STM+ : Ideas for introducing baby to siblings?

sleepydaze · January 2019

Wondering if anyone has suggestions of things to do/avoid when children meet their new sibling for the first time, and as they transition to having a new sibling for the first few weeks. For example, I've heard of giving the older sibling a gift from baby after they meet for the first time.

DD will only be around 21-22 months by the time baby comes so not sure how much she will understand.
Thanks!

mermaidca · January 2019

I've heard that when the older sibling comes into the room to meet baby for the first time that mom shouldn't be holding baby so you can fully embrace them and they feel important, then introduce baby after.

mrstmoose · January 2019

+1 to what @mermaidca said

I will probably have a small gift for DD that will be from the baby as a "hi big sister" thing.

lyse01 · January 2019

Is giving the older child a present really a thing? DD gets gifts on Christmas and her birthday, plus an Easter basket, and I’m really not sure I want to encourage gifts at any other time.

mrstmoose · January 2019

@lyse01 I'm not sure if it's becoming a thing. We've just decided to do something small ($10 or less) to help her not feel left out. We also don't do gifts often so I'm not concerned about a small gift derailing her this one time

thatbaintforbetty · January 2019

We were thinking a gift as well, but making it more like one from the baby to DD and having DD go pick out a small present to bring for the baby. More even exchange. I think getting a sibling is probably a special enough occasion to warrant a present.

MRDCle · January 2019

I hadn't thought of the holding thing! So is it ok that DH holds them? Or just have them in bassinets?

sleepydaze · January 2019

@mermaidcaThat seems wise, especially as it might be over a day since the last time I see DD.

mrstmoose · January 2019

@MRDCle I'll probably have DH go get DD and I'll make sure the baby is in his bassinet, so neither of us are holding him and can focus on DD for a few minutes.

mermaidca · January 2019

@mrdcle I agree with @mrstmoose I think we'll have baby in the bassinet so we can both be all over the girls just so they both feel like they're not being replaced and get their own attention for a minute.

kosmo86 · January 2019

I would think this is a very special occasion that warrants a gift. BUT I also give DD things all the time so IDK.

My so far plan is to have DD come on day 2 of the hospital, so I am a little more mobile and with it. I plan to not be holding the baby and to take a few minutes with DD before the intro (unless she wants it sooner). She will have picked out a present from DD to her and she will have picked out a present for the baby.

Truthfully the whole thing has me pretty stressed out and I have been talking a lot with my previous BMB about it.

blueberrymomma · January 2019

I think it depends on your child and their age. DD was 2.5 when DS was born and she was more interested in her new baby brother than me. But I know DS(3) is super attached to me and would want some snuggles before meeting his new sister. So I’m thinking I’ll have DH hold the new baby so DD can hold her and I’ll be open for DS to have some mommy time

eli_belle · January 2019

We did not and will not do a gift. Honestly the whole reason we are having more than one kid is that they learn early in life that they have to share, even mommy and daddy. We focus more on how they can be helpers and explain that the baby needs lots of love and help right now.

We had DD (almost 3 yo at the time) dress up in her Big Sister t-shirt and my sister brought her to the hospital the day after birth. DS was in the bassinet by my side, I was in bed, and DH picked her up to see DS. I'm glad I had my phone in my hand because I caught some of the sweetest pictures of their first meeting. I will say that she was really overwhelmed. I think all of the machines and tubes and beeping in the hospital room scared her. I think the fact that I didn't get out of bed scared her. Now that she is 6 yo I will ask her what she remembers, if anything.

This time around I will plan to be seated in an accessible chair, if I'm feeling up for it, so that when the kiddos come in I can give them hugs right away. I agree that it is probably best not to be holding LO since it is important to welcome the older kiddos to the room and make them feel safe before meeting LO.

lyse01 · January 2019

eli_belle said:

We did not and will not do a gift. Honestly the whole reason we are having more than one kid is that they learn early in life that they have to share, even mommy and daddy. We focus more on how they can be helpers and explain that the baby needs lots of love and help right now.

This makes so much sense to me

kaitykins · January 2019

There is a Daniel tiger episode about him getting his new sister and dd (3) watches it often, so she has plans, she wants to go in and see the baby and hold it in the chair

just like Daniel.

chrissdee · January 2019

@kbirchtree ooh, that reminds me that there is a bubble guppies episode where Molly gets a new baby sister that DD used to love to watch. We haven't watched that one in a long time- might have to put it back into the rotation.

mermaidca · January 2019

@kbirchtree Great idea!!!! I know what my kids are watching tonight!

