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So, I’m having a personal issue with my useless co-worker and I’m hoping for some advice. DH told me to go to HR and complain, but I know from past history in my department that causing drama generally doesn’t end well, so I’m worried about making the situation worse. My useless co-worker has been making “small talk” about my reproductive plans. He frequently asks about my plans for kids. That would be less offensive if I wasn’t dealing with IF, but I’ve been dealing with it, because it’s not so bad and lots of people ask questions like that. On my birthday, he asked how old I was and then told me I was about to be too old to have kids. I told him that was a rude thing to say and walked away. I wanted to say some things back, but I like my job for the most part and I assume that I would get fired if I said what I was thinking. Then, yesterday, we were in a meeting together and he told people that I’m pregnant (which of course isn’t true and is super hurtful as I would love to be pregnant right now). I just corrected him and said that I’m not pregnant multiple times. But, it bothered me for the rest of the day and I’m still mad about it now. Is this the sort of thing you would complain about to HR? Or would that be overreacting?
@mercury94 I would 100% go to HR. That's inappropriate. You don't go around telling people that he's sterile or that he's a virgin. It's a part of your life that isn't his to talk about.
In the meantime the next time he says something like that I would respond with something along the lines of "you've brought up my reproductive plans at work several times now, this is getting odd. Please stop." You'll need to say it very calmly and then move on swiftly, and I don't think it will necessarily work but it will flag the behavior for anyone else hearing it. (I'm modeling this advice on Ask a Manager, which also might be a good resource here.)
me: 35 / so: 34 | ttc #1 since 9/2018
DX: MFI IVF Cycle #1 February 2020 4 embryos frozen, 1 fresh transfer = CP FET #1 Natural Cycle March 2020 CXL'd due to Covid-19 FET #1 Natural Cycle June 2020 - CP #2 FET #2 Natural Cycle July 2020 - BFP!!!!!! Beta #1 = 273
@mercury94 wtf is wrong with this guy that he’s so interested in your uterus? Not only is that rude, that’s creepy. I think I would probably go to HR as well, especially since he’s doing it in front of other people so there are witnesses to his weird ass behavior.
@mercury94 Is this another attorney? He should be well aware if HR and employment laws, if so. I have a different perspective, as a fellow female lawyer. Unfortunately, we have to be careful not to look like "one of those sensitive women attorneys." Its bullshit, but it's true, at least in my experience. Personally, I would embarrass him in front of other attorneys. I actually do like something to the effect of "why are you so obsessed with my uterus? It's creepy." Then I would stare at him. For an uncomfortably long time. And when he laughs it off, I would say something like, "no seriously, do we need to discuss this with HR? Because it's weird. And I would make sure I said it in front of other people. Just using the word "uterus" will probably make him uncomfortable, plus you're being upfront about HR so the ball is in his court. It also sends the message that you're not intimidated by him and you think he's ridiculous.
I agree with @ruby696. This is how I would have to handle something like that, even though it’s not right that it’s that way.
Edit to add - That being said, if you want to go to HR you would be totally justified in doing so! He is way way out of line. But if you are worried about the fallout, @ruby696’s approach sounds perfect.
@mvt2003 knows what's up! Ask A Manager, if you search her site, will have lots of great scripts and lines to use on the guy to push the awkwardness on to him.
And yes, I would go to HR since it makes you uncomfortable! I thought about doing that at one point myself with some guys that would make baby related comments. The comments have died down so I don't need to now, but I was starting to feel uncomfortable hearing it from them.
