TFAS Week of 11/11

bows22 · November 2019

**This is a check-in for those with babies/children at home. Please be mindful that the discussion of living children in the WTO/TWW threads is prohibited unless extremely pertinent to your current cycle.**

**If you are having a hard day re TTC or TTCAL, please note that this thread will discuss living children and/or issues specifically dealing with parenting and/or babies. Pregnancy may also be mentioned. Please lurk at your own discretion.**

What number are you trying for?

Month/Cycle?

WTO/TWW?

Ages of other child(ren)?

Any thoughts about this cycle?

Any questions?

Rant/Rave/Brag:

GTKY: What’s something your LO says or does that you’re pretty sure they picked up from you?

bows22 · November 2019

I apologize in advance that this is a very long, Dear Diary post.

What number are you trying for? 2

Month/Cycle? Cycle 13

WTO/TWW? WTO

Ages of other child(ren)? 23 months

Any thoughts about this cycle? Well we will only be able to have sex once before I go on my trip and it’s likely I’ll ovulate while I’m gone. I’m just glad we have a chance albeit slim.

Any questions? No

Rant/Rave/Brag: I’m in my IF testing cycle and it’s not going amazing. I’ve posted this in WTO and the IF thread at various points but just in case you missed it here is the recap

-DH had a good motile sperm number but 1% morphology

-I have an endometrial polyp that needs to be removed

-They couldn’t get a good look at my tubes so I now will have more testing next cycle (HSG) and they want to push my follow up back until after that is completed

I feel like the hits keep coming and I’m having a lot of feelings about it. The only thing keeping me sane today was that we were going to get more info at our follow up in 2 weeks, and then I got a message from the RE’s office that I should have the HSG next cycle and then the follow up after. I pushed back on that, because it’s so unfair that they rushed me out today saying that we would discuss at the follow up and then to come back with this. She had also mentioned that they are already scheduling surgery into January so if we don’t get the ball rolling on that now, who knows when it will be. So basically I’m hitting refresh on my portal obsessively waiting to see their response.

I keep getting emotional because DD’s birthday is 2 days after our scheduled follow up and I just really want to be in a good place by the time her birthday comes. I’ve been so excited about it and I don’t want it (or any of the other million fun things we have coming up) to be clouded by all of this. I’m worried that we won’t ever have another baby and also that there could be something non-fertility related wrong with me and I just feel like the follow up appointment will answer how worried I need to be about either or both of those things.

I also had to lie to my mom about why I needed her to watch DD today even though I was supposed to be off and I feel terrible about it. I’m just not ready to talk about it until we have more information. I know I’ll get frustrated with not having answers to questions that I should know the answer to but don’t yet.

GTKY: One funny thing she does is move her arm back and forth weirdly when she’s walking fast or running. I’ve now become aware that I do that too and feel bad that she’s going to be awkward like me 🤦🏼‍♀️. One serious thing is that she keeps saying “I’m sorry” even when things aren’t her fault. DH says that I do that too and I don’t even realize (except now that he keeps pointing it out) and I need to stop because that is a terrible habit!

Edit because in a post this long there was definitely going to be at least one mistake

mamasloth · November 2019

What number are you trying for? 2

Month/Cycle? 10, 1 AL

WTO/TWW? Not sure, I never got a + OPK. It's happened on the other cycles that I've taken Clomid, so I'll just assume I'm bad at peeing on sticks and missed the window.

Ages of other child(ren)? 3

Any thoughts about this cycle? Not getting a + OPK means I can't get my hopes up, so there's that!

Any questions? n/a

Rant/Rave/Brag: I've got a big project to do at work this week, but I'm waiting on some info from someone to start and she is taking her sweet time sending it to me. I hate having to rush through things, especially when it's because of someone else.

