My MIL. I love her and we generally get along really well, but every time I see her lately she has to make a comment about how my bump isn't big enough... Sorry 🤷 it's getting super old.
Also my own mom. I met up with her this weekend and I basically proceeded to plan my own shower (while taking into account her self imposed and not medically necessary dietary restrictions) because she can't make a decision to save her life. I also got lectured about vaccinating my child (I do not share her anti-vaxx beliefs) and sending her to a daycare center. She went so far as to ask if I'm really even going to be making any money by going back to work and paying for insurance (H and baby will go on mine) and daycare. Last I checked that's not her business....
Oh, my mom also criticized the ($200) car seat we registered for as not being good enough. As if I 1. Don't care about what I put my child in 2. Didn't spend hours reading reviews and researching. They all pass the same safety standards anyway!
@brimarie91 all mom's are the worse. Tell your mom that if she wants to pick out shit and do something about vaccines she should have another kid. Or if she's really concerned about $$ and daycare, that she should watch the baby for free full time so you can work.
@brimarie91 , I have almost no bump to speak of. I look like I gained about 20lbs of belly fat (It's 3lbs total pregnancy). It's so weird, because with DS1, he was just out front and a perfect beach ball belly. But this one, it's like I'm carrying him in my back and sometimes if I had an early dinner, when I wake in the morning, it's a clearly defined bump...the rest of the time, I don't even look the slightest bit preggers.
@brimarie91 second to what @stashattack said. Moms. We're moms too now, so actually, "WE" know best now, time to take a back seat ladies, you no longer get to call the shots.
@brimarie91 my mom also gave me shit for picking up a used crib. She said "only the best for my granddaughter" then you fork up the $300+ for a new crib that is no different other than a fresh coat of paint than one that's barely been used at a grandparents house for less than half the price that came with sheets and blankets. And a mattress... but that i'm going to sell LOL.
Sabrina my sourdough starter. It molded. Luckily I saved some discard from previous feedings so I'm going to try to start it back up from the discard. Let's hope it works this time around. This will be my third starter attempt.
@stashattack , the only reason I'm NOT getting a used crib is that this is SO's first baby and he wants to go all out. Otherwise, the second my sister offered me my niece's crib, I'd have been all over not spending the money. Sadly, my very well meaning daughter gave DS1s crib to Salvation Army when they took away our old washer and dryer. She thought it reminded me of our loss in January.
@leprechaunlady sorry you’re dealing with such a douche. Can you tell him to kick rocks?
AFM my tw is my mom too. Long sorry short my sister is getting married in October. We talk pretty much everyday about plans and we’ve already decided what I’m going to be able to help with during the weekend. I guess my mom went to her most recent fitting and decided that she was going to text me and let me know what decisions she made for me....as if I’m not 34 years old 🙄. According to her I’m just carrying her grand babies and need to sit on my ass and not do anything. I told her I already talked to my sister about what jobs I’d have. Apparently that wasn’t good enough so I asked if she’d be providing a wheelchair because it sounded like she didn’t even want me walking around. I know it’s because she’s nervous about what’s been going on with baby b, but like, if I’m not anxious and worried about it, everyone else can f’n chill. I’m only pregnant, not an invalid.
@kbrown2385 ive had a sharp conversation with him on it a few weeks ago but will be taking it higher up tomorrow as he has now potentially created a delay with his meddling that means a boiler replacement project at a site will not be complete in time for heating season turn on which is 1st october.
with your mum can you just agree when talking to her & carry on with your plans for the lead up & on the day?
Had a chat with HR today about maternity leave benefits. I'll preface this by saying that, relatively, I'm lucky for a US woman going on maternity leave. My work offers great vacation/sick time benefits and I have access to short-term disability, but absolutely zero paid "maternity leave" time otherwise.
I knew some of this, and have been saving my sick/vacation time since I started at this job 3 years ago so I could keep getting paid during maternity leave (I'm by far the primary breadwinner in our family). Turns out that I won't be "allowed" to supplement the 50% pay during my weeks of STD with my sick/vacation time and will just have to suck up getting paid 50% of my salary during half of my maternity leave. This won't break us, but I'm irritated that we're going to be very tight financially because I'm not allowed to use my own PTO I've been collecting. I guess its good that ill have some vacation to use before/after my maternity leave, but I'd really just rather get full pay while I'm out 😡
Again, I realize I'm lucky compared to a lot of other US women, and I sincerely empathize with those who are in a worse spot for their leave.
