TTCAL w/o 7/1/19

kagesstarshroom · July 2019

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the lowest & 10 the highest, rate you AND your SO’s driving skills. (Feel free to explain why you’ve scored things how you score them if you’d like.) 🚦🚙⛽️

ejoseph16 · July 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

BO at 10 weeks 4/19

Status: TWW and going BSC

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

SS in the TWW is the worst. I have some eerily similar things happening symptom-wise that happened the cycle I got my BFP, but it’s later in my cycle, so I keep thinking I’m KU even though I’m probably not thanks, Dr. Google. FF even started feeding the crazy today.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? HPT this weekend probably. Expecting AF a week from today.

GTKY: On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the lowest & 10 the highest, rate you AND your SO’s driving skills. (Feel free to explain why you’ve scored things how you score them if you’d like.) 🚦🚙⛽️

Though he would say otherwise (apparently me getting a ticket the summer before our wedding makes me a terrible driver...), he’s an 8 (he gets distracted easily and is stubborn about driving no matter how tired he is) and I’m probably an 8 as well (shiny objects... 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️). Though neither of us have been in an accident, speeding tickets only.

mokay19 · July 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

7 week loss 8/2016 and 7 week loss 5/2019

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Things are going. We just entered our 14th month TTC. The past couple weeks have been a little rough for me. We went to Europe with my family and the trip was aaaamazing, but I kept thinking “I should be pregnant now. This is when we planned on announcing. I shouldn’t be able to drink this wine.” And, in my family, only my parents and my older sister know about our losses and my pregnant SIL was a pregnant diva in Europe so it definitely annoyed me more than normal.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? When I get my period, I’ll have to schedule my hysteroscopy and then we’ll decide next treatment from that.

GTKY: On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the lowest & 10 the highest, rate you AND your SO’s driving skills. (Feel free to explain why you’ve scored things how you score them if you’d like.)

I’d say we’re both 8’s. DH kind of drives like a grandpa but also almost follows the road rules tooooo much and gets mad at other drivers. DH probably would rate me at a 6 because he thinks that I get too distracted... but I’ve never had an accident or ticket so I’m obviously doing something right!

shamrocandroll · July 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC in Nov '18

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? This last week was nuts. We went down for MH's cousin's services on Thursday and came home Saturday. It was so incredibly sad, and I've never seen so many people at a wake/funeral. It was heartwarming to see his family have such a huge support system, but still so heartbreaking. And of course it was right in my FW, so we missed 2 nights of HIO. And I forgot my BBT.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Started OPKs yesterday because I also forgot to pack those.

GTKY: On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the lowest & 10 the highest, rate you AND your SO’s driving skills. (Feel free to explain why you’ve scored things how you score them if you’d like.) 🚦🚙⛽️ We're both pretty good drivers. I'm maybe like an 8, but I do occasionally do something dumb like clip the curb in my mom's car like I did this weekend. MH used to be really good, but lately seems like his driving has gotten worse. I find myself nagging him more, which I hate doing, but PLEASE pay attention to what people are doing around you, for crying out loud! I'll give him a 7. He used to be like a 9. Or maybe I'm just more naggy now, who knows.

shamrocandroll · July 2019

@ejoseph16 Ugh, I hate the TWW. Not looking forward to joining in a couple of days. I hope it goes by quickly for you and your instincts are right!!!

@mokay19 I feel you on the should-bes right now. I should either have a newborn right now (1st loss) or should not be able to drink right now because of pregnancy (2nd loss). Instead I'll be spending my 4th of July drinking my sorrows, which always ends well, right?

Hugs to you.

maserrano714 · July 2019

@ejoseph16 yes TWW is the worst. I keep overlaying my BFP charts on FF with this month hoping to see the similarities even though I've had 2 BFN. I keep trying to tell myself I'm testing early. But you're absolutely right. It's a rabbit hole I should try not to fall into. FX for you.

@mokay19 Glad to hear you had a good time in Europe. Sorry to hear about your diva SIL. It's hard to get rid of those I should be or what if thoughts. But I'm glad you got away and had a long awesome trip.