GTKY: What’s something your LO says or does that you’re pretty sure they picked up from you? Literally everything I say to the dog. It was really cute when he was saying, "Not nice!" or "Excuse me!" but now he tells the dog to shut up when he barks, so we need to start watching what we say around him.

mamasloth · November 2019

@bows22 I'm sorry for all the back and forth with your RE's office. So frustrating! I totally understand not wanting to tell your mom what's going on until you know more. It's hard to talk about things when you're confused about what's going on, too, especially if you know someone's reaction might affect how you feel about it. I have certain people I tell things to because I know they'll be positive and supportive. There are other people, no matter how close we are, I just can't talk to about stuff like this.

gingermama29 · November 2019

@bows22 hugs girl. I'm sorry for everything you're going through with IF testing and the waiting. That's so much to deal with at once and has to be so frustrating. Happy early birthday to your DD!

@mamasloth dying at telling the dog to shut up!! 😂 Sorry for the cycle confusion with not getting a +OPK. Hopefully you can figure things out soon.

What number are you trying for? 2

Month/Cycle? 5/4

WTO/TWW? WTO

Ages of other child(ren)? 21 months

Any thoughts about this cycle? NTNP for a bit so no real thoughts. I'm more at peace with the NTNP status than I thought I'd be. I'm still hoping it's not for more than a few months though.

Any questions? Nope

R/R: I'm super proud of DD who is doing swim lessons again. We go Saturday mornings and she is absolutely loving it! This Saturday was the first time I got her to put her face in the water and blow bubbles. She's becoming more and more fearless on the water (she's always loved it) and I'm really enjoying watching her grow and get better.
We dropped $90 at Target today to get her winter gear (coat, snow pants, and boots). With all the snow we're expecting tonight (close to a foot!), I figured she should have winter gear so we can play out in the snow this winter.

GTKY: What’s something your LO says or does that you’re pretty sure they picked up from you?
Oh man, she's very much in the imitating everything stage which is hilarious. I've noticed that she likes the wrap herself up in blankets and walk around the house which is definitely something I do!
I also apparently make a face that has been described as the "Chicken Run" face (including a picture) and DD totally makes the same face!! I noticed it the first time when we were swimming as she was jumping in the pool and cracked up.

millpe · November 2019

@bows22 I’m sorry about the hits that keep coming during your testing cycle. What procedure were they using that they couldn’t get a good look at your tubes? Can you still schedule your surgery now for January and still plan to complete the additional testing and follow-up in the meantime?

@gingermama29 dying at the chicken run face! Too funny.

@mamasloth I hate being reliant on other people to do my job! I procrastinate enough as it is.

What number are you trying for? 2nd THB

Month/Cycle? 10/8

WTO/TWW? TWW

Ages of other child(ren)? 16 months

Any thoughts about this cycle? If we had a “worst timing” month this would probably be it. Which means our chances are the highest that this will be our month so I’m very hopeful.

Any questions? I don’t think so

Rant/Rave/Brag: Im away for a work conference the next couple days (actually I have to present at it so why in the world am I hanging out on TB instead of reviewing my materials...). I have a ton of work to be doing as well, but I’m just not motivated right now. Maybe I will catch up on emails while I watch some hulu and then review my materials for tomorrow and call it good.

GTKY: What’s something your LO says or does that you’re pretty sure they picked up from you? Oh gosh, I don’t even really know. He does make this really funny squishy nose face whenever you wipe his nose, or tell him to smell something. I don’t think it totally comes from me, but I do have a tendency to wrinkle my nose. Something cute he does is every morning when we leave we say “love you, have a good day” to our dogs and blow them a kiss. So now when he leave he automatically blows kisses.

bows22 · November 2019

@mamasloth that’s hilarious about YS and the dog. For some reason DD also thinks that she can yell at any dog. “No! Stop!” But she hasn’t said shut up yet 😂. What CD are you on, could you maybe not have ovulated yet? But frustrating if you missed the window! And thanks for the support! I know my mom would be supportive if I talked to her, I just know she would want to understand (which is totally reasonable) but hard since I don’t fully understand yet!

