TTCAL w/o 1/28

marebear15 · January 2019

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: Favorite Valentine's gift you've given or been given?

marebear15 · January 2019

Hope it's okay to start this, I just really need it this week.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Loss at 5 weeks on 1/24

Status: CD5 and still bleeding heavily

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Just kind of numb. I feel like maybe I've grieved enough, but I know it's going to be this sorrow in my heart for a long time. DH isn't doing well processing at all though. He gets choked up about it every time he thinks about it, but says he hasn't been able to fully grieve because he's been trying to be strong for me this whole time. He's taking a personal day on Friday to be by himself.

For anyone who's had a CP, how long did you bleed and pass large clots? Did you O on time the next cycle?

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Had another blood draw today, but haven't gotten the numbers from it or the one on Friday. I have an appointment with my OB on Wednesday to get my results and possibly another ultrasound if my numbers are still high to check to see if my uterus is shedding everything.

GTKY: Favorite Valentine's gift you've given or been given? Last year I gave DH a "sensual" gift, that had a gift for each of the five sense, like a DVD for the eyes, cologne for smell, etc. It was fun!

ruby696 · January 2019

@marebear15 It breaks my heart to see you start this thread. I hope you're doing okay.

Also, one of my CP's was like a normal period and the other was basically a heavier period. I didn't bleed super heavily for either. I think my next period was delayed by a few days to a week. Also, there is a chance you may have an annovulatory cycle after a loss, so don't be discouraged if that happens.

If you have any other questions or need to chat, feel free to PM me.

AFM:

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 5 losses. 3 MMC's and 2 CP's.

Status: Benched.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Apparently I still have hcg in my system even though my MC was two months ago. Went for a second beta today to make sure it's coming down. I'm going to he benched for at least one additional cycle.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? 2nd beta results tomorrow.

GTKY: Favorite Valentine's gift you've given or been given? I don't remember any amazing valentines gifts. My bday is the week before and we make a big deal about that, so vday is pretty low-key.

ETA: tag

holly321 · January 2019

@marebear15 I am sorry again. With my cp, I had a normal period, but my normal periods are always heavy. I did O right after, but I O’ed earlier than normal.

kbrown2385 · January 2019

@marebear15 I’m so sorry you find yourself here. Take your time to grieve. Lots of love your way.

@ruby696 hoping your results continue to keep going down. I know one of my losses took forever. I even got my period 7 weeks after the loss and still showing hcg on my betas. It was so frustrating.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 5 losses, diagnosed unexplained rpl

Status: wto, 1st cycle post testing/bench

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? First cycle back in the game and the old feelings of anxiety are already creeping in. I’m anxious about the progesterone, anxious for the possibility of being pregnant again, anxious for it not working. Too many thoughts going through my head and trying my best to just relax and let it be.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope

GTKY: Favorite Valentine's gift you've given or been given? We are super low key on Valentine’s Day. Dh usually does flowers and a yummy treat while I make his favorite dinner.

prpl11butterfly · January 2019

@marebear15 my CP was like a heavier more painful period. Just checked in FF and it was about 5/6 days long (so average length but much heavier flow and the cramping subsided after the 2nd day). Looks like O was normal for me after as well. I'm so sorry, again, that you find yourself here.

@ruby696 FX that number is substantially lower tomorrow.

@kbrown2385 we have all the same feelings.

Afm...

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 3 losses in 2018 (mmc, cp, mmc)

Status: WTO, FW began today

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Pretty much the same song and dance. I hate the days between AF and WTO because it's just nothingness.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Gave blood and saliva for my gr genetic tests on Thur. They said the results should be 14 to 21 days.

GTKY: Favorite Valentine's gift you've given or been given? nothing super memorable. DH and I have been together for almost 16yrs. We don't really make a big deal of the holiday.

bakerstreetboys · January 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 4 losses in last 14 months. 2 CPs, 1 MMC, and earlier this month, a loss at 16 weeks due to T-18. Diagnosis: AMA and DOR, low AMH.

Status: Only 2.5 weeks past D&E so it will be a long wait for AF.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm still extremely emotional about losing our little boy. Still waiting for that first day when I don't cry. Today was my first day back at work, so that sucked. Rave...that's tough...the tattoo I got for our little guy is healing.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Next appointment with RE is mid-February.

GTKY: Favorite Valentine's gift you've given or been given? We really don't celebrate Valentine's Day. We're more the "random gift at random times" type.

