TW Tuesday 8.27

mrsvp614 · August 2019

Who/what is being a twatwaffle in your life today?

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mrsvp614 · August 2019

I've been holding onto this one. So, as some of you know, my MIL has been at our house for over a month while my FIL is recovering from surgery. Saturday, we revealed our pregnancy to everyone at my son's 2nd birthday party. Everyone was shocked and happy, but of course, she's like, "I knew it. I had my suspicions and I had told SIL that I thought you were pregnant." OK cool, so can you at least act like you're kind of surprised, for the fun of it?
The week beforehand, she ate my damn buckeye! For those of you who don't know, they're a delicious peanut butter chocolate ball. We got a specialty package of three in my Emmy gift bag a few weeks ago. I find the open package in the cabinet and I'm like, HELL NO. DH questioned her and she said, "I only ate one, and there are still two left." So you better believe I ate one, and the other is hiding in my room. This isn't like a Reese's that I can run to the gas station and replace. Now that she knows I'm pregnant, she better not eat any more of my treats!

varimama · August 2019

@MrsVP614 omg what a detective she is... I’m fairly certain anyone who we would spend more than a couple hours with would be able to tell I’m pregnant bc I just don’t have the energy to keep up the not pregnant act so yea living with someone should be a dead giveaway. Also she ate your treat while suspecting you were pregnant..wtf? She obviously doesn’t care at all so I’d hide any other treats from her!

I love buckeyes and usually make a big batch or two at Christmas every year though not always bc DH is apparently a psycho who doesn’t like chocolate and peanut butter mixed so he complains...

thescarletmom · August 2019

My twatwaffle this week is looooong, so buckle up. It's my mother and her father. My mom and I have had a strained relationship forever, but I'm too forgiving, plus after losing my dad last year I just can't bring myself to cut ties.
So anyways, back in April my mom announced that she would be moving out of her apartment the following month and in with my grandparents, as my grandmother was on in-home hospice and she wanted to "help". Big problem here is that my teenaged twin siblings still live at home. They were not extended a similar invitation to move in with my grandparents, and also they wouldn't have wanted to. My mother assumed my DH and I would take in the twins, without discussing it with us or asking before she told the twins they could. We were getting ready to move out of our 2bd apartment and in to the house we currently live in (also 2bd) when she sprung this on us. Needless to say, all around it was a bad situation.
A big part of the reason my mom and I have such a bad relationship is that she is a hoarder and always has been. She had five cats and a dog in her 1bd apartment, where she lived with the twins for two years. She abruptly moved in to that apartment from the 4bd duplex we grew up in because she (suddenly) "couldn't afford it" since the twins (16 year olds) didn't pay rent to her. If she sounds crazy, it's because she is.
Our apartment was very close to my mom's, and we drove past it every morning on my way to work. About five days after my mom moved out, we drove past and her broken down car was still in front of her old apartment building. And I just so happened to see, she had locked two of her cats in the car and left them there. I know for a fact she hadn't been back to the apartment in several days. The twins had taken two of the cats with them, and the fifth one passed later in April. The cats she left in her car had no food or water in there, and this was LATE MAY. It was over 90 degrees outside before 10:30am that day. DH and I were furious and after I got to work DH went to go see if the car was unlocked so he could break the cats out. Nope. He ended up calling the police in an attempt to help them. About 10 minutes after the police showed up, my mom and her dad showed up.
On Friday last week, my mom sent DH a text saying my grandpa was really mad at him for what he did, the police gave them a really hard time and my grandpa "deserves reparations", and we had no idea what she "was going through".
How can you be such a psychopath that you leave two animals with no food or water in a hot car in f*cking May? If you didn't want them take them to a shelter?! And then demand the person who tried to save them owes you reparations? I'm so angry, and of course she says this after we already told her about the baby. DH and I are ready to finally just cut that last tie and say forget it anyways. I'm not overreacting am I? That is a crazy person thing to do right?

varimama · August 2019

@hellobabys wow your mom makes mine look like moty and I have a strained relationship with her as well. I really only still have one with my mom for my dad and my aunt bc otherwise she’d have been cut out long ago. You don’t owe her any reparations as the police should have given her a hard time and probably should have pressed either negligence and/or cruelty charges. Are your siblings living with you now? I can’t imagine passing off my kids who are my responsibility to someone else, especially without talking to them first! I would cut the tie personally. If she wants to be part of your life she needs to earn it. I get how hard it is to do though. I hadn’t talked to my for over a year and refused to let her visit but I finally gave back in a few months ago bc it was killing my dad. It’s hard.