@gingermama29 that’s awesome that YD is loving swimming lessons! We are doing them too. I don’t know how much she is actually learning yet but I just don’t want her to develop a fear of the water over the winter. I’m sure you have similar thoughts since you’re off in the summer and swimming would be a great activity! I’m also glad that NTNP is going well. I think it’s good that you are still tracking because I know I’d go BSC if my period was “late”

@millpe I had an SHG today. They tried to look at my tubes but they “weren’t cooperating” which I don’t know what that means. It seemed like they were having trouble finding them/attaching whatever they were using to push the fluid through. They did get one eventually and it was fine. She said we would discuss more at my follow up but then when I got home I had a message from her that I should get an HSG first. I did reply and say that I was feeling concerned and overwhelmed by everything that has happened so far and was looking forward to our appointment on the 26th for clarity. And that I also wanted to get the ball rolling on the surgery since they are already scheduling into January. So could we keep the appt on the 26th and then also plan to do the HSG next cycle? So we will see what she says. I could probably be talked out of the follow up appt if she let me ask some questions now but I am getting on that surgery schedule somehow haha. Sorry that was a book! Good luck at your presentation. When is it?

millpe · November 2019

@bows22 I hope they let you ask questions or informally go over results so far with you if they insist on pushing back your appointment. That is something my PA was really good about this time is calling me (I got so worried when she called me herself thinking it would be bad news, but really it wasn’t). She called and went over my results over the phone and what next steps would be. It’s very annoying they just messaged you saying you should do another test without even really telling you WHY.

My presentation is tomorrow after lunch. It’s really NBD and only like 15 minutes (although I’m slotted for 30). I should just calm down about it. But the conference is sponsored by a company that just purchased us, so I’m fairly new to the company and not nearly as experienced as some of the other participants plus my supervisor will also be there. So it’s just a little nerve wracking 😬

kpearse99 · November 2019

@mamasloth First, I'm cracking up at your Dessert Fail GIF for the November Challenge! So funny! Second, my DS tells our dogs to shut up too

Ugh!

@millpe I hope your conference is going well and that you nail your presentation (although I know you will!)

@gingermama29 that face is hilarious!!! So funny!! I'm happy your DD is loving swimming and that you got her into it early on. That's something I regret not doing sooner with DS. I kept meaning to and then things always fell through or there just wasn't enough time. He's a great swimmer now, and does swim team in the summer, but it took a LONG time for him to feel comfortable in the water without his puddle jumper or another floaty.

@bows22 My dear friend. I hate that all of these discoveries are popping up one on top of another. It's not fair. But at the same time, I'm happy they are being found so that they can be taken care of. I just wish you were getting the full details and the answers that you both need and deserve. You should NOT have to wait for the results of every test until a follow up appointment. You should at least be given the run down and then they can go into details more about everything at the appointment. Did they respond to your email yet about keeping your follow up on the 26th and getting your surgery scheduled?

kpearse99 · November 2019

What number are you trying for? THB #2

Month/Cycle? 14/12

WTO/TWW? WTO

Ages of other child(ren)? 7

Any thoughts about this cycle? I want to get back into my positive and hopeful frame of mind, but I'm stuck, guys. Hopefully I'll feel better after seeing my RE on Thursday for my baseline testing.

Any questions? nope

Rant/Rave/Brag: I'm stuck in this rut of feeling down and "off" since Saturday and I can't get out of it. It's really hard for me to feel this way, because I always have a positive outlook and can always find the good in everything and I am just stuck right now feeling down. I hate it so much. It's not so much that this past cycle didn't work out, I know I'm not going to get KU every IUI that we do. I think it's more that we only have 2 more chances with the IUI that is really weighing on me. I want, and need, to give these last two cycles everything we can give it and I am terrified of not getting the end result we want after one of them. It scares me so much. And I really think that's what is holding me in this state right now.

