Weekly Question Thread w/o 7/21

varimama · July 2019

Ask your questions here!

kantobean · July 2019

Who has tips and tricks for surviving social occasions/happy hours without tipping people off that you’re pregnant? I’m sure I sound like I drink a ton. I don’t really but we do family dinners with one side or another once a week, and there’s always wine. Plus between the occasional happy hour with friends/coworkers, I need some strategies.

So far, here’s what works for me:
-If you’re going to a bar, try to arrive first and order club soda with lime in a lowball glass. Looks like gin & tonic.
-I haven’t tried it yet, but my husband suggested ginger beer, which is alcohol-free and the main component of a Moscow mule, so most bars stock it. Bonus: Ginger sometimes helps ease morning sickness.

Any other tips or strategies? In the past I have found that saying “I’ll pass, I’m not really feeling great” really makes people suspect pregnancy. 😂

orbmaker · July 2019

@kantobean I really stink at lying. Every time I’ve tried to fib, I just end up getting awkward and blurting out, “I’m pregnant!” My H has suggested that I just accept a glass of wine and then we’d sort of clandestinely mix up our glasses. But I said I would feel weird explaining later that I was only pretending to drink, lol.

varimama · July 2019

I was going to say just order something that looks like a drink but isn’t. I always got cranberry juice bc vodka cranberry was my usual drink. If you get beer in a bottle or can you can pour it out and replace it with water. Maybe just saying you feel tired or are getting over a cold. Though that will only work like once. If you are pouring you could put grape juice in your wine glass.

Honestly if they are people you see weekly would telling them early be so bad? The way I decide who I want to tell early is based on if I would want their support if something happened. If I would then I feel ok telling them before first tri is over. But I know everyone is different so if you aren’t comfortable it’s ok to stick to your guns and try to hide it. I feel like so many people are not considerate and will just flat out ask though

kantobean · July 2019

Thanks @orbmaker and @varimama! We are seeing FIL and SMIL a lot this week because some of my husband’s cousins will be visiting. I don’t really want to tell them until after my appointment because if I tell some of our parents, I’ll feel like I have to tell them all, and MIL is really not discreet and told everyone she knows super early last time. I just don’t want to deal with that.

EmilyLove25 · July 2019

@kantobean Some ginger beer is really good. I think that sounds like a great plan. I don't drink, and I am thankful because I would hate people speculating while I was still anxious. I have found if I tell bartenders to make me a mocktail, they are SO good and look like real drinks. I order them because I genuinely like them so even when not KU.

orbmaker · July 2019

@kantobean blabbermouths are frustrating! I suspect if you accepted a glass of wine like it was no big deal, no one would really notice if you didn’t drink much (any) of it, esp if it was a large gathering.

On the off chance someone mentioned it, you could just say like, “ugh, I’m having the worst heartburn this week.”

miss.sally · July 2019

@kantobean I second asking for a mocktail! They’re delicious and usually really pretty too! And if you get there first you can just tell the bartender up front that you aren’t drinking but your friends need to think you are, they’re usually super nice and helpful about it! I did that once last pregnancy and we had fun sneaking drinks. Lol

momoftoddlers · July 2019

@kantobean After my little ER visit this weekend, we ended up telling our parents about the pregnancy. It turns out my mom and siblings have been monitoring my lack of alcohol consumption since 4th of July and were quite suspicious. And I’m not even a big drinker! 🤣 So I’d say if you don’t want people to figure it out, just accept the drink and they probably won’t notice if you don’t actually drink it.

lusineg · July 2019

@momoftoddlers, I guess you have some detectives around you, lol.

I told people that I was cutting out alcohol for health reasons (truth) months ago, and some knew also because I was getting ready to try and get pregnant.

I declined wine at dinner towards the end of June with my aunt/uncle/cousins, but they didn't say anything, and I wasn't even expecting yet. I'm sure they're waiting for me to say something soon though. I would love to do the wine label announcement with them, because we have dinner and wine with them every time.

lm45678 · July 2019

Drinking is always what gets me caught!! I was really open about TTGP though (we started trying approximately 3 seconds after DH graduated and everyone knew that was about 2 years longer than i wanted to wait!)

I find that hiding it makes me more worried about something happening with this baby, and I have told family and some mom friends. If anything happens, I will want support and not trying to hide anything (nausea, not drinking, excessive hunger) has been a big relief.

After my 9 week appointment I will probably slowly spill the beans to others who I don’t see so frequently.

In terms of hiding drinking: ginger beer is great, any sort of mocktail, (my fave is seltzer with cranberry and a lime), ginger ale in a champagne glass is good too

silverhope · July 2019

You could say you are doing a health challenge for the month and not drinking.

janice9821 · July 2019

@silverhope that's what I was thinking, too. I know people who are doing what they are calling "dry July" to lose weight.

iiirene · July 2019

I have a question about questions-what sort of questions am I supposed to ask during my first appointment? All of the questions that come up when I google it seem sort of obvious or like they are general information that my OB should provide for me anyways or I could find the answer for myself on the internet.

kagesstarshroom · July 2019

@sivosk I think I screenshot a bunch from the bump mobile? If you read their weekly things, they have one about the first appointment or about choosing your OB or something--actually now that I'm rereading them, they are more about making sure you want to go w/ that Dr., but I think they still might be some good questions. I remember asking about things that are on the, like, "ask your doctor if this is okay" so about medications--which i could take & which I shouldn't, doing yoga, vacations I had planned, stuff like that. Here are my screen shots from that article:

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/9e/wdkqob2m3eb1.png

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/l5/nlf1bc20l26u.png

orbmaker · July 2019

@sivosk just my two cents, but I would think about what kind of birth you’d like to have (you don’t have to know for sure right now) and try to make sure your doctor or midwife is on the same page. It’s much harder to switch providers later in pregnancy if you find out there’s a mismatch in perspective. For example: you want an intervention-free birth, but your doctor makes a dismissive comment about how amazing epidurals are. Or the opposite. Or whatever. I’d personally ask what the practice’s c-section rate is!

varimama · July 2019

@sivosk oh man I wish I had my journal from last time, I lost it in the move. I had like a million questions and I’m sure my OB thought I was nuts. I asked about what prenatal testing he recommends, delivery options, medications, and about how my current thyroid condition would affect the pregnancy.

