I had a natural miscarriage at 10w3d in January. At the time, I asked my partner if we were OK to try again. He said yes, but that he wanted to wait. I'm almost 42, so waiting isn't exactly an option, but hey... I wasn't ready to think of life without Spawn, either. I figured a couple of months on the mini pill, then go off it and see what happens.
Whelp...today I bring it up. He hedges. I push. He tells me he doesn't want kids. He doesn't want to try. The only reason he agreed to was because he didn't want to hurt me. He doesn't see that the lie hurts worse. I'd been holding on to that hope as part of my coping mechanism and to have it suddenly ripped out from under me... I was devastated.
Oh, but it gets worse. We argue for about it and I finally say, I want another baby. He tells me to have one with someone else. I feel so humiliated and rejected. I don't want someone else's kid... I have that already. I want OUR baby. Now I'm stuck trying to choose my partner and no baby. Or no partner and no baby, because it's my partners baby I want.
And a strong part of me feels I'm back to square 1 with the whole grieving thing because I was holding on to that as my anchor...now I'm mourning the loss of my pregnancy and the loss of my hope for another chance... Probably my LAST chance.