Mental Health Check-in W/O 3/13

mrosek91 · March 2019

I know there was some discussion last week about reviving this thread, so here it is. I'm just coping/pasting from the last one, so if anyone thinks it needs revisions let me know.

Whether it’s grief, depression, anxiety, or some complex and overwhelming situation, this thread is for talking it out and getting some support. Use it whenever and however you need it. Answer the questions below, start your own conversation, let US support YOU! (Any and all feedback is appreciated.)

How are you feeling this week?
Is anything bothering you? Any stressful things happening or coming up?
What are you doing to take care of YOU this week?
What are your goals for the next week?
Questions/comments/concerns?

peachy0709 · March 2019

How are you feeling this week?: Angry and overwhelmed

Is anything bothering you? Any stressful things happening or coming up?: We are 3 weeks into waiting for the results of our CVS and I'm just not in a good place. My best friend was awful and completely unsupportive about the whole thing. Some backstory, and **TWs** - I originally got my blood work back that said I was a carrier for SMA at the end of January. I freaked out and called my best friend because we had a mutual friend who lost a baby to SMA before her second birthday and it was just awful to watch as she documented it. She was supportive at the time. DH did his blood draw immediately after we learned I was a carrier (I mean he went in the very next day). His results took two weeks. We went for the CVS TWO DAYS after I got the call that he was a carrier, too. I did not tell my best friend that DH was a carrier or that we got a CVS because honestly, I was still processing it. She kept calling me and finally I answered after testing the waters over text to make sure she just wanted to talk. Right as I thought the call was done, she catches me off guard and asks about DH's results. It went absurdly downhill from there. Her response was one that you would expect if I had told her some salacious and not extremely serious. She also made comments about how my other two kids are "absolute miracles" and that I should be happy with them. It put me in an absurd funk while I was still recovering from the procedure (it had only been 2 days!). So now that we are 3 weeks later, she has not once actually acknowledged anything - just sent some pithy texts about random things. She'll randomly call but not leave a message. While part of me knows I'm taking my anger at the situation out on her crappy reaction, this is also par for the course for her. I have forgiven a lot of her (like the hissy fit she threw when DH and I got engaged because it was 2 months before her own wedding. She felt like I was "stealing her thunder.") but I don't know if I'll get over this one, regardless of the outcome.

What are you doing to take care of YOU this week? Probably not enough, but I have been going to church to try and quiet my mind

What are your goals for the next week?: Get our results and then proceed with whatever path that might be.

Questions/comments/concerns?: We have a 75% chance that baby is FINE. But the longer this drags on, the more I find myself turning negative. If you're the praying type (and I understand if you're not), please include me in your prayers. My will is breaking a little bit.

thirdtimesacharm2019 · March 2019

@peachy0709 I’m so sorry you are going through all this - and especially at a time when you should be able to lean on friends, not get extra stress from them! I have zero experience with these kinds of test, but I would be freaking out if I had to wait that long. I hope you find out soon and can move forward (however that may be!)

As for me... I’ve just been extra pissy lately at things that normally would just blow right over. I had a good cry last night and felt a little better, but I do hope this phase passes soon. I’m trying to keep my anxiety in check, but that’s also hit or miss depending on the day.

mkrel · March 2019

@peachy0709 I'm so sorry. I will say a prayer for you and your sweet baby, and I hope you get the results very soon.

MamaK225 · March 2019

@peachy0709 - Hugs and love sent your way ... I'm sorry you're dealing with a big, scary issue AND a friend who clearly has her head in her rectum (or some other excuse for why she thinks it's ok to say the things she has said to you).

How are you feeling this week? Meh, but make it. Much less angry that last week, but still quick to anger.
Is anything bothering you? Any stressful things happening or coming up? Work is tapering (though still about twice as busy as normal/I prefer it to be), just A LOT OF WORK and I'm needing a bit of a break. Like 2-3 days to take off and just curl up with a book at home or sit on my patio and stare off into nowhere while DD is at daycare and DH is at work. Just me-myself-and-I time. In silence.
What are you doing to take care of YOU this week? I'm forcing myself to get 8+ hours of sleep every night, that's about the most I can muster for self-care right now. I was staying up just a little too late (reading/doing ME things) and it was cutting into my sleep (getting 7-ish hours) and I realize I really need sleep more than ME time. For now.
What are your goals for the next week? Try to take a day or two off for personal reasons and just ... relax.
Questions/comments/concerns? n/a

