TW award goes to my nosy neighbors. Backstory, my dad bought the property next to us and rents it out. It has a "tiny house" that my sister and BIL rent out (he's still in school), and the big house is rented to my older unmarried sister and two other single ladies. A few weeks ago, an older lady with her dog stopped by and DD wanted to pet the dog, so we started chatting. She was concerned about the added activity in the property in the last few months, and I told her it was because we had several renters living on the property. She asked me three times if we had built the "tiny house" that she could see from the road. And I kept assuring her that that building had been there for 15+ years, but the hermit that lived there before us kept the brush so overgrown that no one could see it. Well yesterday my dad gets a notice in the mail that he "placed an unauthorized dwelling unit in the front yard." Number one, it's not in the front yard, it's behind a fence. Number two, he didn't place it there, it's been there longer than the actual house on the property. We checked, and the previous owner did fail to pull permits and never got the building inspected. Then my husband who landlords for my dad, starts searching through code and laws and stuff, and finds out that with our zone, we are allowed to have a secondary dwelling unit on a property as long as it's at least 1 acre. My dad's property is literally .96 acre. He's going to the county to see if they will let him just get an inspection and call it good, or if he needs to "sell" 11 feet of property to my dad off of our land to make his an acre. The second prospect is a lot more hassle, but it's a good run-around. Anyways, I wish I had never talked to that nosy neighbor who is anal enough to call the county on us.
P.S. We are quiet people, who never have loud music or partying late or anything. We have had multiple people stop by and say how well we've cleaned up the brush on the property and made it look nice. So that lady can go suck it.
TLDR: Nosy neighbor calls the county on us for "adding" a building and having renters.
The award goes to my so-called friends who keep outting my loss and new pregnancy to other people.
My BFF outted me to my boss, telling her I was pregnant. While I don't mind her knowing, I just started this role and wasn't ready to let them know yet.
My mother tells the neighborhood gossip (I live 2 blocks away) that she needs someone to take care of the cats while they're out of the country because I'm expecting again! At 42! How exciting! But, it's just a precaution because I miscarried last time and her help might not even be needed!
My former Admin Assistant told my former coworkers, with whom my partner still works, that OMFG, FFR and FT are having a baby! Such exciting news after loss in Jan, right??? No one knew about the miscarriage. She managed to tell them about our loss and the new pregnancy in 1 sentence. One of the people she told has been trying for years to conceive and I didn't want her to know I managed to get pregnant twice in 5 months over the age of 40.
Forgive me, but I'm thinking only my partner and I get to decide who knows I'm pregnant. Silly me, I'm sure.
@marebear15 omg, what a pain in the ass! I can't stand people like that. Like, get a life and mind your own business! No one's bothering you. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I hope the country overlooks 11ft, but glad you have a backup plan.
@FyreFlyeRush ugh, why do some people feel the need to share news that isn't theirs to share??? Get your own news! This is exactly why my mom will be the LAST to know. Otherwise, I won't get a chance to share with anyone else myself, she will beat me to it. 😐 I'm sorry you've been outed so often. I'm sure these people are just really excited for you and want to share in that, but, seriously, boundaries!
@FyreFlyeRush people are so inconsiderate and rude! My MIL announced it on fb so unfortunately I know the feeling. Why people think it’s their news to share is beyond me!
@marebear15 what a pain! Nosy neighbors are the worst! I guess she really doesn't like the extra activity....you know people living lives...she just wants everyone to stay inside and not work or something. So weird!
@FyreFlyeRush that's so tough! It should be your news to tell. I know my MIL will likely tell people who "don't know us" or something. I fully expecting it since that is how she is. We felt like we had to tell people earlier than we wanted just to get out ahead of it. Have you talked to them to tell them you would have preferred to share the news? Not that it shouldn't be obvious but it might be good for them to realize?
My mom broke her foot this past weekend so won't be coming up to our house to visit because drs orders. I'm pissed because I was going to tell them that we are pregnant and it's our first so I wanted to do it in person... But now IDK what to do. I gotta figure that out this week because we already told his parents. I'm just mad now that I gotta deal with this. I mean I'm not mad at her for breaking her foot. I'm just mad at the situation.
TW talking about infertility/MRKH syndrome:
Also found out that my cousin's wife literally hates anyone of us that gets pregnant because she can't have children of her own. She was born without a uterus and found out as a teenager. So, while I get it's not something easy to get over. It's probably been close to 20 years that she has had to come to terms with this information and to live with it, but instead, she chooses to be pissed off that some of us can have children, and some of my family is choosing to have 2+ children. IDK now it makes me not want to tell my extended family. Not that I really like her or anything, but like I don't need that drama in my life with my first pregnancy.
@biolprof same my MIL is telling her co-workers this week. Which honestly, they've never met me. They don't know anyone other than my MIL so it's not a big deal to me.
