Long story short, after job hunting for over a month, I ended up working a whopping 1 week at the place that hired me. Ironically I have an offer that's 95% solid starting in a month back in my own industry which I'd been trying to get back into for a year and finally gave up on.
Longer version: As soon as I started this job, and even more so as I began learning their procedures, I just knew that this place would terminate me during the probation period the minute they found out that I would be leaving in December. On Wednesday last week I got a very unexpected email from a studio I've been trying to work with for a couple years, that they're looking for someone for some upcoming projects in the fall.
Since I'm desperately trying to earn my 600 insurable hours to be able to get government maternity benefits (I've been self-employed since my last mat leave ended so I had zero hours banked), I was completely upfront with the studio about my pregnancy, about sometimes needing to leave work at a certain time to pick up my son from daycare if my husband couldn't, and that I couldn't risk leaving the current job if I wouldn't be getting enough hours to get mat benefits. She was cool with everything and said we could make it work.
I would have rather stayed at the job I'd already started, mostly because it was no commute, strictly 9-5 with no chance of overtime or taking work home, but I had to let them know what was going on to see whether it would be an issue that I'm pregnant. I couldn't just try to hide it, and then 3 or 4 weeks from now have them find out, fire me, and then it be too late to take the other job. So I sat down with the 2 owners at the end of the day Friday, and explained the whole situation, and without even needing to discuss it between them, they just immediately told me to take the other job and that they'd start contacting the other people they'd interviewed to get a replacement. I offered to stay until the new person was available (in case they needed to give 2 weeks notice elsewhere) but got an email Saturday saying the new person could start today already, and I didn't need to come in anymore.
SO, I'm kind of disappointed, but at least I'm not in a situation where I'm left completely screwed like I would have been in a few weeks time if I let the company just sort of find out later on that I was pregnant. Now I've just got to get the details finalized for this other position.
I'm still having a hard time keeping food and liquids down. This will be going on 5 days now. Sometimes I can keep stuff down for up to 12 hours, other times its 12 minutes and occasionally 12 seconds. Ugh! I don't like this at all!
I also feel like total crap. I constantly have a headache and my stomach is in knots. I am changing doctors and have an apt on Thursday. I called to try and get in with him today, but he doesn't see patient's on tuesday's because it's his surgery day. A wonderful change of pace at this office is the receptionist told a nurse what was going on and had her on the phone in less than a minute to talk to me. Already a great improvement over my old obgyn. She wants me to go to their ER and have them do an IV drip to make me feel better. So that is where I am going as soon as my clothes are dry.
The worst part of this is its already the 2nd day this week I had to call off work. The third work day in a row of not being there and I was already getting pressure from HR to come in extra hours this week. I'm very worried that when I do finally go back to work, I will be let go for missing so much time. I'm already missing so much money by being off sick. I'd much rather be healthy and working but I can't make myself feel good enough to work. I'm trying not to stress out because of my blood pressure but that is next to impossible right now.
@CapricaAndrea sounds like it worked out even if not in a great way. But where does that leave you on maternity benefits?
Work is still stressful. And I’m irritated at coworkers calling in. I do kind of want to stamp my feet and be like I’m growing a human. If I can drag myself here every day so can you! But I think the stress is getting to everyone so I shouldn’t be so judgey. I’m just tired of running groups alone and being stuck with all the notes.
@Stac928 well, with the film and tv industry, things change constantly, but there's enough projects coming up in the near future at this studio that I should be able to get enough contracts to make up my hours. Especially because on paper when a contract is signed, it's considered a 60 hour week (even though it's almost never actually that much in reality) so it will add up a lot quicker than a 40 h/week job. But there's still a risk that things will fall through, or that for health reasons I'll have to stop working before I hit that benchmark. If I make it to at least 400 hours I'd at least get unemployment benefits, but it will be much less substantial than the maternity would be.
So I haven’t told my work yet and I’m looking for some feedback/opinions on the acceptable latest time I could tell my boss/owner, without looking like a jerk?
We’re a small company (3 people) and I’ve been here part-time almost 4 years. We have a good relationship and chat about personal stuff on the reg, but we don’t hang out outside of work. I would say I’m an invaluable employee (but not irreplaceable, because no one is!).