Me: 34 DH: 36 | Together since 2007 | Married July 2016
TTC #1 since 7.2017 Dx: low morph (1%), ANA positive, low decidualization score, high TSH and testosterone, histone antibodies
IUI #1-3| all BFN IVF #1 | 6.11.19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys FET #1 | 9.10.19 | BFN "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name" RPL, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet for next FET FET #2 | 3.31.20 | Opted to cancelled due to pandemic, continued diet and tried naturally over the summer 2nd Opinion with another RE | 8.20.20 | Not immune to measles (received 1 dose); SA results similar to 2 years ago; decided to move forward with FET #2 redo at start of next cycle Surprise natural BFP! | 9.22.20 | MC 10.23.20 at 8 weeks TTCAL naturally | starting 11.22.20 Initial consultation with Reproductive Immunologist | 9.14.21 Decidualization score biopsy | 10.1.21 | abnormal - low score of 1; endometrial scratch recommended and progesterone supplementation Saline sono | 10.15.21 | normal Bloodwork | 10.21.21 | high TSH, high testosterone, positive for anti-nuclear antibodies and histone antibodies, high protein S, multiple genetic mutations BFP! | 11.3.21 | EDD 7.14.22 | biopsy provided same effect as endometrial scratch; added supplemental progesterone and estrogen, prednisone, levothyroxine, and MTX Support to maintain pregnancy DS born 7.19.22 after induction
TTC #2 begins 6.2023 Consultation with RI | 6.6.23 Saline sono, endometritis biopsy, skin & eye check | all normal Labs | high TSH, Factor XIII mutation, high %CD56 Follow up | 8.8.23 | prescribed metformin, prednisone, plaquenil, and levothyroxine Repeat labs after 3 weeks on meds Follow up | 11.9.23 | Green light!, increase in prednisone, added lovenox Repeat labs in 8 weeks Follow up | 1.16.24 | Green light continues TTC put on pause
To add on to what @ruby696 said, to be extra obnoxious, maybe tell him "I don't go around asking you how well you perform in bed so stop asking about my uterus"
*TW* History:
Me: 34 DH: 36 | Together since 2007 | Married July 2016
TTC #1 since 7.2017 Dx: low morph (1%), ANA positive, low decidualization score, high TSH and testosterone, histone antibodies
IUI #1-3| all BFN IVF #1 | 6.11.19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys FET #1 | 9.10.19 | BFN "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name" RPL, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet for next FET FET #2 | 3.31.20 | Opted to cancelled due to pandemic, continued diet and tried naturally over the summer 2nd Opinion with another RE | 8.20.20 | Not immune to measles (received 1 dose); SA results similar to 2 years ago; decided to move forward with FET #2 redo at start of next cycle Surprise natural BFP! | 9.22.20 | MC 10.23.20 at 8 weeks TTCAL naturally | starting 11.22.20 Initial consultation with Reproductive Immunologist | 9.14.21 Decidualization score biopsy | 10.1.21 | abnormal - low score of 1; endometrial scratch recommended and progesterone supplementation Saline sono | 10.15.21 | normal Bloodwork | 10.21.21 | high TSH, high testosterone, positive for anti-nuclear antibodies and histone antibodies, high protein S, multiple genetic mutations BFP! | 11.3.21 | EDD 7.14.22 | biopsy provided same effect as endometrial scratch; added supplemental progesterone and estrogen, prednisone, levothyroxine, and MTX Support to maintain pregnancy DS born 7.19.22 after induction
TTC #2 begins 6.2023 Consultation with RI | 6.6.23 Saline sono, endometritis biopsy, skin & eye check | all normal Labs | high TSH, Factor XIII mutation, high %CD56 Follow up | 8.8.23 | prescribed metformin, prednisone, plaquenil, and levothyroxine Repeat labs after 3 weeks on meds Follow up | 11.9.23 | Green light!, increase in prednisone, added lovenox Repeat labs in 8 weeks Follow up | 1.16.24 | Green light continues TTC put on pause
@mercury94 ahh that may be the dynamic ruby is describing. I guess my advice still stands if you're counsel at a corp rather than a lawyer at a firm... UGH what a shitty situation to be in. I do love the advice from ruby and mvt on a response like that with zero emotion in front of others. embarrass the shit out of him.
And to be clear @mercury94, if you warn him that HR is a possibility and he still doesn't stop, report him. At that point you'll have lots of witnesses. And I would tell him you've already warned him, and he clearly didn't get the message. So now you're reporting him. And do in a very "don't fuck with me" tone of voice. Show no fear. If you're not direct about it, he'll turn it around like you're being sneaky and trying to get him in trouble behind his back. Make sure he knows it's coming and you're not tolerating his shit.