AFM:

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: 2 losses, 1 MMC 8/2018 & 1 MMC/D&C 2/2019

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Had a rough couple of weeks and didn't post or check the bump groups. **TW** 3 friends announced their pregnancies for their 2nd child and I am happy for them but can't help think why them and not me? I can't even have 1 and they get 2. Then I found an Amazon box in the corner of my living room and opened it only 2 realize it was the pregnancy journal and book I had ordered with my last pregnancy from 5 months ago. I broke down and cried. Trying to be positive is tough sometimes. **End TW**

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Just POAS so far 2 BFN but its early so I'm hopeful.

GTKY: On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the lowest & 10 the highest, rate you AND your SO’s driving skills. (Feel free to explain why you’ve scored things how you score them if you’d like.) I would say I am an 8. I'm a good driver but I do speed, a lot. My SO would also be an 8 but he's much more cautious than I and I get frustrated with him because I want him to go faster but he's easily distracted.

kagesstarshroom · July 2019

@maserrano714 Glad you are hopeful! I am sorry you opened that box & it was triggering. I finally moved the book I bought for my PG to my TTC shelf & but my replacement PG journal--the company sent me a free new one when I wrote about my loss and asked if they'd send me photocopies of the first few pages I'd filled out now that we were trying again-- that is still in its envelope, though the envelope is on the shelf. But it took a while for me to migrate that stuff over there. Here's to hoping this is a better week for you!

@ejoseph16 TWW is totally the worsttttt. Solidarity.

@shamrocandroll I hope you & YH were able to get some closure at the funeral--which nights did you miss, do you know yet? I'm not sure when I O'd, so you may not be as well (I haven't checked the dailies yet today.)

@mokay19 So glad your trip was amazing! I feel you on the "this is when..."'s. I shared some of those w/ MH & he was super understanding & I was grateful to be able to talk about it. But when he's not, I know I always have yall to be understanding. ^_~* LOL that YH would rate you lower than you actually are. I'd thought we'd get more ppl willing to own up to their bad driving w/ this question, but actually of course we're all safe drivers haha.

Number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. CP Oct. 2018; MMC w/ D&C Jan./Feb. 2019

Status: Probably just ovulated yesterday/day before

What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? OKAY SO, I briefly ranted about this in WTO weekend, but I wanted to get into some of the details, so TW: PG Announcements...

At my cousin's wedding this weekend, to end the "speeches" part of the reception, the bride and groom each gave a speech--groom first, followed by the bride, who did this whole bit about how there was a "wedding crasher"--everyone was murmuring bc the venue had a list at the door to let you in--it was pretty high security bc of its location. Anyway, she was like "we're gonna show a pic of the wedding crasher, if you look over to that wall" (right behind me) &.... it was an ultrasound pic. Now that I have some distance from this, I'm not really mad, but--it definitely impeded my ability to have the best time at the wedding and it was REALLY hard for me. I got upset over something else that wasn't AS big a deal but wound up crying outside for a bit over everything--only DH & my bro, on this side of the fam, know about what we've been thru, so it's not purposeful insensitivity--just general insensitivity. Anyway, the cake cutting also turned out to be a gender reveal (KILL ME) but that was a surprise to the bride and groom who thought they were finding out in their hotel room later that night. It was TOOOO MUCCCHHHH. Way too much. If/When we ever get the chance to make an announcement, I've decided to include our losses and the story of our journey as a part of that. I want people to know, it's just hard to bring it up. The next day, I almost told my Aunt when she was talking about the bride being PG, but then it just... there wasn't really room for it in the conversation. I hate that. Ugh.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? About to enter the TWW. Trying to keep it cool, ya know.

GTKY: On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the lowest & 10 the highest, rate you AND your SO’s driving skills. (Feel free to explain why you’ve scored things how you score them if you’d like.) 🚦🚙⛽️I wrote this one bc I was starting some Monday/July threads while DH & I were driving from the airport to our home last night--it's a long drive after a long flight & it was laaattee. Anyway, I feel like I'd give us both 8's, which seems to be pretty common, but I can't tell if he should actually get a 7 bc he follows close/closer than me sometimes and has to break hard & makes me gasp. He doesn't always do that, but enough that he knows I hate it.

shamrocandroll · July 2019

@maserrano714 Ugh, I'm sorry about all the triggers.