I’m 16w4d today. I’m not showing, and probably won’t for a while even though this is my 3rd baby (Plus Size). I’m definitely not saying anything before my A/S on 8/9, but am I an total ass if I don’t spill the beans immediately after?
I intend to discuss the possibility of working from home with him after baby is born and if he’s not amenable to that, I wouldn’t come back to work afterwards.
@McKBaby Well, it's going to be obvious way before the standard 2 weeks notice, so I'd say you still have loads of time to tell them without looking like a jerk.
@CapricaAndrea Yeah, they’ll definitely have several months notice, and even if we can’t work out a work from home deal, I would help find and train my replacement. I guess I’m just wondering if there’s a point that someone would say “Wow, you waited this long to tell us?!?” considering I’ve been here for 4 years and we have a pretty good relationship. Maybe not?
@McKBaby - I don't think it's bad to wait if that's what you want to do. You would still be giving them plenty of notice and helping with a replacement if need be. If someone makes a rude comment about waiting so long to say things all you have to do is look pensive and say "we wanted to wait for personal reasons." No one will question you on it.
@McKBaby I echo what the other people are saying that they will have plenty of notice and I think it's totally fair to wait as long as you feel comfortable before telling them.
From a negotiation standpoint it seems like you're also in a good position since you're ready to not come back if they're not open to you working from home.
So, I started my job late April, I've been there allmost 3 months now.
Was thinking of telling boss the news today, I'm 18.5 wks. Tomorrow not option, he's taking day off. However, I have a bunch of stuff to get done this wk/ next week and was thinking maybe next Friday would be better? That way I could show I got a bunch of work done at least? I'd be nearly 20 weeks at that point.
@bookworm492 I’m probably too late in the day for you to change your course from whatever you decided, but I don’t think there’s a wrong answer here. If you feel more comfortable telling him after all the work next week then I don’t see any reason to tell him today.
I just met the woman who runs the studio that offered me the job in August. She’s super nice, and very accommodating. She was specifically looking at the shows coming up in the fall and decided to put me on a specific one because it’s a 10 week contract and I still need (at least) 10 weeks to hit my eligibility for maternity benefits. There’s another 3 week contracts before that one that I’ll also be on, but it’s not 100% that this studio will get the contract yet. It’s about a 45 minute commute each way, but overall I think it’s a much better fit than the admin assistant job I was trying for (and pays significantly more too!)
Busy weeks ahead for me. I’m exhausted. We really need to hire our new person ASAP. And I know my boss is thinking the same thing. Here’s to hoping they find the one quickly.
Update - I kinda like my new doctor. He has the whole old white doctor who knows more about everything then anyone vibe. He is very thorough and seems to really know his stuff but is super condescending, dismissive and snarky.
He has a couple other doctors at his practice so I might ask to see them and decide I want to switch primary's. But the odds of him delivering my baby himself are low so I might just work through it.
I told him how much pain I was in and how hard it is for me to go to work. He said it was up to me if I get written off now or not but if I do decide to stop going in now I would: #1- Use up all my FMLA time now #2- Not have the time to use after my baby was born and #3- probably end up getting fired and not having a job to go back to.
That seemed very snarky and presumptuous to me. He was dismissive and almost rude about my pain. He was like "that just comes with being pregnant." He was basically telling me to suck it up buttercup. But he is a 60 year old man who obviously has never been pregnant. What does he know about my pain? Besides, if I keep working at the pace I am, my job is going to fire me anyhow because they are very demanding. I might as well take the disability checks now and go out with some dignity if they do decide to let me go.
@mrszoobear that’s why I’m super pro female OBGYN. That man will never understand what it’s like to be pregnant. My own OB admitted how crazy it was as a medical professional who knows symptoms to actually experience them when she was pregnant.
@mrszoobear fire him ASAP! Beyond the fact that he sounds like a dick (which you shouldn't have to deal with on top of everything else you’re going though), having your pain ignored is dangerous to your health...what if something serious is going on and he dismisses it because he’s convinced it’s “just part of being pregnant”?
@anniemarie887 & @midgerose86 - The sad thing is this is the guy I'm switching to and he is already worlds above my old Obgyn.