Me: 34 DH: 36 | Together since 2007 | Married July 2016
TTC #1 since 7.2017 Dx: low morph (1%), ANA positive, low decidualization score, high TSH and testosterone, histone antibodies
IUI #1-3| all BFN IVF #1 | 6.11.19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys FET #1 | 9.10.19 | BFN "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name" RPL, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet for next FET FET #2 | 3.31.20 | Opted to cancelled due to pandemic, continued diet and tried naturally over the summer 2nd Opinion with another RE | 8.20.20 | Not immune to measles (received 1 dose); SA results similar to 2 years ago; decided to move forward with FET #2 redo at start of next cycle Surprise natural BFP! | 9.22.20 | MC 10.23.20 at 8 weeks TTCAL naturally | starting 11.22.20 Initial consultation with Reproductive Immunologist | 9.14.21 Decidualization score biopsy | 10.1.21 | abnormal - low score of 1; endometrial scratch recommended and progesterone supplementation Saline sono | 10.15.21 | normal Bloodwork | 10.21.21 | high TSH, high testosterone, positive for anti-nuclear antibodies and histone antibodies, high protein S, multiple genetic mutations BFP! | 11.3.21 | EDD 7.14.22 | biopsy provided same effect as endometrial scratch; added supplemental progesterone and estrogen, prednisone, levothyroxine, and MTX Support to maintain pregnancy DS born 7.19.22 after induction
TTC #2 begins 6.2023 Consultation with RI | 6.6.23 Saline sono, endometritis biopsy, skin & eye check | all normal Labs | high TSH, Factor XIII mutation, high %CD56 Follow up | 8.8.23 | prescribed metformin, prednisone, plaquenil, and levothyroxine Repeat labs after 3 weeks on meds Follow up | 11.9.23 | Green light!, increase in prednisone, added lovenox Repeat labs in 8 weeks Follow up | 1.16.24 | Green light continues TTC put on pause
@mercury94 I’d like to say I’d lean towards confronting him with a warning about HR (as others have suggested above)...but I would have a hard time confronting and just go straight to HR myself. If you feel comfortable confronting him though, that may be the best first step...but it sounds like you’ve given him the impression already that you don’t think his comments are funny or appreciated and they’ve continued! That is ridiculous though, why would he make comments about you being pregnant in a meeting?! Sorry you have to deal with this jerk!!
@mercury94 I hate that you, and women in general, have to deal with this crap. You’ve gotten some great advice. I hope he stops immediately.
It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*
@mercury94 I also work in a male dominated field, and as much as I would love to tell you to report him and it will be handled properly, my own past experiences with reporting a former coworker to HR for harassment have provided me with zero confidence in that system actually working the way it should. It did far more harm than good in my case. I love @ruby696's advice, if you have that kind of confidence. I hate that we as women have to worry about how we are perceived by our male coworkers when we find ourselves in this kind of a situation.
**TW**
Me: 35 | H: 40 Married Sept. 2013 DS1: Nov 11, 2016 MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d) CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d) BFP! 8/24/19 DS2: May 10, 2020
@mercury94 - I'm so sorry you're dealing with that! I would echo what everyone else has already said -- this is definitely worth reporting to HR, it's repeated comments about your personal life and essentially your sex life and it's understandably making you uncomfortable! Ask a Manager seems like a good resource for how to address it with them/with him.
Also, is this guy like 95 years old?? Has he been living under a rock for the past two years?? Did he manage to completely ignore the nationwide discussion we've had about how women should be treated at work? Or oh, I guess he didn't grab your ass so this behavior must be okay. Do we have to outline every *single* thing that's not acceptable workplace behavior??!! Dudes, maybe just start developing a healthy aversion to offending people the way mannnny women raised in our culture do!
So @ruby696, yes, this is another lawyer. We are in-house counsel at a government employer. But, it’s such a boys’ club. The last woman who complained was pretty much ostracized, which is my concern. As a government, we have a lot of female employees, including about half of the lawyers, but that doesn’t really change the dynamic. While I want to go to HR, I don’t want to be labeled as the complainer. And it’s not like they can keep that anonymous. I don’t think he’s regularly taking about anyone else’s uterus. I do like the suggestion to ask why he’s so concerned about my uterus, but I’m concerned about keeping my cool when I say it. Like, I’m good at confrontation with opposing counsel, but I don’t like confrontation on personal issues. I’m still mulling.
