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August PGAL

emeraldcity1214emeraldcity1214 member
in November 2019 Moms
This thread is a safe place for those who are pregnant after a loss. (PGAL). If you have suffered a loss please feel free to answer the questions below and keep things going throughout the week as a continuing conversation.  

If you haven’t suffered a loss, please refrain from answering the questions, but know we welcome anyone who wants to come in and support the PGAL ladies and their milestones with encouragement or love tits! Thank you!  

1. How many weeks are you? 

2. Previous loss(es)? 

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? 

4. Any appointment updates? 

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? 

6. Any milestones coming up? 

GTKY:  What “group” did you hang out in during high school?  Ex: cheerleader, band, etc. 
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Re: August PGAL

  • emeraldcity1214emeraldcity1214 member
    1. How many weeks are you? 25

    2. Previous loss(es)? 14 week loss in Dec 2018

    3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally I’m crying a lot. I have been just thinking about what’ll it’s going to be like when this baby is born and how that is going to make me feel about Abigail (my angel baby). Also, I feel like I have been spiraling into anxiety lately. He hasn’t been quite as active and it freaks me out. I keep finding myself dwelling on how many kicks I have felt in the last few hours and then I proceed to start pushing on my bump to make him move. If it continues I may call my OB and just ask for a quick US to check on him. 

    4. Any appointment updates? Next one is at the end of the month. 

    5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I feel huge! Of course if I’m actually measuring 2 weeks ahead that would make me 27 weeks and we are getting to the point of just being huge. I’m just ready to have my baby in my arms already. 

    6. Any milestones coming up? I have already passed my loss milestone. 

    GTKY:  Are you crafty? If so, what have you been working on for the baby? 
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    1. How many weeks are you? 24+2

    2. Previous loss(es)? 10 weeks April 2015 and two chemical pregnancies one in March 2017 and one in August 2017.

    3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically my SPD is really hurting. Emotionally Im pretty tapped out and have some rough days where I just want to curl up in a ball and hide. But some days are awesome and I just want to hug everyone and share love. So thats a fun rollercoaster to be on.

    4. Any appointment updates? I go tomorrow to the cardiologist to check on my heart flubs and then in two weeks for regular check up plus glucose challenge.

    5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Im in the same boat @emeraldcity1214. Any change in movement makes me so anxious. Last night I couldnt get baby to move at all in the evening and I was really struggling with worry. I had to keep deep breathing and reminding myself baby needs to grow and needs to sleep in order to grow. I made the mistake with my first that I worried so much about SIDS that I would wake her from sleep out of fear she wasnt breathing. Trying not to do the same mistake. And I KNOW mine doesnt move a lot in the evenings because that hasnt been their pattern at all as of yet. But the relief I felt this morning when I felt a swift kick and now after lunch feeling rapid movement and rolls helps so much. I also have to remember with an anterior placenta I wont feel as much and that some times baby can be facing my back and I wont feel the movement. Just trying to breathe and not get worked up unless it has been 24 hours of very low to no movement.

    Raves-more often than not I find myself thinking "why wouldn't this work out" or "i have no reason to believe I wont bring a baby home from the hospital". My anxiety makes me want to challenge these thoughts in case I am setting myself up for failure or in case Im jinxing myself. But Ive been trying to stay in those hopeful spots and unless given proof something is wrong, just believe in the fairytale for a little bit. I didnt connect with my daughter really at all during my last pregnancy because I was so afraid to and I dont want to regret missing out on this pregnancy because I am so full of doubt. So choosing when I can to stay positive.

    6. Any milestones coming up? I am so thankful to pass the 24 week mark and now just counting down to under 100 days and then counting down to week 27/28 when babies survival rate raises past 90%. 

    GTKY:  What “group” did you hang out in during high school?  I was a choir/musical girl. We were weird kids. We did weird things as a group.
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    Edited to add my chemicals were in 2018. I swear my mind has no conception of time including what day of the week it is or even what year it is. I have been sitting her for awhile like "thats not right. Something isnt right about that time line. Wtf."
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  • emeraldcity1214emeraldcity1214 member
    @purplefan1 I have been trying to stay out of fear/anxiety mode too. It is just so hard. Then the thought of actually going in and finding out something is wrong terrifies me. Almost makes me feel paralyzed. I have never ever wished time during a pregnancy away except for now. I just want to hold my baby and know that he is safe and healthy. 

