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July 2019 Moms
Panaceia
member
TBT:TTC (TW)
Panaceia
member
As some of us prepare to enter 3rd tri in a few days, and many of us are beginning to feel uncomfortable, I thought our Throw Back Thursday could be our journey getting here. All things TTC and how we got to this point.
I am going to put a blanket TW on this thread so that mamas with more difficult journeys can share their experiences freely as well as those whose paths were easier.
Please come and share your stories! Let's all reminisce on why we're so thankful to be where we are!
I am going to put a blanket TW on this thread so that mamas with more difficult journeys can share their experiences freely as well as those whose paths were easier.
Please come and share your stories! Let's all reminisce on why we're so thankful to be where we are!
Re: TBT:TTC (TW)
We had been trying for 3 years total. Had several early losses and started the testing. They (surprise, surprise) found no reason for the trouble and then I wasn’t even able to get pregnant. Previously I’d get pregnant every time but lose it.
So we went to IVF and because we wanted to skip IUI, had to pay out of pocket. Went through one round with no viable embryos. Second round, 4 but they came back with weird genetic testing. So.... nothing still.
We had essentially given up... and we’re mulling if we should adopt or just be done. My fertility journey was now over 8 years in total and I was tired. Then, SURPRISE! MH got frisky one Saturday and boom. Pregnant AND she sticks. And here we are!
I was on the keto diet and on metformin for my PCOS. Apparently the combination of the two is a powder keg for fertility. My two year old was still co-sleeping, so we weren't love making often. I was off of my birth control for one month. I said to the hubby "we have one shot, let's do this." That was mid-October.
Never had a single positive pregnancy test or anything. Not for over 2 years. We took a few breaks in that time frame because life got crazy, but overall, probably tried 8 out of 12 months each year.
The first week of my cycle in October, I went to the GYN to start talking about testing. Just to see if there was any reason it wasn’t happening. So those appointments were going to start in November after our vacation.
Lo and behold, I got KU in that cycle. Didn’t do anything different. But I am thankful for the missed expense of the testing and any treatments.
My only positive test ever is this baby. I was really feeling defeated and barren. But I’m happy to be where I am now. I just wanted one. Wasn’t asking for much.
Edited to add: I got an Ava Bracelet as an early bday gift last August and got pregnant on my third cycle with it. I do think it helped me understand when I was ovulating.
My OB gave us the go ahead to TTC immediately and the next month we were pregnant again with our sticky rainbow baby! ❤️
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
After my youngest son was born (he will be 10 in August) I thought we were DONE, unless we got an Oops or change of life baby. I got the copper IUD and then got PPD so bad my DH and I literally did not have sex for 3 years. My overall health suffered, my mental health suffered, my marriage suffered, and my periods went from bad to MONSTROUS. Heavy heavy bleeding for 7-10 days every month, cramps that left me crippled in bed, and mood swings that made me look bipolar. Apparently I am highly allergic to copper. I got the IUD out, and still was not having regular sex with my DH because I was so mentally fucked up from everything. I got a teaching job in Vegas and moved a few months before my boys and DH - fucked up side note, because we were on TANF, Medicaid, and SNAP before I got a job and moved to Vegas I am on the hook for child support with New York State for children I was supporting and married to their father. But whatever.
I got the boys to Vegas in October, and DH had shit to take care of with our house in New York until February. He finally moved in February, I got some mental health counseling, and we started having sex again. I got PG almost immediately - actually the night we chaperoned the Prom for the school I taught at! Heard the heartbeat at 8 weeks, told my boys they were getting a sibling, told my mom she need to fight the cancer harder for ALL her grandchildren. And when my oldest DS went into the hospital for an emergency appendectomy and then was in the Pediatric ICU for complications for 2 weeks - I was at the hospital every day, I slept there, I basically didn't leave - I lost that baby.
We grieved, we talked about trying for real, DH was okay with it, though not "thrilled" so we tried. I got pregnant again in December of that year, and lost the baby at 6 weeks. More grieving, more feeling hopeless and worthless, more mental health issues. I went to my OBGYN for some initial testing. The more the results came back was the morning my mom died from the brain cancer she had been fighting for 11 months. Besides low progesterone and MTHFR mutation I have no idea what the results actually said. Having no reason to stay in Vegas I started applying for jobs in other states. I got a teaching job in Alaska, and we made the HUGE decision to move the whole family to Alaska.