@kagesstarshroom Thank you. It was really really emotional and hard. I'm glad to have it behind us, but feel so terrible for his poor immediate family. We missed CD 13 & 14. I've been Oing around 17-18, so there's still a good shot, but it definitely killed my SMEP plans, so we've just been doing ED otherwise. I haven't O'd yet, but probably today or the next day. We managed to get it in on CDs 11, 12, 15, & 16 so far. I have a friend staying over tonight so will probably be up late talking, but might try to get a quick and quiet one in tonight too.

I'm so sorry the wedding was SO triggering for you! That's a lot! And really inconsiderate of them! My mom keeps talking to me about all these women from my old neighborhood growing up who are having babies/PG, and I'm so over it. I haven't talked to these people in 10+ years and I just plain do not care to hear about their showers or newborns. I'm also upset because she keeps eluding to me having another one, and I've told her about my losses, which was really hard for me, and she just doesn't seem to care. She seems to think just by not talking about it, it didn't happen. Not to mention my MIL who mentions having another one every single time I see her and I am going to snap one of these times.

mhamik · July 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

MC/BO at 10 weeks found on 5/28, D&C 5/29.

Status: Waiting for AF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Rave: We've got some fun plans on the horizon, a cousin/friend night at the casino one state over this weekend (among other 4th of July parties) and our big lake trip at the end of this month. Which is great to keep my mind busy.

Rant: No AF, so still just living in limbo. Wednesday will be five weeks, then just one more week and my doctor said to call and we'll do a follow up U/S and blood work to make sure that we're getting there. I just want to be back in the know really. Mostly, just feel like I'm wasting time. Which is crazy because I'm 29. But also want a sibling for my little one, she is so ready </3

Any testing coming up/any recent results? If AF shows, day 3 blood work. If she doesn't, then not sure what kind of tests to see why she isnt!

GTKY: On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the lowest & 10 the highest, rate you AND your SO’s driving skills. (Feel free to explain why you’ve scored things how you score them if you’d like.) 🚦🚙⛽️

I'd say we're both like 7 or 8s? I can have a lead foot and be distracted, he thinks hes great which makes him not so great *eye roll* but we're both pretty darn safe for the most part!

mhamik · July 2019

@kagesstarshroom - that is.... really kind of weird to me. I mean, super exciting for them. But..still all just very weird. I would be miserable, not going to lie. So sorry you had to tough that one out, I love that you plan to talk about your journey with an announcement. Keeping it real is so helpful for everyone.

@shamrocandroll - his poor family. It really does mean so much when so many people show up. But so hard. Missing FW days is also so hard to stay positive, you've got some good days left though!

@maserrano714 - That would be so triggering. Love that you are remaining hopeful! You will look back at those somedays and be so proud of where you've come from!

@ejoseph16 - if you don't become BSC in the TWW are you even human? So easy to do. I have wondered if I'm pregnant like even when I KNOW I can't be. Hope the rest flies by!

@mokay19 - Europe sounds amazing, but I totally get all of that. hugs!

hanshotfirst77 · July 2019

@ejoseph16 Fx for your testing this weekend!

@mokay19 I'm sorry for all the reminders. I feel that so much right now too. The I should be's are so hard

@maserrano714 I'm sorry for those announcements. You're feelings are totally valid. I feel them a lot myself. The sibling announcements are the worst for me. It's such a struggle. Hugs!

@mhamik I hope AF comes soon! The wait post loss is horrible.

@shamrocandroll I'm sorry you've been having a rough time too. That must have been hard for you guys. It sucks to miss parts of your FW but I hope you guys still were able to hit enough. Fx!

@kagesstarshroom I'm sorry the wedding was so tough for you. It sounds like quite an ordeal. And I agree I plan to do something similar if this ever works out for me re: announcements including losses. Hugs!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 MMC's, 2/19 and 6/19

Status: Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? see spoiler below

Any testing coming up/any recent results? see spoiler below

So this is officially the never ending miscarriage. D&C was incomplete, Misoprostol failed, and then I kinda overdid it this past weekend trying to get our apt cleaned and packed and ready for the move and ended up in the ER last night for possibly hemorrhaging. It has been a long and awful experience.

