PGAL Check-In 9/9

shamrocandroll · September 2019

This thread is for those who are pregnant after a previous loss (or losses)

1. Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom?

2. Previous loss(es)?

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?

4. Any appointment updates?

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?

6. Any milestones coming up?

splashmountain · September 2019

1. Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 4w4d / edd 5-14 / 1DS

2. Previous loss(es)? MC 10 weeks 2016 / CP 2018

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Emotionally, my hcg is going up so that helps. I also have an amazing RE who is taking care of following up and getting me on the best vitamins and medications to help keep this little one. Physically, my breats are a little sore, but other than that, I don't have many symptoms. Although I do feel like I'm constantly thirsty!

4. Any appointment updates? 9/23 u/s at RE then I will move on to my OB

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I know it's super early, but now that I got my 2nd beta back, I want to tell everyone! I know, it's crazy. With DS we waited until 8 weeks, I guess I feel like it's taken 2 losses and almost 2 years of IF to get here, I deserve to tell the world. Lol for now, we've told our parents and my sister and H's brother.

6. Any milestones coming up?

ieles2531 · September 2019

1.Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom?
6, 5/4, I have one living child

2. Previous loss(es)?
A 39 week birth in February. We found out at 31 weeks that he had HLHS, a critical heart defect. Instead of surgeries we chose comfort care and he passed away 3 days after his birth.

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?

I am a wreck. We have a 5-6% chance of the defect reoccurring but we just won’t know until 18-20 weeks.

4. Any appointment updates?

Just the standard prenatal on 9/25. My husband is an ER doctor so I got an ultrasound a week ago because my beta was so high.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?

Just that pretty much everyone knows I’m pregnant because we have a very close friend group and it was glaringly obvious from the second I declined wine.

6. Any milestones coming up?

shamrocandroll · September 2019

@splashmountain Having an amazing doctor has helped me get through all of this so much. I'm glad you're getting so much support! It's sad that seems to be an anomaly with women who have been through loss.

1. Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 6 weeks today, 5/3, 1 DS

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC in Nov '18 at 10w, early loss Feb '19

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Emotionally anxious as hell, but trying to focus positively. Physically okay. Feeling constipated, tired, and my boobs hurt, but no major nausea yet, so I'll take it.

4. Any appointment updates? Had my 3rd beta draw this morning, so just waiting to hear back about that. Early ultrasound on Thursday, which I'm both excited and super anxious about. TMI: Maybe the nervous stomach will make me actually poop, haha!

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? We're flying to Seattle on Saturday, which means driving down to MA after work Friday night so my parents can watch DS. I'm going to miss him like crazy, but we've never been to Seattle, so I'm excited. And Saturday is our 6 year wedding anniversary.

6. Any milestones coming up? I'll feel really relieved when we get past 7 weeks this time. That was when development stopped with my MMC. I also have my 2nd empty due date coming up next month, so hoping the positivity of this pregnancy gets me through that one.

shamrocandroll · September 2019

@ieles2531 Your loss is heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. I hope this baby will be your perfectly healthy rainbow baby.

rachelg777 · September 2019

@splashmountain I think you are definitely entitled to tell people if you are ready! So happy you have had great betas!

@ieles2351 I can't imagine experiencing that, I'm so sorry. Please feel free to vent and come here for support as much as you need.

1. Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 4 +4, 5/14, one DS

2. Previous loss(es)? Prior to DS at 11 weeks

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? So far pretty nervous but just trying to go with the flow. I am hoping the nausea kicks in soon (with my loss I had minimal nausea but with DS it was awful). Physically I'm just exhausted, still peeing a ton, and joy my hemorrhoid has already started acting up.

4. Any appointment updates? I guess I have a nurse visit next week (since I did not deliver with this OB office previously they go over their protocol etc). My first pre-natal/ultrasound appointment is 10/4.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? My betas looked good and so far everything seems okay. No questions yet.