He actually takes his after work messages and gets back to me, he takes urine samples at every visit and he is scheduling an ultrasound to see if my endometriosis scarring is tearing as my uterus grows. He thinks that is part of the pain issue.
So as much as I hate his arrogance, I'm going to put up with it for the next week at least. He only has one on call day and usually only delivers during the day. So chances are he won't be in L&D for my delivery.
He does have a female OBGYN in his practice. If I'm not happy with how he handles my apt on Wednesday, I will be requesting a change.
@mrszoobear I saw my doctor a lot with DS. Granted I was high risk. But like legit saw her more than most of my friends. Not worth it to put up with an ass when you see them so much. Switch if you can.
@mrszoobear ugh. Well I’m glad he’s better than the last jackass of a dr you had. But that kind of behavior is so upsetting. I appreciate his honestly re the missed time from work, but the tone and delivery is unnecessary.
@mrszoobear ugh! you don't have to put up with that! There's been a lot of recent articles about how men / male doctors write off women's pain because they think we're whimps and how it can (and has in some cases) serious implications. While rude, he is kind of right about the leave portion. However if put on bed rest there is a chance if you have long-term disability coverage you would be covered under that, something to keep in mind in the event it happens. Hopefully you can see others in his practice and they have better bedside manners.
Question for the group - If he does write me off work. Would there be any reason I wouldn't be getting disability pay? I do pay for short term and long term through work. Would he have to prescribe me bedrest in order to get that? I've never had to use it before so I guess I'm a little confused.
OMG 😂😂😂 Nevermind on that last question. I looked it up online. Basically you have to be dying in order to get short term disability while pregnant. Even if you are on bedrest for a legitimate reason, chances are you will not be covered. WTF!?!
So I guess I just go into work vomiting every two hours until the send me home or fire me 🤷♀️
@mrszoobear I believe it is illegal to fire you for being pregnant, which is what it sounds like they'd be doing. Your employer also has to make reasonable accommodations. I'm not sure what you do, but would it be unreasonable to ask to work remotely or for a reduced schedule leading up to your FMLA? You could speak with other employees who have taken FMLA and their experiences as well, to understand what the overall climate is.
Also, for all here dealing with pregnancy and parenthood in the workplace, here's a story that I consider a small win.
My department's leadership team has had several meetings where a woman who is on maternity leave comes up as we're looking for a back-fill (she's in Canada and they have 1 year leave there). Every time, without fail, there comes the commentary of "if she comes back." One time somebody even asked if it was her first or second, as if knowing that she'd come back after the first baby would be some sort of reassurance. I find it completely infuriating and disrespectful.
Yesterday, I called the head of the department and pointed out that this speculation was inappropriate, and that they should stop. We talked about this briefly, and he shared that it had been in response to her boss's comments about "if she comes back", and I said that in that case, he also needed to address this with her boss, or I would. He then made the comment about it being a year in Canada, and I said that it didn't matter - that was the policy, we had to respect it, end of story.
Anyway, end of story is that: 1) He apologized, recognized that he had made a mistake, and is going to publicly address this as a broader issue during our next team meeting. 2) I'm starting a task force to build the case for a better US maternity leave policy.
@mrszoobear you need to call the carrier for your short term DI and ask about pregnancy/maternity. It is correct that many plans do not provide coverage, but that doesn't mean all plans. I started to type out a mountain of HR info, but honestly depending on the size of your company (if its under 50 employees) and the state you are in it is soooooo grey. Are you FMLA protected?
@g_gabs71016 - I have a follow up appointment from the ultrasound on Wednesday. I was going to talk to the doctor about work accommodations instead of being written off for it. Honestly, if they let me come into work an hour or so later and don't try to have me work more hours (basically going from a 8.5 hour work day to a 7.5 hour work day) it might be enough to make work manageable.
@mrszoobear well the good thing is that if you do go out on STDI and are using your FMLA protection they can’t terminate you while out on protected time.
@g_gabs71016 that is so badass. Thank you for standing up for that woman...you’re absolutely right that comments like that are ignorant, disrespectful, and contribute to an anti-parent culture in the workplace. Glad your boss (eventually) saw your side.
We had our hr team out this week so i asked the policy on bonus and year end appraisals and merit increases.
So I won’t get my bonus paid to me until I come back as an active employee...whomp whomp whomp.