Fortunately, I did not hemorrhage, but apparently I am borderline anemic. My HCG has been dropping quickly though, and is down to the 500's. I saw my RE again today and there is some good and bad news.

Bad news is the fetal tissue from my loss came back normal. And after discussing things with my RE we have no answers on my losses. I don't meet the criteria for any of the causes my RE discussed with me. Which I suppose can also be considered good as I don't want there to be something wrong with me. But it is frustrating that I miscarried for seemingly no reason. My genetic screening on me has not come back yet so still waiting on that. Also I need another D&C which will happen on Wednesday.

As for the good news. My RE is confident I can still have a healthy pregnancy. The plan is to get this second D&C over and done with, get my HCG to 0, then do a Saline Sono again. And after that start the IVF process. He is thinking I could be starting by August. We haven't worked out all the details yet but the plan is to do a egg retrieval and then either do a fresh transfer with the best embryo and then freeze the rest for testing, or Freeze all for testing and then do a FET.

I have really been struggling with the losses, and now that they seem to be for no reason. But I feel better after talking to my RE today, I think it gives me a little hope that maybe it's still possible.

shamrocandroll · July 2019

@hanshotfirst77 Big, big, internet stranger hugs to you. That is a lot. I am glad you are okay, and I hope things start to turn around for you now that you have a really solid plan moving forward!

@mhamik The first AL cycle is SO hard and all of your feelings are valid! I hope AF shows up soon and you can start fresh! Enjoy the fun events you have coming up! I hope they make time go by quickly.

kagesstarshroom · July 2019

@hanshotfirst77 I am glad you plan to do something similar--though you said "if" and I'd like to change your if to a when for both of us, for the sake of pure "positive thinking," something I can't always master, but always try to encourage. I am sorry that this loss raises so many question marks, but glad it's helped you to put together a plan for moving forward w/ yr RE.

@mhamik Glad you have something to keep your mind busy. We went to Jamaica my first cycle AL (a trip we'd originally cancelled bc... you know...) & that was really helpful. I'm rooting for yr AF to show soon! Yeah, I doubt anyone on that side of the fam knowing would have changed anything, but... a warning would have been nice? IDK, I live 1300 miles from my fam right now, so I don't see them enough for something like what I've been thru to come up casually &, well, I just had to suffer in silence. I hate that it's what so many of us here would have to do in that situation.

@shamrocandroll I am super glad that SMEP was only briefly curtailed for yall & you have a shot this cycle despite the family stuff. Stuff like that is sooooososososo hard. I can't imagine having to go thru that as even a cousin, cousin-in-law. But you made it through the rough stuff--well, re: the funeral, as your mom/mil's comments make me mad. Esp. the "not talking about it" = "it didn't happen" way of looking at it. Ummmm no.

(((TW: that wedding announcement/details about my cousin's PG again)))

I was actually super worried for a sec re: the big announcement bc I was trying to figure out the math, like, if they were announcing too early? But they weren't, based on when most ppl do. My brain just can't help but go there--like to think how f'd up it would be/how it would put such a stain on their wedding day if they attached this big announcement to it and then, poof, something like what happened to me happened. But I did the calculating & she's 17w based on the edd. Makes me want to talk even more about what I've been thru, more often, but like--not sure how to. I wish one of my freelance articles would get picked up & then not only could I bring in some $, but like--I could post that & then ppl would know if they read it.

shamrocandroll · July 2019

@kagesstarshroom Thank you.

It was definitely the most emotional funeral I've been through, even though he wasn't a close family member to me, directly. It was mostly just knowing he was secretly hurting so much, and then seeing his poor family and knowing their lives will never be the same again. And yeah, the comments from my MIL are expected, and also she doesn't/won't know about our losses, but the lack of saying anything from my mom is hurtful, since I opened up and told her, and she hasn't said anything to me about it since. Even my dad has said something to me about it. He's a big softy and was always the more transparent parent (hah), but it frustrates me my mom just doesn't seem to think it's that big of a deal.

mokay19 · July 2019

@ejoseph16 FF’s little tidbits can be nice sometimes, and then other times I’m like GTFO with your nonsense!