@catsinawindow yes. Mat leave in the US is terrible even when I get other good benefits at my job... I have enough PTO for 1/2 my leave and currently don't have a short term disability plan but could theoretically could sign up before I'm due in January. The only thing is that I would still be paid about the same since the disability is less than my normal pay and I already have enough for half my time....but maybe I don't want to give up all my PTO. So torn ...
MIL is my current TW. I swear imma need to talk to her to. I’m kinda obsessed with mermaids. So my baby shower is mermaid themed. My mom picked up a cute lil bag and keychain as an idea as a favor. I think they are really cute and a great start.
MIL texts me and says “what your mom picked up says more kid party than baby shower to me”. Dude. Did you not see my text saying I like it?? I’m sorry the mermaid soap you picked out looks like something I would find in my grandma’s house. It screams old woman.
These women need to chill the fuck out and remember this shower isn’t fucking about them. I swear if it wasn’t inappropriate I would just do this all myself.
At least with the wedding planning I could drown out the opinions with wine and margaritas. Hot cocoa just doesn’t have the same effect. 🤷♀️
@stashattack, this is why I'm not having a shower. If people want to get us stuff for the baby, they can. Juggling work, motherhood, and a relationship while pregnant is hard enough without the added drama!
SO is continuing his TW behavior. He's been at his mom's for the last few days and it's like he's forgotten he has another family. Because she lives about an hour away, the normal routine is he goes up there once or twice a week, spends the night, then comes home. Right now, it's the opposite. He stays up there several days, comes home, spends the night, then goes back. I get that he's needed more there than here right now, and I encourage this. But, that doesn't mean WE stopped existing. And above all, don't tell me at 1630 you're going to get a hair cut and shave then come home...only to TEXT me at 2040 and tell me you made dinner for your mom and how good it was and how awesome your evening was, and hey...how was mine? Pretty crappy since I was expecting you to come home tonight and YOU DIDN'T. And if I'm hurt and irritated by it, don't tell me it's "HORMONES". I'd still be hurt and irritated by it, there just wouldn't be waterworks.
EDIT - Oh, and then he's all chipper and happy, still missing the point that I'm irritated with him and goes on to tell me how his mom is getting all new furniture and giving us her old stuff! Isn't that great??? You mean the heavy solid oak stuff that looks great in the home of a 73yo woman and we both detest? YES!!!
Ugh, don't get me started US maternity laws. Last time with DD, I had 4/6 weeks paid for with my sick time. This time, since I've been spending sick time on all the doctor's visits and days home with fevers that accompany having a toddler, I have very very little sick time. I do get an extra week of vacation this year because I just hit 5 years with my company, so that should offset a little, but even using all my personal days for the year, that one week of vacation, and all my sick time, only gives me 3 weeks paid.
@leprechaunlady hopefully the higher ups will be able to deal with him. What a pain in the ass.
Unfortunately I’ll have to nip the issue with my mom in the bud. If I don’t do it now, she’ll get worse. I told my sister she gets to handle her with the wedding crap, but as for making me feel like I’m insignificant and just a gestational carrier needs to stop. She’s had 5 kids, she’s fully aware of what pregnant women are capable of. Walking around setting a table or putting flower arrangements together is something I’m pretty sure anyone can handle. Her acting this way with the wedding is part of the reason we wait at least two weeks for family to come visit after babies are born. It’s just becomes too much.
Since I won't have been with the company for 12 mos when I deliver (I discovered I was pregnant after I put in notice at my old job), I don't have the protection of FMLA *OR* any PTO. I do have STD, but you have to take two weeks unpaid leave first. With our contract ending on Dec 31, it's also possible I won't have a job at all. Who wants to hire a woman who's nine months pregnant? The transitioning company not only doesn't have to hire me, they don't have to hold my job for me while I'm gone. I needed 8w last time, and I had already been on modified bed rest for 5 weeks. I didn't have a job when I got back. I'm hoping my OB will authorize teleworking if/when I get to that point, and that my work will APPROVE it.
