February Mental Health Check-in

b_1029 · February 2019

***This thread has a general trigger warning.***

U.S: National Suicide Prevention : 1-800-273-TALK [8255]

Chat option:

https://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

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This is a safe place for more detailed support in mental health, struggles, and successes. Whereas general stress and issues are often discussed in R/R of dailies, this place is for a more focused discussion of the impact of mental health. Members are encouraged to use thoughtfulness and depth to examine feelings, barriers, and useful supports.

This post can be replied to at any time during the month. Not limited to those with a mental health diagnosis, but please be sensitive to others. We will attempt to be as flame free as possible!

Feel free to share, vent, or support other members on this thread. Share a picture/gif that expresses how you feel or provides some comfort.
If you need help getting started, try filling out the form below:

Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?:

Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA):

How are you feeling?

Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.)

inthewoods23 · February 2019

Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: Have yet to look into getting any kind of official diagnosis, but a number of signs point to anxiety.

Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): TWW

How are you feeling? I've been doing really well after coming to terms with the first failed IUI and all the other terrible crap that fell on that day. There have been a few bursts of emotion since then, but I currently have a very positive outlook.

Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) I think I'm looking for some encouragement to get my butt to a therapist or whatever to get the help I really need. DH isn't supportive on the idea of me on anxiety meds but I think that comes from his fear that it will continue to hinder our ability to get KU or if it will change how I am. I have periods of time where I'm completely fine and we're in a good place and then the next day I'm in a bad mood. I can go downhill so fast and then take days to really feel better and out of a funk. Plus I just learned that the picking/chewing skin around fingernails that I've been doing since I was a kid is actually a thing called onychotillomania so now I feel even more inclined to seek out help.

littleredm · February 2019

@inthewoods23 I have very high anxiety and I went on Lexapro for it in October. It has made a HUGE difference for me. The way I describe it is that I still get anxious thoughts but I'm able to dismiss them much easier instead of letting them spiral out of control and affect me for days on end if that makes sense. I think it'd be worth it to see somebody and at least discuss the possibility of medicine or therapy if you don't want to take medicine. Infertility is so hard on your own, it can never hurt to have more support.

inthewoods23 · February 2019

@littleredm you all have been a really great support for me ❤️ but of course there's always the personal life stuff.

How does one even get started? DH's work has one of those EAP programs. Do I have to go through that for a therapist? Or who can provide me with a prescription? Nobody else in my family seems to have these issues so I have no idea what to do.

b_1029 · February 2019

@inthewoods23 my company has an EAP program too. My understanding is you just call them and they set you up with someone. I’ve been dragging my feet on calling them myself...I wish I could give you more information.

My PCP prescribed me an anti depressant but I stopped taking it when we started TTC. In retrospect, probably not the best idea to just medicate without actually talking to someone trained to help.

thatcma · February 2019

*lurking*

@inthewoods23 Call the EAP to get a recommended therapist OR if you have someone you are interested in you can tell them.

*TW?* I've always struggled with anxiety and prior to having DD I didn't want to be on anything. PP really kicked my butt and really made me wish I had a better handle on it ahead of time.

I also can understand you having the really great days then suddenly a horrible day the next. I have been on Zoloft for some time and still have those days. What I have been focusing on doing is learning to recognize when I am having those days so I can start a dialogue with myself about how things are fine/not as bad as they seem/I can make it through because I am strong.

jennifer_louise · February 2019

@inthewoods23 my bestie has onychotillomania as well. She has tried fidget toys to various degrees of effectiveness. For me, it's mild trichotillomania (sp?) or hair picking. My hair stylist notices every time but i don't think she understands the underlying disorder. I have also tried fidget toys, and special gloves, but I feel like it just comes and goes in cycles with my anxiety.

AFM-- never been diagnosed, but I've got mild anxiety that seems to be exacerbated by TTC. The thing I'm struggling with lately is how TTC is slowly replacing the "good" things in my life: hobbies, social life, etc. I really don't want to give up, but a small part of me does. I am losing my identity to my inability to get KU. I want my hobbies back, I want my self-esteem back, and I want normal social interactions back. This could also be seasonal related, but either way January was hard. I truly hope it's just a funk and February will be better!

b_1029 · February 2019

Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: mild depression / don't want to clog up the dailies with my negativity

Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): TWW

How are you feeling? Not great, but it comes and goes in waves (typically day to day). I also feel like I'm losing my identity to TTC and it is controlling my life. I feel like I don't know how to be happy anymore, because in my mind happiness looks like a baby and I just can't get over that notion. DH has commented several times how I always seem to be in a bad mood, which makes me feel awful. I just can't seem to get out of this funk and stop being blah, not wanting to leave the house on weekends, or snapping at him all the time.

Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) I have dialed the EAP number for work several times but stopped. It's like I don't want to talk to a real live person and tell them I'm struggling and need help? I wish there was an email address ha. Is that normal?

Edited to bold the ?s

@jennifer_louise I completely understand how you feel. I hope February is better for you

emeraldduchess · February 2019

@inthewoods23 I have anxiety and I have been on Lexapro for over a year. Honestly, it was one of the best decisions that I have made for myself in a very, very long time. I still get anxious and sad, but not to the point where I was before meds. My PCP prescibed it. My DH was worried as well when I first went on it, but he agrees that it has done me world of good. My PCP told me that while no meds are 100% safe when TTC/KU, this one is very, very low risk. I struggled witu depression and anxiety alone for a long time and finally getting help gave me my life back.

inthewoods23 · February 2019

@thatcma I definitely have already thought about how I could be PP. I like to think I'll be super overjoyed but DH likes to joke about not helping with things like diapers and I just want him to not joke about such a serious thing!

@jennifer_louise I've got a few fidgets toys myself. I like them, but it just isn't the same as actually picking so I haven't found it to be a great replacement. Like honestly those or even playing with silly putty my mind will be like "you're tired of moving your hands and fingers around so much" yet I can light pick at my fingers for probably hours without even thinking about it. The motions have been so ingrained for probably 20 years at this point. It's hard to find a replacement!

@b_1029 I'm kind of like you in that I want help, but I don't want to talk about it. My anxiety probably stems from things in my childhood but I don't want to go through rehashing and reliving events or the whole "coming to terms with my past" or whatever. I just want the help for me now as I am.

kiki047 · February 2019

@inthewoods23 I asked not to be put on meds but I take ativan for my panic attacks. I also pick at the skin around my nails (and I'm a nail biter too, only my right thumb though) and the only thing that seemed to help was always having perfectly manicured nails. Well that's just not fricken practical, I was better off spending the $ on therapy because at least that addressed my other issues too.

@b_1029 thank you for starting this thread. I meant to do one for January but never got around to it. You NAILED IT with the "happiness looks like a baby" line, that's exactly it. Our biggest fear, other than losing each other, is not being able to have our own biological children. Adoption and everything else aside, it's all-consuming. Month after month of failures is just a realization of that fear over and over. But I hope you know you're never clogging up the dailies if you need to express your feelings! I've definitely been there, there are days and weeks where I feel like I only have rants and I struggle to find any raves and everyone has always been there to support me. For the record, on the days where you really feel like you don't want to be a debbie downer but you need to let something off your chest, PM me!

honestly, I know some days you just don't wan't to be "that person" because you feel like a burden, but I promise that's never the case.

inthewoods23 · February 2019

@kiki047 ugh so true. I don't want to spend the time myself doing my nails, I'd rather have someone else do it for me! But that costs a bunch!

I like to think I'm a good listener if anyone ever wants to PM me just to get things off their chest.

I tried a new tea brand today, and this was on the tag of the tea bag. Don't ever feel bad to sound off your feelings and frustrations ❤️

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/2r/he76cjwutgou.jpg

holly321 · February 2019

@inthewoods23. TW, dd sees a psychological and psychiatrist. We have used the EAP. The first type, I called the insurance company, they emailed me a referral, which I took to her therapist, and we got 5 free visits, for each reason she needed therapy. Last year, insurance changed, and instead, the EAP a phone call with a therapist provided by them. Me didn’t use it, since it would not work with a 6 year old.

holly321 · February 2019

Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: ptsd, ocd, binge eating disorders, whatever you call dealing with a serious lifelong illness

Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): wto/maybe TWW

How are you feeling? Kind of bleh. I recently had a horrible flair, not only was it really long (I have had longer) but there were a few occasions I had a hard time walking from pain, I literally would have been unable to walk without the support of a wall. It has had me pretty upset, but I am trying to remain positive and remember I am not on most of my medication. Otherwise, just dealing with nightmares again and super jumpy every time I here the phone ring.

Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.). A friends wife recently reached out to me about her PPD, and through talking to her, it made me realize how I need to help myself better. I have been saying for a long time I am going to see a therapist, and I think I am finally going to do it.

holly321 · February 2019

@inthewoods23, TW again. I also wanted go add, I was on Zoloft when TTC ds, and for the beginning of my pregnancy with him, my obgyn was the one who described it. My ocd was making me struggle with the trauma of dd’s birth and my 2nd trimester miscarriage. He wanted me to stay in it through the pregnancy, but it was making me too sleepy. I completely understand the hesitation and fear about taking medication while ttc, but there are safe options and sometimes the benefits outweigh the risk.

