Am I wrong for not wanting father there during birth?

Re: Am I wrong for not wanting father there during birth?

• mermaidca member

  January 2019

  HI @natalia_monae welcome!  Make sure you introduce yourself in the intro thread so we know more about you and jump into some of our regular threads.  We're a pretty established community but would love to have you for these last couple months before all our babes arrive!
  
  That being said, I have not been in the position you are so maybe my opinions and views are skewed but I would let the father in the room.  Though he was not with you for half the pregnancy he is now, and he is the father.  That baby is as much his as he is yours and I don't think it would be fair to not allow the father in on such a special moment.

  Me: 31
  H: 36
  L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
  BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
  

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• eli_belle member

  January 2019

  I strongly disagree. This is a highly intimate medical procedure. Do not feel pressured into having anyone in the room that you do not want. You are in charge of your body and who gets to be there. Period. I would suggest that you have someone to support you through the process though, be it mom, sister, doula, etc. Best of luck.

  

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• professormama member

  January 2019

  This probably isn't a very good question for strangers on the internet. We don't know the backstory with your child's father - why wasn't he in the picture earlier? what kind of relationship do you really have now? Does he want to be in the room? What kind of relationship do you have with other people in your family - is there someone else who you might prefer to be with you? Labor is hard and it's nice not to be all alone. Further, what kind of relationship are you and this man envisioning having going forward? Will he live with you? Pay child support? Have regular contact with the child or be estranged? It sounds to me like you have a LOT of complex and difficult decisions to make about your relationship and your child's relationship with this man going forward. Whether or not he's in the room during birth isn't trivial, but it is only the tip of the iceberg in terms of really important decisions you make. Once you have a clearer idea of the relationship and role you expect this man to have in your life and your child's life, you'll probably have more clarity regarding if he should be present during birth. 
  
  Honestly, it seems like this would be a good decision to talk over with a therapist or counselor, especially if you have insurance that will cover therapy. Your decisions and the conversations you have with this man now are part of setting the tone for the relationship you two will build together going forward, as well as the relationship he will build with your child. I'd say find someone you trust (ideally a therapist, but if not, maybe a mentor or trustworthy friend) to discuss this decision with. 

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• MRDCle member

  January 2019

  I agree with @eli_belle that this is a very personal thing happening and you deserve to have only those you're comfortable with there. But as @professormama said, this isn't really a question for us, as we have no background on this relationship. You have to consider that barring him from the delivery room may cause a lot of hurt feelings, and think about how that might affect your future relationship with him and therefore, the relationship he has with his child.
  
  I would encourage you to have SOME form of support in the room, even if it is a doula that you hire. 

  

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