PGAL Check-in END OF MARCH

kindbytealikat · March 2019

Hey ladies I was looking for this today and noticed we haven't done one since 3/11, so I hope you don't mind me starting one. I selfishly kind of need it today.

How far along are you/EDD?

Current mood?

If you haven't already/want to again, please share your loss history, if comfortable.

Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs?

Rants/Raves/Dear Diary?

GTKY(Inspired by my day): What is your favorite rainy spring day activity?

kindbytealikat · March 2019

How far along are you/EDD? 11+2, 10/16

Current mood? I am not in a very good head space the past couple days especially. I broke down last night to DH about it. My symptoms have really let up this week and it is really messing with my head. I know at 11 weeks that is somewhat expected but that doesn't seem to help.

If you haven't already/want to again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. Two early losses before 8 weeks

Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? Next Thursday an U/S and appointment with MFM doc. We get to discuss extra test since i'm now 35.

Rants/Raves/Dear Diary? Rant: To elaborate more on my mood I guess. I'm upset at everything my losses have taken away from me. This is likely my last pregnancy, unless I can work some magic on DH, and I can't enjoy it. I am to consumed with anxiety to enjoy anything. I question and second guess everything I do. Even as silly as being afraid to start wearing my maternity jeans because I don't want to jinx it. Or figuring out how to announce on SM because I'm afraid it will all be gone that next day. I don't feel comfortable enough with my MFM doctor to discuss this, plus his bedside manor kind of sucks so I don't feel I'd get much there anyway. I don't see my regular OB until the second week of April so I just feel stuck in anxiety and doubt.

Rave: DH is wonderfully supportive and doesn't try and tell me to just snap out of it or that I need to stop worrying, he knows I can't. He did great last night just holding me and letting me cry.

GTKY(Inspired by my day): What is your favorite rainy spring day activity? I love to drink a warm drink and read a book while listening to the rain on my window.

prpl11butterfly · March 2019

@kindbytealikat I haven't had time to respond since you posted but wanted to pop in quickly since I know you need some support. Your not alone, somehow we are going to get through this. I'm always a PM away ❤

melanier26 · March 2019

@kindbytealikat I’m still having symptoms but my anxiety has been bad the last few days. We just passed the point of my MC last pregnancy and I thought that would help a lot but it hasn’t. Also if you haven’t already seen it, I recommend avoiding the most recent post on the ultrasound thread. It has messed with my head and think it might with you too.

Even though you won’t be seeing your OB for another month I’d recommend calling them to explain what you’re feeling. They may be willing to bring you in earlier or just have someone you could talk to over the phone? Or have someone they recommend you could talk to

prpl11butterfly · March 2019

I second everyone staying out of the US thread. In fact, maybe we should spam that post to move that off the main page.... that really wasnt the best place for it.

ETA I posted requesting it removed and also reported it.

cmbt2 · March 2019

prpl11butterfly said:

I second everyone staying out of the US thread. In fact, maybe we should spam that post to move that off the main page.... that really wasnt the best place for it.

ETA I posted requesting it removed and also reported it.

I’m going to warn you, I don’t see them removing it. It doesn’t violate TOU, as triggering as it is.

The thread itself is pinned, so an admin will need to unpin it to knock it down

prpl11butterfly · March 2019

Ugh. That's annoying. I didn't mean to move the whole thread down, just so that there is a "new page" in the thread so that post isnt the first thing seen when opening.

greenbean-2 · March 2019

(Lurking, Not PGAL) That u/s post has been messing with my head since I saw it this morning. I’m so sorry to any of you who are suffering now because of it. Hugs.

knottie22e0f869ba61f078 · March 2019

I'm 11 weeks 1 day . I've lost 2 early on as well .I had an ectopic pregnancy and then had a missed miscarriage at 6 and a half weeks and actual miscarriage at 11 weeks .
I'm 37 .I'm open to having another baby and so is my husband .but I think he would really prefer 1 .I was in the same boat as you. I had lost some of my pregnancy symptoms and was worried bc of the previous missed miscarriage. Then yesterday I started spotting. In the morning. I didn't tell my husband as he always asks me "do you still feel pregnant?". Which just puts this pressure on me. In the first trimester I think feeling pregnant means you feel like crap and sometimes I didn't. I didn't want to worry him. The spotting stopped while I was at work and I was just going to ignore it. Then it was back when I got home. So I finally told my husband. We called the doctor and they sent us on to the ER as the clinic was closed. They ran some tests, my doctor came in and prayed with us and did a pelvic. Then I the US and all was okay. The baby has a heartbeat and is measuring perfect. I was so relieved. I'm so glad that I talked to my husband and the doctor. But I have a great doctor. She really cares.

