TTCAL Week of 9/30-10/6

NYTino24 · September 2019

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going?

What is something that you are struggling with this week?

What is going well for you this week?

R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: October is Pregnancy and Child Loss Month. Do you plan on sharing anything publicly with others?

NYTino24 · September 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

NMC in 1/17, BO 6/19, CP 8/19

Status: WTO / WF IUI

How are things going? Meh, AF is pretty bad and I’m mad that everything was right this cycle, but it didn’t work out

What is something that you are struggling with this week? Seeing 37 looming on the calendar. It’s not until March, but it’s still bugging me as we get near the end of the calendar year.

What is going well for you this week? Jumping in head first with treatment I guess, having today and tomorrow off to go to appointments and catch up with work

R/R? Housing market is in a downward trend price wise, so we are looking harder now, but we will also get less for our house and I’m contemplating renting it out despite DH’s objections.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? RE appointment tomorrow for baseline BW and US and I get all sorts of genetic and RPL results today and tomorrow before starting Clomid.

GTKY: October is Pregnancy and Child Loss Month. Do you plan on sharing anything publicly with others?

Yes. I shared after all 3 of my losses. I can’t keep this stuff a secret because it will eat me alive inside. People have been so good about responding to posts both publicly and privately. It makes me feel happy to know others are feeling supported and I also think it has helped us avoid (unintentionally) hurtful questions and comments.

emeraldduchess · September 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MC at 5 weeks December '18, CP July '19

Status: WTO

How are things going? Feeling better this week, although I usually feel good during WTO. It's the TWW when the rollercoaster takes off.

What is something that you are struggling with this week? I am already anxious about the holidays and I am in constant fear of another announcement from DH's family. I also don't want to deal with a certain family member because I am sure she'll be full of all sorts of judgemental comments and opinions. This might be the year I shut her down in a not-so-nice manner.

What is going well for you this week? Still WTO so I am enjoying the calm before the TWW crazy.

R/R? My class has been pretty disrespectful to other staff members so I am trying to squash that. I do NOT need that stress right now. Did I have this much attitude when I was a kid? I really hope not.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope

GTKY: October is Pregnancy and Child Loss Month. Do you plan on sharing anything publicly with others? I go back and forth with this. I want to, but at the same time, I don't know if I want to deal with the unsolicited advice and unintentionally insensitive comments that this could leave me open to. But you do have a point, @NYTino24, it might help people to be more sensitive toward us and others.

emeraldduchess · September 2019

@NYTino24 I am so sorry AF is so bad right now. It really does rub salt in the wound when a busted cycle is followed by an awful time with AF. Hugs to you. 💙

hanshotfirst77 · September 2019

@NYTino24 Fx for your RE appt! And good luck with the house hunting!

@emeraldduchess I feel you on the struggle between being open and not at this point. I feel exactly the same.

2 MMC's, 2/19 and 6/19

Status: WFFET

How are things going? Ehh great and horrible all at the same time. My FET is in 4 days! PIO is kicking my ass literally. And some horrendous family drama is causing me much unneeded and unwanted stress.

But trying to rise above and be as calm as possible.

What is something that you are struggling with this week?

I'm struggling with feeling very unsupported by a certain family member. The only one who knows and the one I really thought I could always count on. And it's making me feel very alone.

What is going well for you this week?

I'm feeling very hopeful for my FET. Maybe too much.

R/R? Not really. just whats above.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Not until beta in a few weeks.

GTKY: October is Pregnancy and Child Loss Month. Do you plan on sharing anything publicly with others?

I'm a little torn on this. I want to. But I'm not sure I want it all out there just yet.

tyrion_ · September 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: early loss May 2019

Status: WFAF (I’ve been spotting for 4 days now)

How are things going? Frustrating

What is something that you are struggling with this week? I started spotting on 5 DPO and I’m still spotting, 4 days later. Last cycle I spotted for 4 days before AF showed up. If it comes tomorrow I’ll have an 8 day LP. I’m just sad I’m out. And pissed I’m not a unicorn. My friends are running a marathon in two weeks I didn’t train for because I was sure I’d be KU by now. What a fool.

