TTCAL Week of 1/21

radiohd18 · January 2019

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.:

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY- Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest?

radiohd18 · January 2019

Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: 2 MMC in 2018

Status: benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Not much this week as I'm traveling a bunch this week for work. The appointment I thought was scheduled for an u/s at the end of this month ended up being a duplicate consultation appointment. I already had that appointment earlier this month when they took blood samples. I am having problems making sure that my U/S is going to be scheduled but the NHS doesn't allow you to help schedule appointments. They either sent you a text or a letter with your date on it. It's easy to cancel but,not easy to reschedule. On a good note, I started running again last week even though my pelvic floor is a piece of crap and I pee a little every time I run longer than 10 minutes.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? hopefully an U/S and blood test results.

GTKY- Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest? Lately, I still have a ridiculous sense of smell. It's not helpful when on a the train with people who've 'forgotten' deodorant.

emeraldduchess · January 2019

Hi ladies! I'm sorry I was absent from the thread last week. It was really busy at work and it was hard for me to keep up on TB. But I lurked and was thinking of all of you. 💙

@radiohd18 that's so frustrating about your appointments. I hope you don't have to wait too much longer for your ultrasound.

Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.:1 loss in December at 5 weeks, 1 day

Status: benched, but once CD1 arrives, I'm good to go.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

AF is knocking in the door (been spotting for a few days) so I am a little moody, but other than that, I am ok. I am trying to put this wonky cycle out of my mind and not google "late ovulation" and "several days of spotting" because it's a rabbit hole I should not be falling down right now. What's going well is that I am staying on top of my grading, so I don't feel overwhelmed with work the way I have in the past. I have time to do things I enjoy in the evenings and weekends which has been wonderful.

I am almost done with the baby blanket for my future rainbow. Here's a pic if anyone would like to see.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope.

GTKY- Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest? That's a tough one. Definitely not sight since without my glasses or contacts, my vision is horrible. I think maybe smell. Even if a student is chewing gum in the back of the room, I can smell it. It's super fun when their hormones kick in and they haven't yet had the showering/deodorant talk with mom and dad.

kbrown2385 · January 2019

Hope it’s ok if I jump back in on this thread. Finally off the bench so I feel like I have some kind of input again.

@emeraldduchess your blanket is beautiful!

@radiohd18 sorry about your appt! Hopefully get in for an u/s soon.

Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: 5 losses. 12/13, 1/17, 11/17, 4/18, 9/18

Status: finally off the bench! WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Got all my testing back and officially diagnosed as unexplained rpl. I’m happy there is nothing wrong with us but still annoyed we don’t have any answers. I’m doing my best to move forward with some positive thinking. Adding in progesterone after ovulation and hoping it makes a difference.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Got everything back yesterday. Nothing found.

GTKY- Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest? Hearing. I drive dh crazy because I hear all sorts of things he can’t.

prpl11butterfly · January 2019

Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: MMC, CP, MMC all in 2018

Status: WTO but need to make a decision about this cycle as a whole.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Well things were going good and now I'm struggling. Got an email yesterday that some of my testing didn't get to the right place. I beleive it's my carrier screening which I guess realistically is NBD (I expect nothing to be an issue here). But in order to continue with the treatment we need to sign a waiver. We can also move past this cycle or try naturally. I'm so torn.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Apparently more testing to come....

GTKY- Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest? Smell. Unfortunately. I'd much rather something else be the strongest because smell can be really really bad.....

prpl11butterfly · January 2019

@radiohd18 sorry about the mix up. I'm sure that's immensely frustrating. I hope they can sort it out quickly.

@emeraldduchess that blanket is beautiful. Hope AF speeds up the arrival. So annoying.

@kbrown2385 FX the progesterone does the trick for both of us!

ruby696 · January 2019

@radiohd18 Sorry for the frustration with your appointments. That kind of stuff drives me insane. But yay for running! Even if a little pee is involved.😂

@emerald duchess I LOVE the blanket!!

@kbrown2385 Sorry about the unexplained diagnosis, but FX the progesterone works for you!!

@prpl11butterfly It feels like there's always something, doesn't it? I'm sorry you have another hurdle to deal with.

