TTCAL w/o September 9

emeraldduchess · September 2019

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: What's your favorite "fall" treat (apple cider, pumpkin bread, etc.)?

NYTino24 · September 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

NMC 1/17, BO 6/19, CP 8/19

Status: WTO - probably tonight

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Found an old test that somehow got left in the half bathroom. Thanks for the reminder, life! Pharmacy also sent a progesterone refill reminder from last cycle. Luckily I’m about to ovulate the earliest I’ve ever ovulated with a nice follicle, so I’m focused on now.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Today we get all of our initial test results including AMH and the SA, which DH apparently thinks be may have TTA for too long for while I was dealing with the MC.

GTKY: What's your favorite "fall" treat (apple cider, pumpkin bread, etc.)?

hot apple cider

hanshotfirst77 · September 2019

@NYTino24 Sorry for those reminders, they can sneak up on you. Hoping for great results from your tests and yay for ovulating!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

2 MMC's, 2/19 and 6/19

Status: WFFET

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Well I got my first AF since the ER over the weekend. I'm glad it came so I can move forward but omg it's so bad. So heavy and so much cramps. I barely slept last night was up like every 2 hours to change pads. I am so tired today.

But I emailed my nurse first thing, cause I am hoping to get my Saline Sonogram scheduled now. Trying to get all my ducks in a row for my FET.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Still waiting on PGS results and Saline Sono

GTKY: What's your favorite "fall" treat (apple cider, pumpkin bread, etc.)?

Apple cider donuts straight from the farm with hot apple cider!

litigatorgal · September 2019

@NYTino24 glad you're focused on O with your nice follicle! Come on, egg!

@hanshotfirst77 I hope you can get the saline sonogram scheduled ASAP. Keep us posted.

Both of you have me craving apple cider, though I had my first hot chocolate of the season last night and it was gooooood.

tyrion_ · September 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: Early loss in May 2019

Status: WFAF to full show up

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

I was so hopeful for this cycle. Our timing was awesome. The “signs” I made up in my head were perfect. And now I’m just here, mad. Annoyed. Impatient because I keep thinking about how I should be nearing the 20 week mark. I’ll wallow today and move on tomorrow.

At the same time I’m very thankful I have this group to vent to. You all have had these same thoughts and feelings. And it’s nice to be able to share somewhere. Of course I wish none of us were here. But I am thankful for it 💗

Any testing coming up/any recent results? None

GTKY: What's your favorite "fall" treat (apple cider, pumpkin bread, etc.)? Anything Apple. Yum.

@NYTino24 Ugh, sorry for those reminders. I’m hopeful for you nice little follicle you have growing! Hoping this is your take home baby in there!

@hanshotfirst77 Sorry your period was so awful and intense. Hope you’re feeling better today. Fingers crossed you get your saline sono scheduled ASAP.

@litigatorgal Hope your week goes well! Good luck with your trial!

hanshotfirst77 · September 2019

@tyrion_ sorry AF is coming. It sucks when you think you did everything right but still it fails. and thoughts of remembering where we should be are the worst. Hugs

AFM I did get my Saline Sono scheduled for Friday afternoon. Hopefully AF will have left the building by then.

emeraldduchess · September 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Early MC (5 weeks) December '18. CP July '19

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I was doing well this TWW until I left concert rehearsal tonight. *TW PG, LC*

Two of the other ladies I am singing with are pregnant and a third has an infant. There was so much gushing and so many jokes, like "don't hit that high note, you'll go into labor!" 😞 I know nothing about these ladies' journey to motherhood, so I'm not bitter towards them. They're nice women. It's just very hard. The theatre world is where I go to get away from everything, it's my safe place. Tonight, and for the next two weeks, I can't escape the IF/loss mom sadness. I held it together but damn, did I cry on the way home.

What's going well is I am happy that I get to do some kind of performing right now. I don't think I can commit to this theatre's holiday show this year, so I feel fortunate that they asked me to participate in this.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Betas on Friday but since I don't really feel any consistent symptoms, PMS or otherwise, my gut says it's not going to be good news. TBH, I am dreading it.

GTKY: What's your favorite "fall" treat (apple cider, pumpkin bread, etc.)? Warm apple cider donuts FTW! I haven't had them in years, though. A local restaurant has a spiked apple cider martini that is amazing, too.

emeraldduchess · September 2019

@NYTino24 so sorry about that out-of-nowhere reminder.

I hope you get some answers from your test results.

@hanshotfirst77 I'm sorry AF is such a witch right now. FX for good sono results!

@tyrion_ so many hugs to you right now. This rollercoaster sucks so, so much. 💜

@litigatorgal good luck with your trial!