So DD1 has been a nightmare since the time change. I'm sure it's a mixture of 2.5 + DST, but it's been nuts. She's not so bad/hard to get to lie down and go to sleep ... it's that she's waking up at 4:00a (previously 3:00a!!!!!!) and insisting it's time to get up. She was coming into my room (I have moved into the spare room to ensure proper sleeping conditions for the ENTIRE night: no snoring from DH or dog, having the fan run all night to be cold, noise machine and music, etc.) Monday and Tuesday and both nights I told her to lay down with me and go to sleep. No tablet, no TV (on my phone), no milk, no nothing. Go. To. Sleep. Child. Last night when I was putting her down, I told her she HAS to stay in her room that it's making mommy really sad getting up so early. But if she DOES get up, she better go into daddy's room or else she's going to get a spanking. ... Not the nicest move, BUT it must have been effective because this morning she went into the room with DH at 3:45a. After I got up and got ready - and was about to get her ready - he finally rolled out of bed while I was making coffee .... and completely laid down on the kitchen floor, saying how tired he was. I didn't even address the fact that I'd been dealing with it the previous two mornings, just hoping it sinks in why I've been so damn crabby the last few days. Not to mention I'm making circulatory system and transforming cartilage into bones

... But it was soooooooo nice to get a full 8 hours last night. So nice.

thirdtimesacharm2019 · March 2019

@MamaK225 8 whole hours?!? I would KILL for 8 hours (not really, but I haven’t had a decent nights sleep since before Christmas).

peachy0709 · March 2019

@MamaK225 - Sleep is CRITICAL for me and my headspace. I hope your LO starts sleeping better.

MamaK225 · March 2019

@thirdtimesacharm2019 - I know, it seems superfluous to us STM+, but I sacrifice a lot for it - pretty much all my "me" time - and I run the house with an iron fist as far as schedules, so even if DD1 isn't asleep when it's her time, she's quiet and in her room. We definitely lucked out with her, hoping DD2 is just as willing to be compliant

If your family won't help you get there ... you're welcome to hole up in my Sleep Haven. The Snoogle and I only take up 1/2 the queen bed (habit from so many years of being crowded out in my King by DH and our dog). LOL.

@peachy0709 - Thanks, me, too. She's been a bit off at daycare this week and I feel this is definitely the culprit.

lilmamabebe3 · March 2019

How are you feeling this week? Really overwhelmed and stressed
Is anything bothering you? Any stressful things happening or coming up? Work is bothering me. My performance is killer but I hate the people I work with. Everyone on my team (not my direct reports, I have no issue with the team I manage, but more like adjacent to me) is young and inexperienced and they all treat me like shit. They are constantly trying to talk over me or take ideas and pass them or make decisions on my channel without me in the room. It is so fucking exhausting. I have had conversations about it with my previous boss but he left and now I report directly into the VP. It sounds like something petty but it really disrupts my ability to get things done and I am already emotional so things at work that I normally would ignore are really fucking bothering me.
What are you doing to take care of YOU this week? Literally nothing. It is annoying and stressful. My husband is working a lot this week and when he's home he does a lot but when he's not it's very challenging.
What are your goals for the next week? Get emotions under control, do something for myself, I don't know. I am just in such a bad and funky place.
Questions/comments/concerns?

MamaK225 · March 2019

@lilmamabebe3 - Your work situation feels soooo similar to mine that it makes me cringe. I feel for you, hope things ease up for you soon.

lovelikestardust · March 2019

@peachy0709 So sorry to hear about everything your'e going through. Sending you virtual hugs (or cookies, if you're not the hugging type) and hoping your results come back soon.

@MamaK225 Hope your little one starts sleeping better soon!

@lilmamabebe3 Ugh, hope the work stuff gets better. Mad respect for dealing with that without blowing your top at the people being so disrespectful.

How are you feeling this week?
Stressed about the pregnancy, and dealing with my usual general anxiety, so... par for the course.

Is anything bothering you? Any stressful things happening or coming up?
I'm waiting on the results for my neural tube defect blood draw. I had that done in conjunction with some other things, and those results already came back fine, so I'm freaking out that I'm still waiting. My doctor's office told me that it can take longer for these results to come back, but I can't help worrying that the long wait means something is wrong. My next ultrasound is next week, so hopefully I'll have heard back by then, and/or they can confirm one way or the other for me.