MeridethKimble · January 2019

For #1's intro to #2, we read books ahead of time. She helped pick a gift to give her new brother; and, he had one ready for her when he got home. We have started to do the same in anticipation of #3's arrival. #1 knows the deal and is excited; #2 is a bit young, but is starting to identify the big brother in the books as himself, instead of identifying the baby as himself. Soon, they will pick something small to give to #3 when he arrives, and he'll be ready to reciprocate!

batmama31 · January 2019

this entire thread has me bawling. thanks, guys.

(but really, thank you for starting this topic. it's something I've thought about here and there, but not nearly enough. lots of great advice.)

eli_belle · January 2019

@batmama31 if you are bawling now better not watch the Daniel Tiger new baby episode! Gets me every time...especially when pregnant!

wildcosmiclove · January 2019

DD is picking out a special gift for the baby & we will have something for her as well. I really don't think a small gift at the birth of her sibling is going to ruin her for life. To prepare we have read books, she has gone to appointments with me, and I've just included her in as much as possible/is age appropriate. I super recommend Peaceful Parents, Happy Siblings. They have several chapters on preparing kiddos & handling the early days. The info was very practical & easy to implement.

katlarissa · January 2019

Our oldest son was 17 months old when our second was born. When he arrived at the hospital, I made sure that just his dad and I were in the room, and not 10 extra relatives to distract/make him shy. For some kids I’m sure it wouldn’t matter, but our oldest is kind of sensitive and I knew he would be overwhelmed if several people were present.
I was not holding the baby. First I welcomed our oldest, cuddled him on the bed, told him how excited I was to see him, and asked him questions about his time with his aunt. Then after we had cuddled alone, my husband brought over the new baby and we introduced them. We allowed our toddler to touch the baby, but didn’t pressure him to hold or kiss him. (He didn’t want to do either thing.) We all 4 sat on the bed together, and gave our oldest a small present (a stuffed puppy) from the baby. Then we let him get down and do his thing. He wanted to explore the room, look at the lights, touch the buttons on the bed. We were just casual about the baby. We chatted about this and that and talked about how much fun he was having with his aunt and cousins.
While I get what some people have said about a child not “needing” a present when the sibling is born, I love that we did it, because our oldest remembers that he got the puppy the day he met his little brother, and he regularly talks about that and shows his little brother the puppy and says “thank you! How did you KNOW I would love it?” So sweet. So it’s fun that he has the memory attached to the item.

saucentoss · January 2019

My oldest will be 6.5 years older than this baby. I plan to definitely spend some time snuggling him. But also plan to follow his cues. The one thing I’m wondering is how to get him to have some alone time with us. I assume my in laws will bring him to the hospital. Maybe I can manufacture an errand or something.

blueberrymomma · January 2019

@saucentoss have your DH talk to your in-laws before the birth. We did that when #2 was born because my in-laws brought #1 up to the hospital. We asked them to let us have some family time before the grandparents came in. DH met them in the waiting room to bring DD into the hospital room himself

sleepydaze · January 2019

@eli_belle I forgot how hooked up I was after my C Section, that was a great idea about trying to move somewhere less intimidating (ex rocking chair in the room instead of staying in bed) so DD isn't overwhelmed if I end up having another C section.

@katlarissa I loved your story! Gave me a lot of ideas, so neat that your son remembers meeting his brother!

mrstmoose · February 2019

@saucentoss I ditto what @blueberrymomma said. We are just going to ask that everyone gives us time to be a family of 4. I want DD to meet her little brother before any grandparents get to meet him.

QueenBeeOC · February 2019

STM here - I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I think the idea of not holding the baby is great, we will definitely do that. I am buying her a little gift from her brother. She's 2.5 so I think she will "get it" a little more. As the day gets closer I am going to make her watch that Daniel Tiger episode again.

sister_c · February 2019

@wildcosmiclove +1 for the "peaceful parents, happy siblings" book. Lots of good, practical ideas in there.

I wasn't planning on giving my son a present from the baby, but maybe we'll give him one from us. He does love presents

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