    I also didn’t answer the GTKY question...
    i am somewhat craft. I like to sew and I want to learn to knit. I have a few projects that I want to take care of before baby arrives. I need to find fabric for his bedding and start making that. I plan to teach my 5 year old how to finger knit this year too. So it will be a great time for us to learn together. I want her to have some kind of craft as a hobby. Or at least expose her so that she can have enough experience with different things to know what she likes and dislikes. 
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  • rogro118rogro118 member
    1. How many weeks are you? 23 +5

    2. Previous loss(es)? 3 early losses in 2018, one chemical in Jan. 2019

    3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Ok, stressed for other reasons, but really starting to feel good about approaching 24 weeks!  

    4. Any appointment updates? No, I don’t go back for another week and a half for a regular appointment.  I was 2 weeks late for my first appointment because I was sick, so I feel like my schedule is all off compared to everyone else!  

    5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I’m so looking forward to the Fall.  I agree with @emeraldcity1214 that I never wish time away (especially the summer), but I’m itching to get this baby out and know she’s safe and healthy.  @purplefan1 you’re not alone in those thoughts of what else could happen.  I feel like I’m constantly waiting for something bad to happen because of the shit year that was 2018 was bad news after bad news for us between losses and failed IVF.  I keep having to remind myself that we’re so very lucky to be here and we know I can grow a healthy baby, I’ve done it before!  

    6. Any milestones coming up? 24 weeks on Thursday 👏🏼👏🏼.  It makes me happy, but at the same time in my head I’m still scared.  I had a student born at 24 weeks so I know life isn’t all good just because we’ve made it to viability.

    GTKY:  What “group” did you hang out in during high school?  Ex: cheerleader, band, etc.  I played sports, but our class was pretty inclusive, I can’t really say there were “groups,” but naturally with 250ish kids, there were groups of people who hung out together, I just don’t think they can be categorized.  I’m still friends with people I went to kindergarten with (including my husband 😂), which I love.  We went to the same elementary school our kids will go to!  
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  • emeraldcity1214emeraldcity1214 member
    For some reason I don’t think the new GTKY question took. 😂 I can see the one I posted for this month which is about crafting and y’all must be seeing what I copied and pasted from last month. 
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  • rogro118rogro118 member
    @emeraldcity1214 😂 well, I like crafting!  Most recently, I just made my friend’s signs for her wedding (typical painted script on stained wood), but I love doing anything creative.  I would really like to learn how to sew with some skill, I have a machine my husband got me for Christmas a few years ago, but I haven’t tackled learning it.
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  • gadzooks_3gadzooks_3 member
    1. How many weeks are you?  26

    2. Previous loss(es)? 1 miscarriage before my previous pregnancy and 2 chemical pregnancies while we dealt with secondary infertility.  

    3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? 

    Still very tired/fatigued and dealing with food aversions.  Making managing my GD challenging.  Hip and back pain has shown up early this time. 

    Emotionally feeling the baby move helps so much, but still nervous.  The difference in feeling this time because of the anterior placenta is probably a big part of that.

    4. Any appointment updates? 

    Not yet, next one is the 13th. 

    5. Rants/Raves/Questions? 

    It is hot and maternity clothes don't breath. 

    6. Any milestones coming up? 

    I think kick counts start at 28 weeks and those were always reassuring to me.

    GTKY:  What “group” did you hang out in during high school?  Ex: cheerleader, band, etc. 

    Band, theater (mostly stage crew), and choir.  My little group of friends were a brainy/nerdy bunch from all three. 

