Introduction *Loss Mentioned*

Hi all. Been a reader for a little while, and figured I should go ahead and introduce myself. DH and I have been TTC for 4 years. When we first started trying, I got diagnosed with PCOS pretty early on when my period was MIA for three months. After being put on metformin, we got our first BFP. Ended up being a chemical pregnancy and I miscarried very early. After hitting the one year mark with no luck, we started seeing an RE. We started out relatively hopeful especially when all of our tests came back normal. We figured PCOS shouldn't be insurmountable. Little did we know the journey we had ahead of us. We tried clomid & TI for two cycles then moved onto 3 completed and one cancelled cycle of IUI. It was then time to move on to IVF. We did our first retrieval and were thrilled with how many eggs we got (PCOS patients tend to get a large number), unfortunately that for us has never translated to a lot of embryos. The first cycle we were pretty happy to get our 3 embryos. We did a fresh transfer, followed by two FET cycles. We got 3 BFPs followed by 3 miscarriages. Going into our second ER, we got 1 embryo and decided to do PGS testing. It came back normal, we did a FET and got our 5th BFP. We were cautiously optimistic that this would finally be the one that would stick. Unfortunately, at around 7 weeks I started bleeding and had another miscarriage. At this point our RE ordered more tests and we found out that I had a clotting disorder. We did our 3rd ER hoping the added lovenox for the retrieval and transfer would finally do the trick. Despite getting 35 eggs, 27 of which fertilized, we ended up with only 2 embryos - both of which were found to be abnormal following PGS testing. We recently did our 4th ER combined with DH doing a TESA procedure and ended up with two embryos that miraculously are both normal. Our RE wanted to be cautious since it has been so hard to get normal embryos so this month we just did an ERA test. Currently waiting on the results and hoping we'll be able to do our next FET in May. 

It's been an incredibly long 4 years filled with a lot of loss and not much good news. I'm not ready to throw in the towel, but it is feeling more and more like i'm going through the motions without much hope of a positive outcome. DH and I are 33 and nearly everyone we know has kids. Some went through similar struggles but have all had kids at this point. I know they are all still happy to be there for me, but I don't want to burden them with my struggles when they are occupied with navigating raising young children. Hoping to find some support here - and hoping to also be able to provide some comfort and a listening ear to others.