@shamrocandroll again, so sorry about your family’s loss and all that stress but I’m happy to hear that it was well attended and that his immediate family seems to be receiving support in this impossible time!

@maserrano714 I hate how much I hate pregnancy announcements. Usually I’m happy for the people, but I still hate the announcement itself… basically always.

@kagesstarshroom I’m so shocked at that wedding story. I don’t know how I would have reacted. Also, that is not something that would go over well in my family since majority of my extended family is very Catholic haha. I’ve been more open about just mentioning our second loss to people. I decided that it was hurting me more trying to be secretive about it so I just talk about it when appropriate. Usually people feel uncomfortable at first, but then I think my level of comfort makes them more okay… andplusalso, IDGAF how they feel about my losses.

@mhamik ugh sorry about the waiting and limbo. Honestly, waiting is some of the worst part. I’m far too impatient and I hate not being able to actively do something!

@hanshotfirst77 I’m so sorry to hear the saga of the never-ending miscarriage. That’s so awesome that your RE thinks that you’ll be able to start IVF so soon though. Did you do IVF before or what made you decide to step to that? I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and planning and leaning toward IVF now so I’m curious other peoples steps to get there.

hanshotfirst77 · July 2019

@shamrocandroll thank you friend

@kagesstarshroom I have been having such a struggle with positive thinking. I'll be honest when my RE told me about the normal embryo results I had a knee jerk reaction of wtf well thats it it will never happen for me. But as hard as it is to do sometimes, I know it's important to still believe. And try to be positive. Let's hope we both get better at that.

@mokay19 This would be my first time doing IVF. I had previously been doing medicated IUI's which
*TW* did work twice this year, but both times resulted in MMC /*TW
After my last MMC diagnosis my RE brought up doing IVF and then I really started to research it and today was our first sit down discussion about it. At first I was a little apprehensive but now I feel like I want the best chance, and IVF gives a lot more control and also the possibility of banking embryos for the future. And after discovering my insurance covers IVF the decision was much easier. The only decision I am wavering on now is whether to do PGS testing or not. Since that is not covered. But it is a big decision and not one that I think comes easy for anyone.

kagesstarshroom · July 2019

@mokay19 "I decided that it was hurting me more trying to be secretive about it so I just talk about it when appropriate. Usually people feel uncomfortable at first, but then I think my level of comfort makes them more okay…" <--- YES, THIS. I also come back to the fact that when I had both of mine, I was SO comforted knowing that other people had gone thru them & grateful that those people, for whatever reason, had told me about theirs, even if it was in passing. I wish life had an acknowledgements page so I could, like, thank them for that & they'd know. Also, her family is religious, but she's in her early 30s, so I feel like that's more acceptable than if she were, like, 23? Esp. considering what I've been thru & my age now (35), I'm happy for her to have gotten a head start before the wedding, and also glad no one was shitty/shocked/negative about it bc of religious beliefs. It gives me hope for, like, the future, that the stigma that something like that is bad/trashy isn't entirely true. Even if it was unintentionally hurtful to me, sigh.

@shamrocandroll I'm sorry about your mom =/ I've always felt so lucky that no one in either of our family's has EVER pressured us, though at the same time that might be why bringing up the losses is so hard? One of the reactions I've gotten from ppl who do know is "oh, I didn't know you were trying!" and that's just not my fave reaction. I'm glad your dad has been super kind. I definitely don't want to tell my dad now after what I mentioned in today's TWW R/R. He'd probably just be like "well, now that you know how much failing at TTC cost you, imagine having those costs upon you your whole life!" & I would see red, & we'd fight about it, & it would be the worst. But my Mom has been awesome (luckily they are divorced). MH & his MIL don't speak, so she doesn't know unless his sister told her, but I doubt that? Anywayyyyy. My dad's friend died by suicide, and I missed that funeral bc it was my bday weekend--I called him crying bc I was so upset that he would be mad that I didn't want to go. He was like "no, you have to go do your plans." But my Dad gave me the play by play of the funeral, and it sounds like it was probably one of the most difficult things to attend, ever. It's so hard when people are hurting and you don't even know. And so confusing and hard for the family, I agree. I can't even imagine what going through that is like for a close family member.