In Alaska, started to heal a little more mentally, but cut off from health care and mental health care. Knew that I needed to be put on Progresterone immediately if I got pregnant again, but unsure of how to get meds when I could not get to a doctor. Got PG in December. Made an appointment for the nearest doctor/health facility - they would not see me despite history and concerns until the end of January. Lost the baby 1 week before my scheduled appointment. Had to be driven on the ice road without my DH to the hospital to confirm my MC, and then find an emergency ride home. Falling in to a deeper and deeper depression, but now with NO access to any type of health care.
Move to the next village (not by choice, school district transfer). Village just as bad/worse than the first one as far as health care and mental abuse - the community did NOT want us there. Not trying, not preventing, not hoping, just...existing. Get PG again, confirmed October 31, put on Progesterone, Dr. tells me I'm really too old to be having babies, and he will give me the progesterone because I want it, but it won't do anything. Happy, taking my meds, taking my prenatals, working my job, trying to be careful. Some relationship stuff that I won't go in to (so many will not understand, and I do not feel like being judged today). But it does fuck up my mental health a bit. I keep going though. December 1st I wake up to bleeding again. I know what is happening, I've been through this rodeo 5 times now. Due to weather I have to wait 5 days for a flight to the hospital to confirm that I have indeed lost the baby. December is a month of mental fuck I almost don't make it out of. DH and I have some deep deep deep conversations. Some hard fights. Some more deep conversations. Work HARD on our relationship - although he is employing (very effectively) the pull out method and refuses to let me get pregnant again until I see a doctor and make sure it is safe. I lost A LOT of blood with the last MC and he is scared.
Leave crappy village, move to the peninsula. Roads! Restaurants! Health Care!!!!!! Real Hospitals!!!!!! I get my new health insurance - paying extra for the traditional low deductible plan because I knew I would need it. Go see my OBGYN. Start herbals that I needed to get PG with both my boys. Testing says, yup I'm old, but ALL of my blood work looks really good. We get the go ahead to try and see. Literally the FIRST chance after that BOOM. KU. Stress and fear throughout due to history, but not only do I get my rainbow, but I get a girl - which I did not think my DH made
The second child became a must have for my husband at some point after DD turned 2. We spent many hours together in therapy with lots of strong emotions on my side until I finally decided I was prepared to go through this again, right before DD turned 3.
I’m very fortunate that the getting pregnant part was easy for me but I think it’s still important for me to remember that the journey up to that point was hard work.
fast forward to 26.5 and I have an unplanned miscarriage. Most people still don’t know about it even though i’ve been very open about my journey over the last 1.5 years.
That miscarriage and my my lack of getting periods, constantly getting migraines and always feeling depressed made me push for testing. I found an obgyn who listened to me and got diagnosed with PCOS.
I made changes and I did the best I could and a lot of the symptoms went away but I would get chemical pregnancies with my on-off partner. I eventually ended it with him and decided I do want to be a mom.
I searched known donor sites because I couldn’t afford to do fertility treatments to try as a single mother. I found someone who stuck with me but also ended up sinking into drug addiction unbenlunced to me. They got flakier and flakier so I hardly had any well timed cycles.
Eventually I switched donors and got pregnant in 2017. I miscarried a blighted ovum 2 days after Christmas that year. I got pregnant again in February 2018 and had a missed miscarriage. My donor was really supportive throughout. The genetic testing on that miscarriage was a genetically normal male and all of my testing was saying there was no reason I can’t conceive. Because of my lifestyle changes, they couldn’t even see the PCOS on my ovaries and my only remaining symptom is I can’t lose weight normally.
Through Starbucks I have 15000$ in infertility coverage so I used it clomid and trigger shots ‘oh my’. It failed and I gave up because I couldn’t really afford to skip to IVF and iui would just waste my money. I took aspirin as a ‘some people with unexplained infertility find themselves pregnant off this’ reasoning from my RE. It took a couple months and I was really depressed after my second monitored miscarriage that I didnt try a whole lot. But when i got my positive OPK in October (31st) I was like “hey might as well. If you do, your due date is your 30th birthday.”
