Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
hithertorue
member
Re: TTTC Check-in: 08/26/2019
@Ceauth
@2dogsmom ...that’s so frustrating that IF treatment is considered elective. I’m sorry your insurance is that way. It makes no sense. Just because we can’t all have kids the “normal” way...so dumb. I was able to have the meds delivered to DH’s work so that was good. Hopefully they aren’t super curious about it.
@knockupthestock wow so sorry to hear you’ve been sick! Pneumonia is no joke! I do like my doctor but I’m not really sure how to approach everything. I’m glad this break seems to be really great for you and YH!
AFM I have my monitoring appt this afternoon so we’ll see how that goes. I need to go jot down some questions for the Re before I go. Overall I’m feeling very blah but probably 90% of that is because I was at my SIL’s bachelorette party and am exhausted.
QOTW- I like walking the dog and watching tv to unwind. When the weather is nice, I’ll sit out on our deck and throw the ball for the dog while I watch Netflix on my phone.
Edited- forgot to add spoiler
@Ceauth
@b_1029 hope your appointment goes well!
QOTW: What's your go-to "unwind" activity? After a long day, or a long week... what do you do?
Often for us the unwind is watching the TV. Sometimes it's just laying around.
R/R: So my appt last week gave me the go ahead to start the estradiol valerate. IM injections by myself are super hard! I have to twist myself to the max to be able to reach the right area for the injection. At least I can do it! DH is currently sick so I'm hoping it gets kept to himself. Buuuuut I like to kiss him so who knows 😅
Dx: low morph (1%), ANA positive, low decidualization score, high TSH and testosterone, histone antibodies
IUI #1-3 | all BFN
IVF #1 | 6.11.19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys
FET #1 | 9.10.19 | BFN "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"
RPL, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet for next FET
FET #2 | 3.31.20 | Opted to cancelled due to pandemic, continued diet and tried naturally over the summer
2nd Opinion with another RE | 8.20.20 | Not immune to measles (received 1 dose); SA results similar to 2 years ago; decided to move forward with FET #2 redo at start of next cycle
Surprise natural BFP! | 9.22.20 | MC 10.23.20 at 8 weeks
TTCAL naturally | starting 11.22.20
Initial consultation with Reproductive Immunologist | 9.14.21
Decidualization score biopsy | 10.1.21 | abnormal - low score of 1; endometrial scratch recommended and progesterone supplementation
Saline sono | 10.15.21 | normal
Bloodwork | 10.21.21 | high TSH, high testosterone, positive for anti-nuclear antibodies and histone antibodies, high protein S, multiple genetic mutations
BFP! | 11.3.21 | EDD 7.14.22
DS born 7.19.22 after induction
TTC #2 begins 6.2023
Consultation with RI | 6.6.23
Saline sono, endometritis biopsy, skin & eye check | all normal
Labs | high TSH, Factor XIII mutation, high %CD56
Follow up | 8.8.23 | prescribed metformin, prednisone, plaquenil, and levothyroxine
Repeat labs after 3 weeks on meds
Follow up | 11.9.23 | Green light!, increase in prednisone, added lovenox
Repeat labs in 8 weeks
Follow up | 1.16.24 | Green light continues
TTC ended due to filing divorce
**New relationship starting May 2024**
Surprise BFP!! | 9.7.25 | EDD 5.11.26
QOTW: Acupuncture, catching up on fav TV shows, big mug of tea, walks with my dog or date night with hubby (which lately is golfing)
Rants/Raves: 2nd scan/BW today. The US tech I had today is a sadistic woman. She has no mercy with that wand. Just cranks it sideways and switches sides with no warning. I actually complained to the nurses when I went down for bloodwork but I don't think they have any sway over it. Then bloodwork it took them 3 tries to get a vein. Ugh! Nothing going right with today. Hence my Monday meme! Started FSH injections today. Still doing letrozole. No follicles growing yet but there are 11 antral follicles and no cysts, and BW levels look good, so that's a good start. They want me there every day until trigger now bc of how well I responded to stimulation last cycle... so early morning appointments for the rest of the week.