6. Any milestones coming up? Not yet

shamrocandroll · September 2019

@rachelg777 Isn't it strange finding yourself almost wishing for nausea? I also wasn't nauseous with my first loss, even though I was super sick with DS. Although I didn't really have any symptoms at all, and this time I do, so I'm trying to stay optimistic! Then again, nausea is the reason I tested with my second loss. I guess you just never know.

ruby696 · September 2019

@splashmountain I'm having a hard time keeping my mouth shut, too. I think because we did IVF, this has been such a huge part of my life and I forget that others aren't aware of that and that I want to wait until I pass my milestones, so I need to watch what I say.

@ieles2531 I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how hard this must be for you. ❤

@shamrocandroll Oh, fx so hard you have another good beta!!

@rachelg777 Isn't it crazy how we hope to feel like crap for peace of mind? Bring on all the symptoms!

1. Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 4+1/ May 14th/ TTM - one DS and one DD

2. Previous loss(es)? 6 - 3 CP's, 2 MMC's, and 1 BO/MMC

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? I feel better today since my test line is now darker than the control line. I think I'll stop peeing on sticks now. But I really can't wrap my mind around the idea that is might work out this time. I've had five losses in the last two years, so its hard to believe it won't happen again. Physically I'm tired and bloated, and my boobs hurt. Otherwise I feel fine.

4. Any appointment updates? US on 9/23 to confirm pregnancy.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Eh, it's too early on a Monday.

6. Any milestones coming up? Just my CP milestones. I'll have to make it to 9 weeks before I pass my MMC milestones.

emlettuce · September 2019

1. Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 6 weeks/may 3rd/ 1 son

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC this past April

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? So much anxiety. I'm in the wishing for morning sickness boat just so that I'll feel more pregnant. Right now I just feel tired and have sore boobs.

4. Any appointment updates? First appointment will be Sept 23rd.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Rant: I have frickin pink eye and I want to itch it sooooo bad!

6. Any milestones coming up?

ieles2531 · September 2019

@shamrocandroll @rachelg777 @ruby696 thanks guys. It’s been a hard year, that’s for sure. Right now I (like everyone in this group I’m sure) am just trying to be positive...no reason to freak out yet. Although I did freak out a little bit when my beta went from 805 18dpo to 4900 22dpo. I was convinced it was twins 😅

shamrocandroll · September 2019

@ruby696 FFMC? I peed on a stick after my beta this morning. The test line showed up WAY before the control line and was the darkest shade of pink I've ever seen on a pee stick, so that helped ease the BSC PGAL brain. Now I just wait for my OB to call with results! Really hoping the PGAL anxiety gets much better for both of us soon!

@emlettuce Due date buddies! Sounds like being tired with sore boobs is the norm around these parts. I hope the anxiety gets better soon!

splashmountain · September 2019

@ieles2531 I'm so sorry for your loss, every loss is hard, but one like yours, so late, is just plain heartbreaking. It's nice that your H is an ed doc so you can see baby early, I work for a radiology department so I've had a friend do a sneak sono before, not this pregnancy yet, but one of my priors.

@shamrocandroll it's amazing what having a good doctor does for my anxiety. I had no help or support during my CP and it felt terrible. Have a great trip to Seattle!

@rachelg777 I hope you get nausea soon lol

pirateduck · September 2019

1. Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 5 weeks, sometime mid-may, I will be a first time mom

2. Previous loss(es)? I had a CP 2 years ago, which didn't phase me, but I had a blighted ovum and miscarried naturally at 9 weeks after a "successful" iui which was devastating. I felt that if I couldn't have a baby after iui I was doomed forever. I had one "normal" period after miscarriage and now find myself randomly pregnant naturally (no meds no iui) for the first time in almost exactly 3 years of trying.

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Terrified. It's emotionally exhausting. I'm trying (and wanting) to be happy and excited, but it's really soon after MC and I wasn't expecting it and I don't know how to process it. I really thought it would never happen, and here I am, pregnant. Physically, insomnia, lots of dreams plus indigestion plus hot flashes make for restless sleep and tired days.