What is going well for you this week? I started the week with an major butt kicking workout and it felt good to sweat out my frustration.

R/R? I vacillate between feeling sorry for myself and telling myself to stop being stupid. I have had it so good, I need to get over myself. I’m having a hard time with so many emotions. Blah.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Not sure. I’m calling my OB about all this dang spotting.

GTKY: October is Pregnancy and Child Loss Month. Do you plan on sharing anything publicly with others?

Not sure. I’m an over sharer and many people already know about our loss. But I don’t know if I’m ready to be that vulnerable to a wider audience on social media. Or my dumb MIL.

tyrion_ · September 2019

@nytino24 That’s such crap AF is so bad. As if you needed something else to bring you down. I hope you’re feeling better by now and if not hopefully tomorrow it won’t be so bad. I’m sorry this cycle didn’t work out. I have everything crossed for you this time around!

@emeraldduchess I feel the same way about WTO. Sorry your class is acting up. Do they do it in front of you? I hope they cut it out soon. Kids are so uncivilized. And I know the holidays are tough for you but always know we are here for you if you need us!

@hanshotfirst77 4 days!!!!??? Ahhhhh! I am so excited for you. Sending every sticky baby vibe your way. I hope this is your take home baby! Hopefully the drama can calm down and you can focus on yourself and your FET!

tyrion_ · September 2019

OMG I just re-read my post. Yikes I’m a whiner 😂

gh1219 · September 2019

Status: tww

How are things going? Ok, busy busy

What is something that you are struggling with this week? Juggling lots of deadlines, waiting to test, I am always a masochist so if I can make it to 9dpo I'll be proud

What is going well for you this week? waiting for h to meet with a potential new employer over the weekend ahhhh fx

R/R? Sadly went to my cousins memorial over the weekend, it was great to see all my family and we've lost my cousin, an uncle, and a great uncle this year so that's been a lot. MH and I didn't have a wedding, and there is a lot of pressure to have one, especially given all the sadness lately. We've been married for 3 years now and I'm not interested in a wedding. I just wish we could be lucky enough for our rainbow and everyone will forget to hassle me about a wedding and be happy about that instead.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? None

GTKY: October is Pregnancy and Child Loss Month. Do you plan on sharing anything publicly with others? I will continue to share our experience when I feel it's right. I am not a big social media person so I will keep it to one on one and in person sharing.

bluetickgal · September 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

MC at 7 weeks in 1/19 & at 5 weeks in 8/19

Status: Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Doing pretty well...had a good weekend and it’s a short work week since we leave for vacation on Thursday! I started spotting yesterday, so I think AF is near. Was hoping it would start today, but no luck so far. Yesterday was officially 8 weeks since my loss in August, so it’ll be slightly quicker than the 10 weeks it took to get my cycle back after the first loss (with no meds). So I guess that’s a win? I’m just so ready to be able to start trying again!

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Will schedule SHG as soon as AF officially arrives.

GTKY: October is Pregnancy and Child Loss Month. Do you plan on sharing anything publicly with others? No, we haven’t shared with any family yet and I don’t want them to find out that way. I could maybe see sharing in the future, but I think DH would prefer that we keep it to ourselves (and those closest to us) just because it is so personal.

@NYTino24 sorry AF is so bad...hope it’s over soon! Good luck with your appt. tomorrow! Hope you get good results and you can start the Clomid!

@emeraldduchess glad you are feeling good now, hope it continues through the TWW (and beyond)!! I’m sorry you are dreading the holidays...hope it’s not bad, but I say shut that family member down if necessary! That stinks about your students...it seems like kids these days seem to have less respect and more attitude than we did (or maybe that’s the perspective change with growing up)!

@hanshotfirst77 4 days...that is so exciting!!! I have everything crossed for you!! 💜 Sorry you aren’t feeling supported by your family member...I know it’s not the same, but know that we are here for you!!

