July 2019 Moms
cindler
member
FTM GTKY Jan 22nd
cindler
member
I see a lot of FTMs on this board and figured it'd be nice to join together! I'm not going to do a check in since we have them other places in the board, but you're welcome to share any information you want about how far you are along and whatnot.
As a GTKY I'm think we could answer one or both of a couple questions. Feel free to answer whichever you choose. I just want to get some dialog going!
Question 1: What fears do you have regarding pregnancy/birth/parenting?
Question 2: What is something that has surprised you about your pregnancy journey so far?
STM+, feel free to join in and offer support, but if we have questions we want answered, we'll direct them to the appropriate "Ask a STM+" thread. Thanks!!
Edited to correct a typo.
As a GTKY I'm think we could answer one or both of a couple questions. Feel free to answer whichever you choose. I just want to get some dialog going!
Question 1: What fears do you have regarding pregnancy/birth/parenting?
Question 2: What is something that has surprised you about your pregnancy journey so far?
STM+, feel free to join in and offer support, but if we have questions we want answered, we'll direct them to the appropriate "Ask a STM+" thread. Thanks!!
Edited to correct a typo.
Re: FTM GTKY Jan 22nd
One thing I'm scared of is becoming the stereotypical negative woman. I am married to a wonderful man and I want our relationship to remain strong and fruitful. I want to continue to be thankful for the things he does around our home, no matter how small, and not be critical over the things that he doesn't do. It sounds like so many women change when they becomes moms. To a certain extent, that's necessary because sleeping whenever you want is no longer an option, but I like who I am today and I don't want to lose touch with her.
I've been surprised by how normal I feel. I have yet to actually FEEL pregnant. For me, it's just be normal only a little more tired and without the freedom to drink/eat whatever I want.
My #1 fear is going into one of those super fast labors that's over in less than an hour, because due to my myomectomy, my uterine walls are weakened and I could rupture if I push. If that happens, either I die, the baby dies, or we both survive and I can't have any more kids. My mom carried me and my sister to 40 weeks after her myomectomy and she was able to have a normal scheduled c-section, but it's still something that constantly worries me
But I definitely agree with you @cindler about being afraid of becoming that negative mom caricature. I find myself snapping at DH for the most trivial, stereotypical things, like not putting the dishes away correctly--and I'm afraid of it getting worse once we have a baby. And I feel weirdly normal too! Outside of a few cramps and aversions, I don't "feel pregnant" either. Even looking at my bump in the mirror doesn't faze me--I've never been overweight and I suddenly have a belly, but for some reason it's not totally registering.
I'm getting worried about finances after baby, between juggling time off from work, childcare that will cost more than our mortgage 😫 and trying to stay on top of long term financial goals. Also I live very far from my family and I want to be able to prioritize traveling to see them. It's kind of overwhelming to think about right now.
I haven't had any really bad pregnancy issues so far either, but I do feel sorta low key crappy, or not myself at least. Looking forward to having a legit bump and feeling baby kicks so it will feel more real.
I'm worried about how we are going to juggle childcare, work, our dog, and keeping up with the house...as right now I feel like we barely have time to clean as is. We have discussed getting someone to clean our house 1-2x per month, but haven't made any decisions yet.
I'm surprised how "easy" my first trimester was...just mild nausea, food aversions, and fatigue. Much better overall then my SIL who is still on medication to prevent vomiting well into her 2nd trimester.
@quinniebear I have the same sort of financial fears, I wonder how we are going to pay for it all. I know babies are crazy expensive, and we both have really great jobs. We bought our first home two years ago and we are slowly trying to do some upgrades. The husband bought a new TV last weekend and all I could think was, do we really need a new TV, we have a baby on the way we should be saving! But I have to check myself because he should get the things he wants because both of our lives are going to change, I need to stop trying to control everything. but damn its hard.
I'm starting to fret about navigating maternity leave with my employer. It's a small firm and not subject to FMLA. The firm has no set policy on leave, so I'm left to negotiate my own leave. Having no comparisons to work with makes it even more difficult!