    As to crafts - I haven't had time for crafts for a long time, but I used to do beading/make jewelry.  I can see but it takes more CV patience than I have to do properly.  I knit badly and I do some scrap booking. 
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  • emeraldcity1214emeraldcity1214 member
    @rogro118 I am not comforted by the 24 weeks viability either. I think it’s still too rocky for a baby born that early. Considering I only had a 1% chance of losing my last baby when I did, I know I won’t feel good until I’m holding my baby. 
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    Ok. Momma loss brain is on the run right now. I was feeling a little anxious because I hadnt stopped to feel for movement much today. Baby is moving a lot now that I am paying attention so that is good. BUT, I was pressing on my stomach to get a better feel of the movement and I hit a spot that has been tender off and on this whole pregnancy. As in, they would have the ultrasound wand on that spot and it would really hurt. No one has found the cause of the pressure point pain (only hurts to push on) but no one has really investigated it either. So of course, I started googling. First started with placental  abruption.  I dont actually know exactly which side by SCH was on, although it had disappeared at the 18 week anatomy scan (so about 7ish weeks ago it was gone). But they can grow back. So of course I started worrying it had grown back and was now causing some abruption. Then I also started seeing stuff come up on odd presentation for appendix pain during pregnancy. The only symptom I have is the push pain that goes away after the push is taken away (no rebound pain) and as of right now I can push on that spot and no tenderness. Just driving me crazy. I actually have two spots that have on and off hurt me throughout this pregnancy (spot just to the right and slightly below my belly button and spot on the upper left hand quadrant just below my rib cage). They are not consistent but worry brain started making me think something is going to go horrifically bad. But since the pain quickly subsided and I dont have any true doom and gloom feelings, I dont think it is worth a call to the OB. I go in next Tuesday for my echo and then glucose challenge/regular check upso will have plenty of time to review the concerns with docs. If the pain had continued at all I would either be on the phone to the OB or on my way to the ED. Right now trying to breath and remind myself baby is moving as typical to this baby, no nausea or throwing up, and no current feelings of pain. So no cause for concern (aka, shut up anxious brain, you have nothing to back your worries).
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  • emeraldcity1214emeraldcity1214 member
    @purplefan1 I have a painful spot near my bellybutton. It has happened with my last 2 but I haven’t noticed it with this pregnancy yet. I would hurt when I would lean forward. Nothing was ever wrong. Both babies are fine. Definitely bring it up at your appointment though. I’m sorry you’re worrying. 
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  • rogro118rogro118 member
    @purplefan1 I have two tender spots too that are sore when she kicks that spot or if I push down.  It feels like a bruise and I don’t remember having it last time around.  I mentioned it at my appointment last time and she said as long as it’s not a sharp, shooting pain or it doesn’t get worse, then not to worry.
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    Thanks you both. It feels reassuring that you both know what I might be referring to. And since it doesnt hurt consistently at all and really only hurts if I push on it, i need to just stop pushing on it.  ;-)
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  • emeraldcity1214emeraldcity1214 member
    I have always thought mine may be from an umbilical hernia that happens when everything gets stretched out sand my abdominal muscles aren’t doing their job properly. 
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    I actually thought umbilical hernia as well!
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  • emeraldcity1214emeraldcity1214 member
    I feel like I have just been extremely emotional the last few weeks. It’s like the closer I get to delivery my emotions just get more intense. I literally bawled in the OB office this week when she asked me how my pregnancy has been going. 

    I can’t even think about her or I just start tearing up. My daughter has been talking a lot about her lately too and I’m sure it’s because she knows we are getting closer to bringing this baby home. 

    I feel guilty that I’m not just filled with happiness and I’m fearful that his birth is going to be overshadowed by the grief I’m still feeling over my loss. 
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  • rogro118rogro118 member
    I’ve been super emotional too, I can relate.  I’ve been so easily stressed out the last few weeks it’s wearing on me, and I’ve been crying at the smallest things.  I had a pretty traumatic birth experience with my son and with all the losses after him I’m so scared that something bad is going to happen.  The closer we get, I think that is just always in the back of my mind.  I’ve been making a conscious effort to be positive everyday, but I still get those feelings creeping up.  I had what I think was a panic/anxiety attack the other night, I couldn’t calm down and had to lay in bed and hold my son while he slept and do deep breathing to make my heart rate come down enough to relax to get to sleep.  It was a horrible feeling and I don’t know how I even got that upset.

    I’m feeling guilt that I didn’t even truly believe in this pregnancy in the beginning since we had a chemical in January, which was our fourth loss of the year.  I never had time to recover emotionally from that when we got pregnant with this current baby and was all geared up to try IVF again, my head just wasn’t in it.  I think my husband and I are still in a bit of disbelief that we’ve made it this far and still hurt that we never got any clear reasons for any of our losses.  Feeling her move so much lately has been so, so good for me, but I know my husband is still having a hard time whenever I have him feel her kick.  I’m really trying to change our outlook on this and get us both excited.  Maybe I’ll bring up the name conversation this weekend and see if that helps us feel more connected with this pregnancy.         