Miraculously, 7 days after my positive OPK (and literally only trying the one time with my donor) the second line faintly appeared and it got darker every day. I confirmed my rainbow boy and cautiously kept optimistic. Now I’m 23 weeks today and his every flutter makes me smile. 😊💙
DH started NTNP in 2013 because we knew we were going to get married that year and I wasn't sure how long it would take. But not surprisingly nothing came of it, since my cycles had been really off for a while. I spent the first half of the year trying to get healthier and charting, so by the time we were ready to try I had a decent idea of my fertility window. Lo and behold, I got pregnant on that first cycle, a few weeks before we got married.
We had always talked of having two kids, and possibly more, but when DS arrived it was a struggle. We were newly married and trying to sort out our lives with a very spirited little baby. After DS turned 1, DH shared that he didn't feel comfortable having anymore kids and because we needed to focus inward, and I agreed.
We got rid of all the baby stuff and moved forward with our lives, but a year and half later I confessed that I really want another child and DH agreed that it could be a good thing in time. We spent another year and a half sorting through feelings while I sorted out some health concerns, and finally DH agreed to try again last summer.
It took about 4 months this time, mostly because my body did not want to participate. I had low progesterone, low testosterone and a number of other deficiencies going on that were causing my cycles to stay irregular. Finally, in early October I sought out a fertility naturopath and she put me on a supplement, nutrition and lifestyle regimen and I got pregnant within weeks. It was a little scary because of how low my progesterone was, but she ended up putting me on suppositories and I continued through the first tri.
It's still a bit of a shock that this is actually happening. I thought we were going to start trying for #2 four years ago, when things changed dramatically. But I feel like our family is so much stronger now than it was then, we are really ready and joyous about this change and I am excited to see what July brings.
We have been fairly blessed as far as easy conception. With DS, we were young, I was still in school, and living in a crappy apartment downtown. I never have faired well on BC so we had always used other methods. We always knew we wanted kids and honestly got lazy as far as contraception went... we never had any scares in our 4+ years of being together and didn’t think it’d happen.... but, BAM. First time. We were excited but terrified! Our DS was born 9 months later in Aug 16.
We always knew we wanted more than one, but weren’t sure about timing. For financial reasons, we decided to wait around 5+ years before trying again, maybe longer. I went on the Paraguard IUD in Oct-Nov 17 until we were ready again.
In early July 18, I felt really “off”... and something told me to take a test. Sure enough, 3 tests came back positive.... I was 1 in 10,000 who conceive on the IUD. Sadly, we lost the baby at 8 weeks due to copper toxicity. I had to have a D&C which was traumatizing.
The loss hit us hard... I decided not to go back on the IUD to prevent that from happening again. We weren’t actively trying but had one too many drinks at a celebratory dinner for my DH’s promotion one night in October and I happened to be dangerously close to ovulation without realizing. That was the night we conceived our rainbow baby 🌈. The financial situation really could be better, (although you’re never really ready) but I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and we are thrilled to be adding to the crew now. Plus DS is really excited to be getting a little sister!
@indulgentgypsy and all the other ladies who have suffered losses, you are so incredibly strong. I am so happy to hear your stories about your rainbow babies!
To the women who have had "oops" babies and an easy time conceiving: don't feel bad because you had it easy. You and your SO are blessed and I am so happy to hear your stories! Enjoy your road and appreciate the struggles that are unique to you. That's what has gotten you here today!
Here is our story:
DH and I took a long time to be in the right mindset to TTC. First he was in law school, then I was and it just never felt right. My last year of law school I was 29 and things were starting to settle down for us. DH came to me and told me he wanted to try to have a baby. I was thrilled! I went of BC right away and we shared with friends and family that we were TTC. I only took a handful of tests through the first year of TTC. I wasn't overly concerned because I was finishing law school and studying for the bar exam. Once I passed the bar, we got more serious, but still had no luck. We did some preliminary testing with our primary docs and found out we both had issues. Put us together and children were basically impossible.