@hanshotfirst77 We did a week of positive thinking a while ago over here at TTCAL haha, or at least I encouraged it in everyone bc I was feeling like some of us--esp. myself-- would really benefit from it. It's not going to magically get us what we all want, but it can at least help us feel better. Like, unless you are actively trying to be positive, it can be so hard to take a step back from negativity, take a deep breath, and ask yourself to focus on the good. I think I was having to tell DH to do that a lot that week & that's how it came up/was in my head here.

.....can you tell I missed you all when I was away haha. I am typing so many words.

mokay19 · July 2019

@hanshotfirst77 what insurance do you have? That is so wonderful that it's covered! We're on our 5th medicated cycle with 1 loss in those 7 months and since it's already been 14 months total, I'm tossing around the IVF thought... but I have zero infertility coverage so that's a big financial burden while we're in the midst of building a house

@kagesstarshroom yes, totally happy that everyone was positive toward their announcement... I'm just stil shocked that was a thing that happened! I would feel so blind-sided at a wedding. Also, none of my friends are in the TTC stage yet--probably soon--so I have one friend IRL that has gone through any loss and I know it's impossible for people to understand if they haven't experienced it so I'm fortunate that everyone is empathetic at least.

hanshotfirst77 · July 2019

@mokay19 I have United Healthcare. I was shocked when I read through the plan and saw IVF was covered. I’ve been TTC technically since late 2015 and back then my insurance was garbage. Covered nothing. I’m so glad to have better coverage now. I recently bought a house so I’m sure it would be a huge burden to try to finance IVF at the same time too. I hate so much how horrible most insurance companies can be. It’s so unfair. I hope you don’t need IVF anyways but if you do end up going down that road I really hope there can be a way to make it happen. It sucks how much the financial side of things affects TTC. Just dealing with my D&C bills and stuff is so frustrating.

maserrano714 · July 2019

@kagesstarshroom sorry to hear about your tough time at the wedding. I totally get how you feel. Sending you hugs. I think writing an article is a great idea. I love reading articles on loss. Makes me feel better somehow. Like I'm not a mess or that I don't have to feel something is wrong with me. It's such an isolating feeling and to read something on loss makes the isolation lessen.

@mhamik you're 4th of July weekend at the casino sounds like fun. Hope you have a good weekend and I hope AF comes soon. Totally know what you mean about wanting to be back in the know. I waited a little over 5 weeks before my AF came after my d&c. Hope you get back in the know.

@hanshotfirst77 sorry to hear about needing a 2nd D&C. Sending you hugs and healing thoughts for your d&c Weds. Sounds like you have a good plan. Hoping it all works out for you.

@shamrocandroll I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. May they rest in peace. I hope your mom is able to talk to you soon. For me it's the opposite. My mom talks but not my dad. He hasn't brought up the loss or pregnancy at all but its typical for him so it doesn't really bother me. He's not the touchy feely type. Sending you hugs.

mokay19 · July 2019

@hanshotfirst77 I also have United Healthcare but no IVF coverage. I work at a small, family-owned company so I’m thinking about talking to the GM and asking if they can look into including infertility treatments. I’ve read on multiple sites that it doesn’t usually increase the company's cost but they just have to seek it out.

hanshotfirst77 · July 2019

@mokay19 yeah I have never understood why some companies have better plans than others. I've worked places with horrible insurance coverage and ones with great. I do work for a large company now that has a big push for family/work balance. And I think good coverage especially infertility is a big part of that. I hope they are able to get you better coverage.

NYTino24 · July 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

NMC at 7w6d in 1/17 and BO at 7 weeks in 6/19

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week?

People who knew I was having a miscarriage kept asking me if I wanted to go swimming. Like four of them. NO!

What is going well for you this week? Pretty much all done with the MC now. The nurse who gave me my rhogam shot said I had muscular arms and asked me what I do to work out. Um, lifting 27+ pounds repeatedly?!