mrsvp614 · August 2019

Holy sh*t @hellobabys My eaten treat has nothing on this! I’m so sorry. You’re not over reacting at all. There are laws in place for treatment of animals, so no, it’s absolutely not okay. And assuming that you'd take in your siblings without any discussion is also unbelievable.
Her behavior tells me she suffers from some sort of mental illness. I hope she’s getting some help. It certainly seems like too much for you to deal with, especially with a baby on the way.

thescarletmom · August 2019

@varimama My DH wanted her to be charged with neglect, and he was angry they didn't. They just basically gave her a stern talking to. We told them they could, but they ended up deciding to get an apartment on their own together (didn't want big sister and her husband watching over them I think) rather than going to college this fall. I'm hurt for them and imagine they feel abandoned. Whenever they've needed help we've always provided it, but they try not to ask. As a mother myself now, it adds a whole other layer of confusion to my relationship with my mother. I just can't understand how she did the things to us/me/them that she did, not when I look into my DS's innocent little face. We definitely have no intention of trying to apologize to either of them, and DH has been urging me to cut her out of my life for over two years. I think it's probably time to just do it before baby is born. I only feel bad because DS adores his Mimi. But I refuse to let her manipulate him like she did us. Thank you for making me feel validated in this

I've been so angry these past few days about it.

thescarletmom · August 2019

@MrsVP614 on no, be pissed about your buckeye! I'm fairly certain she needs serious help, she has always had an intense victim complex. She still swears she didn't do anything wrong to those cats, just blows me away. My DH doesn't want her near either of our kids, never did really, but he was trying to let me come to my own conclusion on my relationship with her. Its very overwhelming to try and deal with while pregnant. Thank you for making me feel better about it! It's a hard choice but I know deep down it's the right one.

Malidocious · August 2019

@MrsVP614 You are a dang saint for putting up with your in-laws for so long... and now THIS!! What a rude MIL to not only act unsurprised when you announce a pregnancy but also go through your food and eat something that blatantly isn't hers to take. Especially something fancy and in such limited quantities! Awful. Hopefully she gets out of your hair soon. Buckeyes are DELICIOUS; I'd be so angry!

@hellobabys OMG I don't even know what to say except holy cow, your mom sounds exhausting. I agree that it sounds like she's suffering from some sort of mental illness. I'm so glad you guys rescued those animals! I cannot handle animal cruelty to any extent (they should have been charged with neglect and endangerment), and you definitely do not owe either of them an apology. Wow! I'm glad they're okay and safe. I'm also sorry about your twin siblings. I know they're probably hurting and that doesn't make things easy on you... I sure hope you're able to find some peace, whether you cut your mom out of your life or not. I'm glad you have your husband; he seems like a good dude.

lm45678 · August 2019

@hellobabys wow she sounds intolerable! Your feelings are completely justified and I would be livid for many reasons.

My TW is this bitchy lady I work with you keeps sending me snarky e-mails even though I’m off all summer and basically accusing me of making mistakes without looking into things. She’s making me ragey about going back to work next week.

thescarletmom · August 2019

@laurenm2123 I absolutely cannot stand bitchy coworkers. Nothing gets under my skin faster than someone who thinks they can do my job better than me. Especially since you're off work/out of the office! Working while pregnant is hard enough without that annoying BS. DH had one of his employees call him multiple times while we were on a short weekend vacation back in June, even though he specifically told them to text and only if it was an emergency, so he just ignored their calls.

momoftoddlers · August 2019

My TW is my husband who keeps telling me he’s tired and can’t do stuff around the house. I am growing a darn human, while stay at home parenting two toddlers. You, sir, do not know tired.

treetop19 · August 2019

@hellobabys, so sorry you are dealing with all that on top of pregnancy. Cutting your parents off is a difficult decision for sure - it's such a personal thing, it's different for everyone. I cut off my parents several years ago and haven't looked back since. though it is sad my kids don't have grandparents on that side of the family (and I do miss family get-togethers with them, especially around the holidays), it has helped me keep my sanity. my mom is a classic narcissist - my youngest sister and my brother can do no wrong, me and my middle sister, well.... we're crap to her. lol. I finally said enough of all the comparison/trying to guilt trip me/trying to make me feel like crap/drama.

@laurenm2123, my TW is a coworker as well.