@shamrocandroll That’s another issue. I’ve been involved in two previous HR investigations. One led to an employee getting fired for comments he made to me, but his supervisor was basically just looking for a reason to get rid of him anyway. The second was super traumatizing and did not change anything except to piss that person off and require me to keep working with her. I wasn’t even the complainant in the second one. Just got called to give a statement and it still created problems that I don’t want to deal with.
@mercury94 UGH, yes. It sucks that our system is so broken for handling these things, but I hear that same story from so many women I know. In my case, the much older male coworker was buying gifts and baking things for me and another female coworker/friend in my department CONSTANTLY, and even CC'd us on a couple of private emails to his wife. We had it all documented via emails, had statements from other coworkers who saw this behavior, and by the end of the year, he had NINE complaints against him from women throughout the company. HR did almost nothing to make it better. In fact, they told him my friend and I were two of the complainants, but didn't tell him who any of the others were, and so we got singled out by him and the harassment got worse. It took over 2 years of this before they gently pushed him to retire. They still allowed him to come to the yearly Christmas party, so I had to stop going. I almost quite my job because of him. I ended up getting married, changing my name, getting a new job, and moving to another state and that finally stopped the emails. My friend still occasionally gets an email from him, and he has even sent her flowers on her birthday. It was dealt with SO horribly and incompetently by the system, and I should have just taken matters into my own hands. In my last communication with him, I stated since he no longer worked for the company and I no longer needed to be professional towards him, if he ever contacted me again, I would be contacting the police instead. I copied our HR rep and she was like "Wow, that was great!" and I was like "Isn't this what you should have done 2 years ago when this all started!?"
**TW**
Me: 35 | H: 40 Married Sept. 2013 DS1: Nov 11, 2016 MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d) CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d) BFP! 8/24/19 DS2: May 10, 2020
@mercury94 It's so hard to be confrontational when it's a personal issue that you're sensitive about. If you can act like one of the guys in how you confront him, it will go over better. Direct and without any emotion. And if you can make him look like a creep publicly, he may avoid you all together. It sucks that when women are upset, it's because we're women, not because a man was an asshole. Another option would be to ask about his prostate every time he brings it up, but that might get you in trouble and he might think it's a fun joke between the two of you, which you definitely don't want. You could also retort with something like, "apparently someone needs more harrassment training." If you say it in front of others, especially supervisors, it might send a message.
@mercury94 I am so sorry you have to deal with this loser. What he is saying to you is beyond creepy and inappropriate. Has your employer distributed and had you all sign a sexual harassment policy? I would look that over (if you haven't already) because he could be violating that policy with his comments.
@emeraldduchess Yes and we all did sexual harassment training a few years ago, but I can’t remember if that was before he started here. But, the policy basically requires you to confront the person before you report them. It’s weird. Like, if he makes you uncomfortable, why should you have to talk to him about it?
My previous job had a 3rd party service called Listen Up which was a phone number you could call to submit a complaint if you weren't comfortable speaking with upper management and/or HR. I think they would gather info from the caller and would take that information to our HR for them to investigate.
I only saw it in action once while I was at the company and it was in regards to my boss. Never found out who had made the initial call, but my boss ended up getting fired shortly after the investigation was done. She wasn't fired due to the investigation, but an incident with her behavior that occurred shortly after the investigation was probably the final straw.
I wish more companies used a service like this because it can be so helpful when you have employees who don't feel empowered enough to speak to management directly or is too afraid to.