R/R? Remembered last night that I need to go in for an HCG test again. The hospital didn’t post the first results yet even though they posted the blood type (which they test every.single.time before rhogam - and I’ve had 4) and that I got rhogam.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Maybe today? I called the RE and left 3 different messages without a response. Now I’m getting frustrated. Seeing my friend who works there today, so maybe she can give me some info on what’s up.

GTKY: On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the lowest & 10 the highest, rate you AND your SO’s driving skills. (Feel free to explain why you’ve scored things how you score them if you’d like.) 🚦🚙⛽️

I won’t even go there because we disagree. I’m very good at parking, including parallel parking, and used to drive a stick shift... but he has driven a tank and drives a fire truck on tiny crowded one way streets, so he wins.

shamrocandroll · July 2019

@NYTino24 Sorry about the confusion with your test results! I also had to get rhogam every time, and it's such an insult to injury type of thing. Side note: did they give it to you in the arm??? Mine have all been in the butt, which makes it extra vulnerable feeling during an already shitty time.

ejoseph16 · July 2019

@shamrocandroll I'm so sorry that you even had to experience the funeral, but I can 100% relate. We had 2 have 2 services for my cousin when he committed suicide, because he was in college 2 hours away. So we had one up in our hometown (many people from college came up because they wanted to express condolences to the whole family, knowing many of us wouldn't be at the other service), and another in Columbus (he went to Ohio State). It's amazing how many people come out. Now time to heal and recover, which unfortunately is the hardest part.

@maserrano714 I have done the overlay from my BFP constantly, daily. It's ridiculous. MH and I are SS daily as well. It's ridiculous. I hate hate hate the TWW. I'll be crushed when I get a BFN...

@kagesstarshroom UGH with the PG announcement/gender reveal. That's the worst. I can't handle PG announcements right now at all. I'm also extra emotional about LO and US pictures on FB. I can't handle it! Sorry you went through that

@mhamik I'm fairly certain everyone goes BSC during the TWW. You are correct. LOL It only gets worse the closer you get to testing. I got a temp drop yesterday that came back up today and instantly went "OOOOOH! Implantation!" Ugh. Face palm. Your weekend sounds amazing! Have so much fun!

@NYTino24 I'm so sorry

It's frustrating when you don't hear back from the office to get answers. I hope you get your answers soon!

NYTino24 · July 2019

@shamrocandroll All of mine were in the arm. Needles to the butt aren’t fair.

HCG results were

2,659, which was a lot higher than my other loss, but this time it was done before passing the sac and last time was after the complete loss. I thought it would be lower considering it was a BO, but mine seems to rise and fall fast. *shrug*

hanshotfirst77 · July 2019

@shamrocandroll @NYTino24 That's odd, all my rhogam shots have always been in the butt too. I would much rather have it in the arm.

shamrocandroll · July 2019

@NYTino24 Honestly, it hurts way less than arm shots, but it just feels humiliating to literally have to drop trou for it.

NYTino24 · July 2019

@ejoseph16 I hope the SS turns out to be real for you!
@mokay19 My losses have been around the same point as each other and yours. Any theories? I’m sorry your SIL was being such a TW. Those what ifs are so hard, but I feel like it’s really hard to avoid thinking about.
@shamrocandroll That’s so tough. I’ve found it ironic that so many families make an effort to get together after a loss, yet don’t make time when people are living.
@hanshotfirst77 I’m glad you got the news that it’s covered. I hope you can come to an easy decision on what to do next!

mokay19 · July 2019

@NYTino24 the doctor doesn’t have any theories as to why I’ve lost them both at the same time almost. The first loss started with slow increasing hCG and low-ish progesterone. But this recent loss seemed strong from the beginning. We’ve done some antibody testing on me and another saline sonogram. Next step is the hysteroscopy to see if something is up with my lining.
I’m not sure why, but I feel like I’ve lost hope and I’m already putting my thoughts towards how we can make IVF work...

emeraldduchess · July 2019

Hi ladies,

I've been lurking and love-titting the last few days while in beta-limbo.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Early miscarriage in December at 5 weeks, CP diagnosed today (still have to go in again for bloodwork on Friday).

Status: WFAF, I guess?