EmilyLove25 · July 2019

@sivosk I remember asking questions that were very specific to me and my lifestyle. For instance, "I am still running 6-8 miles a day, is that okay?" "I'm a vegan, how much protein do I really need?" "Can I keep drinking this Sleepy Time tea?" But I also think asking about options for blood work (if they don't bring it up) and early testing can be a good idea! But of course you'll be seeing them monthly in the beginning, so if you forget to ask something, there's always next month haha!

sunflower_auryn · July 2019

Good morning!

When are you telling HR that you're pregnant? When are you planning to tell your supervisor or boss?

ETA: We have a small, intertwined staff (~25) and we are coming up on the work planning process for next year. I want my colleagues to be able to factor my leave in while we're planning, so I'll probably share with my supervisor and team right around 12w. Our "HR" is also in an operations role at the office and is deeply involved in our workplanning process, so I will probably end up telling her earlier/about the same time as everyone else. What is everyone else doing?

ruby696 · July 2019

@sunflower_auryn I don't tell HR I'm pregnant until like the month before I go out on maternity leave. I tell my supervisor after 13 weeks. My job doesnt require any strenuous physical activity though. I would tell HR right away if I needed accommodations.

bluguitarhannah · July 2019

Our FMLA policy requires 30 day notice if the medical condition to be treated is known. Given how long it takes I would likely work with HR at 60 days out. On my boss, I would talk sometime in the second trimester. I have a large caseload and right now I'm the only one doing my job. They'll need some time for a workaround plan.

kailanae · July 2019

I will likely share the news at work either once I am out of first tri or after we find out the sex a few weeks later. I will tell HR around the same time, because there is prep work that needs to be done to prepare for short term disability. From my last two maternity leaves, I had to call and prepare a claim with the STD vendor so that once baby did come, I could call and trigger the STD leave. I wanted to have that prepped in advance in case of any potential early delivery complications.

chichiphin · July 2019

I’ve already told my boss because of my last loss. I want him to know in case something happens again and I don’t have to give much more info other than I need time off.

Everyone else is post-NT scan and NIPT

kantobean · July 2019

I will tell my boss around 12-14 weeks and get things squared away with HR shortly after that. However, as a teacher, I am already thinking about possible candidates for my long-term sub. It’s important for me to find someone I really trust, and if they’re not already in the system for my district it will take a little extra time.

EmilyLove25 · July 2019

@sunflower_auryn My boss is a good friend, so I told him a few days after I found out. I'll tell HR sometime during the second trimester (assuming all the bloodwork goes well etc). I think your plan sounds great... telling the HR person early just so he/she can take it into consideration when planning.

mrsvp614 · July 2019

@sunflower_auryn I already told my two supervisors, but explained that it was very early. I work a difficult, overnight schedule, so I thought telling them would allow me some grace when it comes to staying beyond my shift for other management duties. I'm also trying to get on a more normal shift, and want them to know that with another child in the picture, it's even more of a priority. I will tell HR and the rest of my work team, probably after 12 weeks.

kagesstarshroom · July 2019

@sunflower_auryn I feel like your plan you added "ETA" to tell when you are going to makes sense!

I'm a grad student, so IDK who to tell when/what either--bc I'm PGAL & DH doesn't want to announce until, like, we're halfway thru, I probably won't tell anyone at school until it's obvious. I think it's an interesting question to navigate because everyone's work situations are so different? My big decision will be--do I graduate in December or May? December makes more sense, but I want to look into what, if any, family leave time they offer grad students bc if I can get paid in the spring... that would be ideal... Being on the job market KU is going to be super tough for me, though.

EmilyLove25 · July 2019

Third time mom here, but still have a TMI question... where do we all stand on cervical mucous right now? Gross, but I'm 7 weeks + 1 day and had a bunch yesterday and today... watery, which I found strange? But hormones, right?

chichiphin · July 2019

@EmilyLove25 I already have some that feels like I'm letting out a little pee but it's just CM

varimama · July 2019

@EmilyLove25 I had some EWCM the other day and was like huh? I hope it’s normal 😬

akak23 · July 2019

Back to the question about when to tell your boss, I’d love to know y’alls opinion about telling your clients? I work for myself as a consultant on retainer. So my clients pay me monthly. I’m worried that when I tell them I’m taking 3 months maternity leave that they won’t want to pay me for that time even though I am going to hire someone to fill in for me for that time. I don’t have any employees so I am so confused how to proceed without losing my clients.

momoftoddlers · July 2019

@EmilyLove25 Think I wore pantiliners a majority of my last pregnancy bc there’s always something going on down there.

lulu780 · July 2019

@sunflower_auryn I'm planning on telling HR and my boss after 12 weeks but if the nausea starts to kick in and gets bad like my last pregnancy I will have to tell them sooner due to any missed work and FMLA paperwork that will need to be submitted.

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