me feel like I’ll never feel truly safe or at peace. It’s just something I have to manage emotionally because I do find the support helpful, I just know sometimes the loss mentions can be really triggering.

Any appointment updates? Second ultrasound will be a week from today. Hope to see a heart beat!

Rants/Raves/Questions? Not really. Just really trying to take things a day at a time and remind myself to be thankful for each moment.

Any milestones coming up? Heartbeat will feel really big and reassuring, I think.

modoodles · November 2019

This thread is for anyone who has experienced a loss during this journey.

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 4+2/July 25th/ I have 4 kiddos DD14, DS13, DS10, DS7

Previous loss(es)? Early MC September 2019

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? I'm not great emotionally. I am so happy to be pregnant right now, but my mind is constantly on this pregnancy and the risks, and I haven't slept more than 4-5 hours a night since we found out a week ago. Physically, my boobs are SO sore and are almost obscenely larger. And I have a cold. 👎

Any appointment updates? 1st betas this morning, and thyroid check (dx hypothyroidism), repeat betas on Wednesday

Rants/Raves/Questions? Not at this point

Any milestones coming up? My cycle has been consistently 32 days, which put me starting tomorrow. Which is when I began to mc last time. I just need to get to Wednesday.

millpe · November 2019

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? July 28th, 3w+6d, Hoping this is my 2nd THB

Previous loss(es)? I had a CP in Feb 17 and a MMC at 10 weeks in May of this year.

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Physically I feel completely normal, maybe a little more thirsty, but it could just be the dry winter weather. Emotionally I am very nervous. I just don’t think we can handle more bad news this year. But it just also doesn’t feel real yet. I kinda just feel like I’m in limbo.

Any appointment updates?

Just had my first blood draw for betas. I’m trying to calm myself down and NOT go buy FRERs to check line darkness. I only took a digi so I really have nothing to compare to.

Rants/Raves/Questions?
I know they typically check HCG levels 48 hrs later, but I will be out of town Wednesday and Thursday. I might be able to make it back one of those days before the lab closes, but if not the soonest I can get another draw is Friday...

Any milestones coming up? I think my CP I started bleeding right at 4 weeks, but my MMC I was completely blindsided at my first OB appointment at 10 weeks. So I won’t really feel like I passed a milestone until I see a heartbeat.

bluguitarhannah · November 2019

millpe I had one of my HCG draws done in my hometown. They sent me to a labcorp there. You might ask if the dr. can do something like that for you. Hope things continue to go well.

millpe · November 2019

@rachelredhead I kinda see what you mean about it being a higher occurrence of loss moms in TB, but at the same time I think it only feels that way because it’s a safe place to talk about our losses. A lot of the time losses aren’t openly talked about, so it might just seem more prevalent in a group like this when they are talked about. I’ve come to realize that a lot more of my friends and acquaintances struggle with loss and IF than I ever realized because most people suffer and grieve in silence.

@modoodles I hope when you get to Wednesday that you get a little relief from PGAL brain and can sleep! And also that your betas come back fantastic

bluguitarhannah · November 2019

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 8 weeks, not been a Mom yet

Previous loss(es)? MC in July 19

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Physically - mostly gas, some nausea still, sore breasts and fatigue

Emotionally - pretty anxious waiting for 2nd US this week. Feel like the shoe is always going to drop

Any appointment updates? 2nd us Thursday, 1st Ob/gyn is 12/6

Rants/Raves/Questions? I'm crankier than is my norm and getting on my own nerves lol

Any milestones coming up? I'm past the point I had my 1st loss

millpe · November 2019

@bluguitarhannah I don’t think my clinic has any associated facilities in the town I will be in. I live in a mostly rural area. Plus, I will be traveling for work so 100% of my time those days will be taken up with work and there wouldn’t be a good time to sneak away and drive into town for it anyway.

k_shaunte · November 2019

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom?
I am 7 weeks 4 days. July 3rd. 3 Times 11 years old, 9 years old and 2 years old (Rainbow baby).

Previous loss(es)?
4 miscarriages 1 late miscarriage at 19 weeks 5days 10/21/15. Had a rainbow after the late lost and 4 miscarriages.

