I'm going through a loss right now. One thing that has surprised me and I think would be helpful for future victims of loss to know is that it's a really slow and sporadic process (this is a detailed, tmi post). I'm over 8 weeks but measure at more like 5-6. I found out on Monday that I have a MMC, then on Tuesday I passed a couple clots out of nowhere, thought this was it, but then it stopped. I spotted for a couple days and then last night on Thursday night I began to bleed heavily with some cramping, then it stopped again after a couple hours. It isn't steady like a period and it's normal for a natural MC to take weeks. I'm back to spotting again.
I am finding that walking and exercise helps to keep moving things along. I have a followup u/s on Tuesday and am hoping to have a lot cleared by then, though that might be unrealistic. If so I will probably opt for a D&E to get it done with but I'm not sure if they'll do that right afterward or not. I keep thinking I've processed and accepted it but when the bleeding picks up I'm upset and shocked all over again.
I'm trying to figure out how to deal with this. Sometimes I'm okay, other days I'm completely crushed. My water broke at 21 weeks, and I had to deliver my angel right there. It's so hard.This was my first child, conceived on my honeymoon. I'm just...completely broken.
Hi ladies, I just ha a D&C yesterday for a Mmc at 8 weeks. It was my first baby and I feel like the worst part is trying not to blame myself. I question was it the run I went on early or the couple of days of vitamins I missed? I do find solace in my faith and I found this wonderful bible quote I would like to share:
11.06.2015, DH and i discovered a MMC when we went in for nuchal translucency screening. we were supposed to be 12wks but it hadn't grown since our 1st u/s. our bean's heartbeat likely stopped soon after. i thought the heartbeat was loud when i first heard it in Oct - NOTHING was louder than the silence when the u/s tech and dr had to tell us we weren't having a baby anymore.
one thing i would have liked to know before this first magical, unplanned, unexpected pregnancy is (a) a baby is a baby is a baby: i'm pro-choice, but a little blueberry-sized baby is still one that lived and that you loved - don't let anyone tell you otherwise; (b) my baby was a blueberry, but the grief is like miley cyrus's wrecking ball. i felt fine when i got the news - two days after the procedure was done, i was sprawled on my bathroom floor, struggling to breathe between sobs. it hurts. let everyone that loves you love you. (c) i have never known anything more beautiful than this experience - it's was a real blessing (and i'm not god-fearing or religious). even when it feels like the pain will be the last thing i ever know, i'd do it again. as a matter of fact, i'm actively trying.
my heart goes out to all. we didn't deserve it. i wish you all happy healthy children in the future.
I hope those of you currently experiencing a miscarriage find peace soon. I am so sorry for your loss.
It seems like the link in the original post by @KingLEDfor D&C is not active anymore. I'll share my story here, instead.
I experienced an MMC on 12/14. The fetus had stopped growing at 9w2d, around 12/10. After 2 failed doses of Cytotec on 12/15 and 12/18, I scheduled a D&C for 12/22. While I initially intended to avoid the surgical route at all costs, the D&C was super easy on me.
D&C Process: Show up, do paperwork. Be brought back, change into their surgical outfit, get comfortable while being given some information, instructions, and an IV from various caring individuals. Get wheeled back to the OR, and be knocked out by anesthetic within 1-2 minutes. Wake up in another place, have a snack and extra pain meds if needed. Rest 15-30 minutes. Get dressed, see your significant other, and get wheeled out the car.
We picked up takeout on the drive home and walked to the dog park that afternoon. The worst part was having to wear surgical stockings for 24 hours.
The next 2 days I did have some discomfort from too much movement/vibration from walking or riding in the car, so I took Motrin and minimized moving about until it went away. I didn't need any of the Percoset I had been using with the Cytotec after going home from the D&C.
I continued spotting for about 4-5 days after the procedure, with no pain. 2 weeks later, I'm still passing tiny pieces of tissue every day, but no blood or pain. I go back in for a followup tomorrow.
I had a miscarriage on December. My Baby was suppose to be 8 weeks old; the first ultrasound I had was at 6 weeks and my baby looked fine I saw the little heart beat. during the following weeks I was feeling pretty awful, morning sickness tired and nauseated so to be honest I was feeling pretty confident my baby was growing and everything was fine. sadly this is called a missed miscarriage where my body had not acknowledge the loss.
even though I knew there was a percentage of having a miscarriage, honestly I never though I would have one. nothing prepares a marriage for something like this, all of our hopes, dreams and love were with our baby, and after Dec 21st they were all gone.
I'm not ashamed of telling people what happened, and I don't feel guilty I know I did the best that I could. this whole experiences has thought us so much and we will keep learning. life will never be the same, I will always have my first baby in my hearth. thing that seemed so important before seem so stupid now.. "would I gain weight? would I get stretch marks? how soon would i get to have sex with y husband again?"
I am so grateful I have my husband with me and he is my #1 support, my family and friends who have been very there. I am not a very religious person but after this I can only turn to God and hope my baby is with him and there was a bigger reason why this happen.
i do not feel jealous when I see pregnant women or little kids, (my has girl twins!) i just feel sad, but I'm sure this is normal and Im sure we will all get through this rough time.
never be ashamed, and always feel proud of your baby and that small time you got to spend it together.
to all of you who are trying now, i wish you the best of luck!!!
If you're reading this I'm sorry for your loss. It is truly the most heartbreaking things I have ever expierenced. First, I would like to say, it's okay not to be okay. You are here looking for what to expect or advice to get through this. My advice is be kind to yourself. Be angry, be sad, be envious. Allow yourself to feel and grieve. You lost a child, a loved one that you held inside of your body.
If you are waiting for your miscarriage to happen naturally I can assure that no one can prepare you for it. I will say the stories on this board were very helpful since all the on call doctor at the hospital told me on the phone was that I would have heavy bleeding. Which is true, but remember you are giving birth. No your baby isn't alive anymore, but there is so much more than blood. I have never seen anything like it. I chose to have my miscarriage in the shower so I wouldn't have to see all the blood and the water was soothing through the contractions. I found that my body knew what to do, even though I felt like I didn't. Contractions were very painful, I would have preferred to be in a hospital with pain management. Passing the tissue and the baby was not physically painful. Being told that my baby died at the doctors office made me almost numb so feeling this physical pain reminded me that I can feel. Although I finally feel like I'm healing physically, I know the emotional journey will be far longer.
Good luck to you on the journey of healing and I hope you find away to find peace in this horrible situation.
today I had my 2nd u/s to find out I had a blighted ovum. My sac was no bigger than my first u/s at 5 weeks and it was supposed to be 8w according to the last period date.
It was my first pregnancy and I am just so sad that this happened to me. My doctor told me to wait a week before we decide to have a d&c, I already have an appointment next Wednesday.
This is so painful, I had all these hopes and plans and joy... I still feel pregnant, bloated with sore boobs, and hungry...
I have the amazing support of my wonderful husband, and my parents and sister, who are the only ones who know, though they live abroad. It was really hard to tell them but at the same time I feel their support and that they share my grief.
thank you for your shared experiences and your kind wishes. I know we will get better soon, I have hope.
Married 06.21.14 / TTC since 11.15 / BFP 01.03.2016 / MMC 6w5d D&C 02.2016 // BFP 05.06.16 / natural MC 05.12.16 Benched 06.2016-08.2016 / TTC again 09.2016! On a diet. Cranky. BFP 10.02.2016 / NT scan at 12w looked normal / Anatomy scan at 20w everything ok Team blue! / EDD June 11th 2017 DAVID ROGER was born on May 23rd at 37 weeks.
Architect, Peruvian living in Chile. I love art, opera and good chocolate. Started PhD studies in Architecture on 2017. Fur mom of a rescued miniature poodle called Luke Skywalker.
I just wanted to share my experience of miscarriage and a d&c. I personally did a lot of research and I was very glad for the posts that helped prepare me, so I want to contribute to the wealth of experiences during this hard time.
Long, detailed post ahead.
I'm 25 years old, and my husband (also 25) and I were passively trying for our first child. I say "passively" because we had stopped taking birth control but we weren't monitoring my ovulation or anything like that - we just stopped the birth control and figured God would handle the rest. Within two months I found out I was pregnant.
Some backstory: I am great with kids, I have 14 nieces and nephews ranging from 14 to due-in-a-month, so I have plenty of experience with children of all ages. My family is very supportive and I have a wonderful in-law family. Excellent husband that will become a wonderful father. I could not ask for a better situation in which to raise children, and I am excited for the opportunity.
That being said, I am petrified to have children. For as long as I can remember, the concept of being pregnant and labor/delivery has terrified me, to the point of full blown panic attacks. I don't handle pain well - I nearly faint at the idea of getting blood taken, yet alone labor/delivery or a c-section that you're awake for (even if a c-section is painless during the operation, the mere psychological aspect of being awake has me spinning even as I write this). Again, once the child is born, I have no fears -- just the act of being pregnant and delivery is what scares me to death.
So I got a positive pregnancy test and literally almost passed out. I remember clutching onto the towel rack to stop myself from falling. Joy - excitement - terror.
Scheduled my first prenatal appointment for the following month which seemed like ages and ages away, and the next four weeks or so I found myself caught up in all thing pregnancy. I was reading the What To Expect When You're Expecting book, looking at eventual registry items, planning out pregnancy announcement photos, all of that. Then at night while laying awake in bed I'd be gripped with fear again. Several times I woke my husband up due to having an anxiety attack just thinking about the various tests or the epidural or the labor/delivery or the csection.
Overall, I was excited, but I definitely was not without fear.
Prenatal appointment rolls around, I should be 8 weeks at this point. First thing I get an ultrasound, and they can't find a heartbeat. Then they did a probe ultrasound, where they stick the wand up your vagina to get a better reading. This same thing happened to my oldest sister (who eventually miscarried) so I knew that it was very possible I was miscarrying. OBGYNs sent me over to the hospital to get a dating ultrasound to double check to see how far along I was. They said there was a possibility that my date was off and if I was too early they possibly could not see the heartbeat yet.
So I head over to the hospital and wait around until the ultrasound lady was ready. I get another stomach ultrasound followed by the probe, which took about 45 minutes (the lady was also a student in training, so I think part of the reason why it took so long was because she was making sure she covered all of her bases). After that was over, they told me the baby was measuring about 6 wks 2 days. This meant that my chances were really 50/50 - either the date was off and baby was just too early to hear a heartbeat yet, or baby may have stopped growing at 6 weeks. They scheduled another ultrasound for the following week to see if there was any change.
Let me be honest. I had so many feelings during this time. Part of me was sad at the loss of a pregnancy. Part of me was pessimistically expecting the miscarriage because it happened to my sister the exact same way. Part of me was relieved, because the past month I had been so fearful and so uncomfortable in my own skin that the idea of going "back to normal" was really appealing to me. I liked the idea that I could put off this kid thing for a bit longer. During your first pregnancy there are so many fears - am I really ready for this? how is this going to change my life? my relationships? my body? There was some relief as I considered that I could put this off for a bit longer.
It took me about 12 hours to really comprehend what was happening. I fluctuated between being devastated and being relieved. That night around 1am I woke up my husband as I had a breakdown. I decided then that even though a miscarriage would provide some relief, I really wanted this baby to live. But there was nothing I could do but wait.