ETA: fixed grammar
*TW* History:
Me: 34 DH: 36 | Together since 2007 | Married July 2016
TTC #1 since 7.2017 Dx: low morph (1%), ANA positive, low decidualization score, high TSH and testosterone, histone antibodies
IUI #1-3| all BFN IVF #1 | 6.11.19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys FET #1 | 9.10.19 | BFN "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name" RPL, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet for next FET FET #2 | 3.31.20 | Opted to cancelled due to pandemic, continued diet and tried naturally over the summer 2nd Opinion with another RE | 8.20.20 | Not immune to measles (received 1 dose); SA results similar to 2 years ago; decided to move forward with FET #2 redo at start of next cycle Surprise natural BFP! | 9.22.20 | MC 10.23.20 at 8 weeks TTCAL naturally | starting 11.22.20 Initial consultation with Reproductive Immunologist | 9.14.21 Decidualization score biopsy | 10.1.21 | abnormal - low score of 1; endometrial scratch recommended and progesterone supplementation Saline sono | 10.15.21 | normal Bloodwork | 10.21.21 | high TSH, high testosterone, positive for anti-nuclear antibodies and histone antibodies, high protein S, multiple genetic mutations BFP! | 11.3.21 | EDD 7.14.22 | biopsy provided same effect as endometrial scratch; added supplemental progesterone and estrogen, prednisone, levothyroxine, and MTX Support to maintain pregnancy DS born 7.19.22 after induction
TTC #2 begins 6.2023 Consultation with RI | 6.6.23 Saline sono, endometritis biopsy, skin & eye check | all normal Labs | high TSH, Factor XIII mutation, high %CD56 Follow up | 8.8.23 | prescribed metformin, prednisone, plaquenil, and levothyroxine Repeat labs after 3 weeks on meds Follow up | 11.9.23 | Green light!, increase in prednisone, added lovenox Repeat labs in 8 weeks Follow up | 1.16.24 | Green light continues TTC put on pause
My internet was down all day and it was a stressful day without my internet. Biggest FWP of all. Now I’m going to catch up on anything I might have missed around here.
Re: Weekly Randoms w/o 7/15
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married 11.1.14
ttc #1 since 5.18
bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone
d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks
bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI
little girl A born 3.26.20
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me 34 DH 34
PCOS
Baby number 2 due 4/11/20
married 11.1.14
ttc #1 since 5.18
bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone
d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks
bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI
little girl A born 3.26.20
married 11.1.14
ttc #1 since 5.18
bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone
d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks
bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI
little girl A born 3.26.20
In the meantime the next time he says something like that I would respond with something along the lines of "you've brought up my reproductive plans at work several times now, this is getting odd. Please stop." You'll need to say it very calmly and then move on swiftly, and I don't think it will necessarily work but it will flag the behavior for anyone else hearing it. (I'm modeling this advice on Ask a Manager, which also might be a good resource here.)
IVF Cycle #1 February 2020 4 embryos frozen, 1 fresh transfer = CP
FET #1 Natural Cycle March 2020 CXL'd due to Covid-19
FET #1 Natural Cycle June 2020 - CP #2
FET #2 Natural Cycle July 2020 - BFP!!!!!! Beta #1 = 273
June Signature Challenge - Favorite TV Quotes
Edit to add - That being said, if you want to go to HR you would be totally justified in doing so! He is way way out of line. But if you are worried about the fallout, @ruby696’s approach sounds perfect.
And yes, I would go to HR since it makes you uncomfortable! I thought about doing that at one point myself with some guys that would make baby related comments. The comments have died down so I don't need to now, but I was starting to feel uncomfortable hearing it from them.
Advocate for yourself @mercury94!