@FyreFlyeRush that sucks though. To people you want to tell you should be able to in control of that information. It sounds like they are a sucky friend.
@marebear15 why are old people so nosy. I'm dealing with similar shit with my HOA. We built a patio, had no idea about the rules and they aren't clear in our HOA docs, and they flipped out about the patio and that we didn't get approved by them before we did it. It's like... the backyard was gravel and dandelions. I'm pretty sure our patio adds property value over that shit.
@marebear15 that is so insane, people are so nosy wow! @FyreFlyeRush that sucks, i wish things could be kept more private. My mom also outed me to my aunt who is the gossip queen. I have a family baptism this weekend so I will have to share the news then @stashattack I dunno that seems like a tough situation. Even though she may have had 20 years knowing she had this syndrome, it still doesn't change the fact that she might be in the age gap now of when all her friends / relatives/ co workers or even herself would be having children or wanting children. It's shitty that she can't be happy for family and outwardly is like that, but also her situation is not a good one
@c1kc1kpol1cn1k I get it. And I agree. it does suck. And I wish she could. And I know a lot of her struggle with this comes from being really religious and not getting over the fact that the catholic church heavily preaches that married women's roll in the marriage to be the mother and the bearer of children and the nurturer. So there's a lot of stuff going on there that I feel like she hasn't dealt with properly mentally. And I know a lot of us are super sensitive about it and don't rub it in her face about having kids, but rather are just celebrating their families like normal people do. And then she gets mad at us for that.
And honestly, I was super happy to hear that her and my cousin are adopting a little boy from China finally and they are starting the family that they have so desperately wanted to for years now, but that has been soured with this knowledge that she's outwardly pissed off at those of us who (so far. I don't want to jinx my own first pregnancy now) can give birth. Her situation is sucky, but it's sucky to also take that frustration out on us too. Sad I could understand more. Upset sure. But outwardly mad, is I feel unreasonable. But maybe I'm the unreasonable hormonal one right now.
@stashattack that's rough. But, I would imagine, that being she's so religious, she's probably dealing with anger issues towards God as well for not giving her this gift that so many other women have. Is it fair for her to be angry at others for having what she wants? Of course not, but just remember that hurt people hurt people. Her outwards anger is likely the easiest way for her to express her anger at her own body and whatnot. I guess I'm saying, just consider the source and try not to take her bitterness personally. It has nothing to do with you. Feel free to celebrate your pregnancy as you would. It is important to be sensitive to her situation, but ultimately, you are not the babysitter of her emotions. And the fact that she's getting a child from China is amazing! Adoption is a wonderful way to start a family. In time motherhood may soften her cold, bitter heart 😝
I hope it will @peppyj9. LOL. So us cousins can go on just bringing the littles, blood-related or not, to family functions to play with each other while we drink and do adult things without any anger towards one another. I'm trying not to take it personally. It was making me question if I wanted to do a big SM announcement since we are friends but that's silly. I should celebrate and share my excitement because it is an exciting time. I'll definitely be sensitive towards her, and others who I know struggled with infertility and loss. But you are also right, that I can't control their reactions to my announcement and that's on them.
I know a lot of it stems from her religiousness. I just wish she would seak secular advice from a therapist instead of always turning to the church for comfort where I don't think there's a lot of knowledge there to help her work through these feelings. IDK It's just one of the many reasons I stopped practicing any sort of religion.
I just wish that instead of being angry she would just see the joy and the happiness that we all have over her adopting and living the dream that she's always had of having a family to raise, whether they are blood-related or not. But I guess it's not one of those situations that I can shake her and tell her to snap out of it, can it? LOL
@stashattack exactly. Don't diminish your happiness to make someone else feel more comfortable. You only get one life afterall and you deserve to enjoy it and celebrate it however you like without walking on eggshells! Obviously don't rub her face in it either, but you know what I mean! And yea, I'd hate to be the church counselor trying to tell her that God does things for a reason, etc. and that's not what I believe anyway but that's a whole different topic! Anyway, you can't expect her to feel happiness when she is so stuck on feeling anger. All you can do is lead by example and steer the conversation on the positive of opening her home to a child in need. And maybe when you talk about your happiness with her, talk more about the excitement of motherhood and raising another person rather than focus on the pregnancy itself. Adoptive mothers are still mothers! So she can still be included in the conversation if she wants to be. And when she has that child, maybe she really will find the happiness she's been looking for.
Re: Twat Waffle Tuesday 6/25
A few weeks ago, an older lady with her dog stopped by and DD wanted to pet the dog, so we started chatting. She was concerned about the added activity in the property in the last few months, and I told her it was because we had several renters living on the property. She asked me three times if we had built the "tiny house" that she could see from the road. And I kept assuring her that that building had been there for 15+ years, but the hermit that lived there before us kept the brush so overgrown that no one could see it.