Waited what felt like the longest week of my life. Tried not to think about it, failed. I was in and out of feeling very hopeful and feeling depressed. Second appointment finally came around, they did a regular ultrasound followed by the probe and there was still no heartbeat. They said there was no noticeable growth, and pretty much confirmed the miscarriage. They referred me to a radiologist to do one last ultrasound to make 100% sure before going over my options with me.
So I headed to the radiologist and had another regular ultrasound followed by the probe. By this time I am REALLY TIRED OF ULTRASOUNDS. After about 20 minutes or so they get whatever images they need to 100% confirm the miscarriage.
I then talk over my options with my OBGYN. I'm told I have three options: 1. miscarry naturally, 2. take a pill that will start contractions and miscarry, 3. do a surgical procedure called a d&c to remove the contents of the uterus. Again, I'm terrified of medical stuff, so the idea of a surgical procedure freaks me out and my first instinct is to go naturally. However, I do some research and from what I've found it can be very painful (since it's like giving birth) and very bloody, to the point of saturating a pad an hour or so.
It just so happens during this time I have a very important week coming up at work, a conference that i'd been planning for several months (go figure). I decide that I don't have the luxury of just waiting for the miscarriage naturally or doing the pill - I absolutely cannot miss this conference, and I can't risk miscarrying while I'm at the conference or being doubled over in pain. So I choose to go the d&c route, which is also what my sister chose so she was able to prep me a bit.
I have to wait 6 days until the d&c, and let me tell you, there is something really unnerving and upsetting about having a dead baby inside of you for days on end. I have a predisposition to depression, and this really messed me up. Those 6 days I was a total mess. It also didn't help that I was preparing for the d&c which I was nervous about. I was also pissed that this was happening to me. There was a definite anger -- what's the point in this? why did this have to happen NOW? WHY TO ME?
The day before my procedure I had the pre-op where I met my surgeon and he explained the procedure. They would put me out and then use plastic rods to dilate my cervix and scoop everything out. I also have a bicornate (heart shaped) uterus so this would make the procedure slightly more difficult but the Dr was not concerned at all. I was told not to eat or drink anything after midnight, as my procedure was scheduled for 10am the next morning.
I arrive around 8:30am to prep for surgery. I check into the hospital with my mom who is my ride, and they call me back to change into the hospital gown and socks. I was only put under anesthesia once before when I was 10 years old for an appendectomy and I had a really horrifying experience with my IV, so I tell this to the nurse right away that I'm really nervous about getting my IV. The nurse is super sweet and takes good care of me - IV goes in without any problem, I barely feel it. I have about 4 different people (surgical assistants, anesthesiologists, doctor) come in to verify a bunch of questions (what procedure are you here for today? any allergies? etc. etc.) before they're ready and they wheel me into the surgery area. I shift onto the extremely thin operating table and they start to strap me in - first my waist and then each of my hands. And I'm freaking out a bit because that's really scary.
Next thing I know, I'm waking up in the recovery room with my doctor saying something about everything going really well. He walks off, and my mom shows up with a glass of water. I'm shaking a lot (side effect of anesthesia) but otherwise I feel fine. After I drink my water and am talking for a bit they discharge me with a prescription for moltrin and percocet.
I feel weak and shaky after the procedure, but not really in pain. It's a bit crampy, sort of like how you feel on a bad period day. I get some food cause I'm starving and then head to bed and sleep for another 4 hours.
I didn't need to take the moltrin or the percocet at all. The pain never escalated past mild discomfort. The day after the d&c I was walking around the house and doing chores/laundry/cleaning as usual. There was a lot of sadness - I'd say the recovery was 95% emotional and 5% physical. But it felt good to not have the baby inside anymore. I felt lighter, and that lighter feeling continued for the next week or so until I felt like my hormones had leveled out and I felt like myself once again.
I had light spotting for the first four days after the d&c. on the 5th day everything seemed to stop, so I slept with my husband (Dr said to wait 7 to 10 days, but I couldn't wait. I needed the intimacy.). The 6th day I was bleeding like a regular period, and continued to bleed for the next 6 days. At 12 days post- d&c the bleeding finally lessened into just spotting again, and the 13th day post-d&c I had my post-op where my dr said that the spotting is totally normal and I could go back to sex as usual.
I was told that it is best to wait at least one cycle before trying again just to help determine dating (its easier to date a pregnancy by last menstrual cycle), but medically speaking I could start trying again whenever I am ready. I haven't had my regular period yet, I was told it should arrive around 3 to 4 weeks after I stopped bleeding from my d&c.
Right now, I don't know what I'm going to do. I was constantly fluctuating between being happy and being terrified during pregnancy. I guess I never made it to the "honeymoon phase" during the second trimester. I'm still scared of having children, but I want children so badly. I think what I will end up doing is just trusting God once again... get back to bed and see what happens and just trust.
Anyway, I hope this has been helpful for someone. The journey was 90% emotional for me - dealing with the fear, with depression, with anxiety, with joy, with excitement. I am considering getting a tattoo to mark this occasion and to always remember the baby I almost had. Even though I miscarried, I consider myself a mother now, to some degree. I had a baby, and I believe someday in heaven I will meet my first child.
Hugs and prayers to all who have to go through this. It is a terrible loss.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences- I have returned to this post several times over the last six months in search of support, encouragement, positive affirmation, proof that I'm not alone, and sometimes just to try and get my mind off of my own situation. I hate that any of us have found our way to the MC/PL group, but mostly that there is even a need for it. My heart goes out to all who have experienced this horrible part of life.
In late September 2014 I found out I was pregnant. AF came on time, like clock work every month, so when I was over a week late I had an idea why. My husband was oblivious. We had been together for six years that fall, and he was beyond excited when I told him that I was pregnant. We were ecstatic! Something that we had both witnessed from a young age (we both have younger siblings) and looked forward to experiencing for ourselves was finally happening- we were having a baby! We waited until Thanksgiving to tell all of the family, and it was early December before we announced the news to the rest of our friends. I remember it being so foreign when I would say the words,"I'm pregnant." Inside of me, was a growing phenomenon. The realization was amazing. My husband attended each ultrasound with me, baby was growing perfectly and had a very strong heartbeat. The next visit my amazing Mother-in-Law attended as well. I was excited to be a mommy, but her excitement warmed my heart in a different way- she was still mourning the loss of her father from the previous year. She was finally genuinely happy again. By this time I was just over 11weeks along. As soon as doc placed the US tool on my stomach and continued to move it around, I saw there was no flicker of a heartbeat. The room was silent- I looked at my husband and his mom, expectantly waiting for the familiar silhouette of a baby on the ultrasound screen, with a beating heart. The doc kept moving the tool and I tried to swallow the hard lump in my throat, all while trying to avoid the inquiring eyes of my husband and Mother-in-Law. I knew what the doc was going to say before she had to force the words out- we had a missed miscarriage. A nonviable pregnancy. After a deep breath I asked where we go from here. I understood everything she was saying, but it was as if I was processing the information in slow motion. I had three options: try to pass it naturally, take medication to get the process going, or undergo a D&C. With the possibility of complications, I decided to go with the D&C. I tried my best not to make eye contact with my husband as I got dressed. I knew if I looked at him, or even touched him, that I would break into a million pieces. After visiting a US Tech to confirm, I was told to come back Monday for pre-op. It was Friday, and I was to spend the weekend with a lifeless fetus in my womb. It just felt wrong, and I can't explain how much heavier and dense my womb felt to me after that moment.
It was hard to cope with, but even harder to break the news to the people in our lives along with explaining the healing process and terminology. It was absolutely exhausting. By mid February my hCG had reached zero and I was released. Life went on, and my husband and I were confident that we would someday have the chance to hold a sweet baby of our own. We leaned on God with the certainty that we were where we needed to be in that moment in time. Life was good.
In September of 2015 AF failed to appear again, and I immediately knew I was pregnant. I'm pretty sure I felt it the week it happened. I continued to take an at home test each morning until I got a faint positive. I was nervous, but so excited to say the least. I didn't do a surprise reveal to my husband this time, I think because of the stress. This time I knew the possibility and it took me a few weeks to let myself be excited. I did regret not telling him in a more exciting way, I'm a very ecstatic person who loves to surprise people.
I had just started a new job and didn't yet have health insurance, so I went to a free clinic. Although I knew there shouldn't be a positive pregnancy test unless there was a growing life inside of me, the confirmation from the clinic made it real for me. Of course I had wanted to be pregnant again after healing from the last, but I didn't want to rush and felt that it would happen all in perfect timing. We held off on telling people, but surprised a few close friends and family members. About a month after telling a good friend of mine, she surprised me with her very own news of being pregnant. We were going to be pregnant together! We were so excited to share the coming months and years.
When my husband and I attended the 8 week ultrasound, we weren't surprised that there was no heartbeat and neither was the US tech. We were told to come back the following week and that I may be earlier than expected. That week was torture. We were very hopeful, but in my head I did the math- I knew that if I was in fact earlier than expected, then I should have had my period in September. None of it made sense, but we decided to stop worrying and stay positive. Although we were well aware of the possibilities, that week further prepared us for bad news. Yet again it was determined that we had a missed miscarriage. The baby did not develop past 6.5weeks. It felt like a cruel joke. Although I had been through it before, with the doc telling me that she's sure it's nothing I did, I felt so ashamed. I did everything I could to avoid any risk, and it didn't pay off. After allowing myself to feel selfish just for a moment, I decided to get to business about getting healthy. Since I was still so early, with doc's encouragement I opted to pass everything naturally.
It has been a little over six months now and I am still processing the miscarriage. Due to my hCG level being stationary from February to March, I had to get a methotrexate injection. After that my level fluctuated a little, but has gone down and I will continue to have it checked until it is low enough for me to be released. For the first time in months I feel like I am coming out of a haze, I feel like I'm on my way up.
This miscarriage was similar to the first one in some ways, but also very different. I finally feel like I can share my story here, like so many others have. The stories I have read break my heart, but also let me know that I am not alone. I think that's what I've needed most through this whole thing. I am very thankful for my husband, who is very conscious of my emotional, mental, and physical state. These days they don't line up like they used to. I am very thankful that I have him, and that when he gets home from work and walks in to find me wrapped up like a burrito on the couch, with an empty carton of ice cream on the coffee table, he knows that dinner is up to him that night, so he cooks for both of us. If it applies, please don't forget your significant other through this hard time, and what they are going through as well. They may process it differently, but let it bring you together instead of push you apart. Also don't forget to be good to your body. I used to be somewhat angry that my body couldn't seem to do what it was supposed to do, even through passing the remaining tissue. Now I realize that it was working as hard as it could for me and that sometimes, just like we all do, our bodies need a little help.
It took me a while to get to this point, and I look forward to even better days, but I wish I could thank everyone who has been encouraging through this time. I hope I can do the same for someone in need.
Life is still very good.
I am so blessed to have the love of my life, my DH, est. November 2008.
BFP#1 Nov 2014, Missed MC at 11w, D&C on 01/06/2015
BFP#2 Sept 2015, Missed MC at 6w, Methotrexate injection 3/25/16, released from Doc 5/17/16
First of all, I would like to say how incredibly sorry I am for everyone and that the loss of our babies is the thing that ties us all together. I had a miscarriage 5 days before Thanksgiving of 2015 at 10 weeks. Next week Thursday, June 16, was my due date and all of the feelings and emotions that I have been trying to live with for the past 5 months have all come rushing back. It's like I am reliving them telling me my baby has no heartbeat like it just happened yesterday. But because it's been 5+ months, I am the only one still feeling those emotions and I think that is the hardest part, feeling alone. My husband said he was sad when it happened but he wasn't connected to the baby like I was. My friends and family think it was sad, at the time, but they don't understand why I haven't moved on yet. I have a little boy that just turned 3 so people constantly say to me, at least you have him. And yes, I am blessed and honored to be his Mom, but one child does not replace another.