Unrelated, after losing ~15lbs in my first trimester, even though I am able to eat more now, I am still struggling to gain it back and am not yet back up to my pre-pregnancy weight. I'm desperately trying to increase my calories, and at my last appointment my OB said baby is doing fine even though I do need to gain more weight, but I'm still stressing over it. I broke down in tears the other day because someone laughingly told me I was too thin to be pregnant; like, thanks, I already feel like a failure all by myself, nice to have that external confirmation that I'm doing it wrong.

What are you doing to take care of YOU this week?
Trying to get on a regular sleep schedule; I am also considering buying a pregnancy pillow of some sort, but am sort of overwhelmed at the choices. Also trying to incorporate a little bit of gentle exercise back into my routine now that movement doesn't make me nauseous.

What are your goals for the next week?
I would love to gain a couple more pounds. Would also like to get back into a better headspace; hopefully exercise and better/more consistent sleep will help with that.

olivemomma · March 2019

@peachy0709 I want to send hugs your way. Also, I understand how you feel. I’m not very familiar with SMA but both DH and I found out very unexpectedly we are both carriers for CF when DDs newborn scans came back indeterminate. It’s terrifying to feel you have zero control to prevent something like that from one of the most precious people in your life. We both had absolutely no family history so it was really shocking. If SMA works like CF I’m assuming odds are still in your favor for a healthy baby? Our DS was born healthy although we will have to get him tested for carrier status one day. One thing I’ve learned is if there is someone in your life who can’t be supportive in such a situation there is nothing wrong with reevaluating their position there. Obviously a choice you need to make. I truly hope all comes back okay and I just wanted to let you know I know the fear of waiting for those test results.

sourlemon · March 2019

How are you feeling this week? Not bad. Not great but not bad. I just have an overall sense of overwhelm all the time right now. My house is actually pretty clean, I'm in a new temporary job that is almost no stress, DH has picked up a lot of the slack with the kids...I have no legit reason to feel the way I do. I just feel that way.

Is anything bothering you? Any stressful things happening or coming up? I'm terrified that I will have this kid super early. No real reason for that. I am on heart meds, have a serious heart condition, and have struggled the last few months, but the baby is doing well and growing on track. I have just had a sense of almost dread since finding out I was pregnant that something is not going to go right. It's probably just in my head. We have the A/S coming up the first week of April and the fetal echo cardiogram the first week of May. I think after those, I'll probably relax some.

What are you doing to take care of YOU this week? I'm bad at this. I really cant think of anything. By the time I get any "me" time after the kids are in bed, I just want to go to bed. Of course then I toss and turn all night and start all over again.

What are your goals for the next week? Try to relax a little more. Do some more of the art for the nursery and maybe start the sewing projects.

peachy0709 · March 2019

@lovelikestardust I absolutely understand the struggles of losing weight in pregnancy and people are never as understanding about it as the should be. If it helps at all, with my second child, I was dealt a crap hand and had HG and then GD, so I struggled to gain enough weight. DD2 is healthy as a horse and bright as can be and gained exactly what she needed too. I hope that helps and I'm thinking of you.

mrosek91 · March 2019

Sending hugs to all you ladies.

@peachy0709 I can't imagine what you are going through, and having your best friend be unsupportive at such a hard time must make it that much worse. I'm praying for you.

@thirdtimesacharm2019 @MamaK225 @lilmamabebe3 @sourlemon Sometimes I feel like we should have to be pregnant or deal with life, asking us too do both is asking for something superhuman. Hang in there, and remember you're doing a great job.

@lovelikestardust I always carry small, and I can't count the number of comments I got about how I can't possibly be XX weeks pregnant. People seem to loose their filter when talking to pregnant woman, which is when their filter should be dialed up to 20. The only thing that matters is that you and baby are healthy. If your doctor is happy, and working with you that's all that matters.

thirdtimesacharm2019 · March 2019

@mrosek91, @lovelikestardust I am the opposite and carry large (really large, like I already look about seven months)... but it doesn’t stop the snarky comments. Like when people ask when I’m due then stare at me in disbelief... or insist it must be twins. Usually I can let it roll off, but not always. I used to be really skinny and would always get comments about how I needed to eat (not pregnant) and I ate, just had a fast metabolism, so I can understand that side too!