On the upside, if the transitioning company DOESN'T hire me, I'll qualify for unemployment...which sadly pays more than STD. I'd rather not.It took me 5 months to find a job last time I was laid off (made redundant for our Queen's English friends), and I have a lot more expenses this time. There's also always the possibility of the government extending the contract...which since it's at the holidays, I expect will end up being the case.
Moms and MIL must be on something this week, as both of mine are working my nerves. MIL has been super critical of our baby shower plans (however not taking part in the planning in any way even though its her first grandchild) and my mom doesn't think our most recent ultrasound pic looks like me. I don't know why the comment bothers me so much when ultrasounds at this point look like no one!
@kbrown2385 i spoke with my boss this morning and he went to speak to him about it and he outright lied to my boss and denied everything! so my boss came got me, i went in and he backtracked and looked like a complete idiot! my boss is great and completely backed me on it and was glorious! i fully expect that it will happen again but my boss is gearing up for war on it if it does!
@leprechaunlady It's awesome you have a great boss to support you. It's just so annoying to have to waste time dealing with a co-worker who is causing delays and then lying to management to save face. There's enough on your plate fixing the need, let alone dealing with the internal politics.
@mama_stef your mom is being cray. I totally agree. My girl doesn't look like either than us. I'm just glad she's looking human instead of alien at this point. Don't get me wrong, alien baby was cute for the first couple ultrasounds... but eventually I want her to look like a human LOL.
They are all drinking the same water.
As for Maternity leave, I really wish I didn't have to leave my government job, though I don't miss the shut downs at all. But I had almost 400hrs of sick leave built up from my 7 years of working there. But now I think I have 5-6ish weeks saved up that I can use before I get put on unpaid leave. Luckily I will be here at my job a year in october so I should be able to apply and qualify for FMLA. I'm also going to talk to my job about teleworking too so I don't have to use all of my leave. But maternity leave is a fucking joke here.
I'm getting irrationally upset with how people are congratulating/celebrating that we're having a boy. It's our second child, or first is a daughter. They keep talking about how DH must be over the moon at finally getting his son. Or that it's a relief that we're having a boy.
Are you telling me my daughter isn't good enough because she's female?? Or that we wouldn't be just as happy having a second girl? Why can't people just be happy that the baby is healthy, regardless of the sex?
PREACH @persnickity I'm already imagining the comments from our family and friends that will be along the lines of "your poor husband" or "guess you'll be having a third after two girls" and getting ticked off- and they haven't even happened yet
@persnickity that would be really annoying. I mean, I think it's cool that now you'll have one of each, but it's not like a saving grace or something. Having 2 daughters would still be amazing. It's one thing if he's like your 4th or 5th and the rest are girls. But even then, if it was a 4th or 5th girl, it'd still be a blessing. If it makes you feel better, I'm sure you'd still get similar comments if it were the other way around. It's just weird life expectations from society or whatever. When you get in a relationship it's "when are you getting married?" When you get married it's "when are you having kids?" You have a kid and it's "when are you having the next? Gotta try for the opposite sex now" no one is satisfied until you have the quintessential family with 2.5 kids and a dog and a white picket fence. 🙄 oh, and apparently the prodigal son 😑
@peppyj9@amb0924 exactly! I understand that everyone feels like they need to comment, but I wish they could hear how it sounds. Someone who had a son and daughter basically implied it was better to have a son. Does that mean they view their daughter as less?
@peppyj9, @amb0924, @persnickity when I had DD, my father's friend (who has two boys) looked at her and went, just had to be a girl, huh? because my dad has two daughters. My dad (who has never cared he doesn't have a son) said, "Yeah. I live in a house full of women...even the DOG is a woman. The only other males are the cats and I saw what they did to THEM...I sleep with one eye open and one hand across my *insert male anatomy here*"
I thought it was a great response. He shrugged off what the guy said and made a joke about it. He loves his girls...all of them, and there are a lot of us now! Yes, there are males...he has two sons in law, a step grandson, 3 (soon to be 4) biological...but he's always just happy to become a grandparent again to a healthy and happy baby.
