Mental Health check-in 4/3

mrosek91 · April 2019

Whether it’s grief, depression, anxiety, or some complex and overwhelming situation, this thread is for talking it out and getting some support. Use it whenever and however you need it. Answer the questions below, start your own conversation, let US support YOU! (Any and all feedback is appreciated.)

How are you feeling this week?
Is anything bothering you? Any stressful things happening or coming up?
What are you doing to take care of YOU this week?
What are your goals for the next week?
Questions/comments/concerns?

MamaK225 · April 2019

How are you feeling this week? Much, much better. But also worried it might slip back into "overly stressful" like it has been the last 5 weeks.
Is anything bothering you? Any stressful things happening or coming up? Mostly just work. They refuse to give me clear expectations or deadlines (I'm in a newly created role they're still trying to figure out how they'd like to use me, 15+ months later) and when things do fall short and I suggest a few ways strategies I can use to improve, I'm met with "no, not that" and then a blank stare. And when I ask for a suggestion, "figure it out" or "just make it happen." Uhm, wtf?
What are you doing to take care of YOU this week? I plan on leaving early tomorrow to get a pedicure. Or maybe scheduling one, midday on Friday.
What are your goals for the next week? Plan more "breaks" for "me-time" at work (like 10 minutes every 2 hours to look at TB boards, browse Amazon, or read some articles, etc.) and work on some meditation techniques to both reduce stress and anger.
Questions/comments/concerns? Not at the moment.

mrosek91 · April 2019

@MamaK225 Glad to hear you're doing better, I hope it keeps up! Enjoy the pedicure.

I know there was some talk about reviving this thread a few weeks ago, but then it hasn't been getting much traction. I feel like it's one of those threads that if it helps even one person it's worth it, but I also feel like I've been Mrs. Thread Starter this week...

Any feedback is appreciated.

MamaK225 · April 2019

I did enjoy it! Came back to work feeling great and ALSO happy that I didn't have to take any "vacation" time for it

Winning, all around.

emqbee · April 2019

I’m going to check in...I just need some positive vibes and a reminder to keep my chin up. I feel like the pressure of everything is just...heavy today. The fact that there is a life and soul on her way for me to nurture and love and do my damndest to make sure she turns out a stable person is just the grand cherry on top of the sundae of life. My husband and I struggled(to say the least) for a while before getting pregnant. We were back on the uphill when I got the BFP, hence the BFP. But I feel like some days are just tough. I feel the weight of it all. Finances, home, family, work and everything that is covered under those umbrellas. Most days I feel like everything will be fine. Other days I feel like I’m walking around in someone else’s body and those days are really hard. I feel like it shouldn’t be me picking out strollers, that’s someone else right?! And then the next day I’m crying over how cute the onesie is with the honey bees on it. Good ol pregnancy hormones! I’m struggling with a spouse that doesn’t verbalize his enthusiasm for Baby Bee. And I’m not saying it isn’t there... I know everyone processes differently and for that reason I’ve been able to write it off and remind myself that we’re both experiencing very different things right now. He doesn’t feel our little girl kicking and squirming all day like I do! And I have a lot of respect for that aspect.
im a little bit of a perfectionist. And anything that makes me feel like I/we won’t do this parenting thing perfectly scares me. I know that’s dumb. No one is perfect. But there’s some history that I’m terrified of seeing repeated after the little Bee gets here.
Signed,
a scared first time mom that’s also super hormonal and crying as I type this like it’s my freaking journal

mrosek91 · April 2019

@emqbee Hugs. I don't know if this will help, but what you are feeling is totally normal. Having a baby is a really large overwhelming experience, and the hormones do not help.
DS#1 is 3, and this is my third, and I still regularly wondering what in the world I'm doing, how did I become I mother, will doing xyz scar them for life, etc., etc.,

thirdtimesacharm2019 · April 2019

@emqbee *hugs* I totally get the ups and downs you are feeling. Maybe with your husband it just doesn’t feel real yet? ***TW***I think my DH is having a hard time because we had a loss last year and he doesn’t want to get too attached... it’s been harder for me too***end TW*** I’m not going to tell you that you will be a great mom all the time because we all screw up, but we do our best, and that’s what matters!!

lovelikestardust · April 2019

@emqbee Big hugs!! If it helps, I am also a FTM and having many of the same thoughts and anxieties that you are. From talking to friends who are moms, this is completely normal. I'm a perfectionist, like you, and I'm trying to prepare myself for the whirlwind that parenting will be, including the feeling of having no idea what I'm doing. So you're not alone! No one is perfect, so just do the best you can with what you have.

emqbee · April 2019

Guys...thank you so much! I can’t tell you how reassuring it is to hear some of my fears and anxieties mimicked from others. It makes me feel like maybe this is normal after all and im
not just bad at this whole ‘becoming a mom’ thing. I would never want to convey the wrong thing, I’m so overwhelmed with love for this little girl and now I ‘get’ some of the things my mom said to me growing up and things I’ve heard from other moms over the years.
I would also like to add, when my husband got home from work tonight, I melted down and just cried and cried. Partly because of some cross words exchanged last night but mostly just because of the heaviness of this little life. I’m happy to report that while he was holding my crying self he rubbed my tummy and said, I thought of two names today that I like. Guuuyyysss! I melted all over again. I do have to remind myself that this is setting in for him much differently than me. He’s only been able to go to the anatomy scan appt and not to any of the other regular appts and I know for me the appts have been big in making it all real.
Thanks for letting me talk and feel out my meltdown. I really appreciate the judgment free zone here.