    @emeraldcity1214 you sound like you’ve had a stressful week too with the fires, so I’m sure being unsettled hasn’t helped. Hang in there, I know these babes will be more than worth it.
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  • emeraldcity1214emeraldcity1214 member
    @rogro118 I’m planning to set up some sort of counseling and get started before the baby gets here. I’m so worried about PDD. 
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    How come some days nothing really feels like reassurance? I feel the baby moving today but because it doesnt feel as pronounced as it did even two days ago, im uneasy. My back is hurting so I actually wonder if baby is turned around and kicking my back more right now which is why I cant feel it as well. Im feeling plenty of movements according to a kick counter and as I sit here typing, lots of loops and swoops. But I just have a funk about me thats hard to shake. I just want to lay in bed all day and feel baby move and sleep myself. I dont think I slept well last night and my back might be jacked up from that. Overall my whole body is a little achy so I probably just need a warm bath and some good stretching. Just wish so often I had a portable ultrasound machine to see baby. Struggling too thinking that I wont see baby again until birth. Last pregnancy I think I had 4-5 more ultrasounds during the last portion of pregnancy. Ugh. Just a funk day. Need this baby to get here safely.
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  • emeraldcity1214emeraldcity1214 member
    @purplefan1 I have those days too. He was extra quiet the other day and it freaked me out. I also think he spends most of his time facing my back plus the anterior placenta doesn’t help. 
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    Yes and yes @emeraldcity1214. I can feel this one move soooo much more than my last and both were anterior placentas but i still just get so nervous. Headed home from eye doctor and going to just lay down or take a bath and see if baby gets a little more active before I worry myself much more.
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    Great. Now today baby is kicking up a storm. But instead of feeling relaxed and comforted by it, Im all "is this frantic fetal movement? Is something wrong?" Rational brain says I had coffee with breakfast and baby typically is very active after breakfast and coffee. And maybe baby is just in a different position from yesterday when I couldnt feel as much and now today is just kicking where I can feel it better. This anxiety stays with me but while they are in utero and out. Is the baby sleeping too much? Too little? Is it breathing? Not breathing enough? Hyperventilating? Blah.
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  • rogro118rogro118 member
    Yup, that’s how I feel too.  Yesterday was nonstop movement and today is much quieter down there.  I had an awful stiff neck yesterday and had to sleep on my back so of course I’m freaking myself out about blood flow now.  I did my best to prop myself up, but still.  I’m feeling her low, so my rational brain says she’s just in a different position, but my anxiety is not being kind!
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    Anxiety brain is a dick.
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  • emeraldcity1214emeraldcity1214 member
    I keep having weird sensations low in the area where your pants crease, same place you would have a c-section scar. It keeps freaking me out. I’m pretty sure they aren’t contractions but sometimes I’m not 100% on that. They aren’t consistent so that’s a positive. 
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  • rogro118rogro118 member
    Same, I've definitely had some brief bouts of cramping the past few days and it freaks me out because I can feel it in my thighs like I did when I was in labor and after I did ivf.  It isn't super strong, but it has made me stop moving and notice it.  I don't remember having any cramping sensations last time, but I could have just been oblivious to it.  I also feel her moving way down low near my pubic bone and against where my thighs hit my belly, but I'm pretty sure the lump by my belly button is her head and not a bum  :(  I was really hoping not to have a breech baby again, so fingers crossed that I'm wrong or she moves on her own!
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    Hope she moves @rogro118! (By the way, 118 is randomly one of my favorite numbers). Have you done any of the stretches/etc that are supposed to help encourage head down? 

    I agree with weird cramps and sensations that make me feel like labor. I had terrible back labor since mine was sunny side up until she came out. So now any time my back is aching and I have to poo, i worry that Im missing signs of labor. I vividly remember right before it was time to push that I told my nurse I all of a sudden REALLY felt like i needed to poop and thats when she had me checked one last time and it was time to go. So now I associate that sensation with L&D
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  • rogro118rogro118 member
    11/8 is my anniversary so It's one of my favorites too! 

    I've been doing some half-assed yoga poses, but I really need to look up the list of things they recommended with my son.  I keep meaning to make a chiro appointment too, which can help.  My sister and mum both had breech babies too, so I'm definitely prone to it, but was hoping everything down there was a little more stretched out so it wouldn't happen!  Last time we tried it all, even playing music with headphones down low  :D  We ended up doing an external cephalic version and it worked, but he had a tough time during labor and was wrapped in his cord so I'm unsure I would do it again because I think that the version caused him to get tangled and that definitely scares me after what we went through.    
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  • purplefan1purplefan1 member
    That sounds terrifying!!! And I heard those versions can be really painful!
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  • emeraldcity1214emeraldcity1214 member
    @rogro118 every single baby I have delivered has had their cord wrapped around them. So it may have happened anyway. I have come to realize that it is very common for it to happen. It freaked me out after my second baby because she got in distress and was too far into the birth canal for a c-section. They have all been fine though. 
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