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?
I am a nervous reck! Physically I'm okay tired. Not drinking much. Because now water is disgusting to me. But I'm trying to force it down so I am not dehydrated. I need tobget better. I'm dealing with nausea, tender breast, mild headaches and dizziness. Which should make me feel like this pregnancy is okay. But I don't think I'll ever feel okay until 20 weeks.

Any appointment updates?
I have an appointment tomorrow 11/19th ultrasound. Hopefully that goes well that we see gummybear with heart beat.

Rants/Raves/Questions?
Nothing at the moment. Just whoa! This nausea is taking me for a whirl!

Any milestones coming up?
I just can't wait to be able to hear baby heart beat!

macb85 · November 2019

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 7W+1D/July 5th/zero

Previous loss(es)? MMC in September

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Emotionally I'm terrified I'm going to have another MMC. There were no real warning signs last time until the first ultrasound. Physically I'm nauseous (but at least it's manageable), sore boobs, crazy dreams. I keep going back and forth between not "feeling pregnant" and worrying I don't have enough symptoms, when I know it's nonsense. Everyone and every pregnancy is different, but it's so hard to not try and read into everything.

Any appointment updates? My ultrasound got moved to tomorrow morning, so I'm excited and terrified. I'm really hoping for a strong heartbeat this time. I don't know if I'll even be able to sleep tonight.

Rants/Raves/Questions? Multigrain cheerios have been my go to snack whenever I just need something to combat the nausea. I'm eating them every day!

Any milestones coming up? Not yet

millpe · November 2019

I got my first beta back and my HCG is at 205. Dr. Google tells me that this is within normal ranges. Going back in Wednesday, but the lab is open until 8pm so I should definitely make it back in time!

rachelredhead · November 2019

@millpe that’s definitely a pregnant HCG. I know it’s miserable to wait between betas so hope you have some nice distractions planned!

modoodles · November 2019

I had a great Beta today, definitely pregnant today! so let's hope it doubles by my next draw on Wednesday! Today I am 4+2.

littlebug2010 · November 2019

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 7 weeks 1 day, due July 4, 1 son and 3 miscarriages, July 2016, May 2019, July 2019

Previous loss(es)? see above

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? nervous as F***. I had a great US a week ago and now I’m spiraling. I go in 8 days again to see the bean, and im
just so freaked out. Every twinge has me wanting to cry. I was doing so well with the anxiety, and now it’s like I switch flipped.

Any appointment updates? We had an US last week and saw the heartbeat. Just waiting on the 27th.

Rants/Raves/Questions? I just hate that we all have to go through this. I just want to enjoy being pregnant and not being afraid of going to the bathroom.

Any milestones coming up? My latest loss was at 9 weeks, which is just after thanksgiving for me this time. I just need that to pass. And to have the second US.

modoodles · November 2019

@littlebug2010 I hope the busy holiday week keeps you distracted and that the time passes extremely quickly!

littlebug2010 · November 2019

Thanks @modoodles. This is just so hard.

modoodles · November 2019

@littlebug2010 it really is. I say a little prayer to whatever god there is every time I go to the bathroom. I'm so anxious. I want to fast forward a few weeks and relax and enjoy this time.

littlebug2010 · November 2019

@modoodles I pray every time i pee, every time I feel something weird, have a twinge and for everything else. I just want to have a bump and relax. This first trimester is such a cruel joke.

kr_ry · November 2019

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom?
July 6th, 7 weeks, I have a 4 year old.

Previous loss(es)?
October 2012 and October 2013

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?
Emotionally I am nervous with pgal brain just wanting to get through the 1st trimester. Physically I have bloating, fatigue and sore boobs.

Any appointment updates?
Nov 27 is my 1st us.
Rants/Raves/Questions?