We talked fertility treatments, but I didn't know if I could go through that (bless those of you who have!). I wanted to adopt, but DH wasn't on board. Both options were financially prohibitive after 6 years of law school between the two of us. We decided we would get our finances squared away and revisit the matter later.
In the meantime, we found our dream home and started to enjoy lake life and being child free. We both decided independently of the other that we were ok without having kids. Just as we were settling into child free joy, my period was late. One morning DH found me crying because I was afraid I was KU right at the time we started to look forward to no kids. He assured me that when I took the test, there would be no wrong answer. I didnt want to jump the gun so I decided to wait until payday to get a test. The day before, I had a hell of a day and got super drunk (stress/fear from possibly being pregnant definitely played a role). The next day I tested. As I waited to look at the results, I honestly had no idea what I wanted the test to say. Turns out it said "pregnant" and I just started crying. It was the first time I'd ever seen that. I went into the living room and all I could do was cry and show DH the test.
It took me quite a while to wrap my head around the change our path has taken. For the first 15 weeks or so, I was convinced it was too good to be true and just waited for the other shoe to drop. I didn't want to tell anyone and didn't want to think about it. To this day DH and I marvel that the little girl I'm carrying wasn't supposed to happen. There is still a part of me that expects to lose her, but I'm starting to come around.
We have decided that we are OAD because, quite frankly, we loved being child free. While I've always wanted to be a mom, I have grown to appreciate that I am destined for more than motherhood. Nothing against women who devote their lives to their children. You are stronger women than me! But when you don't see that magic "p" word until 33, you're forced to find other meaning in life. I just don't want to give that up and don't think I'll ever see that magic word again, given our history.
This journey has taught me that life doesn't always go according to plan and I have learned to be more in the moment than I was when I was younger. Our LO has also caused DH and I to reevaluate what is important to us in life. He has decided that family is more important than work, which is a big step away from the traditional men in his family. I couldn't be happier. I (cautiously) look forward to our future as a family of 3 and I'm excited to see what life has in store for us next!
It took 8 cycles to conceive. At 12 weeks we had a confirmed MMC. I decided to let my body MC naturally and around 13 to 14 weeks I had a massive hemorrhage and almost bled out completely.
I was terrified of getting pregnant again but SO wanted to try again ASAP. Again I agreed despite my reservations. It took 9 cycles this time. Exactly the same scenario. This time my doctor sent me for a D&C immediately to try to prevent any hemorrhage.
SO told me that he was fine not trying again. But now I was convinced I wanted another one and I could tell he felt the same despite saying he was ok being OAD. Our first cycle trying after our second loss got us this little munchkin. It seemed too easy and I am still constantly terrified something will go wrong, but I am so thankful that we finally made it here and can't love this LO more already:)
Man. I really feel like we gotta get together when you come to Denver.
A peak into our journey... tw infant death mentioned
This is my 4th pregnancy.
My first pregnancy was in Feb 2014. I ended up having a miscarriage at just short of 11 weeks. Up until this point my husband and I had been actively trying for 5 years. Every month that my period came was heart break after heartbreak. There were no reasons for our struggle, we just couldn’t seem to get pregnant. On what would’ve been my due date for our first lo I found out I was pregnant again. I won’t lie and say I was happy- because I wasn’t. I was terrified and held back the entire pregnancy because I didn’t want to get my hopes up again and us end up losing another child we so desperately wanted. Our first born came June of 2015, a healthy and beautiful boy. I went on the pill shortly after delivery and had planned to begin trying for another after our DS1 first birthday. Jokes on us because at 4m pp we ended up pregnant again. I never had a period. I was bfing and on the pill and thought like many women bfing my period was delayed because of that. Nope. I went to my ob to have my first depo shot and had mentioned what I thought were phantom kicks. I was given a pregnancy test and to our surprise it came back positive. A week later we found out I was 17 weeks along with mo-di twin boys. The pregnancy was easy, well so I thought. At 34wks I found out baby a had hypoplastic left heart syndrome. We were devastated. I was sent to Colorado children’s hospital and delivered my boys unmedicated and vaginally 8 days later in June 2016. To our surprise a very rare form of ttts had gone undiagnosed. Our boys had TAPS. This was my only fear the entire pregnancy. Samuel(baby A) ended up being our donor twin and had only 23% of the blood needed to survive in his little body. Despite all of this he was perfect. Absolutely perfect. Castiel (baby b) ended up being much more critical as they attempted to drain the excess blood to ease the pressure on his heart. Samuel ended up passing away at 4days old due to kidney failure. Devistated doesn’t even begin to cover how we feel/felt. Castiel is a bright and beautiful almost 3yo with two different colored eyes that is thriving- you’d never guess he’s went through such tragedy at such a young age. We always say he has one of his brothers eyes. This 4th and final pregnancy again came as a surprise. Again I was on be, this time I was on the depo and was in the middle of my third dose. I believe there are no mistakes and that my Samuel knew I needed this more than I did. We are, again, pregnant with a little boy whom we love more than anything in this world.