AFM:

Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: 5 losses. MMC 2013. MMC and CP 2017. MMC and CP 2018.

Status: Benched.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week?

February 19th would have been my next due date and I'm really having a hard time knowing that I should be 36 weeks right now. It should be such an exciting time and instead I'm benched. Due dates don't usually get to me this much, but this one feels different. Probably because my birthday is also in February and I just keep getting older. Ugh.

What is going well for you this week? R/R? Eh.. the week is okay. Nothing amazing going on.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope, not this cycle.

GTKY- Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest? Sight. I would have been a great tracker.

kwl117 · January 2019

@radiohd18 sorry about the US. Good on you for running again.

@emeraldduchess that blanket is gorgeous. I feel like I should start something like that.

@kbrown2385 fx for progesterone

@prpl11butterfly sorry about your testing mess up.

@ruby696 I'm sorry about the due date coming up.

Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: MC November 2018

Status:TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

I typed this long rant about how my SIL might be KU and everyone was told except me and how upset i was i felt left out. I then realized I didnt tell any of my family about my pregnancy before loss so thats just contradictory of me. I think i just have some jealousy and pride issues with them having a baby before me. Honestly I'm having a really good week in general though and am really happy with myself.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?trying to wait to POAS until expected period (sunday) but i still sat in bed this morning contemplating it for an hour

GTKY- Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest? Taste. I feel like I can taste subtle differences in things which is a great way to SS. Constantly saying this doesn't taste right, I must be pregnant. I don't even know if that's a real symptom of mine though.

prpl11butterfly · January 2019

@ruby696 oh the "should be" moments. I'm sorry this one is hitting you particularly hard.

@katyl90 it's really hard to find out about others pregnancies. I hope that you get to deliver your own good news soon.

AFM. I've decided to sign the waiver for this cycle. I just can't walk away right now. Feb will make 19m TTC. I feel like we need every month possible. I don't know that I can get to 24m and be okay that I hadn't used every opportunity available to us.

holly321 · January 2019

@radiohd18, I am sorry about the appointment, that sounds incredibly frustrating. That’s great you are getting back to running and I hear you on the pelvic floor muscles. I wear a pad when I run now!
@emeraldduchess, your blanket is beautiful. I admire you for being able to make it and your help for the future.
@prpl11butterfly, I am glad you signed the waiver, I think otherwise you would have felt regret/what if’s.
@ruby696, I am sorry for the milestones, they are always hard
@katyl90 it is hard to find out that others are expecting, don’t downplay your feelings, they are valid.

AFM, first, I want to say I have been avoiding this thread like the plague. I generally always stalk it, but I lately feel like I have little to contribute and have grown quite bitter and cynical.

holly321 · January 2019

I can’t copy and paste with my phone for some reason, so sorry for the quote. And to continue what I said, I hope I can rejoin this thread and be supportive to others.
Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: mmc 2/12 mmc/molar pregnancy 8/17 cp 12:18
Status: WTO
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Getting my period hit me hard, but today, I feel a bit better. I called my doctor, and while I still haven’t spoken to him, I feel like it was a step in the right direction and at least I am doing something, even if we don’t actually do anything this cycle
Any testing coming up/any recent results? Not for sure, but going to ask about getting my levels checked and how often that should be repeated.
GTKY- Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest? My senses are all crap. I have hearing damage, I wear glasses. I have nerve damage to my tongue from a tonsillectomy, etc. I do feel like I have an above average proprioception sense though.

nancythorne · January 2019

Not sure if I am doing this right but was recommended this board after posting elsewhere...

Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: 1 m/c @14w Jan 7 2018, confirmed CP Jan 7 2019

Status: Benched for testing cycle

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I am currently off work due to back problems which is a blessing in disguise, taking time for myself. Feeling guilty/confused of feeling such loss after a CP.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Had a gamete of testing done as RE wants to know why 2 ivf/fet cycles have resulted in pregnancies w/out live births: karotype, endometrial biopsy, blood work, clotting disorders. Results will be given at the start of next cycle (~9 Feb).