Merit increases go in effect but no no one will know mine until I come back because no one can access my info while I’m out. So everything will happen in April I guess.
CapricaAndrea
member
Re: Working Moms w/0 7/15
Longer version: As soon as I started this job, and even more so as I began learning their procedures, I just knew that this place would terminate me during the probation period the minute they found out that I would be leaving in December. On Wednesday last week I got a very unexpected email from a studio I've been trying to work with for a couple years, that they're looking for someone for some upcoming projects in the fall.
Since I'm desperately trying to earn my 600 insurable hours to be able to get government maternity benefits (I've been self-employed since my last mat leave ended so I had zero hours banked), I was completely upfront with the studio about my pregnancy, about sometimes needing to leave work at a certain time to pick up my son from daycare if my husband couldn't, and that I couldn't risk leaving the current job if I wouldn't be getting enough hours to get mat benefits. She was cool with everything and said we could make it work.
I would have rather stayed at the job I'd already started, mostly because it was no commute, strictly 9-5 with no chance of overtime or taking work home, but I had to let them know what was going on to see whether it would be an issue that I'm pregnant. I couldn't just try to hide it, and then 3 or 4 weeks from now have them find out, fire me, and then it be too late to take the other job. So I sat down with the 2 owners at the end of the day Friday, and explained the whole situation, and without even needing to discuss it between them, they just immediately told me to take the other job and that they'd start contacting the other people they'd interviewed to get a replacement. I offered to stay until the new person was available (in case they needed to give 2 weeks notice elsewhere) but got an email Saturday saying the new person could start today already, and I didn't need to come in anymore.
SO, I'm kind of disappointed, but at least I'm not in a situation where I'm left completely screwed like I would have been in a few weeks time if I let the company just sort of find out later on that I was pregnant. Now I've just got to get the details finalized for this other position.
I also feel like total crap. I constantly have a headache and my stomach is in knots. I am changing doctors and have an apt on Thursday. I called to try and get in with him today, but he doesn't see patient's on tuesday's because it's his surgery day. A wonderful change of pace at this office is the receptionist told a nurse what was going on and had her on the phone in less than a minute to talk to me. Already a great improvement over my old obgyn. She wants me to go to their ER and have them do an IV drip to make me feel better. So that is where I am going as soon as my clothes are dry.
The worst part of this is its already the 2nd day this week I had to call off work. The third work day in a row of not being there and I was already getting pressure from HR to come in extra hours this week. I'm very worried that when I do finally go back to work, I will be let go for missing so much time. I'm already missing so much money by being off sick. I'd much rather be healthy and working but I can't make myself feel good enough to work. I'm trying not to stress out because of my blood pressure but that is next to impossible right now.
Work is still stressful. And I’m irritated at coworkers calling in. I do kind of want to stamp my feet and be like I’m growing a human. If I can drag myself here every day so can you! But I think the stress is getting to everyone so I shouldn’t be so judgey. I’m just tired of running groups alone and being stuck with all the notes.
Married 1/28/17
TW:
BFP #2 10/10/17, MC 11/4/17
BFP #3 12/17/17 Birth 8/13/18
BFP #4 4/21/19 Birth 12/5/2019
We’re a small company (3 people) and I’ve been here part-time almost 4 years. We have a good relationship and chat about personal stuff on the reg, but we don’t hang out outside of work. I would say I’m an invaluable employee (but not irreplaceable, because no one is!).
I’m 16w4d today. I’m not showing, and probably won’t for a while even though this is my 3rd baby (Plus Size). I’m definitely not saying anything before my A/S on 8/9, but am I an total ass if I don’t spill the beans immediately after?
I intend to discuss the possibility of working from home with him after baby is born and if he’s not amenable to that, I wouldn’t come back to work afterwards.
Thoughts?
DS - 7.5
DD #1 - 6
~ mmc 7.11.2018 @ 9w ~
DD#2 - born 12.24.19
help find and train my replacement. I guess I’m just wondering if there’s a point that someone would say “Wow, you waited this long to tell us?!?” considering I’ve been here for 4 years and we have a pretty good relationship. Maybe not?
DS - 7.5
DD #1 - 6
~ mmc 7.11.2018 @ 9w ~
DD#2 - born 12.24.19
From a negotiation standpoint it seems like you're also in a good position since you're ready to not come back if they're not open to you working from home.