Schumerator · March 2019

@kindbytealikat hugs friend ❤️ I’m glad your H is so supportive but it just doesn’t take away the worry. Hang in there!

How far along are you/EDD? 9+4

Current mood? Meh, struggling as well.

If you haven't already/want to again, please share your loss history, if comfortable.

Early miscarriage in January, I had bleeding around the time of my period and got a positive test afterwords and ongoing for two weeks until it started fading and I just knew something wasn’t right, so myidwife got me in before what was supposed to be my first appointment and my blood test came back at 47 hcg and the 4 days later was already down to 1. I’m so glad I didn’t wait for that first ultrasound because seeing an empty uterus when hoping for a baby would have been rough.

Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs?

Not til April 10th which will have me at 11 weeks and I don’t have an NT scheduled or anything sooo I might call Monday to see if we can schedule that before my next appointment... I don’t want to be too late or have them be booked up by the time I get there to schedule on the 10th.

Rants/Raves/Dear Diary?

Man I didn’t expect that ultrasound thread post to affect me like it did but I can’t stop thinking about “why not me” after seeing it. Theoretically everything should be fine after seeing the heart beat at 7+1 but like everyone else’s my symptoms have let up slightly and sometimes I don’t “feel” as pregnant, which logically I know means nothing. I felt pretty decent almost my whole pregnancy with my son so I know all should be ok. I also had food poisoning the first night we were on vacation last week and did some googling (stupid stupid stupid) and of course some things say no problem just stay hydrated and other things say awful things that could result from it 😖 so that has been weighing on me.

GTKY(Inspired by my day): What is your favorite rainy spring day activity?

I also love reading but for some reason on rainy days I get like two pages in and fall asleep because of the dreariness 😂 so I think I’d have to say a movie and popcorn, or actually playing outside in the rain!

mrsinterweb · March 2019

@kindbytealikat I'm sorry the anxiety is overwhelming you right now. Every time I have a change in symptoms I worry as well. I hope you can get some reassurance soon.

mrsinterweb · March 2019

How far along are you/EDD? 11w6d, 10/13

Current mood? Having some mixed feelings. I was feeling pretty good due to our NT scan and meeting with genetic counselor yesterday. Then I watched a really triggering episode of Call the Midwife last night that has messed a bit with my head. I love that show, but some episodes are rough! Trying to stay positive though.

If you haven't already/want to again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. Three early losses. One at 7 weeks and two at 5 weeks.

Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? One big milestone I'm waiting for is the NIPT results. We had our draw yesterday. Despite the reassurances we've had, I don't think I'll feel fully confident until we get those results. My next OB appointment is a whole month away.

Rants/Raves/Dear Diary?

GTKY(Inspired by my day): What is your favorite rainy spring day activity? It rains often where I live, so a lot of our normal activities are rainy day activities. I actually really like going to the zoo in the rain (as long as it's not torrential). It's not crowded at all and the animals can be more active.

melanier26 · March 2019

Group hug for all of us that need it today

Schumerator · March 2019

kindbytealikat · March 2019

You guys are the best. I

you all so much

ABabyBarnesMommy · April 2019

Sending you positive thoughts- you are not alone in the breakdowns or tears!

obsessedwithoranges · April 2019

Yup that u/s post just feels like a reminder that I will never feel safe or relaxed until the baby is born. **TW** last time I found out via u/s about my MMC at 16 weeks and it was devastating. I have extreme anxiety before every u/s appt now. **TW**

Struggling today.

prpl11butterfly · April 2019

@obsessedwithoranges I feel like MMC are the most cruel thing ever. We have no moment of peace because there was no warning or sign. Lots of hugs today ❤

melanier26 · April 2019

@obsessedwithoranges Hugs 🤗

obsessedwithoranges · April 2019

@prpl11butterfly @melanier26 💛🧡 thank you

kindbytealikat · April 2019

Hugs to everyone!!!

theglitteredpterodactyl · April 2019

Hugs to everyone in this thread. It’s a rough boat to be in. I lean on the advice my mom gave me, that mourning something before it happens means feeling it twice—you can’t get the grieving out of the way preemptively. It’s a helpful reminder when I start dwelling too hard in the land of what ifs. If something bad happens, I’ll grieve it then, but grieving it ahead of time won’t make it hurt less in the moment.