@b_1029 - hope you're feeling more confident with everything after your RE appointment today! Glad everything worked out with getting your meds delivered! Whatever happened to being able to just go into the pharmacy to pick it up?! I know exactly what you mean about not being able to see the worth in the struggle in the midst of it-- believe me
@knockupthestock - ugh! So sorry to hear you've been sick! Hope you are feeling better!! Glad that your time off has been great so far. And FX for you as well! You hear all the time about the + happening during a break. Though good to just not think about it and enjoy being away from the pressure of it all.
@inthewoods23 -- closer and closer. Way to hang in there. You're a champ!! Also hope you don't catch YH's bug! You can't live in a bubble. Probably better to kiss him and not think about it Haha.🙊
@2dogmom -- hope you enjoyed a nice quiet weekend after being back at school! When is your test date again?
@nancinator & @Ceauth thinking of you both still. Let us know how you're doing this week!
@hithertorue ugh that sounds so uncomfortable about that US tech. Sorry to hear she jerks it around like that- as if being prodded with the wand weren’t already uncomfortable enough!! I hope the FSH injections go well!
had my appt this afternoon and it went well. I feel slightly calmer about letting someone else manage the process, lol. I had a 19.4 ish and 14mm follie on my left side and several small ones on my right side again. I’ll be doing the trigger tomorrow night (CD 11) so I feel slightly better about the timing of everything this cycle!
Rants/Raves *TW*
@b_1029 glad to hear that your appointment went well and that your timing is working out!
@hithertorue Ugh! I hate went bloodwork doesn’t work out the first time... glad to hear that you’re cyst-free. Hope that all of your appointments go well today!
@inthewoods23 Glad to hear that you got the go ahead for the estradiol valerate... hope your DH keeps the germs to himself!
@knockupthestock FX that taking a break is just what you need! Hope everything works out and you keep enjoying the stress-free BDing!
@hithertorue eewww re your appointment and getting so poked and prodded and wow that’s a lot of appointments to have to go every day but hopefully the stims do their job and you get several really good size follicles.
@inthewoods23 sorry your hubby isn’t feeling well and that the injections are hard (sounds awful) BUT you are getting so close to your FET! I’m excited for you!!
@knockupthestock hope you’re feeling better and enjoying a break. I know what you mean about BD — the month our meds didn’t come and it was “just for fun” was a lot more fun/like it used to be. That break can be really nice.
AFM I’ve made the very hard decision not to do the BETA test tomorrow— money is tight, nothing is covered by insurance and this won’t impact the outcome, just how soon I know. My doctor assured me I can POAS with accurate results next week if I don’t get AF before then (& then if I get a + go in). It was really hard to make this call as I WANT TO KNOW NOW but I’ve been having what feels like PMS symptoms and I don’t want to spend the money just to have AF come the next day. And okay maybe I want to live with (false?) hope for another day or two, if I don’t get a negative I could still be pregnant??? So anyway I plan to take a home test next weekend. I can make it a few more days!
So rant — why is nothing covered by my insurance! The US medical system sucks!
Rave — hubby is in the top 2 candidates for a new job that would be a huge pay raise (like 30k extra a year) so please please cross fingers for us! We need this if we are going to do IVF and he has worked so hard!
QOTW: usually TV or dog walking, but hiking is my fav if I have time and the weather is nice
@2dogsmom hope YH gets that job! What an amazing pay increase!