@tyrion_ I’m so sorry....those are all whine worthy things!! Sorry you are missing out on the marathon, that’s a major bummer! Hope your OB has some insight on the spotting & shortened LP!

@gh1219 hope things go well with YH’s meeting this weekend! Glad you got to see family, but I’m sorry it was under those circumstances!

hanshotfirst77 · October 2019

@tyrion_ I'm sorry for impending AF, it stings everytime. But I am glad the workout helped. That helps me as well, I always feel better afterwards.

@bluetickgal Ugh come on AF! The wait for AF after a loss is the absolute worse. My first loss was relatively quick at 5.5 weeks. But my second loss was more like 8 or 9 weeks and it felt like forever. I hope you can get back in the trying game really soon!

bluetickgal · October 2019

@hanshotfirst77 thanks...I’m hoping it’s today or tomorrow at this point! I know the fact that I don’t O regularly on my own makes it even longer...but yes, the waiting is definitely a killer because you can’t move on until it happens!

NYTino24 · October 2019

@bluetickgal I hope you’re onto that HSG soon. The wait definitely sucks.
@gh1219 Those types of family get together as are always bittersweet. I hope they lay off those comments for you.
@tyrion_ Are you signed up to run? Hope AF isn’t too bad.

tyrion_ · October 2019

@NYTino24 I was pregnant soon after we started planning to do it together (it’s in Hartford so I would have been traveling). And then after the loss I figured I’d be pregnant by October and wouldn’t want to run a full marathon, so I backed out. And now I’m having serious FOMO.

rachelredhead · October 2019

MC at 7 weeks 3/19, CP 8/19

How are things going? Ok. I started a new job the same day I confirmed the CP and as stressful as that was, the distraction of learning a new role is helpful. We began the adoption process (very first application so very early in the process) this week, too, and that feels great.

What is something that you are struggling with this week? I feel like sending off the adoption papers felt really good but also felt like defeat. We haven’t given up on biological kid. We’ve always talked of having both biological and adopted kids since we’re older (38 for me, 44 for hubs) and want more than one. But still feels...I don’t know.

What is going well for you this week? Fall has arrived! Bring me all the tights and boots!

R/R? Not really. Half marathon planned for this weekend so that’ll be a nice distraction, too.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Period is due in a few days, I’ll see what the next few days bring. My new health insurance kicks in in Nov so we’ll go back to the doctor in November if nothing has happened.

GTKY: October is Pregnancy and Child Loss Month. Do you plan on sharing anything publicly with others? Not on Facebook. I’ve been vocal about my experience on twitter so might say something there.

gh1219 · October 2019

@rachelredhead good for you!! I'm very pro-adoption and would love to regardless of what happens with TTC, but MH is more hesitant and he wants to try to have a biological child for now. I can only imagine the mixed feelings, big hugs.

rachelredhead · October 2019

@gh1219 thank you! I think adoption is a beautiful thing but it’s also born out of trauma in a lot of ways, so I definitely think it takes time to be comfortable with the idea. MH is a missionary kid and he grew up next to an orphanage so he has always had a unique desire to parent kids who need a dad. I think our biggest question mark now is what path to take (int’l, domestic infant, foster-to-adopt) and how it meshes with our hopes in TTC. For now, we’re truly winging it and we’ll make decisions as we need to. 🤷‍♀️😁

tyrion_ · October 2019

@hanshotfirst77 Thinking of you today 💗

hanshotfirst77 · October 2019

@tyrion_ Thank you friend! I posted in the IF thread but transfer is done! One 4AA embryo that’s already begun hatching! 🤞🏻

HotSauceSwagBag · October 2019

I had a loss in 2015 at 8 weeks. It had stopped developing at about 5 weeks. I ended up needing a D&E. I don’t think about it much anymore but...

