TTCAL w/o 9.2

keikilove · September 2019

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: What's your favorite thing about September?

litigatorgal · September 2019

TW: pet loss, MC

9DPO, CD 26

Waiting to 9/9 to test (willpower needed, please send extra if you have any)

Struggling with everything this week. Unfortunately, in the middle of an incredibly hectic work situation (still trying to get caught up after I back-burnered a lot of projects after my MC last month, about ot be out of town for three weeks on a work thing) our dog got very sick, and despite everything we tried to do, we could not save her. We said goodbye yesterday, and it was f*cking devastating. I have barely been able to stop crying, and haven't slept, and I have to be at work today. On our way to the vet hospital to say goodbye to her, as we were pulling out of the driveway, this couple walked up our street with their dog and baby, looking so happy. I really thought I would have that life, and it just crushed me to see it as I was trying to deal with both losses. I also keep thinking that the stress and exhaustion of this might make me MC again, if I did manage to get KU this cycle, and that sucks.

No R/R for me this week.

My favorite thing about September is the gorgeous weather in Oregon. I hope you all are enjoying this lovely space between summer and fall, and that everyone is having a better Labor Day than I am.

tyrion_ · September 2019

@litigatorgal I am so sorry for both of your losses. What an awful nightmare you’re living right now. Sending you love and peace as you navigate through this grief process. This is so unfair 😞

litigatorgal · September 2019

thank you, @tyrion_

I feel so overwhelmed right now.

ruby696 · September 2019

@litigatorgal You're strong and you will get through this. One day at a time. Hopefully once your trial is over, you can take some time for yourself and focus on healing. Sending hugs. ❤❤

litigatorgal · September 2019

I think I'll have some post-trial recovery time, @ruby696. I'm really looking forward to it. Right now it feels really far away, but the three weeks will go by so fast, and then I'll have some space to breathe. I made a therapy appointment for as soon as I get back from trial, too. Just gotta get there.

dumbledoredies · September 2019

@litigatorgal I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. Losing a pet is one of the worst experiences you can have. They become apart of your family ❤ give yourself time to grieve. I hope good things are coming your way.

emeraldduchess · September 2019

@litigatorgal oh my goodness, I am so, so sorry for everything you are going through right now. It's incredibly unfair.

bluetickgal · September 2019

@litigatorgal so sorry for your losses & that everything it hitting at once right now!! Sending you so many hugs!! 💜

litigatorgal · September 2019

Thanks, @bluetickgal @emeraldduchess and @dumbledoredies . I'm trying to take care of myself. I am not testing, because I know I can't handle a BFN right now, and I'm just trying to give myself some room. I really appreciate being able to talk about it here.

emeraldduchess · September 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Early miscarriage at 5 weeks Dec. '18, CP July '19

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? The usual TWW emotional rollercoaster. Back to school today, so hopefully that will be a good distraction for a while. I find a lot of comfort in routine. I'm relieved that FW was last week because the first two weeks of school are exhausting and DH and I would NOT be in the mood to HIO!

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Just betas next week.

GTKY: What's your favorite thing about September? Anything apple-cider flavored!

dumbledoredies · September 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MC 6/2016, CP 1/2019, MMC 6/2019

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm feeling pretty good at the moment. I think I've officially had a period and am hoping to ovulate this cycle. I dont expect that it will happen when it normally does but I'm just so excited to get back to TTC and not be in limbo.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: What's your favorite thing about September? Our anniversary is in September! We usually try and do something fun. This year we are going to Vegas. I also just love the cooler weather and the smell of fall on it's way.

hanshotfirst77 · September 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 MMC's 2/19 and 6/19

Status: Mid-IVF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

I'm just super nervous about my IVF results. On pins and needles waiting on my next update.

Also kind of on the struggle bus now that its September. My first would be due date is coming up in less than 2 weeks. and just so happens to be right before my own birthday so it's a lot of mixed feels. And I really just thought I'd be pregnant by now and im not.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Should have my 7 day embryo report today and then PGS in 2 weeks!

GTKY: What's your favorite thing about September?

Probably my birthday lol! Also love all things apple cider!

hanshotfirst77 · September 2019

@litigatorgal I'm so sorry. That is so hard to go through and at the same time. Big hugs

@emeraldduchess Big hugs to you too friend

Fx for your betas!

@dumbledoredies Yay for getting your period and getting back in the TTC game!

litigatorgal · September 2019

@hanshotfirst77 that is a lot of feelings to deal with. I firmly believe that is is possible to feel the happiness and the sadness, both, rather than letting them cancel each other out, but it is hard to do. I hope you have a great birthday and I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

@dumbledoredies I am glad you're through that part and can start again. Good luck!