Was thinking of telling boss the news today, I'm 18.5 wks. Tomorrow not option, he's taking day off. However, I have a bunch of stuff to get done this wk/ next week and was thinking maybe next Friday would be better? That way I could show I got a bunch of work done at least? I'd be nearly 20 weeks at that point.
Thoughts??
I just met the woman who runs the studio that offered me the job in August. She’s super nice, and very accommodating. She was specifically looking at the shows coming up in the fall and decided to put me on a specific one because it’s a 10 week contract and I still need (at least) 10 weeks to hit my eligibility for maternity benefits. There’s another 3 week contracts before that one that I’ll also be on, but it’s not 100% that this studio will get the contract yet. It’s about a 45 minute commute each way, but overall I think it’s a much better fit than the admin assistant job I was trying for (and pays significantly more too!)
DH: 37
DD: 03/17/17
DS: 12/06/19
He has a couple other doctors at his practice so I might ask to see them and decide I want to switch primary's. But the odds of him delivering my baby himself are low so I might just work through it.
I told him how much pain I was in and how hard it is for me to go to work. He said it was up to me if I get written off now or not but if I do decide to stop going in now I would: #1- Use up all my FMLA time now #2- Not have the time to use after my baby was born and #3- probably end up getting fired and not having a job to go back to.
That seemed very snarky and presumptuous to me. He was dismissive and almost rude about my pain. He was like "that just comes with being pregnant." He was basically telling me to suck it up buttercup. But he is a 60 year old man who obviously has never been pregnant. What does he know about my pain? Besides, if I keep working at the pace I am, my job is going to fire me anyhow because they are very demanding. I might as well take the disability checks now and go out with some dignity if they do decide to let me go.
If it’s possible to switch you should go for it!
He actually takes his after work messages and gets back to me, he takes urine samples at every visit and he is scheduling an ultrasound to see if my endometriosis scarring is tearing as my uterus grows. He thinks that is part of the pain issue.
So as much as I hate his arrogance, I'm going to put up with it for the next week at least. He only has one on call day and usually only delivers during the day. So chances are he won't be in L&D for my delivery.
He does have a female OBGYN in his practice. If I'm not happy with how he handles my apt on Wednesday, I will be requesting a change.
Married 1/28/17
TW:
BFP #2 10/10/17, MC 11/4/17
BFP #3 12/17/17 Birth 8/13/18
BFP #4 4/21/19 Birth 12/5/2019
So I guess I just go into work vomiting every two hours until the send me home or fire me 🤷♀️
Also, for all here dealing with pregnancy and parenthood in the workplace, here's a story that I consider a small win.
My department's leadership team has had several meetings where a woman who is on maternity leave comes up as we're looking for a back-fill (she's in Canada and they have 1 year leave there). Every time, without fail, there comes the commentary of "if she comes back." One time somebody even asked if it was her first or second, as if knowing that she'd come back after the first baby would be some sort of reassurance. I find it completely infuriating and disrespectful.
Yesterday, I called the head of the department and pointed out that this speculation was inappropriate, and that they should stop. We talked about this briefly, and he shared that it had been in response to her boss's comments about "if she comes back", and I said that in that case, he also needed to address this with her boss, or I would. He then made the comment about it being a year in Canada, and I said that it didn't matter - that was the policy, we had to respect it, end of story.
Anyway, end of story is that:
1) He apologized, recognized that he had made a mistake, and is going to publicly address this as a broader issue during our next team meeting.
2) I'm starting a task force to build the case for a better US maternity leave policy.
@g_gabs71016 - I have a follow up appointment from the ultrasound on Wednesday. I was going to talk to the doctor about work accommodations instead of being written off for it. Honestly, if they let me come into work an hour or so later and don't try to have me work more hours (basically going from a 8.5 hour work day to a 7.5 hour work day) it might be enough to make work manageable.
So I won’t get my bonus paid to me until I come back as an active employee...whomp whomp whomp.
Merit increases go in effect but no no one will know mine until I come back because no one can access my info while I’m out. So everything will happen in April I guess.
Year end appraisal will happen before I go.
DH: 37
DD: 03/17/17
DS: 12/06/19