GTKY- Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest? Taste. I can't remember watching entire movies but remember eating certain meals.

prpl11butterfly · January 2019

@holly321 I understand needing a break from the thread. We all do. Sometimes it's just easier to survive if we have a small sliver of denial. I really hope you hear from your OB early on today. Its definitely a step in the right direction. That is how I felt about the waiver. And it wasnt really a big thing. Just simply that we won't blame the fertility clinic if we have a child with a genetic condition. Really the risk was always there before so what difference does it make?

@nancythorne welcome (unfortunately). I'm glad your RE is taking steps to see what's going on. The time off from work definitely sounds like it came at a good time for you. I hope you are able to work through those feelings. It's hard not to feel guilty, but know there is nothing that you did that caused any of this.

shamrocandroll · January 2019

Gah, I'm just now realizing I didn't post here this week. This has been a crazy week! I'm so behind!

@radiohd18 Ugh, sorry getting your appointments scheduled is so frustrating! I hope they get you scheduled soon!

@emeraldduchess That blanket is gorgeous! Amazing work!

@kbrown2385 Yay for being unbenched! FX the progesterone does the trick for you!!!

@prpl11butterfly That's really frustrating about the testing going to the wrong place! I hope you can start to move forward to a more positive place soon!

@ruby696 I'm sorry you're feeling down, but I hope you are able to allow yourself those feelings and be kind to yourself. Hugs!

@katyl90 Finding out about others' pregnancies is definitely hard. Does she know about your loss? Maybe she was trying to protect you by not telling you? Don't feel bad about how you feel. They are valid feelings.

@holly321 So sorry you're feeling cynical, but I'm glad you're jumping back in here. I hope it gives you the moral support you need!

@nancythorne Ugh, I am so sorry Jan 7 is such a painful date for you. I hope you get some answers that allow you to move forward with a plan soon!

Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.: MMC in Nov at 10 weeks.

Status: TWW, 9DPO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm feeling generally positive this cycle, but also super nervous. I leave for a work trip on Sunday, 12DPO, and so I think I'll be testing the morning before I leave. I feel like whether it's a BFP or a BFN, leaving immediately for a solo work trip is going to suck. Also, if this cycle isn't the one, I'm benching myself for a couple of months, so I'm nervous.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Maybe Saturday. Definitely Sunday.

GTKY- Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest? Probably my smell. I can't go into places like perfume stores or candle stores because it makes me want to pass out.

nancythorne · January 2019

prpl11butterfly Thanks for the reply and kind words.

shamrocandroll Also thanks for the reply. I hope you get the BFP. So much tension builds up before those testing days. I hope you're finding a way to stay grounded and keeping up the positive feelings.

AFM: I just got a call back from my clinic and my endometrial biopsy came back positive for chronic endometritis. They are putting me on 2 weeks of antibiotics. Has anyone heard of this before? I asked the nurse who called if she thought that it could have caused my CP, and she said no. However, why did the RE do it in the first place if it isn't connected?

ruby696 · January 2019

@nancythorne I'm sorry you find yourself here. I don't have personal experience with endometriosis, but my understanding is that is can absolutely affect fertility and women with endometriosis may have higher loss rates, although I'm not sure why that is.

nancythorne · January 2019

@ruby696 Thanks for the response. Just to clarify it's not actually endometriosis, it is endometritis, an inflammation caused by infection rather than the endometrial cells growing where they shouldn't. It seems much less common or at least less well studied, especially with regard to how it affect infertility (because of course I've googled the heck out of it already

)

ruby696 · January 2019

Oops @nancythorne, lazy reading on my part! So I actually know nothing at all and have no information for you... 🤦‍♀️

emeraldduchess · January 2019

@kbrown2385 I'm so glad you're off the bench! Sorry you didn't get any answers from your testing, though.
@ruby696 I am so sorry that you're struggling right now. I wish I had some words of wisdom or comfort for you, but I don't. So I will send you all the internet hugs instead.
@katyl90 I definitely get feeling upset and left out with your SIL being KU. It's definitely a lousy situation because you want to be included but at the same time it's really tough. I'm in a similar situation right now with my SIL having a new baby (he was born two days before our loss). I want to be included but the pictures are an absolute gut-punch.
@prpl11butterfly I'm glad you were able to make a decision. I think you're right moving forward, you've been trying so long and been through so much.
@holly321 lots of love to you. I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. I hope you heard back from your OB and can make a plan for the next cycle.
@nancythorne I am so sorry that you find yourself here. I have no experience with endometriosis, but I hope that the testing gives you some answers.
@shamrocandroll I'm crossing all my fingers for you with your testing this weekend!