Dx: low morph (1%), ANA positive, low decidualization score, high TSH and testosterone, histone antibodies
IUI #1-3 | all BFN
IVF #1 | 6.11.19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys
FET #1 | 9.10.19 | BFN "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"
RPL, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet for next FET
FET #2 | 3.31.20 | Opted to cancelled due to pandemic, continued diet and tried naturally over the summer
2nd Opinion with another RE | 8.20.20 | Not immune to measles (received 1 dose); SA results similar to 2 years ago; decided to move forward with FET #2 redo at start of next cycle
Surprise natural BFP! | 9.22.20 | MC 10.23.20 at 8 weeks
TTCAL naturally | starting 11.22.20
Initial consultation with Reproductive Immunologist | 9.14.21
Decidualization score biopsy | 10.1.21 | abnormal - low score of 1; endometrial scratch recommended and progesterone supplementation
Saline sono | 10.15.21 | normal
Bloodwork | 10.21.21 | high TSH, high testosterone, positive for anti-nuclear antibodies and histone antibodies, high protein S, multiple genetic mutations
BFP! | 11.3.21 | EDD 7.14.22
DS born 7.19.22 after induction
TTC #2 begins 6.2023
Consultation with RI | 6.6.23
Saline sono, endometritis biopsy, skin & eye check | all normal
Labs | high TSH, Factor XIII mutation, high %CD56
Follow up | 8.8.23 | prescribed metformin, prednisone, plaquenil, and levothyroxine
Repeat labs after 3 weeks on meds
Follow up | 11.9.23 | Green light!, increase in prednisone, added lovenox
Repeat labs in 8 weeks
Follow up | 1.16.24 | Green light continues
TTC ended due to filing divorce
**New relationship starting May 2024**
Surprise BFP!! | 9.7.25 | EDD 5.11.26
@2dogsmom I totally understand that decision, though I do get the wanting to know as soon as possible, it does make sense and I'm still crossing fingers for you too!! And prayers for YH!
@Ceauth great numbers!! Hope you're doing well this week. Whole different kind of wait but I'm sure lots of the same emotions!
@inthewoods23 how have you been this week? Hanging in there with all your meds/injections?
I've had a crazy week for BW. We've been doing daily US/BW since CD6 bc of how crazy I stimulated last cycle... 3 tries on Monday, 2 on Tuesday and they said screw it after the 2nd try didn't work so we skipped BW that day... luckily yesterday and today were 1 try.
Had 4 follicles over 1.0 yesterday and a 5th added today: 1.5, 1.3, 1.3, 1.2, 1.0. I'm holding off FSH today until they review my BW to see if I'm staying at the same dose or dropping to half. Thinking we may be close to trigger either tomorrow or Saturday for IUI either Sunday or on our holiday Monday. My body likes to make sure I have appointments on long weekends. 🙈🤷♀️
Kind of been a bit anxious this week and feeling a bit disconnected so I've been journaling and back into some meditations and both are really helping.
I found these meditations and this article by happy accident yesterday:
https://nuurvana.com/meditations/
https://nuurvana.com/summon-hope/
Copying and pasting here in case you don't feel like visiting the site:
It seems that many of us have forgotten about Hope – to have it, and to do it, fearlessly. We’ve felt hurt, disappointed, and even jaded about so much lately. Big things. Important things. Things that matter. Things that we once took for granted that now blind us with their retreat, wreckage, and absence.
Yet all the while, we’ve retired Hope to the bench, quickly forgetting about it all together. We’ve forgotten how good Hope feels and all the good it brings to our lives regardless of whether or not we get what we’re hoping for.
It’s time to summon Hope back. To choose Hope for the sake of Hope. To allow Hope to be a life mantra, a lens to see the world.
During moments that feel especially uncertain, many of us crave an earthshatteringly hopeful event to remind us to hope. But such an event is unnecessary. For Hope has been there all along, just waiting to be summoned. Waiting to hold us so we can dwell with confidence in the space of infinite possibility. Waiting to remind us of the simple truth that things could be, and indeed will be, otherwise.
❤🌻
PS, I've been eating peaches like crazy this week, in Ontario Canada they are in prime season - soooooo delicious! 🍑🤗
Started AF today — glad I didn’t spend money for a beta test yesterday! Feeling sad but my friends have all been eating “adult otter pops” and I haven’t had one all summer so I decided a little alcohol tonight would be okay. Trying to find the silver lining. Good friend told me she was pregnant yesterday— I’m so jealous they started trying in June. Trying not to focus on that. One more IUI for me and then we move to IVF. Hopefully this month is the magic one!
AFM, no trigger yet. 2 follicles holding steady at 1.6 and 1.5 since yesterday. Stims again today and will check tomorrow to see if ready to trigger tomorrow.
@hithertorue Wow, I can’t believe how much BW that you’ve had and how many tries they’ve had! Ouch! Hope that your able to trigger soon and a positive outcome this cycle! Have you tried Circle + Bloom for meditation? I love their IVF/IUI meditation package, it was such a relaxing way to get through each cycle. They are also offering a 25% discount this month! https://circlebloom.com