MamaK225 · April 2019

@emqbee - I'm sorry you've been feeling so overwhelmed; as most have replied, it is completely normal (though not trying to minimize your feelings). I think what @thirdtimesacharm2019 said is so true. Even with all the ultrasounds (we've had 4-5, having gone through IVF), DH is still kind of having a hard time acknowledging that I'm pregnant and things are difficult for me at times. In the coming days, you should hopefully get more movement externally (if you don't have an anterior placenta) so maybe that'll help. FX that those dang hormones simmer down ... it's hard enough having your body fully transform, let alone being thrown all these emotions.

emqbee · April 2019

I wanted to drop a little positive update here. @MamaK225 you were spot on with the external movement!!

Baby Bee kicked it into high gear last night while we were laying in bed. I grabbed my husbands hand and just waited a minute and he looks at me with wide eyes, and goes, ‘are you doing that?!’ I said nope that’s all her! She kept right along moving, it was like she went into overdrive when she felt daddy’s hand on her. He got this big wonderful smile on his face, laughed a little and we both teared up and laughed and enjoyed feeling her. That immediately led to some open and honest conversation about how we’ve been feeling and/or stressing and my husband opened up about what’s been on his mind. I realized that he’s been bottling up(as he tends to) and I’ve been expressing nothing but joy and excitement in hopes it would be contagious. So I think he didnt feel like he could be open about what scares him because I was hiding my own fears etc.

Anyways...I’m still giddy with joy over him getting to feel her last night and wanted to share that some of the ‘overwhelmed’ was released a little.

Sorry to dredge up up the old thread 😬

thirdtimesacharm2019 · April 2019

@emqbee that’s awesome!!!!

lovelikestardust · April 2019

@emqbee Aww yay, glad you were able to have that bonding moment and open discussion!

peachy0709 · April 2019

I'm bringing this back because I need a safe space.

I'm definately struggling with the load of motherhood. Working full time and having two young children while being pregnant is really taking a toll on me. I feel tired all the time and like I'm never good enough.

I think we probably all feel like this, but I also feel like no one talks about it. I don't always feel like my "support system" is actually that supportive for when all the responsibilities get too heavy - like almost like they enjoy my suffering. Maybe that's not true, maybe that's projecting, but it's how I feel right now.

I don't know that I really have a post to this except to ponder (like Carrie Bradshaw style... "I had to wonder...") if it's ever going to get easier or if I need to adjust my way of thinking.

thirdtimesacharm2019 · April 2019

@peachy0709 It is extremely exhausting. And this, my third, pregnancy has been super difficult physically. I am huge (and not just in my head), which is making the most simple task, like getting dressed, exhausting. I don’t sleep more than 3-4 hours per night and I wake up in pain. I’m constantly snapping at DH and the kids. I’ve started to see a counselor again to try to “deal” with everything. Don’t get me wrong, I’m super excited to be having this baby, and we tried really hard for him, but most days I’m over being pregnant. I long to be myself again and feel somewhat normal (and wear real clothes!). I’m lucky in that my kids are old enough to do most things for themselves, but after working all day I don’t want to do anything... nothing... I don’t even feel like conversing most evenings because I’ve put so much energy into “being normal” at work because I work with all dudes and don’t want to be viewed as the weak, pregnant woman.

I believe it will get better, but at least for me personally it’s going to get worse first. I’m going to get bigger, it’s going to get hotter, and I just have to put one foot in front of another for approximately 100 more days. At the “finish line”, I will have major surgery and be given a brand new human to care for. Honestly, I’m a little scared. I’ve had two wonderful c-section recoveries and two relatively easy babies... but what if I’m not so lucky this time? Will I have the energy to persevere?

We will do it, not only because we can - even if it takes everything we have - but because we are mom... and if we don’t do it - who will?

peachy0709 · April 2019

@thirdtimesacharm2019 - Thank you. It's hard. I know we're all struggling with our own battles, but it's so helpful to hear from others. I also have struggled because we had fertility issues with our first two and then were not expecting to get pregnant so fast this time around - it was kind of a shock to the system and fell it a weird time (I changed jobs at 11 weeks pregnant).

I think you also brought up something extremely important - sleep. My kids are just not great sleepers and I'm pregnant, so I am just in a zombie state. Pair that with the stress of trying to learn a new job and yeah, we're talking a recipe for stress. I'm glad we can commiserate together.

mrosek91 · April 2019

@peachy0709 just want to say you are not alone. I agree with you that one of the things that makes an already superhuman job harder is how it seems to be taboo to say anything other than that we're doing great.
That's one of the reasons I love this community, I know I'm not alone.

MamaK225 · April 2019

I'm not crying, you're crying.

@peachy0709 & @thirdtimesacharm2019 & @mrosek91 - All the things I'm feeling, for sure. I'm so excited for this little one and am thankful for the chance to even be here, but it is DEFINITELY exhausting and leaves me doubting myself and my sanity. I know I'm going to talk with my doctor about PPA at today's appt and figure out when the best time for getting on something is possible (or seeing a counselor, if it is not advised during BF). Looking back, I very clearly had it with DD1 and I can't imagine suffering like that again - let alone putting my family through it, too.

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