MamaK225 · March 2019

@lovelikestardust - I, too, lose weight in pregnancy and tend to carry small (even though pre-preggo, I am a little larger: 5'7" and very curvy at 175-180 lbs). At 18 wks, I'm still down about 7.5 lbs, but my doc isn't concerned, knowing my history. I lose 12-15 lbs in the 1st, gain what was lost during the 2nd, and then gain "normal" amount during the 3rd trimester. DD1 is between 2.5 & 3 and in the 99th percentile for height and weight (she has been wearing size 5 for several months now), so I wouldn't worry too much. And - YES - invest in a preggo pillow. I've been using mine since about 10 or 12 weeks with DD2 and it's changed my entire pregnancy life. What is your normal preferred sleeping position? That impacts which pillow type works best for you. Personally, I'm a back or front sleeper that will only tolerate side sleeping if I'm 90% on my front ... so the Snoogle works best for me because it helps me remain slightly elevated if I end up rolling on my back (to prevent the squeezing of the vena cava) in the middle of the night and I don't mind sleeping on my sides as much because I have the light "pressure" of the pillow against my stomach, like if I were sleeping on my chest. Friends of mine who were habitual side sleepers preferred something smaller/less invasive like a wedge than the massive Snoogle (honestly, it's not bad, it takes up slightly less than 50% of a queen when I'm nestled inside and comfortable).

@mrosek91 - Don't you hate it when people make comments about it? Ugh, "mind your own body, people!"

@thirdtimesacharm2019 - One of my girlfriends who had a baby in December also carried large (and it was her first, bless her heart) and people would give her such a hard time ... it's already a tough situation, why do people feel the need to insert their non-medical opinions? (She also is petite when not preggo) It made me go extra mama-bear when I was around her during her whole pregnancy. LOL.

mrosek91 · March 2019

@MamaK225 @lovelikestardust I also have a snoogle and I love it! I am habitually a side sleeper, but I like that it gives me extra support on my back, and has a bit to go between the legs. Also people who say they are too big have no idea what they are talking about. I sleep (FFTC?) in a twin bed, and there is plenty of room for me, and my pillow, and my two toddlers often join me in the mornings and they fit just fine too. When we are engaged in bedroom activities we use DH's bed, or move it out of the way, but you don't really need it then...

sourlemon · March 2019

Well I'm crashing and burning today. I'll spare the really long story but my bio-dad popped back up yesterday after 2.5 years since seeing him (like literally was parked in front of my house) and things arent good. There's always something.

MamaK225 · March 2019

@mrosek91 - Good on you for sharing with the toddlers, I can barely fit in a twin when it's just me (DD1 always asks me to get in bed with her when singing her goodnight or reading a story ... it's like yoga, trying to get in and out)! I also moved to the spare room when I pulled out my Snoogle - using it as an excuse to go into my own room and get a decent night's sleep. Not looking forward to going back to the snoring and thrashing (DH is a very, very active sleeper) once DD2 arrives and the downstairs spare room is converted to her nursery

peachy0709 · March 2019

@sourlemon Hugs.

MamaK225 · March 2019

@sourlemon - Oh no, I'm sorry to hear this. Certainly horrific timing. Hugs and hope you get through it as smoothly as possible.

lilmamabebe3 · March 2019

@sourlemon hugs. I hate family history.

mrosek91 · March 2019

@sourlemon you have all our support

@MamaK225 yeah, I'm not always sure how we do it, but we do all squish on, it's usually only for an hour or less in the morning. And I definitely hear you on sleeping with an active partner. It's not why DH and I each have our own beds but it's a definite advantage. For the snoring I use earphones, and usually have an audio book I have memorized playing.

MollyH1987 · March 2019

Wow. Sending internet hugs to all you ladies. I can definitely relate to the sleeping woes as well!