4. Any appointment updates? I had 2 betas, which looked good, and an appointment to set my mind at ease with my regular OBGYN and lots of phone time with the nurses at my RE. I have an early ultrasound on 9/17.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I want COFFEE. Also I was given a great job offer the day I got my BFP, but here's the kicker, they don't offer medical insurance, so I had to decline!

6. Any milestones coming up? My early ultrasound last pregnancy was when we learned things weren't developing properly and it was probably not a viable pregnancy... I'm holding my breath until I see a heartbeat. I'm nervous just joining this board, but want to try and move on and be excited again like I was last time.

shamrocandroll · September 2019

@pirateduck I'm so sorry for your losses, but you're in the right place! I relate a lot to what you said about the early ultrasound. I found out about my MMC with an improptu portable ultrasound in my OB's office at 10 weeks. Mine is on Thursday and I'm an anxious mess about it. Finger crossed so hard for both of us!!!

splashmountain · September 2019

Oops, posted before tagging everyone

@ruby696 and @emlettuce looks like we all have sonos on the 23rd!

@pirateduck my H and I were in the beginning stages of testing to get going on our 1st iui so I didn't think I'd get ku on my own either. Hopeful everything works out for you!

pirateduck · September 2019

@shamrocandroll I just need to see it to know it's real! I cannot wait for the ultrasound and will probably be a nervous wreck in the waiting room! Let us know how it goes Thursday.

pirateduck · September 2019

@splashmountain I actually had two iuis in the last year, one failed, and one MC, and we were waiting for my period to show so that we could begin the next iui cycle, I actually was looking forward to my period, it would mean my body was back to normal and I could go in and try iui again, but it never showed and here I am!

ruby696 · September 2019

@pirateduck The first couple of ultrasounds are terrifying to me. Fx you have a great first US this time. ❤

@splashmountain I keep thinking that this is going to be such a long two weeks, but also dreading having to go. Ugh. At least I'll have you and @emlettuce to commiserate with until then.

pilotwife6 · September 2019

1. Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 5weeks 1 day, EDD May 10. DD age 2

2. Previous loss(es)? MC at 8 weeks July 2014 then 3 years of unexplained infertility

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?
Feeling cautiously optimistic and also finding myself wishing to be sick. So far just tired, sore boobs, weird dreams and occasionally achey. We decided to not prevent pregnancy right when we had DD two years ago and I’m finally pregnant. Just daily praying this is meant to be.

4. Any appointment updates?
Nurse phone call on Friday, 9/13. Since I’m a STM I don’t need to go in which I’m grateful for. First ultrasound scheduled for 10/3. No HCG checks this go around since I had a healthy pregnancy last time so just trying to relax and go with the flow. Still POAS regularly for peace of mind.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? None right now

6. Any milestones coming up? Getting past 8 weeks will obviously feel great, still have a few more weeks to go.

Looking forward to getting to know you all!

rachelg777 · September 2019

@shamrocandroll @ruby696 it is crazy, please just let me vomit lol.

heatherlynn321 · September 2019

1. Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? I'm somewhere in between 3 and 4 weeks right now. My last period started on August 17th, but I ovulated on Day 10, so I think I might be a little further along. I have 2 other sons.

2. Previous loss(es)? I had a MC in May 2016, and again in September 2016 in between my 2 sons.

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? I'm so filled with anxiety. I want to just push it out of my head and be optimistic, but I'm so scared of having another MC. The thoughts just consume my brain. I'm a little nervous, I had major breast tenderness right after my BFP a few days ago, but now it's gone, and I don't really feel any other symptoms.

4. Any appointment updates? I went on Friday to talk to the doctor, and I just had my HCG drawn an hour ago, and I go back on Wednesday to see if they are doubling. My ultrasound is scheduled for October 7th, I'm hoping everything goes well and I make it to the ultrasound and everything is good.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? After my second MC I saw an RE, and was put on Lovenox, vitamin D, and Vaginal Progesterone. However, this time, my doctor has switched me to oral progesterone. Does anyone know why there's a difference, is one better than the other?