@marebear15 I'm sorry for your loss. Give yourself time to heal. With my CPs, I just basically had a heavier period, but O'd several days later than usual.

@ruby696 Ugh, I'm so sorry that you still have hcg in your system. I hope your latest beta results show it coming down. I'm terrified to even ask for a blood test at this point because I'm sure it will still be so high.

@kbrown2385 I can totally relate to the anxiety of finally being back to trying again. I hope that you're able to find a way to relax at least a little bit.

@prpl11butterfly I hope you get your results quickly. I've been thinking about you and wondering how things were going with the RE.

ruby696 · January 2019

@bakerstreetboys I love the idea of a remembrance tattoo. I'd love to see a picture of yours, but that might be too creepy/identifying. But if you want to share, feel free to. I'm sorry it's still so hard for you right now. All you can do is take one day at a time. So many hugs to you

emeraldcity603 · January 2019

Sorry I have been MIA in this thread. I have a hard time keeping up over here.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 15 weeks loss on 12/14/18

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?I've been worried about our timing because DH is working nights and we don't really have the ability to or privacy to do it at other times during the day. Tonight is his last night shift so I'm hoping that we can HIO again before I ovulate.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I am waiting for genetic testing to get back on the baby. I have a few more weeks to go before I get the results.

GTKY: Favorite Valentine's gift you've given or been given? DH proposed on Valentine's day so my engagement ring would be the best gift so far.

emeraldcity603 · January 2019

@marebear15 I'm so sorry you are back here.

@ruby696 I'm sorry it's taking so long for your numbers to drop. Being benched is so hard.

@kbrown2385 I am having lots of anxiety too. So I can relate.

@prpl11butterfly I hope you don't have to wait too long for your test results.

@bakerstreetboys take all the time you need to grieve. Cry all the tears. I wish I could give you an actual hug! ❤

radiohd18 · January 2019

@marebear15 Welcome and I am so sorry for your loss. I hope your recovery is swift.

@ruby696 I am sorry to hear about the hcg! I am so uneducated on how long it's supposed to take for those numbers to go down. For both my MCs, the NHS hasn't tested me for hcg after the D & E I had. Do you mind telling me how it was discovered that you still had hcg? Were you already scheduled for the beta test or did it come up with other testing?

@kbrown2385 I am sorry about your anxiety. I wish I had some good advice for you, but I can only say to take one day at a time and try to be kind to yourself.

@prpl11butterfly good luck with your testing.

@bakerstreetboys I know I've said it before, but I am so sorry you are going through this. Like ruby696 asked, If you don't mind sharing, what is your tattoo of? I am very interested in getting a remembrance tattoo but thinking of waiting to get back to the US before doing it.

@emeraldcity603 It sucks to wait for results.

Also, my H proposed to me as well on Valentines Day. Some people have rolled their eyes at me but I thought it was very thoughtful and romantic.

radiohd18 · January 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 MMC in 2018

Status: Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I am frustrated with the NHS because I can't seem to reach anyone to make an ultrasound appointment. I finally found the email address of the doctor I am meant to see and I got her out of office that she's abroad until early February. I am going to wait until next week and follow up. My period is still weird and it's making me paranoid that things aren't 'finished' from my MC I had in November. I'm wondering if it's still a good idea to pursue recurrent MC support here in the UK at all. On a good note, I have been trying to do a lot more self-care on my skin, eating better, and exercise. I'm tired of feeling like sh*t.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? It's crickets on the blood test results, I have to follow up. See above about u/s

GTKY: Favorite Valentine's gift you've given or been given? Like @emeraldcity603 my H proposed on V Day and I was completely not expecting it. It was a fairytale type of proposal. I'm not a super-romantic-fluffy type of person and this warmed my sarcastic heart.

emeraldduchess · January 2019

@marebear15 I am so, so sorry that you have to be here. So many hugs to you, friend. 💜 My CP was like a heavier/longer than usual period. I didn't O on time, it was later than usual, but my body gets thrown off very easily by illness/stress/changes in routine so I wouldn't put too much stock in my experience. If you want to talk, my inbox is open.

@ruby696 I am sorry you have to stay on the bench. That's so damn unfair.

@kbrown2385 I definitely relate to all those feelings right now. 💚

@prpl11butterfly I agree, the end of AF through O is the worst. I hope the time until you get your test results passes quickly.