I hope to find some peace one day and I pray that soon we will be blessed with our rainbow baby. But even if that day comes, I will never forget about the child I never got to meet. https://justjensjourney.wordpress.com
I know that miscarriage is a common natural occurance, but it is so hard to accept that. Seeing all of your stories makes my heart hurt worse for us all. I am currently having my third consecutive loss. First at home. My first was a D&C that I had a little trouble with accepting and my second was a stillbirth. I am so confused right now and second guessing my decision. I have been passing tissue since 6/1. I thought I was done but I started again today. To top it off I go back to work tomorrow, and have an out of town business meeting Sunday thru Tuesday. I don't know if I should go that far from home or fly! I can't imagine if I have to do any of the process on a flight!
@justjensjourney It's so hard when outside people do not understand, and I feel like a lot of that is from how little most people know about miscarriage. They don't want to even think about it so they don't stop to think about it from our point of view. This last time we weren't trying so no one really knows what happend at all. It has not been easy to feel alone. My first loss was in February 2015 and it still hurts.
I had an ultrasound a week before and everything looked good. Saw baby moving around, saw heart beating. Then I started having light brown spotting on Tuesday, when I was 10 weeks 3 days. I tried to be calm and was thinking "a little brown spotting is normal". I also googled like crazy and it seemed fine. Wednesday it turned into dark brown spotting + some pink. Plus I felt like I was about to start my period. So I broke down and called my midwife and she basically said that it can be normal and if it gets worse/turns bright red to let them know. Wednesday night it was full on red and I started having horrible cramps. I actually threw up because it hurt so much. I knew something wasn't right, but I forced myself not to call my midwife until the morning because I had the mentality "what could they do?"
So in the morning I called. They had me come in pretty soon after. She did a pelvic exam and said the blood looked old. She made it seem like everything was fine--I felt calm and reassured. Then I went for an ultrasound.
This is the worst part. The ultrasound tech put the probe on my stomach and moved it around. She asked me "Are you sure you're pregnant? Cuz there's NOTHING in here." With this horrible attitude in her voice. At which point I just broke down crying. So insensitive.
I wish I knew that it's possible to have a miscarriage after hearing the heartbeat. Everything I read made it sound like once you hear the heart beat you're basically in the clear.
I wish I knew that ultrasound technicians can be so insensitive/lacking in compassion.
I wish I knew to stock up on pads while I'm pregnant. I was always a tampon girl and I wasn't expecting to miscarry. So I didn't have any and it was horrible.
31 years young from Seattle(ish) 5 years married FTM and PGAL EDD is 12/23/17 -- It's a BOY! ---
I lost my first pregnancy in March. Everything seemed to be going great. We heard Bridger's strong heartbeat at 10 weeks and again at 14. Because I live in rural Alaska, we did not go in for an ultrasound until 18 weeks. When we got to our appointment, the baby had no heartbeat and was only measuring around 10 weeks. The doctor was shocked that we had heard a strong heartbeat at 14. My body did not recognize the miscarriage. My uterus continued to expand, so I looked 18 weeks pregnant and never lost symptoms. Due to fear of complications should I choose to have a natural miscarriage, I elected to have a D&C. On March 25th, Bridger (we have no way to know for sure if it was a boy or girl, but that was the boy name we picked out, and my husband didn't feel right using the name again) was officially born. The following months were some of the hardest I have ever gone through. Thanks to the support of my husband, we made it through. Some days are still harder than others. Bridger's due date was August 23rd, and I know that day will be a difficult one. Luckily, the hospital we go to works with a church that has a memorial for babies that come into the world too soon. It has been helpful to have a place to mourn. Amazingly enough, my husband and I conceived again, and the baby will be due March 25 (one year after losing our first). We are praying that everything will go smoothly, but despite choosing to go to Anchorage for much of the first trimester care, I can't help feeling anxious.
We had an ultrasound at 6 weeks 4 days and I got to see a heartbeat. Dr informed me that she saw something else on ultrasound that could possibly be a yolk sac or another baby. She seemed to be convinced it was a yolk sac. I went in for another appt at 11 weeks and dr couldn't see a heartbeat. She sent me immediately to the hospital to get a better ultrasound. Unfortunately, I couldn't get my results til the next morning. I found out I was pregnant with identical twins and neither of my babies had a heartbeat. My Dr recommended the D&C which I did 2 days later. I just got back the genetic results and found out they were boys with no genetic abnormalities. I keep going through over and over what could have happened. They did detect a small blood clot near the gestational sac which could have been the cause. I'm terrified to go through this again and wondering if I should next time go to an OB with a better ultrasound machine. I can't help thinking that this could have been prevented.
I'm sorry for your loss. I too had a miscarriage. My precious little angel would have been my second child. Unfortunately, I miscarried at 6 weeks 6 days.
Wednesday, August 23, 2017 was one of the most difficult days of my life. As I sat and talked to the doctor he told me that 25% of pregnancies result in miscarriages, at that moment I could hear everything and I understood it but it just felt like this shouldn't be happening. It felt like it was a bad dream and I was watching. When he did the ultrasound and showed me what was the yolk sac and could not find the baby, I knew this nightmare was true. The bleeding was my little angel.
Nothing prepares you for this, movies have it all wrong. It's a constant flow of blood for a week possibly two (Sorry tmi).
My heart felt broken and I kept wishing that I could go back to the day before or even last week. I took a blood test that said I was pregnant but low. Followed by taking the same test a week later that confirmed I was no longer pregnant. I didn't need this test to confirm what I already knew. The amount of blood I am passing is painful enough and confirmation.
These dreams of holding my baby in my arms and watching the baby play with its big brother will always be charished. The nights my husband kissed my belly and my son kissed my belly as he would say love you baby I will always cherish those memories.
I know that I will get pregnant again but my heart is so broken for the angel that I will never get to hold or kiss. My heart feels so broken that I could not protect my little angel.
I keep reminding myself to trust in God and his plan.
So sorry for all your losses. I totally feel your pain. I turned 45 on July 19th but found out on June 24th, when I was still 44, that I was pregnant. I bought a Clearblue pregnancy test kit that afternoon because my period was 6 days late at that point. I totally expected it to be negative, but it IMMEDIATELY went positive seconds after I used it. I freaked out, but in a bad way! My boyfriend was out of the state due to an event he goes to every year and wasn't going to be back until the 27th. I ended up taking another pregnancy test the next morning and it too was positive. I had concerns because I had a dental procedure with an antibiotic called Arestin a week earlier and my mom and I Googled about it and read that it could cause horrible problems in unborn babies, namely, it could adversely affect bone development. My mom suggested that I might want to consider getting the abortion pill as a result. I felt half relieved but half sad at the same time over that thought.
Anyway, I told my boyfriend the night he got back and he was just as shocked as I'd been finding out. But he was hugely supportive and said whatever we did was completely up to me because it was my body. We ended up deciding to go for testing with a genetic counselor. The first one we saw turned out to be horrible, so he found a great place through his manager at work and the doctor was great. She even gave us huge relief by informing us that the Arestin was a non-issue before the 20th week (I had it done when I was 4 weeks and found out I was pregnant when I was 5 weeks). We went on and scheduled an ultrasound on July 28th to determine when the CVS testing could begin, but then at that appointment, the technician seemed to have an issue. When I told her how far along I was (10 weeks, 2 days), she said it looked earlier than that. She left the room to get a doctor, but neither my boyfriend nor I thought anything of it. He should have because he works in medicine (he's a veterinary technician), but he was overly tired from not sleeping after working overnight for 13 hours. The doctor introduced himself and told us that, unfortunately, there was no heartbeat. It turned out the baby stopped growing at 7 weeks, 2 days.
It didn't truly hit me until the next day. After that, I cried at various times. I had a D&C on July 31st and suddenly burst into tears shortly after coming out of the anesthesia. The worst was when I cried for an hour straight the Saturday after. I felt so alone, even though I have my boyfriend, my mom and my two best friends who have all been so supportive.
My boyfriend and I have been going to therapy since August 15th after this tragedy. It's definitely helping. We're also looking forward to the future and planning on trying again by the winter. I'm doing as much research as possible and glad to be able to talk with other women who've gone through the same experiences.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's difficult to talk about, mainly because I feel so emotional about it. But the more you talk about the easier it gets to accept.
Moved to 11 weeks yesterday and woke up to bleeding this morning. Experienced a complete loss at the hospital this morning. Not quite sure how to decipher the mixture of emotions I have right now, but thankful to have this board for some support.
Found out on 10/4 that baby no longer had a heartbeat... We should have been 12 weeks but baby stopped developing around 10.5 weeks. It was the only ultrasound my husband missed as he was sick and he is fighting feelings of guilt for not being there. I am not copings very well at all... It was my first pregnancy at age 41 and I was so excited, it was finally my turn. Finding out that we would never hold our baby was the hardest thing I've ever heard. On top of it all, I had to hold our baby inside for several more days as my husband's illness was far more dangerous. They were afraid he would end up septic if the infection was not immediately removed, so he had his surgery on Friday and I had to hold out until Monday for the D&C. I had sort of hoped to miscarry naturally over the weekend and avoid surgery, but that didn't happen. Natural miscarriage would have at least given my the chance to hold and say goodbye to my little strawberry, but I am hoping the D&C will eventually give us some answers. We have chosen to send off the tissues for testing,but still waiting for the information to come back and that could take another month or more! I just feel like I have no energy, no reason to get up in the morning. I can't work with my brain constantly so distracted as I have a very safety sensitive position. I have never felt so lost before in my life. How do you get past this? I know many couples go thru this, any suggestions? Just trying to figure out how to move forward...
So sorry for your loss. Mine was recent as well. Miscarriage at 11 weeks. Saw the baby and heartbeat at 7 weeks, so it came as quite a shock. Wishing you strength for healing. These last 3 weeks have been tough, but each day gets just a little bit easier. Good luck to you if you decide to try again.
Sorry for everyone’s losses, this is very difficult to get through and even though this is my second miscarriage, experience doesn’t alleviate any pain, and in fact it may hurt more. I got married about 4 years ago and after a couple of months, my husband and I decided to start a family. 5 months later I was pregnant. We were ecstatic and began planning for the little one and having dreams of our little one. When I went in for our 8 week ultrasound, the technician gave me a funny look that prompted me to cry. My dr called me the next day and told me that my baby had stopped developing at 6 weeks. A few months after, we wanted to try again. During a wedding, my breasts began to ache. I thought I must be pregnant again! That evening I as I was rubbing my breast for the pain, I found a lump. Just as any worried woman, I started googling everything and it gave me some relief that it was probably fibroids. I scheduled an appt anyways to check things out. This was in sept 2014, I was 32. I did a mammogram and they saw something so they also did a core needle biopsy the same day. 2 days later they called and I heard breast CANCER! So instead of bringing life into the world, I had to save my own. Next 6-9 months was treatment and recovery. Now 3 years later, I decided to stop taking tamoxifen about a year ago in hopes to again start a family. My husband and I started trying again in Aug. I was able to get pregnant right away. I didn’t want to get too excited yet until I reached 12 weeks. I went into for my 8 week ultrasound and we heard the heartbeat and saw the little raspberry! My husband was super excited and inside I was too but didn’t want to get my hopes up. So week 12 finally approaches and I started spotting. Spotted for 4-5 days and then had my 12 week ultrasound on Nov 14. The technician again had a worried look on her face and said she was sorry to me and my husband, the baby had stopped Dev around 9 weeks and I already started to bleed and miscarry. I was devasted and cried for a few days. Every time I looked at my belly it was a reminder of the loss. How can my belly be bigger yet, nothing there. I took misoprotol and I had blood clots the first day and terrible cramping. I took all 3 doses and I didn’t seem to feel anything else coming out. It’s now been 2 weeks and still bleeding. I don’t think the entire fetus is out...have my dr appt on thurs to check. Hopefully I don’t have to do a DNC. Now That I’ve had 2 miscarriages, when do you stop trying? My dr said we will do some lab work to see what’s wrong but I don’t know if I can go through another loss or even giving a chance for the cancer to come back. How many times did you guys try?
