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October 2019 Moms
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First Holidays with baby

almdnaalmdna member
in October 2019 Moms
I'm thinking about Christmas already.. my baby will be 2 months old on Christmas and this year I want a quiet Christmas at my home with my baby and husband and our dog.

Every year my in laws and their young children stay at our house when they visit out of state...Mother in laws house is way too hoarded and dirty for them to stay there.
But then that means my sis in law and her family will have to get a hotel room. I will gladly bring the baby to their hotel room to have a nice quiet visit (no dog barking or craziness) but I'm going to feel bad for telling them they cant stay at our place this year.
They also dont really respect our wishes either. I asked MIL to come over for opening gifts around 2pm and she showed up at 730pm cuz she had to pick up her 32 yr old daughter with no license from work. (Take the day off girl!) Then my brother in law brought his new dog over and I had to lock up my dog in his own home just because he is big. It really stressed me out since he barked and clawed up my bedroom door and bit the doorknob...last year i kept my wine glass full at all times...

My husband is the only sibling with a house so we also feel they use us for it. My husband and i dont really feel part of the family since they only call and text the sister to visit her at my house instead of calling us...

Am i sounding unreasonable for wanting my house to myself this holiday season?

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Re: First Holidays with baby

  • mrsinterwebmrsinterweb member
    @almdna ugh! Family dynamics are so tricky. I don’t think you sound unreasonable for not wanting to host Christmas this year. Hosting should be voluntary, not an obligation. Honestly, I think all you have to say is “sorry, we can’t host this year because of the new baby” and let them figure out the alternative plan. They are adults and can figure it out.
    *TW in Spoiler*BabyFetus Ticker

    Me 39 - DH 41

    Married 8/26/07

    TTGP #1 Jan '15 - 

         BFP 9/11/15 - DS born 5/31/16

    TTGP #2 July '17 -

         CP July '17

         Blighted Ovum MC Dec '17

         CP June '18

         BFP 1/30/19 - EDD 10/13/19

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  • cmbt2cmbt2 member
    I’ll be blunt, but the holidays are ours. We celebrate the weekend before for Christmas and thanksgiving, weekend after for birthdays. The actual days are for us to spend together and by ourselves. We had everyone over on Christmas Day DS1’s first year, and after that, I said never again. We mostly got push back from my MiL, but she’s come to accept that this is just how it’s going to be. At first, my husband wasn’t thrilled because of his mother and how she reacts, but he actually really likes it this way now because the stress of dealing with family isn’t occurring on the holiday, and frankly, babies/toddlers/preschoolers end up super overwhelmed that it’s so much easier having things split up 
    BFP #1 3/07, EDD 11/12/07, MMC 5/7/07
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    BFP #2 5/4/14, EDD 1/15/15, DS1 1/19/15
    BFP #3 8/19/16, EDD 4/30/17, DS2 4/25/17
    BFP #4 12/22/18, EDD 9/6/19 - CP 12/29/18
    BFP #5 1/18/19, EDD 10/3/19, It’s a Girl!
    ~~~  ~~~  ~~~
    High Risk Dx (6/14):  Homozygous MTHFR C677T, protein C & S deficiencies
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  • andrawrmeda2andrawrmeda2 member
    edited July 2019
    I don't think it is unreasonable. I will chime in, not everyone can take holidays off, I missed Christmas day morning with DS his first year due to working in a nursing home. But she should let you know when running behind! 

    Having a new baby for holidays is stressful as it is. Much less having to plan and organize. I'd take the year off. Tell them nope. Wish we could be that strict with holidays, between my family and his parents we have 4 Christmas days/dinners to attend/be at 2 days back to back. Same with Thanksgiving. It was hectic in last years but we're used to it now. 




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  • perfectlove09perfectlove09 member
    I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Try talking about it now... you and your husband can sit and plan how you’d like the holiday week to look and then give them a heads up. Maybe have a couple options for them, like we do with children, to make them feel like they are getting a say as well. 
    For example : would you like to open gifts at noon or 4pm?

    something that you’re actually ok with them choosing. Maybe you give them a few choices of available restaurants to eat at that week. Something that keeps them out of your house if they can’t respect your time and dog situation. 

    Good luck
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
    DD#1 December '12
    DD#2 New Year's Baby '15
    Married 07/09
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