kels0091 · January 2019

@prpl11butterfly I think you made the right decision
@shamrocandroll crossing all the things for you.
@holly321 I’m glad you feeel like you’re going in the right direction
@radiohd18 hope you’re appointments get figured out !!
@ruby696 sorry you’re feeling down

Weird I also cannot copy and paste!

Answers in order

- MMC and BO also have PCOS and it’s making everything so much more difficult.
Status - I’ve benched myself but my dr doesn’t think it’s necessary and said we can start trying right away. I’m going to try to get a different one. I don’t think he has any idea how mentally exhausting these losses have been. He just said ‘uterus is empty again, let’s fill it back up’ I shook my head and got up and left.
-we just got a new puppy tonight ! Found out the breeder we got our dog from had their last round of puppies! So we picked up our dogs little brother. Their love and happiness has lifted my spirits. I know it’s going to be insane to have a 9 month old and a 9 week old haha but I’m so excited. I’m off work so we felt this was the absolute best time to do it so I can train him.
Any testing - I’m supposed to have a blue dye test done soon but they want to do it on my birthday and that’s just not how I want to spend my birthday.

My strongest sense is my sense of taste. I can taste things and tell you pretty much everything that’s in it (like a sauce or stew) it’s not very useful haha

radiohd18 · January 2019

@emeraldduchess love your baby blanket! I know it's been a few days so hopefully your CD1 came and went!

@kbrown2385 congrats to being off the bench! hope progesterone helps you!

@prpl11butterfly Sorry about the testing snafu. I totally get that annoyance!

@ruby696 I am sorry about the upcoming due dates. Quite a bit, I catch myself thinking about where I should be from my last pg. And, I'm hitting 40 this year so, there's that.

@katyl90 It is hard to hear about other people's pregnancies, for sure. I am glad you are having a good week though.

@holly321 I understand needing a break from TTCAL and the TTC board in general! Sometimes, it's just a bit too much of a reality check form me.

@nancythorne Welcome, and I am sorry for your losses! I hope you get some relief with the antibiotics and answers soon.

@shamrocandroll good luck with testing this weekend. take care of yourself!

@kels0091 Wow at your Dr's behavior. Definitely keep advocating for what you want and what you think is best for you. Only you will know when you're ready to try again.
Also, I am so happy for you and your puppies! I know they are a lot of work but so nice to have such unconditional love around you!

emeraldduchess · January 2019

@kels0091 I don't think I have said how very sorry I am that you are back here. It's so unfair. That comment by your doc was so insensitive, I don't blame you one bit for wanting to find another doctor. You do what is best for you.

shamrocandroll · January 2019

@kels0091 My jaw just about hit the floor reading that comment from your doc. Especially because I remember how I felt in that moment looking at the empty u/s image after my loss. I am so sorry, and I definitely think that warrants finding a new OB. Mine told me it was okay to start trying whenever I felt ready, whether I wanted to start immediately or after some time off. There is a wide range of normal and no right answer to that.

kels0091 · January 2019

@emeraldduchess ❤️ Thank you.

@shamrocandroll and @radiohd18 thank you as well. Sometimes I tell myself I’m just being overly sensitive, good to know my feelings are valid.

kbrown2385 · January 2019

@kels0091 I don’t blame you for wanting to find a different dr. That was completely insensitive of your currrent one to say.

@katyl90 I’m in a similar situation with my sister. It’s hard hearing about others pregnancies and some hit harder than others.

@shamrocandroll fingers crossed for testing this weekend!

@nancythorne I’m sorry you find yourself here. Your feelings toward your losses are valid, no matter how far along you were. I hope you’re able to find out more information pertaining the endometritis. Unfortunately I’ve never heard of it before.