I'm not sure if it has been addressed in previous threads but I feel like I'm starting to build some anxiety about becoming a STM. Thoughts such as, how can I love another child as much as I love my first, feeling guilty that I'll have to split my time now and can't devote all my attention to her. I'm getting a little teared up now just typing it. I'm not sure if my DH will understand or not but I might talk to him about it. He's more of a roll with the punches kind of person so I'm not sure if he's thought about this or not. I even ran across this article today which made me feel a little bit better that it's not just me. https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/family/story/viral-photo-shows-crazy-mix-emotions-mom-adding-61654693?fbclid=IwAR0jlgCoKGaQNY3QK85SRPPvgnhzJgwbLdGIHEpdMjCfaDFC60vQiF3xH50

thirdtimesacharm2019 · March 2019

@MollyH1987 I felt the same way going into DS2 ... how can I love another human this much?!? Well it happens and you will, but I can definitely understand the anxiety. ❤️

mrosek91 · March 2019

@sourlemon if you don't mind me asking, how are you doing?

sourlemon · March 2019

@mrosek91 I'm ok. Yesterday was on and off crying all day at work (ugh) but I feel a lot better today after a good nights sleep. Thank you for following up!

*TW* He shows up and said he left his wife (she's crazy) and was going to live in his car until he could skip town. He's in some legal trouble too. I asked him in for dinner but he declined but did ask to see the kids to say goodbye. Mind you, he's never met my 2 year old and only met my 4 year old a few times before she turned 2. So he told them it was nice to meet them and that he'd never see them again, so goodbye forever. Talks about having nothing left and blah blah. Mentioned he only had $20 multiple times and even brought up me and DH's salaries a few times (we are govt so its pretty easy to find out)...he was looking for money. I offered him food, drinks, a blanket, pillow...everything I could -- except money. He declined everything, saying he doesnt need it where he's going. He left. I did some research on homeless shelters and veterans services in our town and emailed him a bunch of stuff, told him he isnt alone and that he has family that cares about it, and his reply was just "Ill be ok for now". His phone is shut off so he only has internet when he goes to hot spots, so I have no real way to check on him.

But yesterday afternoon I kind of thought to myself that I did everything I could do. I cant/wont give him money and he turned down everything else, even the offer for me to put him up in a hotel for a few days. So I tried. He's a grown ass man and needs to take some responsibility for his actions and if he wont accept reasonable help, that is on him, not me. So that realization helped my mental state. Right or wrong, it helped. I'm not sure if Ill ever see him again, or if he does commit suicide that I will even be notified, but I tried. *End TW*

lovelikestardust · March 2019

@peachy0709 @mrosek91 @thirdtimesacharm2019 @MamaK225 Thank you all for the support! Definitely helps to know others have gone through similar experiences. I think I'm partly just frustrated because I feel like I'm eating way more than I was even just a week ago, and I'm just not gaining the way I think I should be. My next appointment is in a couple weeks, so hopefully I'll have gained more by then, and/or my OB can reassure me that baby is doing fine regardless.

@MamaK225 Unfortunately for me, I'm typically a back sleeper. I've been trying to adjust to sleeping on my side, but just can't seem to get comfy, and usually end up waking up on my back anyway. I've looked at the Snoogle (so many rave reviews!) and my only hesitation is that over the course of the night, I've been swapping from one side to the other to try to get comfortable, and it seems like the Snoogle is best if you can just stay on one side? Or maybe I'm misunderstanding some of the things I'm reading, I don't know.

@sourlemon So so sorry that you're having to deal with this extra stress! I think it's amazing that you did what you could to help him, and you're right, it's completely on him that he didn't accept the help that he was offered. Hoping things start to look up for you soon, sending big hugs!

sourlemon · March 2019

@lovelikestardust every time i roll over i flip my pillow with me. this is my third pregnancy with this pillow and its never been that big of a problem.

gabila66 · March 2019

Had my first melt down yesterday. My 2.5 year old Golden was being very fussy, I was so tired and dozing off waiting for him to call back, I had no energy to cook dinner (I really wanted a piece of Chicken pie) but H didn't get my message while on the train so I had to make a slapdash dinner of grilled cheese sandwiches (which gave me major heartburn). And I slumped into a heap crying. It was just all to much, so much had happened, grandmother passing, new morning sickness issues, then guests arriving just a few hours after the funeral. No time to process and just relax. So I think it all just came to fruition.

MamaK225 · March 2019

@lovelikestardust - I don't have issues when I switch sides. I sleep with the pillow opening up to the outside of the bed (so I can easily escape for the bathroom and get back in) and I normally sleep on my right side, so along the side of the pillow. The only different is if I switch to my left side, I just pull up the bottom a little to go between my legs. Just make sure if you do go with the Snoogle, you buy a smart cover. The slip-on is pure torture to get on/off. The ones I've found and loved fit around the curved parts, but have a zipper or velcro along the length ... WAY easier to deal with on a weekly basis.

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