I went food shopping yesterday with DS and out of no where he said, and very loudly, "I just want our baby to be here already"

That got me really good and hit me really hard. He deserves to be a big brother so damn much and I'm failing to make that happen for him!

DH and I got into an argument about all of this (it didn't help that we had a few mimosas at brunch that morning but.. you know how that goes). It all started when he was saying things like "when we have a baby" and I would correct him and say "if we have a baby" - so that kicked the conversation off, naturally. He told me he hates that I put so much pressure on myself and that it drives him crazy that I think this is all my fault when he could easily be to blame. That he had 40 million sperm for the first IUI and then 20 million for this last one so why wouldn't this failed cycle be because of him. So, I hated hearing him blame himself because it's easier for me to blame myself. 20 million is still an incredible number, which I told him. And he said that he would almost rather stop trying all together than to keep seeing me go through these 30 day cycles of ups and downs. I don't think the discussion really had a solid conclusion other then telling each other that we love one another very much. But that conversation has been weighing on me too. I hate being unhappy but even more so, I hate when other people know that I am unhappy - especially when I think I'm doing a good job at covering it up.

I'm sorry for unleashing all of this but I needed to get my thoughts out there.

GTKY: What’s something your LO says or does that you’re pretty sure they picked up from you? Like, everything! I hear how he talks to the dogs sometimes and I'm like "well, that sounds like me". He talks to himself often, which is something I do... A LOT. And he's a very expressive child, like his mama!

kmalls · November 2019

@bows22 ugh I’m so sorry it feels like the hits keep coming. I hate how everything is seemingly snowballing and all you can do is just digest it on your own until you have your follow up. Hang in there, lady.

@mamasloth lol my kids talk to the dogs exactly like I do, too. “Hey! Pigs! Get back here!” (we have Boston terriers and they sound/smell like pigs

)

@gingermama29 isn’t it awesome watching them start to accomplish something? My DS has been doing lessons for a while and every time I just think “look at that kid go!” It’s amazing seeing them learn.

@millpe good luck at the work conference, I hope your presentation goes well!

@kpearse99 man, I’m so sorry about DS’s comment hitting you in the gut and also for your argument with your husband. I know it’s hard for them to watch us go through everything without really being able to *do* anything. I’m glad the silver lining is that you both got to say out loud how much you love each other, but conversations like that always leave a cloud hanging over me, too. It’s so hard.

kmalls · November 2019

Oh ladies, I’m so sorry to read how some are struggling right now. I’m thankful for this space where we can let it all out, but I wish there were some magic responses the rest of us could provide to take away some of the sorrow. Just know that you’re all strong, incredible women and you inspire many just by sharing your lives here.

AFM:

What number are you trying for? 4

Month/Cycle? 2/2

WTO/TWW? WTO

Ages of other child(ren)? 4.5, 3, 20 months

Any thoughts about this cycle? Still waiting to ovulate, but hopeful we’ll end up with good timing this cycle.

Any questions? Nope

Rant/Rave/Brag: just treading water over here. DH works insanely long hours on Mondays and Tuesdays, so that combined with a Monday holiday (meaning no preschool) has left me pretty overwhelmed with kid/house stuff. The tasks just seemingly never end! So thankful that Thanksgiving is on the horizon and DH took a bunch of time off. It’ll be nice hanging as a family.

GTKY: What’s something your LO says or does that you’re pretty sure they picked up from you? Oh lord, wayyyyy too much! I have some serious road rage and the kids def walk around saying “Jesus Christ!” in response to surprises. I 100% say that in the car on a daily basis

They do some sweet things, too, like comfort each other with “it’s ok, sweetie, I’m here” which basically makes me melt into a puddle on the floor.

bows22 · November 2019

@millpe how did the presentation go? I always get nervous before stuff like that no matter how big or small!