Snarky emails are the worst... I get those too! My coworker is lazy, and I've been pulling the majority of the weight in our department (it's just the two of us working together). What annoys me the most is when she takes credit for my work and my ideas. Or, when she tries to act like my ideas (the ones she can't take credit for) suck in meetings, even though they don't suck.. just because she doesn't want to see me getting any kudos from the manager. She is about as mature as a 5 year old. And she goes on and on about how 'awesome' she is because she has 4 boys and they are all in hockey, and she's this bad-ass hockey mom, don't mess with her, she is so awesome. (everyone in the office is sick to death of hearing the hockey-mom spiel, yet she continues with it.) And even though she is married, she flirts with every single man in the office, trying to suck up and gain favor. I could go on. LOL. Needless to say I would be searching for another job because of her if this job didn't offer me as many perks as it does.

WorkingOnMyNightCheese · August 2019

Today my toddler is the twatwaffle because girlfriend will not take a nap. Mom’s got stuff to do! GO TO SLEEP.

EmilyLove25 · August 2019

@MrsVP614 Haha I know ALL about the buckeyes. How dare she. But also, why do people (MILs especially) feel the need to say THEY KNEW? Who cares?

@hellobabys OMG to your mom. Where do you even start with that? Thank god for you and your DH. And seriously, it’s serial killers who torture animals like that… how can they be mad at your DH for helping???

@laurenm2123 Why is she even emailing you if you are off? I’d be SO annoyed.

@momoftoddlers Preach. I hear that 100%.

MY TW is me. I basically put off something I could have been working on since July 17 and now will be up all night doing it last minute (which I knew would happen).

silverhope · August 2019

@hellobabys I am so incredibly sorry that your mom has been so inconsiderate of you, your siblings, and really anyone but herself. If you don’t want something as final as cutting her out for good, maybe you could try ignoring her for a few months. If you find you are more at peace and happier without her drama, then you can make the decision to continue to keep her out of your life. This breaks my heart. What a horrible situation your mom has put you in that you even have to be thinking about cutting her out. Your poor young siblings too.

hmjensen · August 2019

@MrsVP614 my grandma used to make the best Buckeyes! I’d be devastated if someone ate mine.

@hellobabys...just wow. I’m really sorry you’re dealing with that stress too. FWIW, I think you absolutely did the right thing re: the animals, and you are in no way overreacting and being unfair. However, I know sometimes the hardest boundaries for us to protect are the ones we need to set up for our families!

I have two. One is my MIL, which seems to be a theme on here. After our u/s, we found out she thought it’d be okay to text/call EVERYONE in my husband’s extended family to tell them I’m pregnant. Like....first of all, not your news to share in the first place, and secondly, we were definitely planning to wait til 2nd tri and possibly beyond since we are PGAL. She didn’t seem to see why we were frustrated about this either. UGH.

My other is my coworker who typically acts in very immature ways. Second day back at school and today we’re creating working agreements for our team. This person stonewalled our whole conversation and basically said they couldn’t commit to honoring/abiding by team decisions and became super defensive/confrontational. Like, idk how to explain to you that this is a collaborative TEAM and sometimes we all compromise.

lm45678 · August 2019

@EmilyLove25 didn’t you know that schools (with no kids in them) don’t function without the school nurse 🙄

Because she has nothing better to do IMO. Sorry lady! I enjoy my life outside of work and am spending time chasing around my toddler!

silverhope · August 2019

@hmjensen ooo I’d be so mad at MIL. How can she not understand how disrespectful that is?

Malidocious · August 2019

@hmjensen Ugh, sorry your MIL decided to tell everyone! My mom did a similar thing... as soon as I found out I was pregnant, she sort of made it all about herself (and how sad she was about it) and went on to tell both of her sisters (who told their families) and some of her friends (who know friends of my partner's mom, etc.) and it was just a mess. I'm still mad at her for that when I think about it.

kantobean · August 2019

@hellobabys that is really messed up! She sounds toxic and unhinged. I’m really sorry.

@hmjensen my MIL is like this. Literally the day after we told her, and we explicitly told her not to tell anyone, she set up a lunch for H and her and her cousin so HE could tell her. 🙄 Ok. She also told her ex husband (not my H’s dad) that we “have something to tell him.”

kantobean · August 2019

Also @MrsVP614 Buckeyes are amazing and I’d be PISSED if someone ate my snacks.

hmjensen · August 2019

@Malidocious and @kantobean ugh, so sorry for you as well! Not sure how this isn’t just understood as common courtesy at this point. I guess she was thinking ‘well it’s okay to tell it to family’ but this is our first baby so the point is that WE want to be the ones who get to tell the family! I can tell H is disappointed he didn’t get to hear/see people’s initial reactions himself.

TW Tuesday 8.27

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