@b_1029 it is hard to take that step and say I need help. While I never did go through with it, it took me weeks to build up the courage to ask about scheduling an appointment with a therapist. Unfortunately, the place I asked had a wait to see any doctors, then I felt “better.” But once the words actually came out of my mouth, it didn’t seem so bad.

inthewoods23 · February 2019

@holly321 thank you! That's good to know!

inthewoods23 · February 2019

Thought I would resurrect this thread a bit.

Any tips to give the DH for being good to himself during the difficult time of TTC and IF? How can I help reassure him that it's okay to be sad and make "him" time, especially when he's so busy?

MNturnsVA · February 2019

@inthewoods23 I haven't been in your shoes, so I don't have any situational specific advice necessarily- but just encourage him to go the gym maybe if he's not already going- or you could both go?? Book a massage for him and don't tell him? plan a weekend away for just the two of you? find where your favorite band is playing next and go to the show? bring home his favorite dinner? adult coloring books? it is equally important for them to take care of themselves as it is for us during this time, especially if it's taking a toll on them. Hugs to you!!

kagesstarshroom · February 2019

Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: undiagnosed depression/anxiety

Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): benched

How are you feeling? better than yesterday

Where are you in your mental health journey? trying to figure out my best path for support-- *tw loss* also, in the process of realizing how much my first loss affected me & going thru a second. I am normally very motivated and optimistic and haven't been myself for months. I am *JUST* now, after my second loss, realizing how depressed I have been since my first. I am grateful for this realization, but hoping to be able to find something that will better help me process and get back to feeling like myself. I buried myself in TTGP last time, completely & entirely--I need a better path.

@inthewoods23 Guys are so hit or miss in talking about their emotions--MH is more openly sensitive/emotional than others, but I still let him know, verbally, that it's okay for him to have emotions, and he doesn't need to hide them from me just because I am suffering too. IDK if you are able to have such a frank convo w/ YH (every relationship communicates differently!) but every once in a while I offer this kind of verbal support for him. I also tell him whenever I can how much I appreciate what he does for us/our home. This sort of verbal support really goes a long way with him. A lot of what was said above I think are good specific suggestions! Esp. a massage/good food. Everyone needs to eat, even if they are super busy. I also try to encourage MH's friends to come around/come out because he benefits from being around them, so maybe some of that? ESP. if they are... good people. (Some of MH's friends are better to have around than others... just sayin'.)

inthewoods23 · February 2019

Towards the end of the work day my boss asked me privately if I was doing okay since I seemed a bit off. I handled that conversation okay, but then after I had left boss's office my coworker came up to me to also ask if I was okay. Ugh! I have a hard enough time with these kinds of conversations. I hate when people I'm not close to start showing concern for my well-being and pry even a little.

I've always been this way. My mom says that when I would cry as a child I never wanted to be held by her. I always wanted to be left alone. Holds true to this day except for DH, he's the only one I willingly cry in front of.

I wish I could handle these kinds of situations better because I HATE getting emotional in public.

NYTino24 · February 2019

@inthewoods23 The TTC process is such an emotional thing, and then you add hormones into it... sigh. I guess the bright side is they seem like they care.

AFM, my anxiety is ramping up. I’m really having a hard time with 36 looming in less than two weeks. It’s manifesting itself with breathing problems and I know it’s not going to help me GKTFU any sooner, so I need to chill. I’m just feeling overwhelmed with the variables of all of it plus thinking about moving and changing jobs...

rachelredhead · February 2019

Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: generalized anxiety diagnosis, history of bulimia, disordered eating

Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): WTO/TWW (think I’m ovulating today/tmrw)

How are you feeling? Ok. We have only been trying for 3 cycles and I’m trying to stay calm but I’m 38 so just generally anxious about when to toss in the towel and go the adoption route. My DH gets anxious, too, as I know my worries are palpable (and my food anxieties are definitely worse). I do think we’re doing a great job communicating hopes/fears, enjoying newly married life, I just beat myself up for being anxious about whether or not biological kids are part of our story. And then I beat myself up for beating myself up...because that’s productive.