So happy to see the forum! My DH and I have been married two years before deciding to start trying to have a family. I had my IUD out and never had another period, got pregnant right away. For some reason I've always been anxious I wouldn't be able to have kids (just some deep-seeded fear...), so DH and I were over the moon with that first home pregnancy test! It was so hard to wait to tell family, but we wanted to see the little guy first. Went in for the first US at 10w6d just yesterday. At first the doctor said my uterus was measuring closer to 9w but he couldn't find any embryo. He sent me to the specialist, who did get a picture but it was only 8w and with no heartbeat.
I'm opting to do misoprostol to get this over with but am super nervous. I just have no idea what to expect or and how painful it will be. I'm supposed to travel internationally for work next week... maybe I should wait until I'm back in case it takes longer than a few days? Any advice?
I'm so happy to see a group of such supportive ladies!
I experienced at 6 weeks in May of 2017. It was our second baby and I knew from the beginning that something was wrong with the pregnancy. About a week after getting my positive pregnancy test, my fears were confirmed. I did go in for an ultrasound and it showed a baby, but no heartbeat. I mc naturally and it was one of the hardest things that I have ever been through!
Please don't give up hope ladies! Your rainbow babies will be come!
This all happened two weeks ago for me and I think I’ve just forgotten how to breathe. I cry every morning and night. I don’t know if it’s the hormones or if I need medical help. I know this just wasn’t meant to be this time but I can’t even imagine finding the energy to try again. When does the sadness pass?
Sorry to hear about everyone's losses. I went through my first miscarriage in February at about 8/9 weeks pregnant. I started having bleeding and cramping right away, after HCG levels and an ultrasound we knew the miscarriage was inevitable and I miscarried about 2.5 weeks later (on Valentine's day). It was one of the hardest things I think I have ever been through emotionally, but I was fairly lucky that the cramping and bleeding were minimal. I was so scared to get pregnant again and how worried I would be... But got pregnant right away and I was surprised at how estatic and not anxious I was. I decided that I wanted to wait until closer to 12 weeks to have a dating ultrasound and hcg levels because last time it was agonizing that they could not confirm a miscarriage diagnosis and I had repeat testing for over 2 weeks. This time I thought if it's going to happen it will happen but I want to enjoy being pregnant while I am. I had terrible morning sickness which I thought was a good sign, but on my ultrasound this Friday they said that the baby was only 6 weeks with no heartbeat (I should be 11 weeks). I have another ultrasound to confirm tomorrow and will opt for a D&C if needed. Despite my pharmacy background, I am unrationslly terrified to take the Misoprostol and feel more comfortable with the control of having the D&C and moving on.
Miscarriage are one of the hardest things we have to go through, and I find it helpful to talk about it and build supportive groups. Sadly it seems to be more of a societal taboo topic, but when I do talk about it there are so many people who open up and share their journey. I find it helps to hear of those stories and how they made it through. It may feel lonely right now, but you are not alone. Many of us go on to have successful pregnancies even after multiple losses. Take care of yourselves and when/if you are ready to try keep thinking positive, hopefull thoughts and know that you have an army of women who are sending you positive thoughts and prayers, and who are standing behind you through the difficulties, anxieties, happy outcomes, and devastating outcomes. Sending hugs to all of you!
I recently went through a loss at 10 weeks. Heartbeat stopped. It was terrible listening to the silent u/sd and hearing .. Oh, im sorry.... My doc suggested a d & e which i had and glad I did because i have miscarried before ( never this late) and its so painful physically and emotionally. My heart goes out to those that did it naturally.
Im 1-1/2 weeks post d & e and still.. Well, i guess grieving and completely hormonly imbalanced. This one has been so hard for me. I have 2 children, my Everythg, and we were so excited for the 3rd. We probably put the cart before the horse, but we started planning and doing all the things you do upon being prego.
I think most of all, im so mad. Is that what you guys are feeling? Last week, embarrassingly at work, i cried, a lot, like couldnt stop crying. I am so embarrassed. Now im just, well, like i dont even know. Feeling really short tempered, not interested in talking to anyone, just kinda "leave me alone" attitude . I know your body does what its going to do but i still get so mad about it.
Im still dreaming of having a third but at the same time i don't want to go through this again. Im afraid after this my husband is done, i think he was so upset over it, yet i still long for a 3rd.
Ugh... Just looking for support and seeing if anyone else feels this way post loss
Nobody warned me about what to expect. My doctor gave me a very vague idea but I had no idea. I read an experience similar to mine on this thread so that’s how I knew what was going on. I’m going to share mine in case it helps another woman.
I basically went through labor. It was the worst pain I have ever gone through in my life. The cramps/contractions got more frequent and stronger throughout the day. I kept having the urge to have a bowel movement but nothing happened. Eventually the cramps/contractions got so close together that it was just constant pain with waves of sharper even more intense pain on top. I was rocking and moaning. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t think. I finally got up to get in the car to go to the ER and I noticed it felt better to move. It was torture to sit still in that car. When I got to the ER I kept feeling like clots were passing but no clots came out. When I wiped in the bathroom the stuff on the paper was different. It was sticky and there was some clear and pink gel like stuff. I could feel something was there but it wasn’t coming out.
I got pain management medicine and they did a pelvic exam. They removed the intact embryo in its sac. I basically gave birth. I got to see it and have some time with it before they sent it for testing.
No one prepared me for how painful it would be or that I would feel Iike I was in labor. It was awful. The worst pain I have ever been in. But it was over in a couple hours.
Hey everyone. I've read a bunch of your stories and now I'm sitting here bawling. I know miscarriage is a common thing, but it seems to be way to common. This is my first post here. I just lost a baby at 11weeks. I am a mother of 2 so this is my first miscarriage. I started having abdominal and lower back pain last Friday night, but no bleeding si I held off until the morning to go and get things checked out at the hospital. My beta was great, the did the screening ultrasound and showed me baby, heard the heartbeat, they said everything was fine. They sent me for more ultrasounds to see If any of my organs around were causing the pain. They told me my pain was due to a cyst on my right ovary which had a tear. But insisted baby would be completely fine, and that the cyst would resolve on it's own. I still had the cramping from the "cyst" but had started bleeding at about 12ish. I chalked it down the the cyst.. maybe it ruptured. Maybe because its torn it's supposed to bleed. NO ONE TOLD ME ANYTHING. Threw a pad on and went back to bed. The bleeding continued through the night but hubby had a couple of drinks before bed, and we live 35 minutes out of town from the hospital and was in no shape to drive myself. So at about 7am we finally got in the truck and headed to the hospital. They checked my Beta again and the new ER dr said it was a little bit lower than Saturday but I'm almost at that mark anyways where it would start to be falling down some so he wanted to do another ultrasound just to see what was going on. 2 hours later I found out there was no fetus and that my beta didnt drop a little, it dropped 50,000!!!! I went from like 88,000 to 35,000 in less than 24hrs. Basically o guess in the middle of the night when i was totally out of it, I had to poop. I went poop and heard a splash and didnt think twice about it. Wiped flushed went back to bed. That splash would've had to have been the baby.
It is so scary how quickly things can go from good to bad. Basically 9 hours before I figure I miscarried, I saw my baby, and heard its heartbeat and was told everything looks great!
My experience was similar to alot that I read here and I am so grateful for everyone who has shared. I wasn't prepared to miscarry (not that anyone ever is), but I got through it by reading these posts. Here's my story, sorry it's so long...I'm still processing it all. This was my first pregnacy.
At my confirmation appointment a week and a half ago, my OB performed an ultrasound and basically went from all smiles to panic. It was seriously like someone flipped a switch. She showed me the embryo with a heartbeat and stated the gestational sac was too small. She rattled off all kinds of things that could be wrong (ectopic, molar, early miscarriage, etc.), referred me to a specialist, and left the room. I definitely got the vibe she didn't want to deal with whatever was going on with me.
I went to the specialist the next day, who performed an ultrasound. He told me I was about 7weeks, and the baby (yes, he even called it a baby which made me feel like a human rather than a science experiment gone wrong) had a strong heartbeat. He did say the small gestational sac was a concern, but that it was early and he has seen these types of situations go on to be healthy pregnancies. He asked that I come back in two weeks so he could check on the progress. I told my partner I appreciated the optimism, but felt we should mentally prepare for the worst.
I experienced mild spotting after the ultrasounds (a bit of blood when wiping after using the toilet) which I assumed was normal and I went on with life. I had a business trip scheduled for the next week and packed some pads and tylenol in case things went side ways. Looking back, I wish I would done more homework or the OBs would've given me an idea of what to expect in the event I miscarried .
My first night out of town, I returned to my hotel room feeling a little crampy. I couldn't tell if it was a stomach thing (my team had gone out for tapas that night and something tasted off) or a uterine thing. When I hoped in the shower, it was clear the spotting had turned into bleeding. It wasn't a gush. It was more like day 1 of my period. I was concerned I was miscarrying so I text my partner to give him a heads up in case things got worse. Unfortunately, they did.
The pain went from cramping to full on contractions. The nightmare lasted 6 miserable hours. The pain was so bad at times I couldn't move or speak. Not sure if it was the miscarriage or the tapas, but there were also episodes of diarrhea, vomiting, and chills. The bleeding remained pretty steady and I passed about 6 quarter size blood clots. At one point, I checked my cervix. It was firm and closed which was frustrating because I felt like my body was trying so hard to expel everything in my uterus while at the same time hold on to it!
When the pain was bearable, I was reading the posts here and googling to figure out what the heck I was supposed to do. There I was half way across the country, alone (except for my poor partner who was on the phone), paralyzed by pain. I called my OBs on call number, which was a complete waste. They basically said "yep sounds like you could be miscarrying" and "go to the ER if you bleed through multiple pads in an hour". All I could think was "great, I'll just keep laying on this bathroom floor (dont worry I eventually made it to the bed) until it gets so bad that I call 911 or miraculously this stops." It was seriously the most pain I had ever been in. Eventually, the contractions started to ease up. By morning I was exhausted but could move around again without much pain. I still had light bleeding.
I ended up cutting my business trip short and flew home that afternoon. I didnt want to risk having another round of misery all alone. Once home, I passed a clot the size of the palm of my hand. It didnt hurt and I didnt have anymore contractions. I visited the OB, who originally told me something was wrong, for an ultrasound to confirm I had miscarried and passed everything. After that nightmare the last thing I wanted was a D&C. While I was sad to see the little heartbeat was gone, I was relieved my body was able to handle everything on its own.