Since I won't have been with the company for 12 mos when I deliver (I discovered I was pregnant after I put in notice at my old job), I don't have the protection of FMLA *OR* any PTO. I do have STD, but you have to take two weeks unpaid leave first. With our contract ending on Dec 31, it's also possible I won't have a job at all. Who wants to hire a woman who's nine months pregnant? The transitioning company not only doesn't have to hire me, they don't have to hold my job for me while I'm gone. I needed 8w last time, and I had already been on modified bed rest for 5 weeks. I didn't have a job when I got back. I'm hoping my OB will authorize teleworking if/when I get to that point, and that my work will APPROVE it.
On the upside, if the transitioning company DOESN'T hire me, I'll qualify for unemployment...which sadly pays more than STD. I'd rather not.It took me 5 months to find a job last time I was laid off (made redundant for our Queen's English friends), and I have a lot more expenses this time. There's also always the possibility of the government extending the contract...which since it's at the holidays, I expect will end up being the case.
Ugh, that's so stressful. I hope it works out to be whatever situation is best when you get to that point.
Ugh, don't get me started US maternity laws. Last time with DD, I had 4/6 weeks paid for with my sick time. This time, since I've been spending sick time on all the doctor's visits and days home with fevers that accompany having a toddler, I have very very little sick time. I do get an extra week of vacation this year because I just hit 5 years with my company, so that should offset a little, but even using all my personal days for the year, that one week of vacation, and all my sick time, only gives me 3 weeks paid.
Yeah, being able to use sick/vacation/personal time for leave is NOT the same as having a real maternity leave policy and is NOT enough! (Despite what many HR departments might think) I'm sorry to hear so many in similar (or worse situations regarding leave 😢)
@catsinawindow yes. Mat leave in the US is terrible even when I get other good benefits at my job... I have enough PTO for 1/2 my leave and currently don't have a short term disability plan but could theoretically could sign up before I'm due in January. The only thing is that I would still be paid about the same since the disability is less than my normal pay and I already have enough for half my time....but maybe I don't want to give up all my PTO. So torn ...
Yup, it stinks that the only way we have to get paid leave in this country is to burn all our PTO. If you're able to get the STD, it might be nice to save that PTO for later. You should probably check if there's limitations on how long you need to have the STD before being eligible to use it for maternity, though. My current job gives it automatically, so it wasn't an issue, but at a previous job (with even worse leave benefits, btw) STD was optional and had to be in place before you even got pregnant for it to cover maternity leave!
Im sorry mat leave is so shitty for you ladies in the States. Here, statutory mat leave is 6 weeks full pay, the up to 9 months on like £164 a week & a further 3 months after that unpaid if you want to take it. Some companies give you more, which my previous company did when i had dd & I took the full 12 months off. This time my company only offers statutory & Im thinking I’ll take 9-10 months. I found when i hit the 9 month mark with dd, I was more than ready to go back to work. I reduced to a 4 day week when i went back and find its a great balance for me & gives me that extra day off with dd.
Re: TW Tuesday 9/10
EDIT - So, I comfort shopped the last day of the Carter's Sale and bought clothes for now and next Halloween.
Also my own mom. I met up with her this weekend and I basically proceeded to plan my own shower (while taking into account her self imposed and not medically necessary dietary restrictions) because she can't make a decision to save her life. I also got lectured about vaccinating my child (I do not share her anti-vaxx beliefs) and sending her to a daycare center. She went so far as to ask if I'm really even going to be making any money by going back to work and paying for insurance (H and baby will go on mine) and daycare. Last I checked that's not her business....
Ok, now I'm done with my mom vent 🙂
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
@FyreFlyeRush same
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
@leprechaunlady sorry you’re dealing with such a douche. Can you tell him to kick rocks?