Where are you in your mental health journey? Sporadic counseling. I did really well going to a therapist and then wedding planning and newlywed bliss took over. It’s probably time to get back into a solid therapy routine.

rachelredhead · February 2019

@inthewoods23 I’m sorry you’re struggling. I cannot say enough about how powerful a tool therapy has been for me. It can take time to find the right fit as far as therapist but when you do, it can really empower you and provide a necessary outside perspective on the things that take up space in your head. It helped me just to know I was being proactive about my anxiety, not letting it fester. And it worked wonders for my relationships. While I haven’t been on any daily prescription, it also helped me to know I have Ativan in the cabinet if a panic attack really clobbers me. Just knowing it’s there is comforting.

b_1029 · February 2019

@kagesstarshroom I'm so sorry you're struggling. I can't even imagine how you're feeling. Please let us know if we can support you in any way.

@inthewoods23 totally understand not wanting to have those types of conversations with people. Maybe we should both vow to talk to a therapist in the next month? I'm not sure what would help you, but I'm sorry you're struggling.

@NYTino24 I don't really have experience with anxiety so I can't relate, but I'm sorry it has been bad lately. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now.

@rachelredhead have you all talked about going to an RE if it doesn't happen for you guys in X # of cycles? Maybe that would help to put your mind at ease. That's so great that you and YH are communicating so well.

Spartanrd4 · February 2019

Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: Anxiety, situational depression, anger issues

Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): WTO

How are you feeling? *TW mention of loss *TW My first pregnancy almost 3 years ago ended up as a MMC. A coworker was pregnant at the same time as me and I lost the pregnancy while she continued- she was very triggering to me and she didn't deal with and respect how I was feeling well so we basically stopped being friends- I stopped talking to her and cut her completely from my life. *TW I did end up being pregnant with my rainbow a few months later but had horrible anxiety being PGAL where I would constantly be wondering if something was wrong the entire pregnancy- bought a doppler to check the heart beat at home, would breakdown crying before every ultrasound, high blood pressure before appointments *TW. Fast forward to now and I feel like deja vu- I had a CP last month and another coworker is pregnant and I am feeling triggered all over again. I am handling it better this time and she is a very good friend of mine and helped me a lot in the past so I don't want this to hurt our friendship but it is still very difficult to be around her while I am struggling. Getting KU will help me but my anxiety will still be rearing its ugly head as soon as I/if I see those 2 lines again.

Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) I made an appointment to see a therapist/counselor on Monday. I really need to talk to a non-bias person about my feelings and learn better coping skills with my trauma I have experienced and my anxiety. I can't let this whole process rule my life and affect my relationship and work. I've never been to a therapist before so kind of nervous!

inthewoods23 · February 2019

@rachelredhead I keep going back and forth debating if therapy would help. I really feel like I just need to find an outlet more than I need to talk about my issues. Idk if that's a healthy thing to do.

@b_1029 MH is my "therapist", can he count? 😁 At the same time he probably isn't good at getting..... What am I saying he's an engineer and has literally tried to problem solve my problems during times when I just want him to hold me and rub my back so I can cry for a period of time and then move on. Maybe if I would spend the time to listen to what he has to say it could actually be really beneficial to me navigating life.

rachelredhead · February 2019

@inthewoods23 what I appreciated about my therapist was that she was very results-oriented the first 6 months. It was all about giving me tools to process my anxiety, reframe it, and we didn’t dig into discussing its origins until I felt much stronger dealing with the feelings/symptoms of anxiety. I was skeptical of the talk-about-your-family-and-insecurities stuff, so having proactive tools (breathing techniques, mental exercises, healthy activities to distract me when I felt panic rising) was really the best way to start. I hope you find an outlet that works for you!

inthewoods23 · February 2019

@rachelredhead I really like the sound of that. I need tools to cope with things now. Idk if I really need to go into the origins, but I definitely think having the coping mechanisms first will help get through that tough discussion of my past.

littleredm · February 2019

Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: Anxiety, Situational Depression

Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): WTO

How are you feeling? I've been having trouble participating in the dailies because I've been going through so much that I don't want to constantly bring others down. This week we've had overcast, cold, and rainy days and my depression hit a new spike where I've cried almost every day and had a lot of trouble getting out of bed. Sometimes it seems that losing my dad and infertility together is too much for my heart to bare but all I can do is move forward and try to ride out the feelings of sadness and grief.

Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) I'm currently on Lexapro and in therapy. My therapist is wanting me to look for a grief support group to take part in too.

rachelredhead · February 2019

@littleredm I’m so sorry you’re struggling. It seems totally normal to me that the double whammy of losing your dad and dealing with infertility would leave you feeling really down and dark. And that burden probably needs extra support, so a grief support group sounds like it could be helpful. Maybe try to take some steps toward finding one in your area. You don’t have to commit to go right now, but empower yourself with the information about options around you.

dreamscapes_ · February 2019

@inthewoods23 Would it help to point out to your husband that trying anxiety meds doesn't mean you'll stay on them forever? If you don't like the way they make you feel, you can always stop or change the dosage or med itself (which I'm sure you know). I'm on Buspar and it's amazing. My DH's work has an EAP as well. I think each one works a little differently, but ours was that you called and they did a triage thing with you, to determine if you needed emergent help or if you just needed a referral. If you needed emergent help, they'd point you in the right direction, and if it was a referral, they'd get you set up with an appointment. I saw a therapist first and she had me see the RNP in their practice for my meds. There are different meds that may be safer during TTC.
@jennifer_louise One thing I was reading about in trying to treat my excoriation (it used to be known as dermatillomania, and is obsessive skin picking) was trying to turn that urge into a form of self care. So if I catch it before I start to do it, I'll put lotion on or something instead of picking or scratching. Doesn't always work, but maybe something along those lines might help with the hair pulling/picking? I hope February has been better for you!
@b_1029 I totally understand the pause for not wanting to seek help. Oddly enough, what drove me to finally seek help last year when everything was coming to a head was a certain song on the radio. The very first line in it was "I think I need help", which caught my attention, and the rest of it just made me think "Okay, you have a point". It's very hard to ask for help, especially when it's a real person that you're speaking to, even if it's on the phone.
@kiki047 I can't afford to get manicures all the time, but I paint my nails at home for exactly that reason! I bite my nails and the skin around them, but if they're painted, I don't want to, because they're pretty.
@holly321 I'm so sorry you had a rough flare at the beginning of the month! I hope things have been better for you.
@inthewoods23 My DH is, thankfully, somewhat open about his feelings, but not all the time. He was raised in a fairly old fashioned house where the man was the provider who made sure that everyone was taken care of and never talked about his own problems. He finally broke down and decided to start seeing someone on his own. I do my best to make sure he knows how much I love him and appreciate him, and I also make sure that he has things he can do to take his mind off of everything. Unfortunately, that sometimes backfires, since he also has ADD and will get sucked into his games for hours on end.
@kagesstarshroom I'm so so sorry for your losses

I hope you find a better coping mechanism, but I'm very glad you realized that something's off.
@NYTino24 You have quite a bit of stress happening in the coming weeks O.O I have no advice on keeping the anxiety at bay, but I hope you have a lovely birthday!
@rachelredhead Isn't mental health fun? You feel bad for something, and then you feel bad for feeling bad, which increases the anxiety, and it's just a never ending cycle. Brains are ridiculous sometimes. Have you seen an RE yet or anything, given your age?
@Spartanrd4 I'm sorry for your losses

Fingers crossed that the therapy helps for you! It's not easy asking for help, so kudos to you for that.
@littleredm I'm so sorry for your struggles. Asking for help is never easy, especially when it's about something like IF.

Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: Major depression, generalized anxiety, excoriation disorder (obsessive skin picking), PTSD.

Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): TWW, apparently

How are you feeling? I'm stressed. We've been living with a roommate since August due to financial reasons, and all three of us have mental health issues. Our issues exacerbate hers and vice versa. We decided that we're most likely going to move out when the year is up, and she didn't take it well. I think she's started to understand, though, when I pointed out that we realize that we're just as bad for her mental state as she is for ours. Beyond that, I absolutely loathe my job and have been applying around for a new one. I'm also dealing with the stress of IF and chronic illnesses, at least one of which is undiagnosed. Chronic pain conditions are not at all fun, especially when they force you out of a job that you busted your butt to get and absolutely loved.

Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) I'm in treatment and on meds. I see a therapist regularly, usually once or twice a month, and have been on Effexor and Buspar for over a year. We're trying behavioral tactics to help combat the excoriation, but it's so hard to stop, since it's something I've been doing for literally as long as I can remember. I'm a lot more stable than I used to be, all things considered.

rachelredhead · February 2019

@dreamscapes_ I had a preconception checkup back in November (before we started trying) and she said despite the previous PCOS diagnosis and AMA, my cycles are pretty regular and she had no reason to believe I wasn’t ovulating. So she just gave me the 6 month ballpark for when to come in and do further testing. We’re on cycle 3 now (TWW). The plan is to go through one more cycle after this one and then we’ll make appointments for us to run the testing gauntlet. I made a decision to go off seizure medication after being seizure free for several years so I also wanted to give my body time to adjust to that change before TTC. So far so good on that point, so for now we’re just trying to relax and know we have a next step if I’m not KU in the next couple months.

February Mental Health Check-in

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