TTC After a Loss

**TW** Intro

I hope it is okay that I move over here, because I'm not really sure where else is safe to share what is going on with my situation. While TTC is def still on the table, we don't know when because this is all so insane and hard and emotionally draining - so even though this is TTCAL, I hope this is okay for me to come here if I will be benched for a little. I'll also re-intro at TTGP. 

I'm scheduled for my D&E on Wednesday after we found out that we are experiencing hydrops fetalis. We are still waiting to see if our NIPT will give us any answers immediately, otherwise we will be doing a DNA microarray post-op. I will be one day shy of 15 wks at my D&E. I feel lost on what to expect with this procedure, how my body will change/go back to pre-pregnancy, and emotionally how/when/if we will be ready to TTC any time soon. I'm so sorry for the losses everyone has experienced here. I now understand, and I am here for you all as well.  <3
**tw**


married 11.1.14

ttc #1 since 5.18

bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

little girl A born 3.26.20

Re: **TW** Intro

  • I’m so sorry for your loss.  It definitely takes time for our bodies to return to “normal”. Your cycle may not go back to what was previously normal.  Emotionally it can take time too before you are ready to TTC again.  For me, I jumped right back in.  For some reason, that was helpful for me.  Hopefully your recovery is quick.  Take time for yourself.  Again I’m sorry for your loss
  • @chichiphin Of course you are welcome here. I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your baby - it's absolutely heartbreaking.

    In my experience, you'll bounce back physically much faster than you will emotionally. Losing a baby changes you. I had a harder time emotionally with my D&C (as opposed to medicated losses) because I was just not pregnant all of a sudden and my body/hormones had to catch up. Expect your emotions to be all over the place for a while - just from the hormones. You will still be emotional after your body regulates, but, at least for me, it's more intense than in the weeks immediately following the loss.

    You'll have some bleeding after the procedure, which can last for days or weeks. Personally, I'd give it at least two cycles before TTC so your uterus has some time to heal and your lining has time to thicken, but that's just me. Others start earlier.

    What's important is that you do whatever you need to in order to get through it. Be gentle to yourself. Cry a lot. Acceptance comes faster if you allow yourself to grieve (in my experience, anyway).

    If you have any specific questions or need to chat/vent/rant, feel free to PM me. <3<3
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  • You are definitely in the right place! I’m so sorry for your loss! We have ladies on this board at all stages, including being benched either because their doc instructed them too or by their own choosing. No matter where you are in the process we are here to support you! 
  • thank you guys for the words of kindness. I've been told my body will bounce back quicker than I'll realize. I am more concerned about the emotional aspect of TTC, and we will probably not try/not prevent once we are past a few cycles. I want to focus this summer on trying to do more fun things with MH and maybe traveling a few times. 

    I feel like the hardest thing I'll go through in the near future is the changes to my breasts, and the potential for lactation. I'm up 2 sizes already. That will be really hard, yet I am desperate to get back in to my pre-pregnancy tops because I hate being reminded every day that I don't fit in to my old clothes for a reason. 
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

  • @chichiphin I just want to say I’m so sorry for
    your loss and echo what everyone else is saying. The procedure is definitely the easiest part. Emotionally, it will take awhile. Sending lots of hugs your way. 
  • @chichiphin I hate seeing yet another person here, all the love and support for your procedure and healing after all of this.  I found that my body took a while to get back to normal after a D&C (one at 11, the other at 13 weeks) vs natural MC, but this past time I was doing acupuncture and I think that helped a lot.  
  • @chichiphin I am so sorry to see you here. I was on the Sept BMB as well and saw your posts about your testing. This is all so incredibly unfair. I too am currently grasping with the changes my body will go through as I'm going through a loss at just over 11 weeks. Having been down this road 3 times before, I know that these next few weeks suck, there's no way around it. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will find yourself stronger than you ever thought you could be. Take care of yourself and reach out to friends and family for support. I'll be thinking of you
  • @chichiphin I’m so sorry to see you here.  I am taking a similar approach with NTNP and trying to focus on other aspects of my life for a while.  I’ve found that to be much more beneficial to my mental state than focusing so heavily on TTC.  I hope once you do try that your stay is short ❤️
    Me: 31 DH: 31
      <3 DS born 6/2017, became a heart angel 8/2018 <3
    CP 3/2019
  • I'm so sorry to see you here.  Having gone through this recently, the only thing I can say is to take it one day, sometimes one hour, at a time.  
    At the time, I didn't think I'd be able to TTC again, I just didn't know if I could deal with it emotionally.  A couple of months past D&E, it's what keeps me going now because it gives me some hope and something positive to focus on.  My body healed fasted than my emotional state, but it happens little by little.  As always, PM me if you have any questions about the procedure, etc.
  • We finally got word about our NIPT. Trisomy 13. Because it is so rare, especially for my age, we have been recommended confirmation testing on DNA samples. I’ll also be requesting that MH and I get DNA testing done to specifically check our 13th chromosome. Apparently you can be a silent carrier for this defect that makes it hereditary. 
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

  • ruby696ruby696 member
    edited March 2019
    Oh @chichiphin, I'm so sorry. Would you both have to be carriers for that to happen? I'm a carrier for spinal muscular atrophy and MH is not, unless he's a silent carrier - it's very unlikely for Hispanics, so we didn't do the extra testing. Scary stuff, genetics.

    ETA: googled... So it looks like only one of you has to carry it? That's scary and FX so hard that it's not genetic in your case. <3
  • @ruby696 yeah you only need one. Our amazing doctor is coordinating the testing during the d&e, and that should inform whether we have to have the testing as well. I’m hoping for a true trisomy situation.
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

  • @chichiphin So sorry for your loss. I remember seeing your posts on the Sept19 BMB. Remember to be kind to yourself throughout this painful experience. What is good for one person (as far as TTC and physical healing) is not necessarily correct for the next. Hoping your testing comes back with the results you desire.
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