AFM my tw is my mom too. Long sorry short my sister is getting married in October. We talk pretty much everyday about plans and we’ve already decided what I’m going to be able to help with during the weekend. I guess my mom went to her most recent fitting and decided that she was
going to text me and let me know what decisions she made for me....as if I’m not 34 years old 🙄. According to her I’m just carrying her grand babies and need to sit on my ass and not do anything. I told her I already talked to my sister about what jobs I’d have. Apparently that wasn’t good enough so I asked if she’d be providing a wheelchair because it sounded like she didn’t even want me walking around. I know it’s because she’s nervous about what’s been going on with baby b, but like, if I’m not anxious and worried about it, everyone else can f’n chill. I’m only pregnant, not an invalid.
Edit words
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
with your mum can you just agree when talking to her & carry on with your plans for the lead up & on the day?
Had a chat with HR today about maternity leave benefits. I'll preface this by saying that, relatively, I'm lucky for a US woman going on maternity leave. My work offers great vacation/sick time benefits and I have access to short-term disability, but absolutely zero paid "maternity leave" time otherwise.
I knew some of this, and have been saving my sick/vacation time since I started at this job 3 years ago so I could keep getting paid during maternity leave (I'm by far the primary breadwinner in our family). Turns out that I won't be "allowed" to supplement the 50% pay during my weeks of STD with my sick/vacation time and will just have to suck up getting paid 50% of my salary during half of my maternity leave. This won't break us, but I'm irritated that we're going to be very tight financially because I'm not allowed to use my own PTO I've been collecting. I guess its good that ill have some vacation to use before/after my maternity leave, but I'd really just rather get full pay while I'm out 😡
Again, I realize I'm lucky compared to a lot of other US women, and I sincerely empathize with those who are in a worse spot for their leave.
MIL texts me and says “what your mom picked up says more kid party than baby shower to me”. Dude. Did you not see my text saying I like it?? I’m sorry the mermaid soap you picked out looks like something I would find in my grandma’s house. It screams old woman.
These women need to chill the fuck out and remember this shower isn’t fucking about them. I swear if it wasn’t inappropriate I would just do this all myself.
At least with the wedding planning I could drown out the opinions with wine and margaritas. Hot cocoa just doesn’t have the same effect. 🤷♀️
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
EDIT - Oh, and then he's all chipper and happy, still missing the point that I'm irritated with him and goes on to tell me how his mom is getting all new furniture and giving us her old stuff! Isn't that great??? You mean the heavy solid oak stuff that looks great in the home of a 73yo woman and we both detest? YES!!!
Unfortunately I’ll have to nip the issue with my mom in the bud. If I don’t do it now, she’ll get worse. I told my sister she gets to handle her with the wedding crap, but as for making me feel like I’m insignificant and just a gestational carrier needs to stop. She’s had 5 kids, she’s fully aware of what pregnant women are capable of. Walking around setting a table or putting flower arrangements together is something I’m pretty sure anyone can handle. Her acting this way with the wedding is part of the reason we wait at least two weeks for family to come visit after babies are born. It’s just becomes too much.
Also, maternity leave is a joke in this country.
On the upside, if the transitioning company DOESN'T hire me, I'll qualify for unemployment...which sadly pays more than STD. I'd rather not.It took me 5 months to find a job last time I was laid off (made redundant for our Queen's English friends), and I have a lot more expenses this time. There's also always the possibility of the government extending the contract...which since it's at the holidays, I expect will end up being the case.
Feeling the rage this week ladies.
They are all drinking the same water.
As for Maternity leave, I really wish I didn't have to leave my government job, though I don't miss the shut downs at all. But I had almost 400hrs of sick leave built up from my 7 years of working there. But now I think I have 5-6ish weeks saved up that I can use before I get put on unpaid leave. Luckily I will be here at my job a year in october so I should be able to apply and qualify for FMLA. I'm also going to talk to my job about teleworking too so I don't have to use all of my leave. But maternity leave is a fucking joke here.
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
Are you telling me my daughter isn't good enough because she's female?? Or that we wouldn't be just as happy having a second girl? Why can't people just be happy that the baby is healthy, regardless of the sex?
Edit: typo
I thought it was a great response. He shrugged off what the guy said and made a joke about it. He loves his girls...all of them, and there are a lot of us now! Yes, there are males...he has two sons in law, a step grandson, 3 (soon to be 4) biological...but he's always just happy to become a grandparent again to a healthy and happy baby.