The light bleeding has continued. I'm now dealing with the side effects of my hormones going back to normal. I've had a several days of bad headaches, spontaneous crying (seriously over the dumbest things), nausea/upset stomach, and fatigue. I'm still getting used to the idea that I'm not pregnant anymore.
I found out this past Thursday that my first pregnancy was not viable. Instead of celebrating the 12th week this past Saturday mark by annoucing our pregnancy, my mom came up to stay with us and held me as a cried and began to bleed.
Everyone in my life has been wonderful and supportive. Its shocking to hear how many women have gone through this no matter how much research you did. Nothing prepares you for this.
I realize that I am 'lucky' that i knew this was happening before it did, but even then my Doctor wasnt very informative when I asked "What happens now?". I have an appointment sometime this week with my gynecologist. Thats it. Thats all I was told. So now I am stuck going onto Google, and instead of nursery ideas, I'm looking up what to expect medically for this. I know this is not my fault; I did everything I was supposed to do. I know that this is natures cruel joke as I watch others in my community who smoke, drink, and do drugs the whole pregnancy and get to take thier perfect beautiful children home.
I'm scared. I am praying that the bleeding stops so I can have a D&C. I'm positive I can handle and recover if I just dont have to do this at home.
To others reading these for comfort: you are not alone. It is not your fault.
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It’s so hard, I’m going through it too. I had my 8 week appointment on feb 1, there wasn’t a baby, mine stopped growing very early on.
It wasnt happening on its on its own so I took some medicine that the doctor gave me on feb 6. I’ve been going back and getting blood tests ever since, last week my hcg was down to 17 and this week hopefully it’s down to below 5
anyways that was the long way of saying that it’s been a long process for me as well.
I am now going through my fourth loss. I went in at 5.6 weeks due to bleeding and was told I had lost one of two only to find out today a week later that the second was gone as well. I was hoping to at least see it but my uterus was empty just empty. I had only been spotting since last week and some how it was gone, just gone. I am beside myself and sad as well as angry. I have an appointment next week to see if I can find a reason for so many... I would wish that no one ever have to go through the pain of loss. I’m so sorry to all you ladies. It’s heartbreaking and confusing. ❤️
I'm currently going through my first loss. I never spotted but had what felt like period cramps from the very beginning. After sex at around 5 weeks I bled light red. Went to obgyn with no symptoms but that light red discharge-like blood the night before. After a transvaginal ultrasound she discovered I didn't have anything in my gestational sac and it measured about 4 weeks. We waited another week to see if anything appeared, but it never it remained at 4 weeks and empty. My HCG was:
5 weeks: 1841
5.5 weeks: 2470
6 weeks: 5762 8 weeks: 7407
MXT shot: 7 days post shot: 3400 14 days post shot: 94
Very abnormal levels so they assumed it's an ectopic pregnancy based on the numbers. Had three ultrasounds, nothing found in my tubes but I guess it could be anywhere. A couple sharp stabs on my right side but I usually have that before pregnancy since my gallbladder surgery. Had my first round of methotrexate yesterday and have been cramping and starting to shed some uterine lining. I'm still shocked by it all, especially since I felt pretty regularly pregnant like I did with my first, minus the blood after sex. 7 days after the shot I started bleeding clots and having what felt like labor pains. Worst pain of my life. Went to ER and still nothing in tubes. Passed the sac and was able to inspect it. This has felt like a nightmare. We will try again after three months and pray that one sticks. I'm 31 and have a 3.5 year old at home. She's my everything and she and my husband have been my rocks. They give me strength when I feel like I'm falling apart again. It's so hard to explain the pain after a loss. I feel like a failure but I also know that I've done nothing to cause this. If anyone is reading this and is currently in the process of a loss, you are not alone. There are thousands of women who feel the same emptiness and despair and we are here to hold your hand throughout it. The amount of support I received from doctors in the ER who also experienced multiple losses was incredible. I had no idea. I feel like before this loss I had blinders on, in hopes that I never had a loss. That was insensitive of me. Throughout this process, I've had to go to triage for blood tests and every time I go, there are women coming in going into labor, others who are having a pregnancy scare; bleeding or cramping and many others who were also suffering an early loss. It is incredible what the female body is capable of, and I truly believe things will work out for us. We didn't deserve this. I recently read James Van Der Beek's Instagram post on miscarriage and it's so beautifully put.
@elmann1 - thank you for sharing your experience - it really is so helpful to know when you're not alone. I'm in the midst of my second loss in a row and it's scary and heartbreaking. The biggest thing that is helping me is just being and sharing with others who have come to know this sad reality. I'm also going through some testing and have begun seeing a fertility acupuncturist which has been a really interesting experience so far! I feel hopeful for the next time we decide to try, which will likely be sometime this Fall ♡
Hey everyone - just wanted to update that I went for RPL testing after two consecutive miscarriages (and no live births) and have tested positive for both Lupus Anticoagulant/Antiphospholid Syndrome AND Thyroid Peroxidase Antibodies - both of which can cause recurrent miscarriage. Not sure yet if/how the two are related, and antiphospholipid syndrome is rare from what I understand. I had additional thyroid testing this week and I'm meeting with my dr. next week to discuss results and treatment options.
My advice is to advocate for testing! I know answers come back for only about 50% of patients, but in my case I would continue to get pregnant and miscarry until these conditions can be treated. Has anyone else ever gone through either of these and were able to successfully deliver? I am hopeful for the future, but still with a lot of uncertainty.
Hi all - i am trying to find an online group for some help... me and my husband decided to start a family back in Jan 2019. I did all my tests to ensure i was ok... mid cycle i had some spotting and was told to go for a checkup and they would a very small fibroid inside the uterus... they told me it was so small and embedded it could cause no harm to having a baby. So we tried in March, April and May - no luck. After a break we tried again in July and with both our hearts feeling that our time will never come, I found out I was pregnant. Shocked!!! I was only 3 weeks due to early detection kits and had so much stress with exams...unfortunately on 4 weeks and 4 days i had bleeding and lost the baby. Hospital did checks from bloods, scans etc and a week later it was confirmed I had a miscarriage, baby was gone and hcg was going back to normal. Physically I think I am ok.... pregnancy feelings have gone, still bleed a bit but i am on panty liners and not full blown bed time pads now.. I know I need to heal and hopefully we can try again but i am so scared.... Scared it will take months.... scared once I do get pregnant that I will have to go through this all over again.... i am a worrier and knowing that this happened once... is going to be me paranoid... all through out my pregnancy i will be worried.. and its worse since its the first... My age also doesnt help.. 33 soon to be 34 and hubby is 43... any help would be great.
@effy85 First of all, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss! It's a devastating experience and I wish no one ever had to go through it. Everyone has their own unique experience responding to this kind of emotional and physical trauma, but I will say that a lot of the feelings you're experiencing are totally normal - try not to lose hope! The grieving process is tough, and it creates this heavy feeling of pressure that time is uncontrollably slipping away from us. I felt the same after my last miscarriage and I'm similar age to you - on the back half of 33 and DH will be 38 in a few weeks. We dont have any live children yet. I will say that the time pressure feeling lessened once I was able to put some distance between me and the D&C operation/recovery. It's truly a process and you'll have good days and bad days.
Also, what happened to you was not your fault!! You mentioned being stressed about exams that week, but I promise you, that did not cause your miscarriage. The majority of miscarriages are caused by some sort of chromosomal abnormality as the cells begin splitting - in my mind, it's nature's way of eliminating the suffering for our nonviable embryos. There's nothing you could have done differently to prevent that. And while it's frustrating to go through multiple cycles without getting that BFP, you and your husband still got pregnant relatively quickly based on the "standard guidelines" that say 50% will be successful in the first three months and 90% of couples will be successful within a year. You have ~20% chance each cycle. I know that doesn't help when you are really ready to kick off a family though.
And there is hope! 98% of women will go on to have a healthy pregnancy after a miscarriage - and you're actually more fertile in the months after. I have great hope that you will be successful!!
You should take all the time you need to emotionally recover before you start trying again. No matter what you do, it will be scary the next time you guys are pregnant and that is normal too. There are great boards on here when that time comes, with many women who are or have been in your shoes (check out the TTCAL and PGAL boards when you're ready)
Finally, should the unthinkable happen and you do miscarry again, be an advocate for recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL) testing! Like I said, only ~2% of women will miscarry twice in a row - unfortunately I am one of them. I lost my last baby (a boy) at 12 weeks in June 2019. It was really hard to have another miscarriage, but I'm doing okay and I'm still really hopeful! I know it's not my fault - I just want to keep pushing on and pushing forward.
I went through the RPL testing, and am coming back positive for lupus anticoagulant and some potential thyroid issues, which can contribute to recurrent miscarriages. I'm getting answers and setting myself up to be as healthy as possible for Round 3, which will begin about 8 months since my last conception. I know it'll still be scary as hell next time I get pregnant, but I'll do everything I can to be successful. I just know we have to keep trying to realize our dream, even if it's really tough. We will make it!
Re: Advice and Experience
one thing i would have liked to know before this first magical, unplanned, unexpected pregnancy is (a) a baby is a baby is a baby: i'm pro-choice, but a little blueberry-sized baby is still one that lived and that you loved - don't let anyone tell you otherwise; (b) my baby was a blueberry, but the grief is like miley cyrus's wrecking ball. i felt fine when i got the news - two days after the procedure was done, i was sprawled on my bathroom floor, struggling to breathe between sobs. it hurts. let everyone that loves you love you. (c) i have never known anything more beautiful than this experience - it's was a real blessing (and i'm not god-fearing or religious). even when it feels like the pain will be the last thing i ever know, i'd do it again. as a matter of fact, i'm actively trying.
my heart goes out to all. we didn't deserve it. i wish you all happy healthy children in the future.
It seems like the link in the original post by @KingLEDfor D&C is not active anymore. I'll share my story here, instead.
I experienced an MMC on 12/14. The fetus had stopped growing at 9w2d, around 12/10. After 2 failed doses of Cytotec on 12/15 and 12/18, I scheduled a D&C for 12/22. While I initially intended to avoid the surgical route at all costs, the D&C was super easy on me.
D&C Process:
Show up, do paperwork. Be brought back, change into their surgical outfit, get comfortable while being given some information, instructions, and an IV from various caring individuals. Get wheeled back to the OR, and be knocked out by anesthetic within 1-2 minutes. Wake up in another place, have a snack and extra pain meds if needed. Rest 15-30 minutes. Get dressed, see your significant other, and get wheeled out the car.
We picked up takeout on the drive home and walked to the dog park that afternoon. The worst part was having to wear surgical stockings for 24 hours.
The next 2 days I did have some discomfort from too much movement/vibration from walking or riding in the car, so I took Motrin and minimized moving about until it went away. I didn't need any of the Percoset I had been using with the Cytotec after going home from the D&C.
I continued spotting for about 4-5 days after the procedure, with no pain. 2 weeks later, I'm still passing tiny pieces of tissue every day, but no blood or pain. I go back in for a followup tomorrow.
BFP #1 11/06/15 - EDD 7/14/16 - MMC 12/14/15 - D&C 12/22/15
BFP #2 03/13/16 - EDD 11/26/16
Hi everyone, I'm very sorry for everyone's loss.