I am a boy mom. My boys are my rock. While I may not have all of my boys earthside, I carry each of them in my heart. I’m so proud of my boys.
We got pregnant in 2015 in our first cycle trying with spontaneous twins - they were born in Spring 2016. I carried them for 38 weeks with no signs of problems. We were incredibly lucky on so many fronts, and when we decided to TTC #3 when they were 17 months old, we both figured that my super ovaries, combined with my super uterus, would make it just as easy the second time. It was not.
We tried for about 10 months before I went to my OB to see if we could begin fertility testing. It was so bizarre to both of us that this was happening - we got pregnant so easily before and now we couldn't figure out what was wrong. My initial blood tests came back with a higher than normal AMH level, which suggested polycystic ovaries (but not PCOS...don't ask me the difference!) and I was put on clomid. After 4 cycles of clomid and 3 IUIs, and switching RE's in between, we finally got pregnant. It was a total of about 15 months of trying.
During my first trimester monitoring with the RE, my progesterone levels kept dropping, despite being on the suppositories 3x/day and the pill 1x/day. I was put on daily shots of progesterone in oil in addition to everything else I was taking, and it helped keep my progesterone up to a manageable level. I was on progesterone suppositories, pills, and injections until I weaned off of all of them at 19 weeks. It took 7 weeks total to wean off of the medications. It looks like that was the problem I was having.
I know that my journey, while incredibly difficult for me, was still so much easier than what I know many others go through. It took my aunt 8 years to get pregnant with my cousin - I admire her so much for her strength through that. We also saw the same RE, which brought us closer in a weird way. I also admire so many of you whose stories I've been reading. I'm so glad that we all can be in this board
We weren't necessarily trying. We wanted to wait until this spring/summer after our Europe trip, grad school, and being at my job for a bit longer. I had my annual appointment with my gyno in October and told her that we would like to start trying around then and asked when I should start going off of the pill. She suggested right away because I have been on it for 10+ years. She explained that it would take that long to get my cycles back to normal. Well I listened and got pregnant right away. I actually ran into her to do my initial blood work before going to an ob/gyn since she doesn't do deliveries. She asked what I was doing there and I told her I was pregnant and she kind of scurried away. Nonetheless, we are very excited for our little babe to arrive this summer!
@leylea89 oh my gosh, i cant agree more! I feel like we are so blessed! This is an amazing bump group. Everybody is so amazing. Can’t wait to see us all become mommas and extra mommas!
birth control pill...
this baby was a birth control surprise
all 3 so different
There were a couple of months that we really tried, and were disappointed when it didn’t happen. I spent a whole weekend away in July convinced I was KU.
We’d almost decided to be be one and done, and were decidely taking September off from trying. We were going to Disney in November and I didn’t want to be first trimester tired there.
Wouldnt you know- my cycle was one week off really randomly that month and we got busy real quick one morning before H went out of town - with less than 2 weeks until Disney that little line appeared.
I feel so lucky that our journey has been so easy. I have several close IRL friends who have struggled with secondary infertility- my heart goes out to all of you who struggled to get here. 💜💜💜
The ttc "journey" with my daughter was the EXACT same way. We have gotten pregnant every single month we have tried, but half the pregnancies have resulted in early loss and half have been successful.