@kpearse99 ❤️❤️ I hope that your RE is able to calm your fears. I hate that you are feeling this way. As far as YS wanting to be a big brother, I know that breaks your heart! But just know that you are doing everything right and everything you can. Big hugs, friend.

@kmalls thank you! I really did feel better after writing that out so I am so grateful for this community and especially this thread. I hope the rest of your week is smooth sailing and you have time to catch up on stuff this weekend! Your GTKY answer cracked me up. DD hasn’t repeated anything like that yet but I know it’s coming.

bows22 · November 2019

My RE agreed to let me keep my appointment, so I’m feeling good about that, but she doesn’t want to schedule the surgery until after the HSG in case my tubes show anything that need surgical repair. (Even though at this point the HSG will be several weeks before the surgery so that doesn’t really make sense) Good grief I hope that doesn’t happen too. I plan to ask at the follow up if she saw something at the SHG that made her think that’s possible or if she’s just being cautious. It’s kind of annoying though because they are already scheduling into January so who knows when I’ll be able to have it done (and ideal timing during tax season 🙄)

millpe · November 2019

@bows22 It actually went pretty well! It was an easy audience, so that’s good! And I got some questions after the fact which is good and means at least for some it was maybe at least somewhat helpful or sparked some ideas. When is your follow up appointment again? I’m glad she let you keep the earlier appointment, but still annoying they won’t let you schedule the surgery yet.

kpearse99 · November 2019

@kmalls thank you for the kind words

You are completely right that the tasks of being a parent and owning a home never ends! It's exhausting all the time!!

@bows22 Did you push back to try and still schedule the surgery since it will be weeks after the HSG anyway? Did they get back to you yet?

kpearse99 · November 2019

@millpe so glad the presentation went well

Questions at the end is always a plus!!

millpe · November 2019

@kpearse99 oh friend I’m so sorry you are struggling right now. The time crunch is just really not fair. I know you want to give it your all, but it’s also okay to grieve a failed cycle. Neither one of you is to “blame” and I think it’s important to remember you are working together for this goal, not against each other. Same team 😉

@kmalls that’s awesome your H took time off over Thanksgiving for family time. Do you have to travel or anything? I have Wednesday-Friday off and then I’m actually scheduled to leave for a work trip (training) on that Saturday! I’m a little annoyed. It’s a training I want to do, just timing is not ideal. Hoping it gets canceled and then I will just give in and do it online.

kmalls · November 2019

@millpe ugh that's horrible timing for a work trip! I really hope for you that it's cancelled, your time is MUCH better spent at home with family/being lazy/all of the above. Fortunately we don't have to travel at all (Thanksgiving is hosted by my parents, who live a whopping 10 minutes away) and we'll be able to relax a little.

bows22 · November 2019

@millpe that’s great that your presentation went so well! Very cool that it sparked some ideas/convo. My follow up is on 26th. DD’s birthday is on the 28th (thanksgiving) so I will have about a day and half to process everything and get in a good place so that I can fully enjoy it. I really hope I can.

@kpearse99 I wrote back that I wanted to schedule it in case it’s not just as straightforward as removing it and moving on and she wrote back that they are usually benign. So like, great, but “usually” isn’t “always”? I’m not thrilled about it but I think I’m giving up.

kpearse99 · November 2019

@bows22 ugh.... our RE's sometimes!!! I'm sorry it's not the result you wanted.

legendairymomma · November 2019

What number are you trying for? 2

Month/Cycle? 1/1- gotta start sometime

WTO/TWW? TWW

Ages of other child(ren)? 4 in December

Any thoughts about this cycle? First try since D15, using opks but was pretty confused. The day I got my surge I had a low result (premom from easy@home) so I tested two hours later at 7pm and I got a positive opk. I suppose we will wait and see

Any questions? How do you not go nuts with the anticipation?!?