@emeraldduchess I find comfort in routine, too. I hope that the rhythm of the school year is helpful and things go well!

I'm 10DPO, not testing, and trying to think about other things. It's hard to tell if I'm nauseated or crampy, because I just feel so awful across the board, so I'm not sure if I have any early symptoms. I caved last night and took a benadryl because I hadn't slept more than an hour or two in a few days and I badly needed it. I feel a little guilty, but hopefully that won't make a difference.

emeraldduchess · September 2019

@litigatorgal I wouldn't worry about the Benadryl. From what I've read, it's safe.

@hanshotfirst77 happy birthday month to you! I know how you feel approaching your would-be due date without being KU. I was convinced I would be by my EDD in August and I wasn't. *TW* It was particularly hard because I have several friends and family members who had losses but got KU with their rainbow babies within three months. I assumed it would happen for me too. Nope. *End TW* Lots of hugs.

@dumbledoredies glad you can get back on the TTC train!

hanshotfirst77 · September 2019

@emeraldduchess thank you! I totally know what you mean. *TW* I feel like there is a PG announced every week in my life and seems everyone else always gets KU like right away after loss and it sticks. Sigh. Not for me though. Hugs to you too.

bluetickgal · September 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

MC at 7 weeks in 1/19 & at 5 weeks in 8/19

Status: Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Last Friday was our first would be due date, and it was a struggle. Work helped to keep my mind off of it, but then the grad announcement on that day got to me (even though I am so happy for her and everyone else that is moving on to May...it’s just that it happened on that day that got to me)! Talked to DH about it and how I was feeling...he got me some flowers, which definitely made me smile! He is trying to stay positive and look towards the future, but it’s hard for me not to think about what could/would have been! I do feel good about the path we are on with the RE though! On another note, I had my annual gyn appt today (I see a midwife), so that was “fun” being around *TW lots of pregnant women & babies in the waiting room! End TW*

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Waiting for karyotyping results and to schedule SHG when my cycle starts.

GTKY: What's your favorite thing about September? That it’s the start of Fall, which is my favorite! Never would have said this growing up, but I also like watching Football, which usually starts in September.

@emeraldduchess hope you had a great first day back!! That’s nice you started out with a short week! Good for teachers and kids that way I’m sure!

@dumbledoredies that’s great you had your period and can move forward with this next cycle now!

@hanshotfirst77 I’m so glad you got good news today! So sorry for your upcoming would be due date, it’s definitely hard! I completely get the thinking you would be KU by then, I had those same thoughts & then disappointment. You are so close with IVF though, and that is incredibly exciting (I’m trying to be like MH and look towards the future)!

NYTino24 · September 2019

@litigatorgal I’m so sorry about your dog. Try not to put so much emphasis on stress and MC because there really has not been anything to prove a correlation scientifically on that. Someone once pointed out that no one would ever have a baby in war time or after anything stressful if it was true. Same goes for the “just relax and you’ll get pregnant” stuff.

@bluetickgal I know it’s tough being around all of those bellies and babies. Hope your appointment went well. Yay for flowers! If it makes you feel any better, I got hit with 5 announcements IRL in one day a couple of days ago.

@hanshotfirst77 I read your IVF news and it’s awesome! I hope you have a good birthday knowing you’ve got some great embryos waiting for you.

bluetickgal · September 2019

@NYTino24 yeah, it was a packed house too...definitely not what I needed yesterday, but that’s ok. Ugh, that’s rough about all the announcements! So sorry that happened! I’ve limited my FB usage for that reason, and I only get on when I feel like I’m in a good place, because it seems like there is always at least one announcement on there! It’s still tough no matter how I’m feeling before that though!

hanshotfirst77 · September 2019

@bluetickgal I'm sorry about your would be due date being so hard. These anniversaries are so hard. And announcements are always tough even if we are happy for them. I'll be doing another SHG when I get AF too, good luck with it and the rest of your testing results.

@NYTino24 Thank you! Having a plan and next steps always helps comfort me a little, I am really trying to believe that at least one of those embryos will lead to a THB, positive thoughts!

I'd like some opinions on something. I have been wanting to get something to remember my two babies I lost this year and I think I want to get birthstone rings for them. Would you get the birthstone of the month they should have been born or the month where you lost them?

ruby696 · September 2019

@hanshotfirst77 I'd go with the month they were supposed to be born because I would want to remember their life, however brief, not commemorate the loss. Not sure if that makes sense.

bluetickgal · September 2019

@hanshotfirst77 thanks! Good luck with your SHG too! I would also go with the month they were due. I had looked at some and that’s what I was planning too. Although, I think I may get something with 2 hearts or something instead of birthstones (my first due date was Aug. 30th, and I think it would have been moved to September with when I ovulated), so for me I felt like it was confusing/ambiguous.

litigatorgal · September 2019

@NYTino24 thankyou! I actually really feel better thinking about all the pregnancies that occur in crazy circumstances and knowing that there's not much science on stress and MC. I was getting stressed about my level of stress, which is an endless awful loop. I'm off to start trial today, feeling a teense under-prepared, but hopefully fine!