@bakerstreetboys I wish I had some words of comfort for you. I love the tattoo idea. If you decide to share, I'd love to see it.

@emeraldcity603 I am sorry you're still waiting for results. I hope you get some answers soon!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 1 loss (cp) at 5 weeks 1 day

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I have been really bad at posting and running the last two weeks due to work/needing to step back from the internet and I am so sorry that I haven't been here much at all to offer support. So far I am ok this week. I'm glad to finally be off the bench but I am nervous moving forward. DH is is optimistic enough for the two of us right which helps (he coaches soccer so he is totally in "never give up" mode.) The universe continues to punch me in the gut, though. *TW*

My friend who I have literally known my whole life (she's 3 months older than me, our moms grew up together) told me last week she's pregnant. We would have been due 2 weeks apart. I am thrilled for her, but I am so sad for me. Right now I feel like I am surrounded by pregnant friends/family and people with newborns.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope

GTKY: Favorite Valentine's gift you've given or been given?: Honestly Valentine's Day has never been a big thing for me, so gifts have usually been limited to candy. This year DH and I are going to do small gifts though since our Christmas was so awful.

bakerstreetboys · January 2019

Hopefully this isn’t massive. My internet speed at work seems to be stuck at dial up today so I’m on my phone. I wanted a tattoo that meant something to my H and I but that people wouldn’t ask about all the time. It’s on my inner forearm.

marebear15 · January 2019

*TMI warning: MC details*

Has anyone had tons of bleeding and passed large clots with their miscarriage? It's going on day 6 with no end in sight. The biggest clot I passed was about the size of a half dollar in diameter and about 3-4 inches long. Is this too much bleeding?
I have an appointment tomorrow with a follow up ultrasound to check that everything is coming out okay. Should I expect a D&C?

kbrown2385 · January 2019

@marebear15 yes one of mine was like that. It ended up slowing down but I bled for a total of 3 weeks. I’ve always been told that bleeding through a pad in an hour is when you should worry.

@bakerstreetboys I love your tattoo. I’ve been wanting to get one, just haven’t gotten up the courage to go.

emeraldcity603 · January 2019

Edited to add tag and then edited again to tell why I edited it in the first place. 🤦‍♀️

@radiohd18 I was totally expecting it when dH did it. It was very romantic though. I wouldn't want it any other way.

@bakerstreetboys I love the tattoo.

@emeraldduchess I'm sorry you find yourself surrounded by all that.

I was with a friend yesterday and I held her 9 weeks old. It was hard for me to keep the tears from rolling down my face.

prpl11butterfly · January 2019

@bakerstreetboys I love that! I'm planning to get mine in the coming weeks. Mine will probably be questioned but I'm comfortable giving half an explanation re: my losses.

ruby696 · January 2019

@bakerstreetboys LOVE LOVE LOVE. I've thought of doing birds or dandelion seeds, but haven't decided. Your elephant is lovely.

@marebear15 My CP's haven't been that heavy, but that's how my bleeding was post MMC's. I think in had bleeding for ten days with the first. Your doctor will probably schedule you for another US once you're done bleeding to make sure there is nothing left over. At this point, as long as you're not soaking a pad an hour, you're probably okay.

@emeraldduchess I'm so sorry. That is so hard.

@radiohd18 My doctor doesn't track betas either. I was taking an OPK and accidentally grabbed an hcg strip, which was positive. Since I'm benched and it's incredibly unlikely that I could actually be pregnant, I emailed my doctor and she ordered betas.

kindbytealikat · January 2019

@marebear15 I’m sorry about another loss. I don’t have any words, this is so unfair. That’s a neat idea for a gift.
@ruby696 FX for negetive HCG
@kbrown2385 Hugs I hope your anxiety relaxes soon.
@bakerstreetboys I’m hoping to get a tattoo as well just haven’t decided on anything yet.
@emeraldduchess I think for some reason the hardest announcements are from the ones closest to us. From my experience anyway.

kindbytealikat · January 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 early losses 8/17, 1/18