*****tw detailed loss post below, hitting up some big memories this week*****
This is the beginning of what my partner and I have declared The Week Of Doom. My 14week loss from last year is tracking within a couple days to this pregnancy, so everything feels like a friggin trigger. Next Saturday is the anniversary of the Saturday I lost the baby so it feels like this really morbid countdown. Add in the fact that even after meeting with the high risk specialist they have no clue why it happened (baby was measuring perfectly and had a perfect heartbeat at the ultrasound when we were at urgent care for the bleeding in the morning, I went into labor and lost it later that same night). I just feel like I don’t quite know how to breath or move or function this week.

emily1052 · April 2019

@theglitteredpterodactyl I’m so sorry first for your loss and second that this week is a rough one. I’ll definitely keep you in my thoughts. Also, thank you for sharing your mother’s advice. It was comforting for me to hear. 💚

melanier26 · April 2019

@theglitteredpterodactyl Wow I’m so sorry for that experience. That would be so hard to process. Thinking of you during this difficult week. Hang in there 💜

ABabyBarnesMommy · April 2019

@theglitteredpterodactyl I am so sorry so many hard memories are coming up right now. I so appreciate your advice about not mourning twice- I’ll have to keep that in mind.

kindbytealikat · April 2019

@theglitteredpterodactyl that’s so hard I’m sorry

obsessedwithoranges · April 2019

@theglitteredpterodactyl great advice from your mom. Also, thinking of you this week!! That's so tough.

theglitteredpterodactyl · April 2019

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate having this thread to dump in and I’m definitely cheering for everyone else who’s using it as their outlet too ❤️

mrsinterweb · April 2019

@theglitteredpterodactyl that advice from your mom is very spot on and helpful. Thank you for sharing it. I hope it can bring you some extra comfort as well as you head into this difficult week.

melanier26 · April 2019

I have been having my progesterone monitored every 2 weeks and the levels have been good and climbing nicely. This week they fell slightly. The dcotor’s office said it can be normal for there to be a small dip and I’m trying not to freak out but that was the first sign that something was wrong with my MMC in 2017. I did just call and moved up my next check up to next Tuesday so I only have to wait until then to hopefully hear the heartbeat but it’s going to be a really hard few days until then

bbbbcccceeee · April 2019

I feel the same as everyone here, I pretty much assume every day the pregnancy is going to end and am super nervous before every appointment. Plus add on the fact I have zero symptoms and am not showing AT ALL and it freaks me out (A thing most normal people would say YOU ARE SO LUCKY - and they are right! - but only people who have had miscarriages will understand that symptoms and showing actually can be super helpful!).

My husband says that I think every week is the guaranteed miscarriage week. I have had two losses - one a MMC at 7 weeks and the other at 6 weeks (no heartbeat) and two CPs. (I have two children so have had two healthy pregnancies but have not been able to carry a healthy pregnancy again for years and years now since. With both those pregnancies, I was HUGE by 12 weeks, and this one I have nothing at all). BUT this one has made it to 12 weeks now - all was good at the NT scan this week - so definitely doing better, and starting to feel confident, but it still doesn't feel like it will happen. I see all the time people having miscarriages well up to 20 weeks - and even though I know it is the rarity - it cannot help but feel like a real possibility when you have had miscarriages before.

We are planning to announce end of next week when I will be almost 14 weeks assuming all is okay still, but I also dread that since it almost feels like if I announce, I am asking for something to go wrong then!

Anyhow, thanks for everyone on this thread - so helpful that others feel like me!!

theglitteredpterodactyl · April 2019

@melanier26 that sounds so stressful, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this scare and fx everything is still going smoothly with your baby. Would an at home doppler be an option for some peace of mind?

melanier26 · April 2019

@theglitteredpterodactyl Thank you. I’ve been up and down today, just so scared. And mad because I felt like mentally I was doing well as I’m 13 weeks now. I’ve contemplated a Doppler but I think I would end up being obsessive about using it. I’m trying to hold out without one, but we’ll see how I do as the pregnancy (God willing) continues

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