@hanshotfirst77 I agree with others to commemorate something more associated with life, like the due date or the BFP date, to focus on the hope and joy aspect and allow that reminder to carry you through the sadness of loss. The thing about loss is that we don't need a reminder; I remember the loss all the time. I think a commemoration is most helpful when it balances those constant sad memories with the more hopeful ones.

hanshotfirst77 · September 2019

@ruby696 @bluetickgal @litigatorgal Thank you for the input ladies! I think you guys are right, it probably does make the most sense to use the birth month. And it is more to celebrate them then remember the losses. I don't think I'll ever forget. I like the idea though of having something that isn't 100% obvious what it is for to other people but when I look at them I will know what they mean.

litigatorgal · September 2019

Welp, I'm out. After nausea and other early symptoms that felt *just like* my last pregnancy on DPO 11-12, AF just hit me hard and early on DPO 13. I feel like such a dufus, because I wasn't testing at all in order to keep from going crazy, but I still felt completely sure I was KU based on symptoms. And I let myself be happy; I had this magical two days where I was so confident that this one would stick, and the white-knuckle fear had gone away, and I felt some joy in spite of my dog dying and being stuck in this trial out of town. And... nothing. I had myself so convinced I was KU that this feels more like a CP than just a missed month, which sucks.

BLerg.

I suppose I am grateful that I can stop dodging my boss's invitations for post-court wine and sushi. And I am grateful that when I get back home tonight I can have cocktails. I would like all the cocktails, please.

How you are you guys doing? It's Friday. Hopefully someone is going to have a fantastic weekend and I live vicariously through you!

tyrion_ · September 2019

@litigatorgal So sorry for AF. I was really hoping you’d be KU. Do you have anything going on this weekend? I’m going for a run in the morning and then hosting friends for pizza lunch, football, and board games.

@emeraldduchess how was your first week? Hope you aren’t too wiped out!

@dumbledoredies I’m glad you’re finally out of limbo! Happy for you. When’s your anniversary? Vegas will be so fun for you guys! You deserve a fun time.

@bluetickgal I’m sorry for having to be around a literal room full of pregnant people right after such a hard anniversary. Big hugs to you.

@hanshotfirst77 So happy for your great news!

Edit: formatting and random spoilers removed. I’m so bad at this.

bluetickgal · September 2019

@litigatorgal so sorry for AF!! I hope you are enjoying all the cocktails tonight! My parents are coming into town tonight & staying the weekend with us...but it should be a pretty low key weekend. You all have any plans?

@tyrion_ thanks lady! It was tough, but hopefully I’ll be in that room for another reason before long!

litigatorgal · September 2019

@tyrion_ I'm working most of the weekend, getting ready for week two of trial and catching up on the all cases that are neglected while I'm in court. I am taking the afternoon off, though... to get a kitten! My fiance and I decided we need a few months before we'd be ready for another dog; it's too raw and sooo much work. But our cat has been so sad since the dog died; she's really lonely and so we thought a younger kitty might be a good companion for her. Once I can get out of the office, we are headed to shelter to pick out a cat. I am impressed that you are going for a run! I brought my running clothes with me for trial and they never got unpacked, much less worn!

@bluetickgal Hope you have a nice visit with parents. I am enjoying a not-pregnant feast this weekend, including cocktails and eggs with runny yolks and sushi!

Hope everyone is having an ok weekend!

emeraldduchess · September 2019

@litigatorgal I hope your new kitten brightens your world a bit after all the heartache and stress you've had. We'd love to see pics, too!

tyrion_ · September 2019

@litigatorgal Please share a pic of your new family member if you’re able!

litigatorgal · September 2019

@tyrion_ and @emeraldduchess and anyone else who is interested, meet Shirley!

tyrion_ · September 2019

@litigatorgal she is so cute! Congrats! How’s your other kitty doing with her?

litigatorgal · September 2019

@tyrion_ so far the other kitty is curious and friendly, but a bit skeptical about all the frolicking and running around. Hopefully they become good friends!

emeraldduchess · September 2019

@litigatorgal what a sweet face!!

mindyb2019 · September 2019

*lurking*

@litigatorgal omg!! Soooo cute. 😍 aww hello Shirley. She’s so sweet. I love kittens.

bluetickgal · September 2019

@litigatorgal awe, Shirley is so cute!! Enjoy those kitty cuddles!

TTCAL w/o 9.2

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