Status: TWW? I'm not tracking anything anymore.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Life has been crazy the past few weeks. I have yet to have a "normal" week since tomorrow school is out because of dangerous temperatures. I am not generally one to complain about the seasons, but man I'm ready for spring this year. I am also kind of anxious right now, warning this may get long. So I always felt like fertility would be an issue and I haven't been wrong there. Well after my second loss I was talking to my husband about my birthstone necklace and I had a sudden thought/vision of me putting a third stone on my necklace and it was clearly purple. So I couldn't erase that from my head so we didn't start trying again until June because June is a purple stone. Well here we are January and all my losses have been early so if I got pregnant in January it would likely be a February loss it that were to happen, Also a purple birthstone month. I know that probably sounds completely nuts and maybe it is, but there have been things that I have just felt like would happen and they did, with no reasoning otherwise.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nada

GTKY: Favorite Valentine's gift you've given or been given? I'm not big into Valentines Day. DH on the other hand loves it, but dials it down because I don't. However, we have a local chocolate shop that is famous for their chocolate covered strawberries and they only make them for Valentines, Mothers Day and Easter. I get 2 pounds of those every year, one in white chocolate and one in dark.

holly321 · January 2019

@kindbytealikat, you don’t sound crazy. I completely believe sometimes we just know things. Years before I ever got pregnant, I knew about my loss. Then, with my recent loss, I felt fine and wasn’t anxious, and it hit me when I was at the doctor for betas that I had lost the pregnancy, and I lost it two days later.

While I believe we can just know things, I think we also sometimes have thoughts and worries that manifest as premonition feelings, when they aren’t, and I am hoping that is the case for you.

prpl11butterfly · January 2019

@kindbytealikat I wish I could say I think you sound crazy. Because then I could try to convince your wrong. Unfortunately I am a firm believer in just knowing. Before my first loss, I was having a hard time "connecting" with the pregnancy. It just felt off. I couldn't even fathom picking names. I told DH that I needed to know the sex but really it was something more. I felt much the same about the CP. And with the last loss, I knew (deep down, which I tried to ignore) at the US we were losing it. They thought I was crazy in the ER because I wasn't actively bleeding. I also felt after the first loss that I wasn't going to be able to do this without specialist. So, I hope your "vision" turns out to be anxiety and nothing more.

Spartanrd4 · January 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.1 MMC March 2016 at 9 weeks, *TW* 1 LC born 3/1/17, currently going through a CP at a little over 4 weeks, negative pregnancy test after a positive 2 days ago

Status: Just feeling defeated and numb....this was our first cycle trying for another baby and got pregnant right away and it happened so early unlike my first loss but still feels like a punch in the gut.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I had some bleeding before my BFP and everyone told me it was IB but something deep down told me this wasn't going to work out. I made my first OB appt yesterday and then woke up to bleeding this morning. What is most unsettling is the first baby I lost was also due in October.... I'm just not meant to have a October baby.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Going to call my OB and tell them what happened and go from there. I assume I just treat this like a period.

GTKY: Favorite Valentine's gift you've given or been given? Last year DH gave me those forever roses that last a year...I love flowers but hate that they die so fast so that was really great.

emeraldduchess · January 2019

@Spartanrd4 I'm so sorry for your losses. I can relate to the numbness and "gut punch" feeling. Loss sucks no matter when it happens. I hope when you talk to your OB today they can give you an idea of what to expect and how to move forward.

@kindbytealikat anxiety is such a beast and I'm so sorry that you are dealing with that right now. Like holly321 and prpl11butterfly, I hope it's just your mind messing with you.

emeraldcity603 · January 2019

@kindbytealikat when I was having complications with my last pregnancy I felt deep down I would never bring that baby home. That pregnancy was so different in many ways. I couldn't believe that those feelings were actually what my reality was when I found out I had lost the baby. I didn't think in a million years that would actually happen. I really hope yours is more anxiety and not actual premonition.

@Spartanrd4 I'm so sorry you are going through that right now. Hugs! ❤

bakerstreetboys · January 2019

@kindbytealikat I know exactly how you feel, and I'm sorry you're experiencing that. Loss messes with your mind and for me, my ability to think positively about fertility.

kbrown2385 · January 2019

@Spartanrd4 I’m so sorry you are dealing with this again. It hurts no matter when it happens. Sending all of the hugs your way.

ruby696 · January 2019

@Spartanrd4 I'm so sorry you're going through this again. Hugs to you.

tibi5 · February 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Hi everyone. I don’t post a lot but have been feeling the need to talk a bit more openly about my recent fertility struggles, and I’d love to offer my support to you all. I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks in Sept, followed by a CP, then no luck conceiving since then.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week?