Well yesterday my dad gets a notice in the mail that he "placed an unauthorized dwelling unit in the front yard." Number one, it's not in the front yard, it's behind a fence. Number two, he didn't place it there, it's been there longer than the actual house on the property. We checked, and the previous owner did fail to pull permits and never got the building inspected. Then my husband who landlords for my dad, starts searching through code and laws and stuff, and finds out that with our zone, we are allowed to have a secondary dwelling unit on a property as long as it's at least 1 acre. My dad's property is literally .96 acre.
He's going to the county to see if they will let him just get an inspection and call it good, or if he needs to "sell" 11 feet of property to my dad off of our land to make his an acre. The second prospect is a lot more hassle, but it's a good run-around.
Anyways, I wish I had never talked to that nosy neighbor who is anal enough to call the county on us.
P.S. We are quiet people, who never have loud music or partying late or anything. We have had multiple people stop by and say how well we've cleaned up the brush on the property and made it look nice. So that lady can go suck it.
TLDR: Nosy neighbor calls the county on us for "adding" a building and having renters.
My BFF outted me to my boss, telling her I was pregnant. While I don't mind her knowing, I just started this role and wasn't ready to let them know yet.
My mother tells the neighborhood gossip (I live 2 blocks away) that she needs someone to take care of the cats while they're out of the country because I'm expecting again! At 42! How exciting! But, it's just a precaution because I miscarried last time and her help might not even be needed!
My former Admin Assistant told my former coworkers, with whom my partner still works, that OMFG, FFR and FT are having a baby! Such exciting news after loss in Jan, right??? No one knew about the miscarriage. She managed to tell them about our loss and the new pregnancy in 1 sentence. One of the people she told has been trying for years to conceive and I didn't want her to know I managed to get pregnant twice in 5 months over the age of 40.
Forgive me, but I'm thinking only my partner and I get to decide who knows I'm pregnant. Silly me, I'm sure.
@FyreFlyeRush ugh, why do some people feel the need to share news that isn't theirs to share??? Get your own news! This is exactly why my mom will be the LAST to know. Otherwise, I won't get a chance to share with anyone else myself, she will beat me to it. 😐 I'm sorry you've been outed so often. I'm sure these people are just really excited for you and want to share in that, but, seriously, boundaries!
@FyreFlyeRush that's so tough! It should be your news to tell. I know my MIL will likely tell people who "don't know us" or something. I fully expecting it since that is how she is. We felt like we had to tell people earlier than we wanted just to get out ahead of it. Have you talked to them to tell them you would have preferred to share the news? Not that it shouldn't be obvious but it might be good for them to realize?
TW talking about infertility/MRKH syndrome:
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
@FyreFlyeRush that sucks though. To people you want to tell you should be able to in control of that information. It sounds like they are a sucky friend.
@marebear15 why are old people so nosy. I'm dealing with similar shit with my HOA. We built a patio, had no idea about the rules and they aren't clear in our HOA docs, and they flipped out about the patio and that we didn't get approved by them before we did it. It's like... the backyard was gravel and dandelions. I'm pretty sure our patio adds property value over that shit.
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
@FyreFlyeRush that sucks, i wish things could be kept more private. My mom also outed me to my aunt who is the gossip queen. I have a family baptism this weekend so I will have to share the news then
@stashattack I dunno that seems like a tough situation. Even though she may have had 20 years knowing she had this syndrome, it still doesn't change the fact that she might be in the age gap now of when all her friends / relatives/ co workers or even herself would be having children or wanting children. It's shitty that she can't be happy for family and outwardly is like that, but also her situation is not a good one
And honestly, I was super happy to hear that her and my cousin are adopting a little boy from China finally and they are starting the family that they have so desperately wanted to for years now, but that has been soured with this knowledge that she's outwardly pissed off at those of us who (so far. I don't want to jinx my own first pregnancy now) can give birth. Her situation is sucky, but it's sucky to also take that frustration out on us too. Sad I could understand more. Upset sure. But outwardly mad, is I feel unreasonable. But maybe I'm the unreasonable hormonal one right now.
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23
I know a lot of it stems from her religiousness. I just wish she would seak secular advice from a therapist instead of always turning to the church for comfort where I don't think there's a lot of knowledge there to help her work through these feelings. IDK It's just one of the many reasons I stopped practicing any sort of religion.
I just wish that instead of being angry she would just see the joy and the happiness that we all have over her adopting and living the dream that she's always had of having a family to raise, whether they are blood-related or not. But I guess it's not one of those situations that I can shake her and tell her to snap out of it, can it? LOL
PG #2: EDD 8/15/23 Miscarried 9w1d 1/11/23
PG #3: EDD 12/15/23