@ruby696 I’m sorry you are coming up on a tough time. I also didn’t realize how similar our situations are. Reading comprehension is important haha. Here’s hoping we both have success this year!

holly321 · January 2019

@kels0091, I am sorry your doctor acted that way, you in no way were being overly sensitive, that was ridiculous. I know they deal with miscarriage all the time, and I get their needs to be a form of detachment, but a doctor (especially an OBgyn!) should be sensitive to the pain a woman is feeling during such a difficult time!

@nancythorne, can you call and ask your doctor directly if their is a connection? Nurses sometimes answer questions they don’t know the answer too (which was my recent issue that I will elaborate more about in my update below)

AFM, I had to call my doctor on Thursday. There was an internal miscommunication and someone accidentally didn’t call me. I was originally calling to ask if I could take prednisone for my autoimmune issues ( he does not want me on some of my meds right now). A few months ago, a nurse told me no, I wasn’t miserable and I HATE taking it, so I didn’t push the subject. Now, I am miserable and not functioning well, so I insisted they ask him or let me talk to him, and he said it was perfectly fine to do. I was going to ask about testing and stuff again, but honestly, even though we have been “trying” for over 2 years, I think we were actually only able to “try” for about 10 of those cycles, and I have gotten pregnant twice, so I figured maybe I will just wait until my yearly appointment. I also feel overwhelmed and unwell, so I don’t feel up to all the appointments that would be involved with a clomid cycle or think I could handle the side effects, I am already a weepy mess right now.

drdolittle22 · January 2019

@radiohd I really want to get back into running. I feel so out of shape lately and think it would really help my mental health as well. I do play volleyball with my friends once a week though where I also pee a little every time I jump haha

@emeraldduchess I love the blanket! It's beautiful.

@kbrown2385 That's good news about your testing! Hopefully the progesterone will help. I have a feeling (as does my RE) that my testing is going to be normal as well. Which is both a good and a frustrating thing.

@prpl11butterfly That's really frustrating about the tests. The waiting is the worst part.

@ruby696 I'm sorry you're feeling down right now. It's really hard when milestones start to come up and we aren't even close to where we thought we would be. Hugs

@katyl90 It's definitely hard to process feelings in these situations. I had dinner with my BFF/SIL this week and she was discussing trying for her second in May. I got irrationally upset (in my head, not in front of her) that it's so unfair she's going to have another baby before I get pregnant again. And then I actually thought about how I felt and realized I'm being bitter and unhappy for the people I love. It's so hard to keep emotions in check and still celebrate with loved ones when it seems to happen so easily for everyone else.

@holly321 I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. Allow yourself to feel and join in when you feel up to it.

@nancythorne So sorry you find yourself here. I've had 2 CPs and have had a great sense of loss with both. Even though they are such short pregnancies, they are still pregnancies. Allow yourself to grieve however you see fit.

@shamrocandroll Fingers crossed for some good test results this weekend!

@kels0091 I'm sorry your doctor was so insensitive in his comments. I hope you are able to find one that can relate better. But yay for a new puppy!

drdolittle22 · January 2019

Introduce yourself/what you think is important, such as number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.:

1 MC, 2 CPs in the last 7 months

Status:

Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Eh they're ok. I have a close knit group of girlfriends and they're hosting a small surprise baby shower for one of the girls tomorrow night. I've been able to keep a brave face through her pregnancy but this will be hard. My due date with my first loss is the same as hers so it's hard to watch her knowing I should be that far along too. Other than that, I've been feeling much more like myself since taking a break the last 2 cycles.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

I had my blood panels and baseline ultrasound today- they called right away to let me know my estrogen, FSH, LG, prolactin, and TSH are all normal. I do have an endometrioma on my right ovary (which I've known about) but it has been getting bigger. So I'm wondering if that's causing some of the problems. Now I'm just waiting for the results of the other tests and have a saline sonogram scheduled for next Friday with DH's sperm analysis.

GTKY- Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest?

I'd say smell. It never used to be until these pregnancies. Now the smallest odor can make my stomach turn.

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