Abusive ex??

natalia_monae · February 2019

My ex and I are no longer together and since he hasn't been putting in the effort for our son I decided I'm not going to give my son the last name of a man who hasn't bought anything for him the entire 8 months that I've been pregnant and can't put aside an hour of his time to be there at his only child's prenatal appointment or parenting classes. He said this to me last night and I just want to know.is this considered abuse because I don't know what to think

mrstmoose · February 2019

So, a few things. He needs help as stating he is going to commit suicide is a legitimate reason for a welfare check/call the police. Second, it appears that neither of you are being particularly nice to each other right now (which is typical of most exes). If you continue to be in each other's lives, I would highly recommend both individual and couples therapy to get past what issues you may have.

I'm also saying this as the text messages are the only glimpse we have into your guys' relationship. I can only base my thoughts on what you provided us.

PPS. You may also want to introduce yourself if you intend on sticking around and getting to know us.

thatbaintforbetty · February 2019

I would definitely call that manipulation but I don’t know that I would call it abuse.

Either way you need to drop him like a hot potato. STAT.

My advice just going off of your messages is that I would call the cops. Either he’s serious and needs help. Or he’s bluffing and that shit isn’t okay and he needs to deal with the consequences of saying it.

Block him now. Consider a restraining order if he doesn’t leave you alone. I have no idea if you want child support but either way I wouldn’t want my kid around somebody like that and paper trails of his behavior are going to be a help to you in that case.

But again this is just assuming certain things from the limited information provided.

phoenix92885 · February 2019

He is certainly manipulative as hell. Not quite abusive yet but my gut says that it could go that way in the future. A man who is this insecure and this immature is not someone who is a good support system for you or your baby right now. Reading those messages reminds me of how my brother talks to his baby mommas... And hes currently incarcerated for a family violence while impedding breath assualt charge and also a seperate aggravated assualt with a deadly weapon charge. Any manchild who tries to play the suicide card to get what they want is not a stable person by any means. That's something my brother has tried to play with the many women in his life. Hes used it to try to guilt my mom into bailing him out when his family violence charge is against me, his little sister. Walk far away from this guy now and keep you and your baby safe. If hes not abusive now, he definitely is showing signs he could be, at the very least, mentally and emotionally abusive later on. Get ready to file that child support too. You dont deserve to struggle more than you have to. Hang in there, i know this is incredibly difficult.

lyse01 · February 2019

I really think you need to figure out what you want out of this relationship. If you want him being a parent (which has nothing to do with “buying things” or even finding “an hour of his time to be at appointments and classes” - both of which my DH has not done this pregnancy), then you need to respect what he’s telling you, call someone for a welfare check, and stop ridiculing him. If you don’t have any interest in co-parenting, then stop disparaging him over not buying things or showing up for classes.

Regardless, I don’t think this is abuse. But I am not law enforcement or a lawyer.

mermaidca · February 2019

I'll echo what @lyse01 said - my H has only come to one ultrasound and no other appointments this pregnancy. I don't feel like that makes a good father.

But having said that, that text exchange wasn't healthy for either one of you and wouldn't be the sort of environment I would want to bring my child up in. I don't think it's abusive necessarily but if you have to ask yourself questions like that it's probably not a great relationship and you can see where it's headed. Do what is right for you and your baby.

I feel like if you're asking and posting then you know exactly what everyone here is going to say. If you need the validation to give yourself permission to move on, I think you definitely got that from PP.

Good luck!

kyashley1227 · February 2019

This is the kind of shit my exDH pulled with me and continues to pull in anyway he can regarding our 3 dd’s. He is a liar, a narricisit, absuer, among many other things. It took way far too many years to finally get up the courage to get away from him and even now I still have to deal with his abuse in a different form. I never had the strength to pursue criminal charges or to get a restraining order. Coming from experience, these things only get worse. My children and I still suffer because of it. Please, please protect yourself and your sweet baby and don’t give this pos another second of your time!

Abusive ex??

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