I had a miscarriage on December. My Baby was suppose to be 8 weeks old; the first ultrasound I had was at 6 weeks and my baby looked fine I saw the little heart beat. during the following weeks I was feeling pretty awful, morning sickness tired and nauseated so to be honest I was feeling pretty confident my baby was growing and everything was fine. sadly this is called a missed miscarriage where my body had not acknowledge the loss.
even though I knew there was a percentage of having a miscarriage, honestly I never though I would have one. nothing prepares a marriage for something like this, all of our hopes, dreams and love were with our baby, and after Dec 21st they were all gone.
I'm not ashamed of telling people what happened, and I don't feel guilty I know I did the best that I could. this whole experiences has thought us so much and we will keep learning. life will never be the same, I will always have my first baby in my hearth. thing that seemed so important before seem so stupid now.. "would I gain weight? would I get stretch marks? how soon would i get to have sex with y husband again?"
I am so grateful I have my husband with me and he is my #1 support, my family and friends who have been very there. I am not a very religious person but after this I can only turn to God and hope my baby is with him and there was a bigger reason why this happen.
i do not feel jealous when I see pregnant women or little kids, (my has girl twins!) i just feel sad, but I'm sure this is normal and Im sure we will all get through this rough time.
never be ashamed, and always feel proud of your baby and that small time you got to spend it together.
to all of you who are trying now, i wish you the best of luck!!!
thank you for the support.
If you are waiting for your miscarriage to happen naturally I can assure that no one can prepare you for it. I will say the stories on this board were very helpful since all the on call doctor at the hospital told me on the phone was that I would have heavy bleeding. Which is true, but remember you are giving birth. No your baby isn't alive anymore, but there is so much more than blood. I have never seen anything like it. I chose to have my miscarriage in the shower so I wouldn't have to see all the blood and the water was soothing through the contractions. I found that my body knew what to do, even though I felt like I didn't. Contractions were very painful, I would have preferred to be in a hospital with pain management. Passing the tissue and the baby was not physically painful. Being told that my baby died at the doctors office made me almost numb so feeling this physical pain reminded me that I can feel. Although I finally feel like I'm healing physically, I know the emotional journey will be far longer.
Good luck to you on the journey of healing and I hope you find away to find peace in this horrible situation.
today I had my 2nd u/s to find out I had a blighted ovum. My sac was no bigger than my first u/s at 5 weeks and it was supposed to be 8w according to the last period date.
It was my first pregnancy and I am just so sad that this happened to me. My doctor told me to wait a week before we decide to have a d&c, I already have an appointment next Wednesday.
This is so painful, I had all these hopes and plans and joy... I still feel pregnant, bloated with sore boobs, and hungry...
I have the amazing support of my wonderful husband, and my parents and sister, who are the only ones who know, though they live abroad. It was really hard to tell them but at the same time I feel their support and that they share my grief.
thank you for your shared experiences and your kind wishes. I know we will get better soon, I have hope.
BFP 01.03.2016 / MMC 6w5d D&C 02.2016 // BFP 05.06.16 / natural MC 05.12.16
Benched 06.2016-08.2016 / TTC again 09.2016! On a diet. Cranky.
BFP 10.02.2016 / NT scan at 12w looked normal / Anatomy scan at 20w everything ok
Team blue! / EDD June 11th 2017
DAVID ROGER was born on May 23rd at 37 weeks.
Architect, Peruvian living in Chile. I love art, opera and good chocolate.
Started PhD studies in Architecture on 2017.
Fur mom of a rescued miniature poodle called Luke Skywalker.
Long, detailed post ahead.
I'm 25 years old, and my husband (also 25) and I were passively trying for our first child. I say "passively" because we had stopped taking birth control but we weren't monitoring my ovulation or anything like that - we just stopped the birth control and figured God would handle the rest. Within two months I found out I was pregnant.
Some backstory: I am great with kids, I have 14 nieces and nephews ranging from 14 to due-in-a-month, so I have plenty of experience with children of all ages. My family is very supportive and I have a wonderful in-law family. Excellent husband that will become a wonderful father. I could not ask for a better situation in which to raise children, and I am excited for the opportunity.
That being said, I am petrified to have children. For as long as I can remember, the concept of being pregnant and labor/delivery has terrified me, to the point of full blown panic attacks. I don't handle pain well - I nearly faint at the idea of getting blood taken, yet alone labor/delivery or a c-section that you're awake for (even if a c-section is painless during the operation, the mere psychological aspect of being awake has me spinning even as I write this). Again, once the child is born, I have no fears -- just the act of being pregnant and delivery is what scares me to death.
So I got a positive pregnancy test and literally almost passed out. I remember clutching onto the towel rack to stop myself from falling. Joy - excitement - terror.
Scheduled my first prenatal appointment for the following month which seemed like ages and ages away, and the next four weeks or so I found myself caught up in all thing pregnancy. I was reading the What To Expect When You're Expecting book, looking at eventual registry items, planning out pregnancy announcement photos, all of that. Then at night while laying awake in bed I'd be gripped with fear again. Several times I woke my husband up due to having an anxiety attack just thinking about the various tests or the epidural or the labor/delivery or the csection.
Overall, I was excited, but I definitely was not without fear.
Prenatal appointment rolls around, I should be 8 weeks at this point. First thing I get an ultrasound, and they can't find a heartbeat. Then they did a probe ultrasound, where they stick the wand up your vagina to get a better reading. This same thing happened to my oldest sister (who eventually miscarried) so I knew that it was very possible I was miscarrying. OBGYNs sent me over to the hospital to get a dating ultrasound to double check to see how far along I was. They said there was a possibility that my date was off and if I was too early they possibly could not see the heartbeat yet.
So I head over to the hospital and wait around until the ultrasound lady was ready. I get another stomach ultrasound followed by the probe, which took about 45 minutes (the lady was also a student in training, so I think part of the reason why it took so long was because she was making sure she covered all of her bases). After that was over, they told me the baby was measuring about 6 wks 2 days. This meant that my chances were really 50/50 - either the date was off and baby was just too early to hear a heartbeat yet, or baby may have stopped growing at 6 weeks. They scheduled another ultrasound for the following week to see if there was any change.
Let me be honest. I had so many feelings during this time. Part of me was sad at the loss of a pregnancy. Part of me was pessimistically expecting the miscarriage because it happened to my sister the exact same way. Part of me was relieved, because the past month I had been so fearful and so uncomfortable in my own skin that the idea of going "back to normal" was really appealing to me. I liked the idea that I could put off this kid thing for a bit longer. During your first pregnancy there are so many fears - am I really ready for this? how is this going to change my life? my relationships? my body? There was some relief as I considered that I could put this off for a bit longer.
It took me about 12 hours to really comprehend what was happening. I fluctuated between being devastated and being relieved. That night around 1am I woke up my husband as I had a breakdown. I decided then that even though a miscarriage would provide some relief, I really wanted this baby to live. But there was nothing I could do but wait.
Waited what felt like the longest week of my life. Tried not to think about it, failed. I was in and out of feeling very hopeful and feeling depressed. Second appointment finally came around, they did a regular ultrasound followed by the probe and there was still no heartbeat. They said there was no noticeable growth, and pretty much confirmed the miscarriage. They referred me to a radiologist to do one last ultrasound to make 100% sure before going over my options with me.
So I headed to the radiologist and had another regular ultrasound followed by the probe. By this time I am REALLY TIRED OF ULTRASOUNDS. After about 20 minutes or so they get whatever images they need to 100% confirm the miscarriage.
I then talk over my options with my OBGYN. I'm told I have three options: 1. miscarry naturally, 2. take a pill that will start contractions and miscarry, 3. do a surgical procedure called a d&c to remove the contents of the uterus. Again, I'm terrified of medical stuff, so the idea of a surgical procedure freaks me out and my first instinct is to go naturally. However, I do some research and from what I've found it can be very painful (since it's like giving birth) and very bloody, to the point of saturating a pad an hour or so.
It just so happens during this time I have a very important week coming up at work, a conference that i'd been planning for several months (go figure). I decide that I don't have the luxury of just waiting for the miscarriage naturally or doing the pill - I absolutely cannot miss this conference, and I can't risk miscarrying while I'm at the conference or being doubled over in pain. So I choose to go the d&c route, which is also what my sister chose so she was able to prep me a bit.
I have to wait 6 days until the d&c, and let me tell you, there is something really unnerving and upsetting about having a dead baby inside of you for days on end. I have a predisposition to depression, and this really messed me up. Those 6 days I was a total mess. It also didn't help that I was preparing for the d&c which I was nervous about. I was also pissed that this was happening to me. There was a definite anger -- what's the point in this? why did this have to happen NOW? WHY TO ME?
The day before my procedure I had the pre-op where I met my surgeon and he explained the procedure. They would put me out and then use plastic rods to dilate my cervix and scoop everything out. I also have a bicornate (heart shaped) uterus so this would make the procedure slightly more difficult but the Dr was not concerned at all. I was told not to eat or drink anything after midnight, as my procedure was scheduled for 10am the next morning.
I arrive around 8:30am to prep for surgery. I check into the hospital with my mom who is my ride, and they call me back to change into the hospital gown and socks. I was only put under anesthesia once before when I was 10 years old for an appendectomy and I had a really horrifying experience with my IV, so I tell this to the nurse right away that I'm really nervous about getting my IV. The nurse is super sweet and takes good care of me - IV goes in without any problem, I barely feel it. I have about 4 different people (surgical assistants, anesthesiologists, doctor) come in to verify a bunch of questions (what procedure are you here for today? any allergies? etc. etc.) before they're ready and they wheel me into the surgery area. I shift onto the extremely thin operating table and they start to strap me in - first my waist and then each of my hands. And I'm freaking out a bit because that's really scary.
Next thing I know, I'm waking up in the recovery room with my doctor saying something about everything going really well. He walks off, and my mom shows up with a glass of water. I'm shaking a lot (side effect of anesthesia) but otherwise I feel fine. After I drink my water and am talking for a bit they discharge me with a prescription for moltrin and percocet.
I feel weak and shaky after the procedure, but not really in pain. It's a bit crampy, sort of like how you feel on a bad period day. I get some food cause I'm starving and then head to bed and sleep for another 4 hours.
I didn't need to take the moltrin or the percocet at all. The pain never escalated past mild discomfort. The day after the d&c I was walking around the house and doing chores/laundry/cleaning as usual. There was a lot of sadness - I'd say the recovery was 95% emotional and 5% physical. But it felt good to not have the baby inside anymore. I felt lighter, and that lighter feeling continued for the next week or so until I felt like my hormones had leveled out and I felt like myself once again.
I had light spotting for the first four days after the d&c. on the 5th day everything seemed to stop, so I slept with my husband (Dr said to wait 7 to 10 days, but I couldn't wait. I needed the intimacy.). The 6th day I was bleeding like a regular period, and continued to bleed for the next 6 days. At 12 days post- d&c the bleeding finally lessened into just spotting again, and the 13th day post-d&c I had my post-op where my dr said that the spotting is totally normal and I could go back to sex as usual.
I was told that it is best to wait at least one cycle before trying again just to help determine dating (its easier to date a pregnancy by last menstrual cycle), but medically speaking I could start trying again whenever I am ready. I haven't had my regular period yet, I was told it should arrive around 3 to 4 weeks after I stopped bleeding from my d&c.
Right now, I don't know what I'm going to do. I was constantly fluctuating between being happy and being terrified during pregnancy. I guess I never made it to the "honeymoon phase" during the second trimester. I'm still scared of having children, but I want children so badly. I think what I will end up doing is just trusting God once again... get back to bed and see what happens and just trust.
