Leaving baby for the first time

tulas-mama · February 2019

Any tips on handling to anxiousness of leaving baby onernight? First time mama here but long time partner of my best friend, my husband, and I really think our relationship needs and deserves a night of attention but I am nervous at leaving our 3 month old for a night with grandma. Tips? Words of encouragement?
Sincerely, finding the balance between time for my husband and I and baby...

wildrainbow · February 2019

First things first, are you breastfeeding? If so, you need to make sure that you have enough milk pumped, plus extra, for baby. You will also need to pump during the night to avoid a supply dip.

Secondly, I haven't been able to leave my kids alone for a night with the hubs because we dont have family close enough to take them, so kudos to you for having family close by. Is Baby staying at your mom's or at your house? If staying at your mom's, baby may be up more as they will be out of their normal environment. Be prepared to have a cranky baby when you get them back, as their routine will be off.

You're not always going to be able to find a night off, parenthood is all about finding balance in the in between times. Turning off the tv and talking when baby is asleep. Cooking a late dinner together or having dessert and cuddling on the couch. Leaving notes for each other.

Also, as an aside, making a comment about someone not leaving a comment that you deem goes against what you want to hear, is passive aggressive. It's not how this board works, or the internet for that matter. Someone may tell you 3 months is to young to leave overnight, or they may tell you you should have done it sooner. That is the nature of online forums, you need to weed through and take all advice with a grain of salt. That said, those of us who are still here, went through our whole pregnancies together and know each other pretty well. The best way to get answers and advice is to give support to get support. No one here is going to tell you to leave your baby go. We will say how we feel, ask questions, and make sure that we give OUR opinions. But, our opinions may not be what you want to hear, it's the risk you take by asking on a public forum.

tulas-mama · February 2019

Appreciate the advice and honesty. I edited my post to sound less rude. I just didn't want to hear the one liners from people saying they still haven't left their baby and want to make others feel bad for doing so.

Anyhow thanks.

highsteaks · February 2019

did you go out last night? if so, how did it go?

i personally think taking time to reconnect with your SO is so important when you have a baby. it’s so easy to dive all in with a new baby and sorta forget your old self/selves at the same time. as long as baby is happy and safe, you do what you need to do to take care of yourself too. somebody else said it before me, but i’ll echo—oxygen mask and all that.

side story: the first time dh and i went out together after our first was born (i think it was around 7mo), we talked about how much we were missing our baby and how cute she was, like 90% of the time. total newb parents. and dh and i just went out jan 31 for his work’s holiday party (twins were 3.5mo), and when we weren’t talking to other people, we were talking about how much we missed our kids and how cute they were, 90% of the time again. no shame.

offtoneverland · February 2019

tulas-mama said:

Appreciate the advice and honesty. I edited my post to sound less rude. I just didn't want to hear the one liners from people saying they still haven't left their baby and want to make others feel bad for doing so.

Anyhow thanks.

Personally, I think it's awesome that you're taking time away to spend with your husband. I've known a lot of people who put baby first above their spouses, and it makes me sad and seems unhealthy. Of course, babies are helpless and need our undivided attention. I'm not saying we shouldn't pay attention to them. But our marriages and/or relationships are very important to ourselves and to our children. If we're not happy, they probably won't be either.
Whenever I have my parents watch my kids, I try to let go of schedules and rules and just tell them to love on them and take care of them. That said, rules have changed since our parents raised us, so make sure you're very specific about how to put baby to bed (nothing in the crib, no blankets, toys, and baby must be on their back). I'd be specific about how to heat up bottles, and to make it easier I'd make the bottles ahead of time so they're easy to grab.
Text or call as often as you need to check on the baby if that helps with your anxiety. Like @highsteaks said, there's no shame if you talk about the baby on your date night. Babies are time consuming so it can be hard to find anything else to talk about. Let us know how it goes!

highsteaks · March 2019

ok, some robot just c&p text from @offtoneverland and entered it into a phrase thesaurus program or something? that’s crazy cakes.

highsteaks · March 2019

also, reported.

offtoneverland · March 2019

@highsteaks Whaaaaat just happened? I'm so confused.

highsteaks · March 2019

at least this (what i’m assuming) bot appears to have made the effort to change their sn from knottie101010110111... which is more than some drive-bys bothered to do...

offtoneverland · March 2019

The website goes to a fertility clinic in India. Very productive advertising...hahaha.

highsteaks · March 2019

offtoneverland said:

The website goes to a fertility clinic in India. Very productive advertising...hahaha.

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