PGAL 01/16 — The Bump
July 2019 Moms

PGAL 01/16

This thread is a safe place for those who are pregnant after a loss. (PGAL).  If you have suffered a loss please feel free to answer the questions below and keep things going throughout the week as a continuing conversation. 

If you haven’t suffered a loss, please refrain from answering the questions, but know we welcome anyone who wants to come in and support the PGAL ladies and their milestones with encouragement or love tits! Thank you! 

1. How many weeks are you?

2. Previous loss(es)?

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?

4. Any appointment updates?

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? 

6. Any milestones coming up? 

7. GTKY: What is the hardest thing about this pregnancy for you right now?

Re: PGAL 01/16

  • 1. How many weeks are you? 16 + 2

    2. Previous loss(es)? 2 MMC at 13 and 10 weeks

    3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically still nauseous and the boobs and hips are killing me! Emotionally...I feel better after yesterday's appointment but I already know it will be short lived. I need to find a way to start being more optimistic about this pregnancy. I keep thinking the next appointment will be the one that makes me feel confident. But nope. Maybe the AS will help?

    4. Any appointment updates? Yesterday. Baby had a strong heartbeat of 152...but it took the OB a little on the long side to find. So if course I started imagining the worst. My OB noticed I was upset so made a point of telling me it will be easier to find by my next appointment at 20 weeks.

    5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I'm past 16 weeks with a strong heartbeat!

    6. Any milestones coming up? Just waiting for a call with my AS date. Likely February 11th. So this is my next focal point!

    7. GTKY: What is the hardest thing about this pregnancy for you right now? Having to wait a month between appointments to know that things are still ok. And of course the anxiety leading up to the actual appointment. I'm still fighting back tears in the waiting room and I feel dumb about it.
  • 1. How many weeks are you? 15+2

    2. Previous loss(es)? 5

    3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically I have a headache that will not go away and I'm still getting random twinges of nausea. Emotionally I swing back and forth between joy and fear, feeling pregnant and feeling nothing. So many good things are happening in my life right now I am having a hard time believing I am meant to have them. 

    4. Any appointment updates? Still a week from my next appointment. This 4 week wait is hell.

    5. Rants/Raves/Questions? So I realized today that my C-section for my little mouse is scheduled 4 years to the day after my round of miscarriages started. 4 years, 4 miscarriages... I feel like that should be a sign... As an interesting add my youngest son (9yrs old) was born 1 year to the day after my first miscarriage. 

    6. Any milestones coming up? I've passed them all, now I am anxiously awaiting consistent no mistaking it movement. 

    7. GTKY: What is the hardest thing about this pregnancy for you right now? See above... but honestly the emotional rollercoster and the 4 week wait between appointments. I feel like insurance should cover weekly or biweekly appointments for recurrent loss mamas. Our psyches can't take this. 
  • @Panaceia it breaks my heart to see you so worried! Maybe starting a gratitude journal will help make it more positive for you? I have not suffered a loss, so take my word for what it's worth, but it seems like you're focused on the negatives and what-ifs. While I totally understand that (I catch myself doing the same without the heartbreak you've suffered), it can be an endless cycle. 

    It sounds like you want to be focused on the positives at this point, so maybe taking an affirmative step to do just that will help?

    I hope you can let go of your fears as you reach more milestones and get more confirmation that she's still there!  <3
  • @indulgentgypsy you totally deserve the good things that are going on in your life!!! Enjoy them, momma!!
  • @cindler Your post made me cry:) Thanking you for taking the time to comment ❤ You are completely right. I have a pregnancy journal (I kept one with DD too) but it is focusing on all my fears rather than the good things. I will make a point to change that. I think you're right in that writing down and focusing on the positives will start to help:) 
  • @indulgentgypsy I agree 100% with @cindler deserve all the good things! 
  • @Panaceia, hugs to you. I've gone through one loss and being PGAL after loss is HARD. @cindler's idea of a gratitude journal is a good one. I did that a few years ago and it helped reset and reframe my brain some days when life was throwing curve balls or unexpected things happened. I hope you find something that helps you feel good and enjoy this pregnancy.

    @indulgentgypsy, happy for you and all the good things you have going on!

    1. How many weeks are you? 15+2

    2. Previous loss(es)? One

    3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally, I feel better since I've started to tell friends and family. I struggled with that for a few weeks, but tested the waters last weekend with family I'm closest to, then a few friends yesterday. Still not ready to announce publicly, however. Physically, I am exhausted. I slept for 8 hours last night and could have spent all day today sleeping. Fighting off a nap now because I want to try to get to bed early tonight.