NYTino24 · September 2019

@emeraldduchess Those were some dumb comments and it’s frustrating when stuff like that is all some people will talk about. Being public about our struggles seems to have helped other people be a little more sensitive about what they say around me. I hope you find your peace and get your rainbow baby really soon.

emeraldduchess · September 2019

Thanks @NYTino24. I am not close to anyone that was at rehearsal so there was no way for anyone to know that the circumstances were triggering. TW

The hardest for me was when they kept referring to them all as "mama". I seriously wanted to scream. It just made me so sad because people rarely aknowledge loss moms as mothers.

NYTino24 · September 2019

@emeraldduchess

In an idea world, everyone would have some awareness and sensitivity towards others. I remember being a little older and single and wanting so badly to find a good partner and to be able to start a family. There are so many other women in that position and dealing with other circumstances. While I don’t assume all women want kids, I’m careful about what I say around others because I don’t know their struggles. What I’m saying is that there needs to be more empathy even among strangers.
I see you. You are a mother and one day you will have that rainbow baby!!!

tyrion_ · September 2019

@emerraldduchess I’m sorry your usual escape was full of triggers. You’re absolutely right about people forgetting that loss moms are indeed mothers. I do hope as people are more open and more awareness is brought on to losses that that changes.

emeraldduchess · September 2019

@tyrion_ @NYTino24 thank you both so much. 💚 This road has opened my eyes so much about being sensitive to the hidden pain that many people carry. Living with depression and anxiety, I always was careful of what I said, but going through loss and IF added a whole new dimension. I plan on opening up via social media in October for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

bluetickgal · September 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

MC at 7 weeks in 1/19 & at 5 weeks in 8/19

Status: Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Doing pretty well...finished Prometrium last Thursday, so just waiting for AF so we can get this show on the road! I’m feeling optimistic & excited to hopefully start trying again (as long as all is good with the SHG)!

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Just waiting on karyotyping results...hoping to get them in the next week or so. Will schedule SHG soon hopefully!

GTKY: What's your favorite "fall" treat (apple cider, pumpkin bread, etc.)?

I’m more of a pumpkin than apple girl! Give me pumpkin bread/muffins any day! I do like PSL’s too, but I’m good with just a few each year and then I’ve had my fill.

@nytino24 so sorry for the unexpected triggers!! 💜 Yay for ovulating!! Hope you got good results!! Saw them on IF thread, but don’t really know how to interpret the numbers.

@hanshotfirst77 sorry AF is so brutal!! Hope you are feeling much better today! Glad you got your saline scheduled!! Oh, I’ve had apple donuts from an orchard before...they are so good!!

@litigatorgal oh, hot chocolate is always a good option! Hope your trial is going well!

@tyrion_ sorry for all the feelings right now!! Sending hugs!! 💜 Hope you are feeling better today! I second what you said...I hate that any of us have to be here, but I’m so thankful for you all...because you get it!

@emeraldduchess so sorry your escape was triggering...that definitely stinks!! Sending hugs! 💜 Also sorry you are dreading betas..I’ve still got a good feeling and my fingers crossed for you!!

litigatorgal · September 2019

@bluetickgal hope the karyotyping results are good!

@nytino24 Your comments really resonated with me. I see you.

@hanshotfirst77 how was the saline?

@tyrion_ I'm grateful for you, too

@emeraldduchess it's the pits when you look forward to an escape and it's... not what you need. Blerg.

I'm on a one-day trial break to mediate a totally different case and hopefully avoid a trial in October. I'll drive back down to our trial city tonight after work. Gotta get me some hot chocolate and download some podcasts for the trip!

bluetickgal · September 2019

We got the karyotyping results in our patient portal for me and DH, and it says no abnormalities! So happy about that, especially since that’s not something we could fix! Now we just have to get the SHG done and see if there is anything going on there! Hope you all are having a great week!!

hanshotfirst77 · September 2019

@bluetickgal Yay for good results! Do you know how soon you can schedule your SHG?

bluetickgal · September 2019

@hanshotfirst77 thanks!! Not sure, still waiting for AF to show...it’s been 7 days since the Prometrium, so I’m hoping any day now and then I can call to schedule. Hope your saline goes well tomorrow! That’s so exciting about your embryos and having a transfer date set!! ☺️☺️☺️ I’ve been awful about keeping up with IF thread this week, I got overwhelmed and didn’t feel like I could post & catch up, so I’ve just been loving things instead!

*Edited to add more words/clarification.

ottergirl81 · September 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Two CPs Nov. 2018 and July 2019

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Have no idea what my body is doing. AF started on day 22 but was so light I wasn't sure if it was happening or not. It normally starts on day 24-28, but I was travelling so thought maybe that was why things were different. My period app is now messed up and I have no idea when to expect O. Holidays messed up my sleep. Haven't been able to temp consistantly and am a little frustrated this cycle is being wasted.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?Not yet.

GTKY: What's your favorite "fall" treat (apple cider, pumpkin bread, etc.)?

Pumpkin everything! As long as its made correctly.