Any milestones coming up? Not yet.

kr_ry · November 2019

@rachelredhead Google can be dangerous but yet I also can't help myself from searching.

bluguitarhannah · November 2019

For all who are anxious (myself included) may today present us many distractions. For those with positive news whee! Hopefully, that continues for 9 months.

macb85 · November 2019

I posted in the Ultrasound Thread as well, but we had a really good first dating ultrasound today. Measuring at 7W+1D and heart rate of 130. It was such a big relief to see the flickering this time. I know we're not out of the woods yet, but this is already further than where we got last time. Next hurdle is making it to 12 weeks.

To echo what @bluguitarhannah said, sending positive thoughts out to everyone who is anxious and hoping for great results from ultrasounds!

bluguitarhannah · November 2019

@macb85 great news on your US

littlebug2010 · November 2019

@macb85 Congrats. It always feels good to make it a bit further. Im already past 2 of my losses, and im anxiously awaiting my 9 week hurdle.

hbird0723 · November 2019

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? July 30th/4 weeks. I have 2 girls (5 and 3).

Previous loss(es)? We lost our 3rd

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? scared like check the toilet paper every time I pee scared. Hoping that goes away after the first ultrasound but I think I’ll be nervous most of first trimester. Spotting week 3 definitely did not help this fear but after calling it seemed to be implantation and I haven’t had any in the past few days so I’m hopeful all is well. Physically I’ve had some heartburn and mood swings 😬 Some food aversions but otherwise I’m hungry all the time! I didn’t get morning sickness with the girls until about week 6 so I’m sure this will change.

Any appointment updates? My first appointment is December 13th and they will do the first ultrasound as well.

Any milestones coming up? Not yet

rachelredhead · November 2019

@hbird0723 I can definitely relate to the constant toilet paper check. So emotionally exhausting!

I’m dealing with a lot of anxiety about my upcoming second US on Monday. My first was right around 5 weeks and showed a sac + yolk. I’ll be around 7w for this second one and we should see a heartbeat. I just can’t stop worrying about it. I think my birthday on Sunday exacerbates things since I’m of advanced maternal age (will be 39 on Sun). And the thought of celebrating a birthday then potentially receiving sad news the next day (and then having to be around family at Thanksgiving)...it just all feels like a lot. I’m trying to remind myself that nobody has given me any reason to believe things aren’t progressing. I’ve had solid betas, last US showed exactly what it should, intermittent nausea and other symptoms, etc. But after two prior early losses it still just feels so heavy and scary sometimes.

Bleh. This was kinda whiny but just needed to vent a bit. DH is so excited. He was reading The Expectant Father last night in bed and it’s so sweet but also terrifying to think of anything that would crush that joy.

We all know it, but PGAL brain is the woooooooorst.

littlebug2010 · November 2019

I hear you on the worry. I just read an article about how optimistic people live longer, and how that can also effect things like outcomes of pregnancies, and even when you are giving a rough diagnosis. It said that even if you are feeling down, you can just change that mindset and it can really help. I think its important to know that if this pregnancy isnt going to work, then there is nothing you can do it fix that, but you can change your mindset to be more optimistic, and that can help you enjoy the pregnancy more.

I say all of this, as I am also feeling super anxious, but it it something I think we can all try to keep in mind.

bluguitarhannah · November 2019

2nd US was good! On track size wise and heart best at 166. Graduated from RE. See Ob on 12/6.

modoodles · November 2019

@rachelredhead I understand what you're feeling. I hope we can all get to a place of less fear soon.

@bluguitarhannah congrats on a great 2nd US!

kc0711 · November 2019

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom?

4.4/July 27/1 LO- 16 months

Previous loss(es)?

August 2017 (prior to LO#1) and September 2019

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?
Emotionally I just really want a sticky baby. It is hard for me to get pregnant and then even harder to stay pregnant. Between losses and my daughter being born at 35 weeks, pregnancy isn’t exactly a dream. But I love every second of it. Physically I feel fine. Too fine, which is scary to me. I felt like garbage my first pregnancy. I should be happy, but it makes me worry about progression.

Any appointment updates?
We don’t get seen until Dec 4. A looooong 10 more days.

Rants/Raves/Questions?
Is anyone else in here on meds to help stay pregnant? I have to use vaginal progesterone to get pregnant and am currently still on it, and will be for the foreseeable future before potentially switching to injection. Just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat.