6. Any milestones coming up? I just want to make it to October 7th, and have everything work out this time.

pirateduck · September 2019

@heatherlynn321
My RE has me taking the oral progesterone vaginally. Maybe worth asking about. I think it's meant to be more effective that way, but less messy than the suppositories.

heatherlynn321 · September 2019

@pirateduck Thank you! I called today, to ask, but I hadn't heard back yet, so I was just wondering if anyone had had a similar experience.

I think it's funny how much I just want to be nauseated. It would give me such peace of mind to have morning sickness 24/7.

emlettuce · September 2019

I think I might throw up. I'm so happy.
At First I Mood GIF

mdfarmchick · September 2019

1. Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom?
4 weeks/16 May/two sons

2. Previous loss(es)?
Fourth pregnancy, 1 MC between 5-6 weeks 2017, 2 CPs 2019

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?
I’m not sure yet. Ha. I’m nervous because this is still early and I very much want a sticky baby. PGAL Brain does not go away even if you have had your rainbow.

4. Any appointment updates?
I need to call today.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?
Not yet.

6. Any milestones coming up?
Not until an empty DD in February.

I’ll be back with tags.

heatherlynn321 · September 2019

Does anyone else mentality freak out when your symptoms disappear randomly. Mine keep coming and going, but when they're gone, it really freaks me out.

This feels like the inner war in my head of PGAL brain vs. Logical brain.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/k9/at9o95yq6uwp.jpg

mdfarmchick · September 2019

@splashmountain I go back and forth over wanting to tell everyone and wanting to just keep it our little secret.

@ieles2531 there are no words for your loss. I’m so sorry.

@shamrocandroll a weekend in Seattle sounds like a great way to celebrate your 6th anniversary! I hope you guys have fun. Sorry about the pregnancy constipation. I had that with my second and literally nothing helped. It sucked so bad.

@rachelg777 congrats on good betas!

@ruby696 I totally get wanting to POAS forever. MH picked up blue dye tests so I think I’ll feel better when the pink dye ones show up tomorrow. And then I will stop POAS.

@emlettuce ugh pink eye is the worst! I hope it clears up fast. I just recently realized you can get viral pink eye that sticks around for a week or more. Why, universe??

emlettuce · September 2019

@mdfarmchick I got the viral kind so there's not much the Dr can give me for it and he said it was likely that it would jump to the other eye eventually too so it seems like I'll be afflicted for awhile

mdfarmchick · September 2019

@pirateduck I’m sorry for loss. I hope you get to see your heartbeat in a few weeks.

@pilotwife6 I totally get wanting all the symptoms for the reassurance. And simultaneously hating the symptoms.

@heatherlynn321 I’m sorry for the major PGAL brain going on. Hugs. I hope your betas go well today!

mdfarmchick · September 2019

@emlettuce ugh. That is awful. I’m sorry!

ruby696 · September 2019

So random question for those who are still peeing on sticks: how much darker are your test lines than the control lines at this point? I made the mistake of using my last FRER this morning and while the test line has gotten a little darker, and is somewhat darker than the control line, it's not like crazy darker. And it really isn't much darker than my test from two days ago. So my PGAL brain is freaking out. I feel like it should be substantially darker at 20 dpo.

PS - I know I'm ridiculous and should stop peeing on sticks 😬

pirateduck · September 2019

@ruby696 Don't worry about how dark it is. Are you taking in the exact same amount of water (drinking and through food) every day and then waiting the exact same amount of time before you POAS. Probably not. Urine concentration will vary. There's only so dark the test can get probably as well. Don't worry about it.

Have you had your betas yet? That is much more important at this stage.

soprano19 · September 2019

I originally wasn't going to check in here because my one early loss seems relatively NBD compared to what some of you have gone through, but my PGAL brain is real, so I know I could use the support.

1. Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 5 weeks today/May 13/1 DD

2. Previous loss(es)? Early MC (5w2d) in August

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Surprisingly good, which is part of my PGAL anxiety because I feel like my symptoms have lightened up a bit. @heatherlynn321 I'm right there with you.