Will come back in a bit to tag. Still getting things unpacked from my trip and trying to get back into the normal.

hanshotfirst77 · September 2019

@bluetickgal I get you, it is so hard sometimes to keep up. I can't handle the dailies after going through all the IF/RPL etc so I stick to TTCAL and IF threads and some of the GTKY stuff but even that can be hard to keep up some days.

I hope AF comes soon for you so you can get the SHG done! Thank you I am excited to move forward. I'm slightly worried my SHG will be abnormal though. I had one done prior to my egg retrieval and my RE thinks something may have been off. Retained tissue or a polyp or something. So he had me proceed with the IVF but wont let me transfer until we check it out again. So I am so hoping that it all looks normal tomorrow!

NYTino24 · September 2019

@bluetickgal good news!
@ottergirl81 Do you temp? That can help, but things can be off AL.

I was doing pretty well focusing on the now, but seeing checkins here and bumps / US announcements from people IRL with similar or later due dates that show gender, names, etc. have been a bit jarring this week. It’s not jealousy about actual babies, but more when people seem to have no fear about the future and seem to be able to take it for granted (for lack of a better term) that their pregnancy will continue. I never want others to know what it’s like to struggle to get / stay pregnant and have a loss or deal with the emotions of being PGAL and I guess I’m mourning that I’ll never have a peaceful pregnancy.

emeraldduchess · September 2019

@NYTino24 so many hugs. 💜 I get what you mean.
AFM I am dreading my betas tomorrow. I just don't want to put myself through another blood draw and another phone call telling me it's another BFN. I miss a year ago, before my losses and IF testing, when I was excited to test.

hanshotfirst77 · September 2019

@NYTino24 I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same way. I will never be able to just be happy about a bfp or pregnancy right away or probably at all in first tri. It kind of irks me too when I see people just instantly thinking the bfp is all that is needed for a THB (not so much here but IRL) and in most cases I guess it is. But that certainly has not been my experience. Hugs friend ❤️

bluetickgal · September 2019

@ottergirl81 hope you had a good holiday/vacation!! Sorry your cycle is being confusing! Hope you get some clarity soon! Yay for all things pumpkin! ☺️

@hanshotfirst77 I can totally understand that! I’ve tried to keep up with the dailies, but it’s a bit hard...especially having been benched. Thanks!! Fingers crossed & sending positive vibes that all is well with your SHG!! I’m sure that is nerve-wracking, but hopefully what they saw before was nothing and you'll get that confirmation tomorrow!

@NYTino24 thanks! Sending hugs!! 💜 I’ve thought about that too...I think it’ll be hard to relax at any point in pregnancy in the future! I wish I could have a carefree/peaceful pregnancy, but that ship has sailed! Fingers crossed none of us have to experience any further losses though and we will all have healthy pregnancies/THB’s before long!!

@emeraldduchess sending hugs and positive vibes for your betas tomorrow!! 💜

tyrion_ · September 2019

@hanshotfirst77 I was so happy to see you had two good embryos. I’m hoping with everything in me that your SHG comes back normal and you can move forward with IVF. When is it happening?

@nytino24 Sending big creepy internet hugs to you. I’m so sorry you’re having these feelings and even more sorry you’ve had to endure what you have to have gotten here.

@emeraldduchess I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow. I wish we could all go back to ignorance is bliss. I really hope things turn out different than you’re expecting tomorrow 💗

tyrion_ · September 2019

@emeraldduchess You’re on my mind this afternoon. Whichever way this goes we are here in whatever capacity you need 💗 big hugs!

emeraldduchess · September 2019

@tyrion_ thank you so much. 💚 The results weren't the good news I was hoping for. I left a voicemail with the RE getting the ball rolling on IUI, but I also realize now that I desperately need a break from this rollercoaster. I think I am too close to my personal breaking point so I am going to attempt to take a short Bump break, figure out what I really want to do next and what's best for me and DH.
You ladies are the best. 💚 you all.

NYTino24 · September 2019

@emeraldduchess

ottergirl81 · September 2019

Hi all! Sorry I didn't come back to tag anyone from the other day or even now. Life is happening.
Have a great weekend, I will be back soon!

NYTino24 · September 2019

Went out to dinner last night for SIL #3’s birthday. DH clinked glass to toast to her, but SIL #1 said, “Oh, I thought you had an announcement!” What, that you knew I miscarried and just stopped bleeding 8 days ago, but somehow I could have an announcement? Ummmm yeah I was tired and crabby then, but it put me over the edge. I really do love her, but a crowded restaurant was not the time or place for that. Plus, what kind of person would announce something like that at their sibling’s birthday dinner?!

tyrion_ · September 2019

@NYTino24 WTF. I’d be furious. I really hope and wish the people in your life put their sensitivity hats on because I feel like you keep getting these terrible triggers/comments hurled at you. I’m so sorry.

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