TTC #1 since 7.2017
Dx: low morph (1%), ANA positive, low decidualization score, high TSH and testosterone, histone antibodies
IUI #1-3 | all BFN
IVF #1 | 6.11.19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys
FET #1 | 9.10.19 | BFN "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"
RPL, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet for next FET
FET #2 | 3.31.20 | Opted to cancelled due to pandemic, continued diet and tried naturally over the summer
2nd Opinion with another RE | 8.20.20 | Not immune to measles (received 1 dose); SA results similar to 2 years ago; decided to move forward with FET #2 redo at start of next cycle
Surprise natural BFP! | 9.22.20 | MC 10.23.20 at 8 weeks
TTCAL naturally | starting 11.22.20
Initial consultation with Reproductive Immunologist | 9.14.21
Decidualization score biopsy | 10.1.21 | abnormal - low score of 1; endometrial scratch recommended and progesterone supplementation
Saline sono | 10.15.21 | normal
Bloodwork | 10.21.21 | high TSH, high testosterone, positive for anti-nuclear antibodies and histone antibodies, high protein S, multiple genetic mutations
BFP! | 11.3.21 | EDD 7.14.22 | biopsy provided same effect as endometrial scratch; added supplemental progesterone and estrogen, prednisone, levothyroxine, and MTX Support to maintain pregnancy
DS born 7.19.22 after induction
TTC #2 begins 6.2023
Consultation with RI | 6.6.23
Saline sono, endometritis biopsy, skin & eye check | all normal
Labs | high TSH, Factor XIII mutation, high %CD56
Follow up | 8.8.23 | prescribed metformin, prednisone, plaquenil, and levothyroxine
Repeat labs after 3 weeks on meds
Follow up | 11.9.23 | Green light!, increase in prednisone, added lovenox
Repeat labs in 8 weeks
Follow up | 1.16.24 | Green light continues
TTC put on pause
TTC #1 since 7.2017
Dx: low morph (1%), ANA positive, low decidualization score, high TSH and testosterone, histone antibodies
IUI #1-3 | all BFN
IVF #1 | 6.11.19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys
FET #1 | 9.10.19 | BFN "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"
RPL, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet for next FET
FET #2 | 3.31.20 | Opted to cancelled due to pandemic, continued diet and tried naturally over the summer
2nd Opinion with another RE | 8.20.20 | Not immune to measles (received 1 dose); SA results similar to 2 years ago; decided to move forward with FET #2 redo at start of next cycle
Surprise natural BFP! | 9.22.20 | MC 10.23.20 at 8 weeks
TTCAL naturally | starting 11.22.20
Initial consultation with Reproductive Immunologist | 9.14.21
Decidualization score biopsy | 10.1.21 | abnormal - low score of 1; endometrial scratch recommended and progesterone supplementation
Saline sono | 10.15.21 | normal
Bloodwork | 10.21.21 | high TSH, high testosterone, positive for anti-nuclear antibodies and histone antibodies, high protein S, multiple genetic mutations
BFP! | 11.3.21 | EDD 7.14.22 | biopsy provided same effect as endometrial scratch; added supplemental progesterone and estrogen, prednisone, levothyroxine, and MTX Support to maintain pregnancy
DS born 7.19.22 after induction
TTC #2 begins 6.2023
Consultation with RI | 6.6.23
Saline sono, endometritis biopsy, skin & eye check | all normal
Labs | high TSH, Factor XIII mutation, high %CD56
Follow up | 8.8.23 | prescribed metformin, prednisone, plaquenil, and levothyroxine
Repeat labs after 3 weeks on meds
Follow up | 11.9.23 | Green light!, increase in prednisone, added lovenox
Repeat labs in 8 weeks
Follow up | 1.16.24 | Green light continues
TTC put on pause
married 11.1.14
ttc #1 since 5.18
bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone
d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks
bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI
little girl A born 3.26.20
Report his ass! 😆
TTC #1 since 7.2017
Dx: low morph (1%), ANA positive, low decidualization score, high TSH and testosterone, histone antibodies
IUI #1-3 | all BFN
IVF #1 | 6.11.19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys
FET #1 | 9.10.19 | BFN "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"
RPL, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet for next FET
FET #2 | 3.31.20 | Opted to cancelled due to pandemic, continued diet and tried naturally over the summer
2nd Opinion with another RE | 8.20.20 | Not immune to measles (received 1 dose); SA results similar to 2 years ago; decided to move forward with FET #2 redo at start of next cycle
Surprise natural BFP! | 9.22.20 | MC 10.23.20 at 8 weeks
TTCAL naturally | starting 11.22.20
Initial consultation with Reproductive Immunologist | 9.14.21
Decidualization score biopsy | 10.1.21 | abnormal - low score of 1; endometrial scratch recommended and progesterone supplementation
Saline sono | 10.15.21 | normal
Bloodwork | 10.21.21 | high TSH, high testosterone, positive for anti-nuclear antibodies and histone antibodies, high protein S, multiple genetic mutations
BFP! | 11.3.21 | EDD 7.14.22 | biopsy provided same effect as endometrial scratch; added supplemental progesterone and estrogen, prednisone, levothyroxine, and MTX Support to maintain pregnancy
DS born 7.19.22 after induction
TTC #2 begins 6.2023
Consultation with RI | 6.6.23
Saline sono, endometritis biopsy, skin & eye check | all normal
Labs | high TSH, Factor XIII mutation, high %CD56
Follow up | 8.8.23 | prescribed metformin, prednisone, plaquenil, and levothyroxine
Repeat labs after 3 weeks on meds
Follow up | 11.9.23 | Green light!, increase in prednisone, added lovenox
Repeat labs in 8 weeks
Follow up | 1.16.24 | Green light continues
TTC put on pause
Edited for clarification.