4. Any appointment updates? With Kaiser, the first appointment is a phone appointment just for information intake, so I have that on Monday. At the end of that phone call they will schedule my first US.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? No, I just wish I were feeling a little more pregnant at this exact moment

6. Any milestones coming up? No

ruby696 · September 2019

@pirateduck I had betas last week and my RE was happy with the numbers (they doubled). I know I'm being ridiculous, but my US isn't until the 23rd and I'm over analyzing everything. I feel like the test is probably as dark as it's going to go, but then I see photos (stop googling!) Where the control line is barely visible because all the dye went to the test line. Ugh. I need to get a different hobby. 😆

soprano19 · September 2019

@ruby696 I feel you. My betas are fine and yet I'm still obsessing about POAS. Waiting for the first appointment is probably the hardest part of pregnancy.

pirateduck · September 2019

@soprano19 welcome welcome. I'm sorry it is messing with your head, but unfortunately, that seems to be normal. I hope all goes well for you this time around. I am also 5 weeks today, and my loss was at the end of July. I did have one "normal" period in between, but really did not expect this this soon. It's a bit hard to wrap my brain around. I'm also feeling relatively "normal" but I then I think of all the little things that add up to not so normal. Plus the last time my hormones were normal would have been probably last April before I had a medicated IUI cycle which resulted in pregnancy, so I'm not even sure my body/hormones know what "normal" is anymore! Hopefully all goes well with Kaiser, it seems a lot of women are with Kaiser.

Is anyone else worried about the fact that the pregnancy will span 2 calendar years and insurance plans are up for renewal soon etc. and we may not have the same insurance and/or network of doctors come January 1 in the middle of our pregnancies?

heatherlynn321 · September 2019

@mdfarmchick Thanks! I just got Monday's back and my hcg was 182. I'm going this afternoon for the second blood draw, so I guess I'll know my Friday if they doubled.

@ruby696 I totally get it. I feel like I see other tests that people post, and although my test line finally got slightly darker than the control line, it's nothing compared to what I see others post. It makes me nervous, but I finally forced myself to stop testing today. And YAY for your numbers doubling!!

@soprano19 I'm totally there with you. When I have symptoms it's comforting.

@pirateduck Oh no! I hadn't thought of that yet!

irish_katie_80 · September 2019

1. Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? - 5 weeks / May 12 / I have one son who is 3

2. Previous loss(es)? - MC in May at 8 weeks

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? - Nervous. Anxious. Every little twinge....or every time I go to the bathroom, I get nervous. It's exhausting! But I am trying to stay positive.

4. Any appointment updates? - Saw my OB yesterday just for a check in. Will have US and bloodwork on Sept. 24. Go back to see my OB on the 26th.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? - Not yet.

6. Any milestones coming up? - Just really wanting to get passed the 8 week mark

heatherlynn321 · September 2019

@irish_katie_80 I'm so sorry for your loss. I get that way too. Everytime I go to the bathroom I'm terrified I'm going to see blood or spotting.

The day I would have gotten my period would be tomorrow for this cycle, and this morning I started to feel like I was going to start it, and it freaked me out, I couldn't get back to sleep. I can't wait to hear back from my appointment to make sure my numbers double.

pirateduck · September 2019

@heatherlynn321 I also woke up in the middle of the night feeling like my period was imminent and I couldn't fall back asleep. My period was due 10 days ago. I hope the paranoia goes away.

I also am paranoid I will see blood any time I use the bathroom. I like to think this too will go away in time

rachelg777 · September 2019

@ruby696 Ugh, I'm sorry. The pee stick struggle is real here too. I'm not going to lie, I have gone to get a beta before just because my test looked lighter. I have trouble accepting that not every test of the same brand is created equal. I need to stop POAS but for some reason I bought a new box yesterday. I'm a lost cause. I hope 9/23 comes quickly for you!

@soprano19 A loss is a loss, and I'm so sorry you find yourself here. I am also in the camp of wanting to feel more pregnant, hopefully soon!

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