Any milestones coming up?
I’m passed my loss milestones which is positive. But I think I will worry until I make it 32w.

zande2016 · November 2019

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom?

4+3 (but I think I may have ovulated late so probably a bit earlier) I have two kiddos 3 and 16 months

Previous loss(es)?

Had a chemical last month

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?

I’ve basically been afraid to participate much on this board since finding out because I had a chemical last month and convinced myself I was going to again. Finally starting to believe this one is sticking. Physically I am tired and thirsty with some mild cramping but that’s about it. Of course the cramping has me nervous.

Any appointment updates? Haven’t called for first appointment yet....I really should call my endocrinologist for a thyroid check, which I will do today, and I’ll call the midwife on Monday.

Rants/Raves/Questions?

Today is my expected period start date and I took a test this morning which gave a decently dark second line so feeling more optimistic.

Any milestones coming up

I guess today....last month my period started on CD 32 (which is today), right on time, and tests turned negative same day. Test this morning was very positive.

modoodles · November 2019

@zande2016 and @kc0711 congrats on reaching this milestone, that is a BIG deal!

mama_mea · November 2019

Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 5w6d, July 18, no babies earth-side.

Previous loss(es)? CP Feb 19, MC May 19, MC Aug 19

How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Physically I feel pretty good, minus this cold I've developed. Breasts a little sore but nothing like I had in previous PGs. Emotionally I fluctuate from "yeah! I'm finally getting my rainbow baby!" To the darker side of "you don't deserve to have a baby, you'll never be a mom." It's hard to get out of those dark self-talks but I just keep trying to remember that this time is different. Also since I already bled for 6 days and THEN found out I was PG, I feel a little more confident that this one will stick around.

Any appointment updates? 2nd betas this morning. FX!

Rants/Raves/Questions? I am taking today off to do my betas and to fix my military ID to show my married name so my insurance stops being so complicated. 3 day weekend!!

Any milestones coming up? About to pass the benchmark for loss #3. Already passed my first loss, but next week we will be getting nearer to the worst of them. Loss #2 was rough, and was on Mother's Day. Part of me is nervous about a loss during the holidays.

@zande2016 FX for you!

@kc0711 I know what you mean about worrying about a lack of symptoms!

@bluguitarhannah congrats on US #2!

@rachelredhead that's a good perspective to take, no one has given you reason to believe US #2 will be bad other than your own mind games. FX for you!

kboydbowman · November 2019

Feeling really anxious for the past couple of days because, although we didn't find out until 10 weeks, fetal death on my loss was at 7w5d, and that will be probably tomorrow or Sunday for me. Ultrasound isn't until 12/6, and until I see a heartbeart (or heartbeats, since my bf is convinced we're having puppies), the anxiety isn't going to go away. I wish I could just sleep until then.

bluguitarhannah · November 2019

@kc0711 I was just making myself nuts yesterday over symptoms going down. Then US was good. Just such a mind game.

@kboydbowman I'm just trying to find something each day that's a distraction.

kr_ry · November 2019

@kc0711 I am also on progesterone suppositories for the 1st trimester. I was also on them 4 years ago with my son. Hoping for healthy pregnancies for all of us.

macb85 · November 2019

@kc0711 Count me as another one on the progesterone suppositories. I'm waiting on my labs from Wednesday to see if my progesterone level is staying normal. It better be because these are not fun to use every night!

mama_mea · November 2019

@kc0711 also taking the progesterone suppositories. They make me break out in a weird bumpy rash on my face and I feel particularly moody when I take them but if it helps for a sticky pregnancy then I am gonna keep popping them!

kc0711 · November 2019

Woo ok so lots of us on progesterone! Not that it is necessarily a good thing, but we can all commiserate together.

kagesstarshroom · November 2019

*lurking from march2020*
@bluguitarhannah Saw your name on the leaderboard these past two days--so happy to see you in July 2020!

Have a H&H 9 mo.!
@millpe hi! same to you! H&H 9mo.!

bluguitarhannah · November 2019

@kagesstarshroom Thanks!

PGAL w/o 11/18

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