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Needless to say I am not doing well. I had a gut feeling after my first blood draw came back on Monday that this one probably wasn't going to work out (my hcg levels were only at 18), but I still had that *tiny* spark of hope. They called a little while ago and my levels were at 4. This month with be a year TTC with 2 losses. Since both losses were so early, we might never get answers as to why. Is it low progesterone? Poor egg quality? My age? All of the above? I'm both sad and rage-y. I don't even want to tell my mother because if she goes all "God's will/keep praying" on me I will lose.my.damn.mind. I just can't hear that right now. I know many find comfort in faith and prayer when grieving, but sadly I don't. DH is crushed and all I can think of is how I've disappointed him and our families. I know it's not my fault but I feel awful because I know both his parents and mine are expecting us to have news to share any day now.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Going back Friday for another blood draw; DH has his SA next week (do-over after he didn't collect enough last time) and I assume I'll have my saline sono at some point next week too. I don't know if they're going to give me the rhogam shot this time.

GTKY: On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the lowest & 10 the highest, rate you AND your SO’s driving skills. (Feel free to explain why you’ve scored things how you score them if you’d like.) 🚦🚙⛽️ I occasionally make stupid driving mistakes, but I have an excellent record (only one speeding ticket and no accidents), so maybe I'm an 8? I can't parallel park to save my life and get major anxiety driving in cities. DH isn't bad, but he tailgates like crazy and sometimes I think he needs to brake a bit earlier. Maybe he's an 8 too?

shamrocandroll · July 2019

@emeraldduchess I am so incredibly sorry to see you here. This month is 1 year of trying with 2 losses for me as well. Everything you're feeling is valid, and I hope you get some answers soon! Take care of yourself. Big big hugs!

mokay19 · July 2019

@emeraldduchess I’m so sorry to see you back here! I totally understand the not wanting to tell people because you don’t want to hear or deal with their reactions. I literally told my mom via text because I was not about to listen to “comforting” bs when all I wanted to do was punch the universe. Hugs to you and take some time for yourself and ignore other people.

hanshotfirst77 · July 2019

@emeraldduchess I’m so sorry you are back here. Sometimes even the most well intentioned comments from people can sting so hard. They just don’t know what to say or totally say the wrong thing thinking it’s hepful when it is so not. I am two losses in now too it’s is so hard. Big hugs to you ❤️

AFM I just had my 2nd D&C for this latest loss. It wasn’t my RE but the RE today said there was retained tissue so it was good we didn’t decide to wait it out more. It’s been 3 weeks since the MMC diagnosis and the first D&C so I am beyond ready for this part to be over. I’m feeling okay but it seems to hit me in waves of being okay and then a crying mess. Should be going back next week to keep testing HCG down and hopefully confirming that this one was successful and the MC is really over.

tyrion_ · July 2019

@emeraldduchess I’m sorry you’re back here. Please be gentle with yourself. There is nothing less comforting than “it was meant to be/God’s will” so I do not blame you one bit for not sharing.

tyrion_ · July 2019

@hanshotfirst77 I’m glad it went well. Hope that the HCG next week shows that this is officially behind you. Sending creepy internet hugs to you.

ejoseph16 · July 2019

@emeraldduchess I’m so sorry 😔 I know there aren’t any words to truly comfort you right now, so just take care of yourself. ❤️

emeraldduchess · July 2019

Thank you so much, ladies. Your words are more comforting than you know. 💚 I'm really grateful to have this community to come back to.

kagesstarshroom · July 2019

@emeraldduchess =/ I was thinking something earlier that you typed--about disappointing others. I hate that it's something we have to feel on top of everything else terrible, but I wanted to let you know how real that feeling is to me & it sucks & I wish there were something we could do to make it not part of all the rest of the grief we've all been thru. Side note: I wish you lived near me so I could teach you to parallel park, as I am an expert and love teaching ppl. But anyway. So many hugs to you.

ruby696 · July 2019

@emeraldduchess I'm so sorry you're back here. It's just so damn unfair. If you ever need to talk, you can always PM me.

ruby696 · July 2019

@hanshotfirst77 I'm glad you didn't wait any longer and I hope you're finally able to start moving forward. Hoping younhabe an easy recovery.

TTCAL w/o 7/1/19

Re: TTCAL w/o 7/1/19

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