Anyway, I hope this has been helpful for someone. The journey was 90% emotional for me - dealing with the fear, with depression, with anxiety, with joy, with excitement. I am considering getting a tattoo to mark this occasion and to always remember the baby I almost had. Even though I miscarried, I consider myself a mother now, to some degree. I had a baby, and I believe someday in heaven I will meet my first child.
Hugs and prayers to all who have to go through this. It is a terrible loss.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences- I have returned to this post several times over the last six months in search of support, encouragement, positive affirmation, proof that I'm not alone, and sometimes just to try and get my mind off of my own situation. I hate that any of us have found our way to the MC/PL group, but mostly that there is even a need for it. My heart goes out to all who have experienced this horrible part of life.
In late September 2014 I found out I was pregnant. AF came on time, like clock work every month, so when I was over a week late I had an idea why. My husband was oblivious. We had been together for six years that fall, and he was beyond excited when I told him that I was pregnant. We were ecstatic! Something that we had both witnessed from a young age (we both have younger siblings) and looked forward to experiencing for ourselves was finally happening- we were having a baby! We waited until Thanksgiving to tell all of the family, and it was early December before we announced the news to the rest of our friends. I remember it being so foreign when I would say the words,"I'm pregnant." Inside of me, was a growing phenomenon. The realization was amazing. My husband attended each ultrasound with me, baby was growing perfectly and had a very strong heartbeat. The next visit my amazing Mother-in-Law attended as well. I was excited to be a mommy, but her excitement warmed my heart in a different way- she was still mourning the loss of her father from the previous year. She was finally genuinely happy again. By this time I was just over 11weeks along. As soon as doc placed the US tool on my stomach and continued to move it around, I saw there was no flicker of a heartbeat. The room was silent- I looked at my husband and his mom, expectantly waiting for the familiar silhouette of a baby on the ultrasound screen, with a beating heart. The doc kept moving the tool and I tried to swallow the hard lump in my throat, all while trying to avoid the inquiring eyes of my husband and Mother-in-Law. I knew what the doc was going to say before she had to force the words out- we had a missed miscarriage. A nonviable pregnancy. After a deep breath I asked where we go from here. I understood everything she was saying, but it was as if I was processing the information in slow motion. I had three options: try to pass it naturally, take medication to get the process going, or undergo a D&C. With the possibility of complications, I decided to go with the D&C. I tried my best not to make eye contact with my husband as I got dressed. I knew if I looked at him, or even touched him, that I would break into a million pieces. After visiting a US Tech to confirm, I was told to come back Monday for pre-op. It was Friday, and I was to spend the weekend with a lifeless fetus in my womb. It just felt wrong, and I can't explain how much heavier and dense my womb felt to me after that moment.
It was hard to cope with, but even harder to break the news to the people in our lives along with explaining the healing process and terminology. It was absolutely exhausting. By mid February my hCG had reached zero and I was released. Life went on, and my husband and I were confident that we would someday have the chance to hold a sweet baby of our own. We leaned on God with the certainty that we were where we needed to be in that moment in time. Life was good.
In September of 2015 AF failed to appear again, and I immediately knew I was pregnant. I'm pretty sure I felt it the week it happened. I continued to take an at home test each morning until I got a faint positive. I was nervous, but so excited to say the least. I didn't do a surprise reveal to my husband this time, I think because of the stress. This time I knew the possibility and it took me a few weeks to let myself be excited. I did regret not telling him in a more exciting way, I'm a very ecstatic person who loves to surprise people.
I had just started a new job and didn't yet have health insurance, so I went to a free clinic. Although I knew there shouldn't be a positive pregnancy test unless there was a growing life inside of me, the confirmation from the clinic made it real for me. Of course I had wanted to be pregnant again after healing from the last, but I didn't want to rush and felt that it would happen all in perfect timing. We held off on telling people, but surprised a few close friends and family members. About a month after telling a good friend of mine, she surprised me with her very own news of being pregnant. We were going to be pregnant together! We were so excited to share the coming months and years.
When my husband and I attended the 8 week ultrasound, we weren't surprised that there was no heartbeat and neither was the US tech. We were told to come back the following week and that I may be earlier than expected. That week was torture. We were very hopeful, but in my head I did the math- I knew that if I was in fact earlier than expected, then I should have had my period in September. None of it made sense, but we decided to stop worrying and stay positive. Although we were well aware of the possibilities, that week further prepared us for bad news. Yet again it was determined that we had a missed miscarriage. The baby did not develop past 6.5weeks. It felt like a cruel joke. Although I had been through it before, with the doc telling me that she's sure it's nothing I did, I felt so ashamed. I did everything I could to avoid any risk, and it didn't pay off. After allowing myself to feel selfish just for a moment, I decided to get to business about getting healthy. Since I was still so early, with doc's encouragement I opted to pass everything naturally.
It has been a little over six months now and I am still processing the miscarriage. Due to my hCG level being stationary from February to March, I had to get a methotrexate injection. After that my level fluctuated a little, but has gone down and I will continue to have it checked until it is low enough for me to be released. For the first time in months I feel like I am coming out of a haze, I feel like I'm on my way up.
This miscarriage was similar to the first one in some ways, but also very different. I finally feel like I can share my story here, like so many others have. The stories I have read break my heart, but also let me know that I am not alone. I think that's what I've needed most through this whole thing. I am very thankful for my husband, who is very conscious of my emotional, mental, and physical state. These days they don't line up like they used to. I am very thankful that I have him, and that when he gets home from work and walks in to find me wrapped up like a burrito on the couch, with an empty carton of ice cream on the coffee table, he knows that dinner is up to him that night, so he cooks for both of us. If it applies, please don't forget your significant other through this hard time, and what they are going through as well. They may process it differently, but let it bring you together instead of push you apart. Also don't forget to be good to your body. I used to be somewhat angry that my body couldn't seem to do what it was supposed to do, even through passing the remaining tissue. Now I realize that it was working as hard as it could for me and that sometimes, just like we all do, our bodies need a little help.
It took me a while to get to this point, and I look forward to even better days, but I wish I could thank everyone who has been encouraging through this time. I hope I can do the same for someone in need.
Life is still very good.
I am so blessed to have the love of my life, my DH, est. November 2008.
BFP#1 Nov 2014, Missed MC at 11w, D&C on 01/06/2015
BFP#2 Sept 2015, Missed MC at 6w, Methotrexate injection 3/25/16, released from Doc 5/17/16
BFP#3 Oct 2016, Chemical
I hope to find some peace one day and I pray that soon we will be blessed with our rainbow baby. But even if that day comes, I will never forget about the child I never got to meet.
https://justjensjourney.wordpress.com
So in the morning I called. They had me come in pretty soon after. She did a pelvic exam and said the blood looked old. She made it seem like everything was fine--I felt calm and reassured. Then I went for an ultrasound.
This is the worst part. The ultrasound tech put the probe on my stomach and moved it around. She asked me "Are you sure you're pregnant? Cuz there's NOTHING in here." With this horrible attitude in her voice. At which point I just broke down crying. So insensitive.
I wish I knew that it's possible to have a miscarriage after hearing the heartbeat. Everything I read made it sound like once you hear the heart beat you're basically in the clear.
I wish I knew that ultrasound technicians can be so insensitive/lacking in compassion.
I wish I knew to stock up on pads while I'm pregnant. I was always a tampon girl and I wasn't expecting to miscarry. So I didn't have any and it was horrible.
from Seattle(ish)
5 years married
FTM and PGAL
EDD is 12/23/17
-- It's a BOY! ---
I'm sorry for your loss. I too had a miscarriage. My precious little angel would have been my second child. Unfortunately, I miscarried at 6 weeks 6 days.
Wednesday, August 23, 2017 was one of the most difficult days of my life. As I sat and talked to the doctor he told me that 25% of pregnancies result in miscarriages, at that moment I could hear everything and I understood it but it just felt like this shouldn't be happening. It felt like it was a bad dream and I was watching. When he did the ultrasound and showed me what was the yolk sac and could not find the baby, I knew this nightmare was true. The bleeding was my little angel.
Nothing prepares you for this, movies have it all wrong. It's a constant flow of blood for a week possibly two (Sorry tmi).
My heart felt broken and I kept wishing that I could go back to the day before or even last week. I took a blood test that said I was pregnant but low. Followed by taking the same test a week later that confirmed I was no longer pregnant. I didn't need this test to confirm what I already knew. The amount of blood I am passing is painful enough and confirmation.
These dreams of holding my baby in my arms and watching the baby play with its big brother will always be charished. The nights my husband kissed my belly and my son kissed my belly as he would say love you baby I will always cherish those memories.
I know that I will get pregnant again but my heart is so broken for the angel that I will never get to hold or kiss. My heart feels so broken that I could not protect my little angel.
I keep reminding myself to trust in God and his plan.
Please tell me it gets better.
Xoxo
Anyway, I told my boyfriend the night he got back and he was just as shocked as I'd been finding out. But he was hugely supportive and said whatever we did was completely up to me because it was my body. We ended up deciding to go for testing with a genetic counselor. The first one we saw turned out to be horrible, so he found a great place through his manager at work and the doctor was great. She even gave us huge relief by informing us that the Arestin was a non-issue before the 20th week (I had it done when I was 4 weeks and found out I was pregnant when I was 5 weeks). We went on and scheduled an ultrasound on July 28th to determine when the CVS testing could begin, but then at that appointment, the technician seemed to have an issue. When I told her how far along I was (10 weeks, 2 days), she said it looked earlier than that. She left the room to get a doctor, but neither my boyfriend nor I thought anything of it. He should have because he works in medicine (he's a veterinary technician), but he was overly tired from not sleeping after working overnight for 13 hours. The doctor introduced himself and told us that, unfortunately, there was no heartbeat. It turned out the baby stopped growing at 7 weeks, 2 days.
It didn't truly hit me until the next day. After that, I cried at various times. I had a D&C on July 31st and suddenly burst into tears shortly after coming out of the anesthesia. The worst was when I cried for an hour straight the Saturday after. I felt so alone, even though I have my boyfriend, my mom and my two best friends who have all been so supportive.
My boyfriend and I have been going to therapy since August 15th after this tragedy. It's definitely helping. We're also looking forward to the future and planning on trying again by the winter. I'm doing as much research as possible and glad to be able to talk with other women who've gone through the same experiences.
Sending love and prayers.
I'm opting to do misoprostol to get this over with but am super nervous. I just have no idea what to expect or and how painful it will be. I'm supposed to travel internationally for work next week... maybe I should wait until I'm back in case it takes longer than a few days? Any advice?
I experienced at 6 weeks in May of 2017. It was our second baby and I knew from the beginning that something was wrong with the pregnancy. About a week after getting my positive pregnancy test, my fears were confirmed. I did go in for an ultrasound and it showed a baby, but no heartbeat. I mc naturally and it was one of the hardest things that I have ever been through!
Please don't give up hope ladies! Your rainbow babies will be come!
Miscarriage are one of the hardest things we have to go through, and I find it helpful to talk about it and build supportive groups. Sadly it seems to be more of a societal taboo topic, but when I do talk about it there are so many people who open up and share their journey. I find it helps to hear of those stories and how they made it through. It may feel lonely right now, but you are not alone. Many of us go on to have successful pregnancies even after multiple losses. Take care of yourselves and when/if you are ready to try keep thinking positive, hopefull thoughts and know that you have an army of women who are sending you positive thoughts and prayers, and who are standing behind you through the difficulties, anxieties, happy outcomes, and devastating outcomes. Sending hugs to all of you!