We are WTO so I’m just trying to focus on getting the timing right. But I’ve had two gut punches in the past week that hit so much harder than I would have expected....my best friend shared her gender announcement in a video to our group chat and it just about knocked me over with sadness. I couldn’t stop crying for feeling jealous and sad for myself. But also happy for her, it’s just so confusing. Then my sister who is pregnant just asked me if she could use our infant carseat and bassinet (which is in storage, waiting for our 2nd child) for their baby due in few months. My husband is just like sure why not, but I feel sad about it. Like it’s forcing me to admit “sure take them, I’m clearly not needing them anytime soon.” Gah, could she just get her own and not make me dig out baby stuff right now? I know it’s just me being sensitive, she means well and just wants to save money. And I know I’ll get them back one day, but still...

What is going well for you this week? R/R?Any testing coming up/any recent results?

After an initial meeting with my OB last cycle, I requested second appointment to talk about getting me on progesterone, and that’s next week, right before I should ovulate. I hope it goes well and that I can just share my symptoms (jagged temps, spotting for days before my period, almost zero CM) and get the prescription right away instead of having to do more bloodwork and waiting. Maybe it doesn’t work like that. Fingers crossed.

GTKY: Favorite Valentine's gift you've given or been given?

We like to go to dinner when we can, and one year we got a hotel room and tried to live in luxury for a night. It was awesome

emeraldduchess · February 2019

@tibi5 I am so sorry for your losses. I can relate to feeling like the universe keeps punching you in the gut. Sometimes it feels like we're all surrounded by pregnant women and newborns. Loss sucks and is so unfair. I hope your next appointment is productive and you can make a plan moving forward.

stardust51 · February 2019

introducd yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.;

Hi Everyone, have been a lurker on various bump boards for various reasons. I am so sorry to read about everyone’s losses, it is truly heartbreaking. I had a MMC at 9.5 weeks on Thursday, treated with medication over the weekend. Not ready to TTC again just yet but wanted to connect with some women who are going through the same thing I am and hopefully I can offer any support that I can. ❤️

Status: Probably not going to TTC until spring or summer.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Just sad over the loss, feel very alone since everyone I know is having babies left and right,

Any testing coming up/any recent results? No, the Dr didn’t advise any testing since this was my first pregnancy and it happened naturally despite my age (37) and having a cyst on my ovary.

GTKY: Favorite Valentine's gift you've given or been given? Never really had a partner that was in to Valentine’s Day so I just buy myself some yummy candy.

kerco925 · February 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. TTC #2 since April 2018. CP 5/2018, MMC 8/2018 twins @ 9 weeks.

Status: WTO within the next few days

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Overall optimistic and hopeful, but I couldnt sleep last night wondering if I wouldnt get pregnant again. And if I did, it would end the same way. Not sure where it came from, because I have been in a good space, but it manages to creep back in every once in awhile.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? If we dont conceive in the next 2 months, I am looking into testing.

GTKY: Favorite Valentine's gift you've given or been given? I literally cant remember anything I have gotten. That's probably awful.

holly321 · February 2019

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. mmc 2/12 mmc 8/17 cp 12/18

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Today is 7years since I found out about my first loss. I still remember watching the Super Bowl the night before my d&c feeling such a mix of horrible emotions. I recently heard Dosed by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and while it is sad, I feel like the lyrics really hit home and somehow listening to it makes me feel better.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? No

GTKY: Favorite Valentine's gift you've given or been given? A few years ago, I gave dh a really dorky but awesome gift. It is a shadow box frame with Leia and Han Solo with our anniversary date. It says I love you, I know.

@kerco925, those feelings and doubts seem to creep up out of nowhere. I go from overly optimistic to freaking out in one day.

@stardust51, I am sorry for your loss. Watching everyone around you be happy and have babies is very lonely and hard.

bakerstreetboys · February 2019

@kerco925 I have those same fears and doubts all the time. I wonder if we should try again because I've lost all trust or hope that it will end well. I hope you can get back to your good space.

stardust51 · February 2019

@holly321 thank you so much you are so right it is a lonely feeling, I am staying off FB for a while, especially since it’s tracks your google searches and all I see is ads for Pampers and maternity leggings 😒

I wish you all the best on your TWW and hope that this is your month
i am sorry to read that you had to go through 2 MMC’s and that today is the anniversary of your first praying you get your rainbow 🌈

TTCAL w/o 1/28

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