Rant/Rave/Brag: Just to tave that I have been lurking and reading over older posts and y'all are amazing and strong women.

GTKY: What’s something your LO says or does that you’re pretty sure they picked up from you? "You're being RUDE!"

photographerwife · November 2019

What number are you trying for? #2

Month/Cycle? 5/5

WTO/TWW? TWW

Ages of other child(ren)? He just turned 2 on tuesday!

Any thoughts about this cycle? not a ton, Im hoping that our timing was good. FF seems to think that I ovulated before my positive opk because of a temp shift. It was close to positive about 8pm that day,(ff's predicted o day) but I didnt have a peak until 4pm the next day. We werent able to HIO that night because DS is cutting his molars and was giving us a really hard time going to sleep.

Any questions? not really

Rant/Rave/Brag: I love this board, I just don't always have the time to stay on top of it.

DS's birthday party was last weekend. (my friends party) for anyone who is following the dallies. I just felt it was way to insensitive to post about that there, even if it was pertinent to what i was talking about. And it went really well. We did a "chugga chugga two two" theme and it was really cute. We had a good turnout, and a good day of dinner for his actual birthday. We made pancakes with strawberry syrup and whip cream. One of my best friends has a two month old, and he was at the party. With DS turning two and friends having babies, people keep asking when were having another and it stings a bit. Everyone around me seems to get KU super easy or on accident and they dont understand the whole trying part. Im hoping that it doesn't take us as long as it did with DS, but ill be grateful for when it happens, regardless.

GTKY: What’s something your LO says or does that you’re pretty sure they picked up from you? He rolls his eyes. I didnt think i did, but MH says i do! He also says "jesus christ!" about things too! haha

kpearse99 · November 2019

@photographerwife I love the birthday party title/theme!! So stinking cute! I'm so glad it went wonderfully and that your DS had a great time!

@legendairymomma Welcome!! We DO go nuts with anticipation haha so I'm not sure any of us have advice on how not to!

photographerwife · November 2019

@bows22 im sorry everything is so hard for you right now. I would be so frustrated too about your doctor not talking to you right then and there too. They don't seem to be very understanding or accommodating so far. I hope that changes. I hope that everything goes well with your follow up and doesn't cloud DD's birthday..*hugs* friend. This limbo sounds so hard. Im here for you.

@mamasloth I totally understand your frustration. Working on someone elses time is so annoying! I hear you on the shut up thing. I jokingly told DH to shut up yesterday and DS repeated me.💩

@gingermama29 Im glad that you are feeling calm about NTNP now. I hope that you can get back to ttc soon! Swim lessons sound so fun! I cant think of what its called right now, but is it the "survival" one, where they learn to flip back over in the water?

@millpe Thats so cute about DS!

@kpearse99 Im so sorry about the all of the hard feelings. I really hope that everything goes well on this, or the next one. Those comments from DS are tugging on my heart strings. *hugs*

@kmalls DS says Jesus Christ too! FX you get good timing in!

@legendairymomma welcome to TTGP! OPKS can be so confusing sometimes! i hope you were able to get some clarity! I think we all lose it sometimes. haha

legendairymomma · November 2019

@photographerwife molars are the effing worst!

bows22 · November 2019

@photographerwife DD rolled her eyes at me recently and I prefer to blame things on daycare 😂 but I’m wondering if I also do that without realizing?? I’m so glad the birthday party went well!! I’m so excited for ours, but I haven’t done anything for it yet - yikes! Did YS love it or was he overwhelmed? I’m not sure how it’s going to go from that aspect.

photographerwife · November 2019

@bows22 I didn’t know I did either, but after DH pointed out certain facial expressions that I do. I totally see it! He loved it! He is generally a very happy kid and isn’t one to cry over stuff like that. We also had it at his grandparents house so the familiarity probably helped! And a nap! We had guests before he was even done with his nap. But I’m very pro nap. Haha I’m sure everything will go well for your party too!

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