    4. Any appointment updates? Nothing until the AS on 2/5

    5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I'm blanking, so nothing right now.

    6. Any milestones coming up? They've all passed, I think.

    7. GTKY: What is the hardest thing about this pregnancy for you right now? Eating! I'm still not very hungry, but trying to eat smaller meals every few hours. I do that, then my stomach growls shortly thereafter like I didn't eat enough. But I'm not hungry. It's weird. I'd love to get back to eating the normal breakfast/lunch/dinner routine.
  • 1. How many weeks are you? 15

    2. Previous loss(es)? MMC 

    3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? cautiously optimistic and currently exhausted 

    4. Any appointment updates? Nothing until the end of the month

    5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I literally woke up The a magically cleaned house this morning. My husband really does love me hahaha (this has never happened before but I was complaining about the pigsty last night)

    6. Any milestones coming up? Just looking forward to 20 weeks...half way and I hope I’ll be more positive 

    7. GTKY: What is the hardest thing about this pregnant right now? I want to be excited and start planning for arrival (nursery, names, telling people) but I’m still too scared...
  • @Panaceia, how ya doing girl?  Have you been able to find joy with your little girl? 
  • @cindler Thanks for checking in❤. I've been doing a lot better since the 16 week appointment. Our new semester started today and I told all 3 of my classes (to give them a heads up that I won't be there for exams). I've also been more open about it with I'm not actively hiding it any more. I'm still not confident and still think about this baby as an "if" rather than a certainty but I'm getting there. There are days I feel like I'm feeling movement but I don't want to actually say it's movement in case the AS gives us bad news and then I feel dumb for thinking it was baby if it wasn't. So...better...but still a bit of a mess:)
  • @Panaceia hugs, girl! Hugs. 
  • 1. How many weeks are you?

    2. Previous loss(es)?

    3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?
    Scared and anxious. Physically feeling better 

    4. Any appointment updates?
    Appt Monday to do a repeat blood draw for my thyroid, urine sample to see how much bacteria I have

    5. Rants/Raves/Questions? 
    I found out two months ago I’m not immune to rubella anymore and need the vaccine after the baby is born. With this measles outbreak popping up it has me worried and we fly out in 11 days. I know it’s a different strain of measles but my anxiety is convincing me of the worst 

    6. Any milestones coming up? 

    7. GTKY: What is the hardest thing about this pregnancy for you right now?
    not feeling movement to keep me calm. We know this is our last but this anxiety this time around has made it very clear I can’t do this again. 

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • 1. How many weeks are you? 18w 2d

    2. Previous loss(es)? MMC at 12 weeks

    3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally I'm starting to finally feel comfortable with acknowledging this pregnancy publically. I mean, at this point I can't really hide it anymore anyway. Physically I'm still so tired and recently my sciatica is killing me. This is baby #4 and I've never had this kind of pain this early.

    4. Any appointment updates? Regular appointment was Friday, AS is Monday.

    5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Any tips on how to deal with sciatica pain?

    6. Any milestones coming up? AS Monday will be huge. 

    7. GTKY: What is the hardest thing about this pregnancy for you right now? This is going to sound awful but knowing this baby is a girl is throwing me for a loop. It's not "hard", I'm having a difficult time thinking about what that means.  We have 3 boys so this is new territory.
  • @Panaceia, glad to hear you're doing better! I'm still thinking about you and hope things continue to get better as you approach the AS.
  • Thanks @cindler ❤ One more week to get through before the AS. I really need to start feeling movement soon!

    @Tippy05 Swimming has helped me. Not like laps or anything. Just going to open swim and casually swimming around with DD. Since I started swimming a get times a week it has been so much better!
  • @Panaceia I hear you there. I thought I felt baby a couple weeks ago. It was very light and fleeting, so not sure. Haven't felt anything for a couple weeks though, and I'm starting to get anxious for our next appointment, which is still 2 weeks away!

    Hope your AS goes well! I've got 3 weeks to go and then we'll find out what we're having!
  • @cindler Oooh I'm excited for you to find out! Do you have any guesses/feelings about what you think you're having?
  • @Panaceia it's funny you ask that. I've been asked that a couple times recently. I have no basis for my opinion, but I have a feeling it's a boy. I've felt this way since I found out I was KU. I feel more equipped to raise a girl, but like everyone, I would be happy with either!
  • @cindler I was positive my first was a boy. Totally wrong! But this time I was pretty sure it was another girl and ended up being right. 
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