I recently went through a loss at 10 weeks. Heartbeat stopped. It was terrible listening to the silent u/sd and hearing .. Oh, im sorry.... My doc suggested a d & e which i had and glad I did because i have miscarried before ( never this late) and its so painful physically and emotionally. My heart goes out to those that did it naturally.
Im 1-1/2 weeks post d & e and still.. Well, i guess grieving and completely hormonly imbalanced. This one has been so hard for me. I have 2 children, my Everythg, and we were so excited for the 3rd. We probably put the cart before the horse, but we started planning and doing all the things you do upon being prego.
I think most of all, im so mad. Is that what you guys are feeling? Last week, embarrassingly at work, i cried, a lot, like couldnt stop crying. I am so embarrassed. Now im just, well, like i dont even know. Feeling really short tempered, not interested in talking to anyone, just kinda "leave me alone" attitude . I know your body does what its going to do but i still get so mad about it.
Im still dreaming of having a third but at the same time i don't want to go through this again. Im afraid after this my husband is done, i think he was so upset over it, yet i still long for a 3rd.
Ugh... Just looking for support and seeing if anyone else feels this way post loss
Thanks and love and support to all
I basically went through labor. It was the worst pain I have ever gone through in my life. The cramps/contractions got more frequent and stronger throughout the day. I kept having the urge to have a bowel movement but nothing happened. Eventually the cramps/contractions got so close together that it was just constant pain with waves of sharper even more intense pain on top. I was rocking and moaning. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t think. I finally got up to get in the car to go to the ER and I noticed it felt better to move. It was torture to sit still in that car. When I got to the ER I kept feeling like clots were passing but no clots came out. When I wiped in the bathroom the stuff on the paper was different. It was sticky and there was some clear and pink gel like stuff. I could feel something was there but it wasn’t coming out.
I got pain management medicine and they did a pelvic exam. They removed the intact embryo in its sac. I basically gave birth. I got to see it and have some time with it before they sent it for testing.
No one prepared me for how painful it would be or that I would feel Iike I was in labor. It was awful. The worst pain I have ever been in. But it was over in a couple hours.
This is my first post here. I just lost a baby at 11weeks. I am a mother of 2 so this is my first miscarriage. I started having abdominal and lower back pain last Friday night, but no bleeding si I held off until the morning to go and get things checked out at the hospital. My beta was great, the did the screening ultrasound and showed me baby, heard the heartbeat, they said everything was fine. They sent me for more ultrasounds to see If any of my organs around were causing the pain. They told me my pain was due to a cyst on my right ovary which had a tear. But insisted baby would be completely fine, and that the cyst would resolve on it's own. I still had the cramping from the "cyst" but had started bleeding at about 12ish. I chalked it down the the cyst.. maybe it ruptured. Maybe because its torn it's supposed to bleed. NO ONE TOLD ME ANYTHING. Threw a pad on and went back to bed. The bleeding continued through the night but hubby had a couple of drinks before bed, and we live 35 minutes out of town from the hospital and was in no shape to drive myself. So at about 7am we finally got in the truck and headed to the hospital. They checked my Beta again and the new ER dr said it was a little bit lower than Saturday but I'm almost at that mark anyways where it would start to be falling down some so he wanted to do another ultrasound just to see what was going on. 2 hours later I found out there was no fetus and that my beta didnt drop a little, it dropped 50,000!!!! I went from like 88,000 to 35,000 in less than 24hrs. Basically o guess in the middle of the night when i was totally out of it, I had to poop. I went poop and heard a splash and didnt think twice about it. Wiped flushed went back to bed. That splash would've had to have been the baby.
It is so scary how quickly things can go from good to bad. Basically 9 hours before I figure I miscarried, I saw my baby, and heard its heartbeat and was told everything looks great!
At my confirmation appointment a week and a half ago, my OB performed an ultrasound and basically went from all smiles to panic. It was seriously like someone flipped a switch. She showed me the embryo with a heartbeat and stated the gestational sac was too small. She rattled off all kinds of things that could be wrong (ectopic, molar, early miscarriage, etc.), referred me to a specialist, and left the room. I definitely got the vibe she didn't want to deal with whatever was going on with me.
I went to the specialist the next day, who performed an ultrasound. He told me I was about 7weeks, and the baby (yes, he even called it a baby which made me feel like a human rather than a science experiment gone wrong) had a strong heartbeat. He did say the small gestational sac was a concern, but that it was early and he has seen these types of situations go on to be healthy pregnancies. He asked that I come back in two weeks so he could check on the progress. I told my partner I appreciated the optimism, but felt we should mentally prepare for the worst.
I experienced mild spotting after the ultrasounds (a bit of blood when wiping after using the toilet) which I assumed was normal and I went on with life. I had a business trip scheduled for the next week and packed some pads and tylenol in case things went side ways. Looking back, I wish I would done more homework or the OBs would've given me an idea of what to expect in the event I miscarried .
My first night out of town, I returned to my hotel room feeling a little crampy. I couldn't tell if it was a stomach thing (my team had gone out for tapas that night and something tasted off) or a uterine thing. When I hoped in the shower, it was clear the spotting had turned into bleeding. It wasn't a gush. It was more like day 1 of my period. I was concerned I was miscarrying so I text my partner to give him a heads up in case things got worse. Unfortunately, they did.
The pain went from cramping to full on contractions. The nightmare lasted 6 miserable hours. The pain was so bad at times I couldn't move or speak. Not sure if it was the miscarriage or the tapas, but there were also episodes of diarrhea, vomiting, and chills. The bleeding remained pretty steady and I passed about 6 quarter size blood clots. At one point, I checked my cervix. It was firm and closed which was frustrating because I felt like my body was trying so hard to expel everything in my uterus while at the same time hold on to it!
When the pain was bearable, I was reading the posts here and googling to figure out what the heck I was supposed to do. There I was half way across the country, alone (except for my poor partner who was on the phone), paralyzed by pain. I called my OBs on call number, which was a complete waste. They basically said "yep sounds like you could be miscarrying" and "go to the ER if you bleed through multiple pads in an hour". All I could think was "great, I'll just keep laying on this bathroom floor (dont worry I eventually made it to the bed) until it gets so bad that I call 911 or miraculously this stops." It was seriously the most pain I had ever been in. Eventually, the contractions started to ease up. By morning I was exhausted but could move around again without much pain. I still had light bleeding.
I ended up cutting my business trip short and flew home that afternoon. I didnt want to risk having another round of misery all alone. Once home, I passed a clot the size of the palm of my hand. It didnt hurt and I didnt have anymore contractions. I visited the OB, who originally told me something was wrong, for an ultrasound to confirm I had miscarried and passed everything. After that nightmare the last thing I wanted was a D&C. While I was sad to see the little heartbeat was gone, I was relieved my body was able to handle everything on its own.
The light bleeding has continued. I'm now dealing with the side effects of my hormones going back to normal. I've had a several days of bad headaches, spontaneous crying (seriously over the dumbest things), nausea/upset stomach, and fatigue. I'm still getting used to the idea that I'm not pregnant anymore.
Everyone in my life has been wonderful and supportive. Its shocking to hear how many women have gone through this no matter how much research you did. Nothing prepares you for this.
I realize that I am 'lucky' that i knew this was happening before it did, but even then my Doctor wasnt very informative when I asked "What happens now?". I have an appointment sometime this week with my gynecologist. Thats it. Thats all I was told. So now I am stuck going onto Google, and instead of nursery ideas, I'm looking up what to expect medically for this. I know this is not my fault; I did everything I was supposed to do. I know that this is natures cruel joke as I watch others in my community who smoke, drink, and do drugs the whole pregnancy and get to take thier perfect beautiful children home.
I'm scared. I am praying that the bleeding stops so I can have a D&C. I'm positive I can handle and recover if I just dont have to do this at home.
To others reading these for comfort: you are not alone. It is not your fault.
It wasnt happening on its on its own so I took some medicine that the doctor gave me on feb 6. I’ve been going back and getting blood tests ever since, last week my hcg was down to 17 and this week hopefully it’s down to below 5
anyways that was the long way of saying that it’s been a long process for me as well.
Hope everything gets gets better for you!
8 weeks: 7407
MXT shot:
7 days post shot: 3400
14 days post shot: 94
My advice is to advocate for testing! I know answers come back for only about 50% of patients, but in my case I would continue to get pregnant and miscarry until these conditions can be treated. Has anyone else ever gone through either of these and were able to successfully deliver? I am hopeful for the future, but still with a lot of uncertainty.
So we tried in March, April and May - no luck. After a break we tried again in July and with both our hearts feeling that our time will never come, I found out I was pregnant. Shocked!!!
I was only 3 weeks due to early detection kits and had so much stress with exams...unfortunately on 4 weeks and 4 days i had bleeding and lost the baby. Hospital did checks from bloods, scans etc and a week later it was confirmed I had a miscarriage, baby was gone and hcg was going back to normal.
Physically I think I am ok.... pregnancy feelings have gone, still bleed a bit but i am on panty liners and not full blown bed time pads now..
I know I need to heal and hopefully we can try again but i am so scared.... Scared it will take months.... scared once I do get pregnant that I will have to go through this all over again.... i am a worrier and knowing that this happened once... is going to be me paranoid... all through out my pregnancy i will be worried.. and its worse since its the first...
My age also doesnt help.. 33 soon to be 34 and hubby is 43...
any help would be great.
Also, what happened to you was not your fault!! You mentioned being stressed about exams that week, but I promise you, that did not cause your miscarriage. The majority of miscarriages are caused by some sort of chromosomal abnormality as the cells begin splitting - in my mind, it's nature's way of eliminating the suffering for our nonviable embryos. There's nothing you could have done differently to prevent that. And while it's frustrating to go through multiple cycles without getting that BFP, you and your husband still got pregnant relatively quickly based on the "standard guidelines" that say 50% will be successful in the first three months and 90% of couples will be successful within a year. You have ~20% chance each cycle. I know that doesn't help when you are really ready to kick off a family though.
And there is hope! 98% of women will go on to have a healthy pregnancy after a miscarriage - and you're actually more fertile in the months after. I have great hope that you will be successful!!
You should take all the time you need to emotionally recover before you start trying again. No matter what you do, it will be scary the next time you guys are pregnant and that is normal too. There are great boards on here when that time comes, with many women who are or have been in your shoes (check out the TTCAL and PGAL boards when you're ready)
Finally, should the unthinkable happen and you do miscarry again, be an advocate for recurrent pregnancy loss (RPL) testing! Like I said, only ~2% of women will miscarry twice in a row - unfortunately I am one of them. I lost my last baby (a boy) at 12 weeks in June 2019. It was really hard to have another miscarriage, but I'm doing okay and I'm still really hopeful! I know it's not my fault - I just want to keep pushing on and pushing forward.
I went through the RPL testing, and am coming back positive for lupus anticoagulant and some potential thyroid issues, which can contribute to recurrent miscarriages. I'm getting answers and setting myself up to be as healthy as possible for Round 3, which will begin about 8 months since my last conception. I know it'll still be scary as hell next time I get pregnant, but I'll do everything I can to be successful. I just know we have to keep trying to realize our dream, even if it's really tough. We will make it!