TTC 9/2016 BFP 12/9/16 EDD 8/21/17 NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
TTC 2/2017 BFP 3/6/17 EDD 11/17/17 DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
TTC 12/2018 BFP 6/2/19 EDD 2/12/20 NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
TTC 7/2019 BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
TTC 8/19 IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20
AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me 34 DH 34
PCOS
Baby number 2 due 4/11/20
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me 34 DH 34
PCOS
Baby number 2 due 4/11/20
Married Sept. 2013
DS1: Nov 11, 2016
MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
BFP! 8/24/19
DS2: May 10, 2020
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me 34 DH 34
PCOS
Baby number 2 due 4/11/20
My previous job had a 3rd party service called Listen Up which was a phone number you could call to submit a complaint if you weren't comfortable speaking with upper management and/or HR. I think they would gather info from the caller and would take that information to our HR for them to investigate.
I only saw it in action once while I was at the company and it was in regards to my boss. Never found out who had made the initial call, but my boss ended up getting fired shortly after the investigation was done. She wasn't fired due to the investigation, but an incident with her behavior that occurred shortly after the investigation was probably the final straw.
I wish more companies used a service like this because it can be so helpful when you have employees who don't feel empowered enough to speak to management directly or is too afraid to.
ETA: fixed grammar
TTC #1 since 7.2017
Dx: low morph (1%), ANA positive, low decidualization score, high TSH and testosterone, histone antibodies
IUI #1-3 | all BFN
IVF #1 | 6.11.19 | 24R, 17M, 15F, 6B, PGT-A tested - 5 normal, 3 girls & 2 boys
FET #1 | 9.10.19 | BFN "I know you, but we've never met. I'm with you, but I don't know your name"
RPL, Receptiva, & ERA testing | all normal/negative, recommended going on gluten and dairy free diet for next FET
FET #2 | 3.31.20 | Opted to cancelled due to pandemic, continued diet and tried naturally over the summer
2nd Opinion with another RE | 8.20.20 | Not immune to measles (received 1 dose); SA results similar to 2 years ago; decided to move forward with FET #2 redo at start of next cycle
Surprise natural BFP! | 9.22.20 | MC 10.23.20 at 8 weeks
TTCAL naturally | starting 11.22.20
Initial consultation with Reproductive Immunologist | 9.14.21
Decidualization score biopsy | 10.1.21 | abnormal - low score of 1; endometrial scratch recommended and progesterone supplementation
Saline sono | 10.15.21 | normal
Bloodwork | 10.21.21 | high TSH, high testosterone, positive for anti-nuclear antibodies and histone antibodies, high protein S, multiple genetic mutations
BFP! | 11.3.21 | EDD 7.14.22 | biopsy provided same effect as endometrial scratch; added supplemental progesterone and estrogen, prednisone, levothyroxine, and MTX Support to maintain pregnancy
DS born 7.19.22 after induction
TTC #2 begins 6.2023
Consultation with RI | 6.6.23
Saline sono, endometritis biopsy, skin & eye check | all normal
Labs | high TSH, Factor XIII mutation, high %CD56
Follow up | 8.8.23 | prescribed metformin, prednisone, plaquenil, and levothyroxine
Repeat labs after 3 weeks on meds
Follow up | 11.9.23 | Green light!, increase in prednisone, added lovenox
Repeat labs in 8 weeks
Follow up | 1.16.24 | Green light continues
TTC put on pause