Just starting TTC again and I just realized it was about this time of year that I got pregnant. I found out shortly before Halloween and told family then. So. Part of me wants to ditch plans and hold out til next month. I feel like it’s bad juju or something. But then a July due date would be really good with our jobs.

Blah.

Status WTO.

GTKY: I’ve always been quite open about it but it never hurts to share some more his time of year. I want to wrap everyone up that is licking raw wounds in a big hug.

emeraldduchess · October 2019

I went public with my losses yesterday on Facebook. I was shaking as I wrote the post but I am so glad I did it. I'm pretty overwhelmed by the support I got, both online and off. I figured if I can help one person feel less alone, then it's worth putting it out there.

NYTino24 · October 2019

@emeraldduchess I’m so proud of you! I felt like a ton of weight was lifted off my shoulders once I talked publicly about it. I hope you get continued support IRL. It helps me a lot to have people checking in and rooting us on, so I’m glad you’re getting the same!!!

NYTino24 · October 2019

*TW loss, traumatic birth, someone else KU*

Like half the women at the Sesame Street Live show today were KU and it brought me way down fast. I know I’m lucky to have my rainbow baby and not have had a huge struggle to get KU with him after my first loss. I remember feeling bad for my belly because it might upset others who were struggling while TTC. Now I feel guilty about feeling this way when seeing KU ladies. I was brought back down to earth by a nonKU mom in front of me who for some reason I was envying. She said her son had his cord wrapped around his neck 5 times and flatlined. I keep trying to remember that there is so much more to everyone’s story than what we see, and that was a good reminder.

Once my emotions died down after getting home, I texted my friend / neighbor to see how she was doing - she’s due really soon and didn’t tell me she was KU until 5 months - and she asked if she could borrow my infant car seat for a few months. It made me so upset since we started trying long enough ago that I should have a baby in there and not be loaning it out. I’m happy for her, but I don’t want to share it and I don’t know how to say it, so I said yes. It won’t do anyone any good sitting in storage either. Now I get to spend the tome after IUI tomorrow crying more about putting more baby stuff in storage and taking other stuff out for someone else. I know I’m lucky and things could be a lot worse. This shit is hard though.

emeraldduchess · October 2019

@NYTino24 so many hugs. I know it's so hard not to feel guilty about being sad/jealous/angry because we're all trained to think "someone else somewhere has it worse than you". For weeks after my first loss I kept telling myself to suck it up because it was an early loss, other people are going through much worse, etc. Honestly, that line of thinking is BS because losses shouldn't be compared. We're allowed to process things and feel the way we feel. I would be really upset about lending out all the things that I should be using, too.

It definitely felt like a huge weight was lifted yesterday after I shared. Especially with the holidays coming, I think it will help our families be more sensitive to us, especially if I'm not KU by then (even if I am, I won't feel comfortable sharing). DH's cousin actually called me because she's been on this road too and just wanted me to know she's here for us. I ran into another friend at the grocery store and she gave me the biggest hug.

mama_mea · October 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Rejoining The Bump after many months. I'm ready to have community again.

CP 2/19, MC@7wks 5/19, MC@6wks 8/19

Status: Waiting for next cycle to begin

How are things going? Great right now. After our 3rd loss I found out I have hypothyroidism, which could have been a big factor in my miscarriages. Hoping to connect with other women dealing with the same thing!

What is something that you are struggling with this week? Our first would have been due this month. It's surreal that we've gotten this far and still nothing to show for it.

What is going well for you this week? My kindergarteners have been such sweeties ❤️

R/R? DH and I had a coffee date and spent some time in the library, which was really nice.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Testing my TSH levels on Friday to see if I'm all clear to TTC this next month. Fingers crossed!!

GTKY: October is Pregnancy and Child Loss Month. Do you plan on sharing anything publicly with others? I've been sharing quite a bit on IG, and a little on FB. I have been able to connect with so many women by sharing my heart.

NYTino24 · October 2019

@mama_mea Sorry for your losses and rough year. Hoping for some success for you in 2020!

TTCAL Week of 9/30-10/6

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