Childcare is seriously stressing me out. My husband travels a lot for work, I'm talking 1 or 2 weeks a month. My mom is about 90 minutes away and will be helping a lot. But I'm just so worried about him traveling and leaving me alone with the babe and our 2 dogs for weeks at a time. It sounds terrifying.
But I honestly have no clue what our plan is when I go back to work. Is it awful to put a 3 month old in daycare full time right away? Makes me feel like a shi*ty mom already just thinking about it. But we don't have the luxury of me not working at this point in our lives. I have no idea what we'll do, but we need to start thinking about it.
Okay, my fears are ridiculous and I know that, but I am still stressing over it.
1. What am I going to do if I have a boy? Will I be okay with that? I've always imagined myself with a girl, I just don't know what I will do.
2. I'm terrified my feet are going to get bigger and stay that way. I'm already a size 11! Do you know how hard it is to find size 11 shoes? I don't think I could handle it if I needed bigger shoes.
3. I'm worried about what this is going to do to me and hubby and dealing with his parents. They are difficult and I don't know how to handle it. It is stress. It is always stress. My husband has to take care of them now because they are just a mess and need help with everything. But we are going to have some new priorities around here. They have these made up, idealized images of what their relationships with their grandchildren are going to be like and what relationship they are going to have with me. They think everything is perfect and magical and then my BIL's kids came along and shattered all of their dreams. And now I think that they think this might be the chance for them to get what they want... and it is going to all be shattered for them.
Question 2: What is something that has surprised you about your pregnancy journey so far?
I'm not as indifferent as I feared that I would be. I mean, I'm not overly excited because that is just not who I am. But at least I'm feeling happy about it and looking forward to the baby right now.
Also, I'm really beyond proud of my husband. He's really stepped up and is taking amazing care of me. But he is losing his cool right now (it always happens at this time of year) with work. He deals with some post-Christmas depression and seasonal affective disorder. And just melts the fuck down in January. So I'm trying not to murder him right now, because this cycle has got to end.
regarding pregnancy/birth/parenting?
Like many other have stated, I am afraid of managing the finances. My husband and I used to both be teachers, which isn’t a lot of money but it included benefits and a stable income regardless of how many students showed up that day. I realized after five years that teaching was not for me, and I wanted something more flexible that would work well with kids, make a decent income, and help people. I went to grad school, and now I’m a therapist in a contract position. It has been SO SLOW building a caseload because literally every therapist at my office is accepting new clients right now, and when I first started I was really the only one with availability! So I feel like I haven’t grown much since August, which is terrifying. I am doing everything I can do to advertise for myself and I just don’t know if we’ll be able to save what we need before baby comes. I am doing okay, and probably considered close to “full time” as far as therapy is concerned. But it’s just not enough to save much with paying out of pocket for health insurance, student loans, and taxes. Hubby is also self-employed, but is doing well (not good enough for both of us though.) We are in a huge transitional phase as far as career, finances, and now baby!
Sorry for the rant, as you all can see I am super stressed haha
Question 2: What is something that has surprised you about your pregnancy journey so far?
I was surprised at how sick I was but never vomiting. It was crazy. I lost 5+ lbs in the first trimester but was able to keep it together somehow. When I stop unisom it comes back, but not as bad as before. I guess I’m grateful that I made it through that tough period, and hope the energy comes back at least temporarily before I am huge! 😂
Is is anyone else worried about introducing baby to pups? Or other pets? I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately too. My dogs are small (15 @ 25 lbs) but I just have no idea how they’ll react to a baby living with us! They’ve seen very small kids before... but haven’t been around a lot of babies.
We have a 5yr old lab mix who is our number 1 baby, like legit spoiled dog. I don't know how he is going to do with the baby. He is super attached to me and needs to be in the same room as me when I'm home or sitting at my feet. He is super good with kids, but hasn't been around many infants so not sure what to do. We joke that he is going to back his bags and move to my moms house once we bring the baby home.
It’s not a problem after birth, just for fetal development. I mean, still better not to have the baby change the litter box until they are least 2
I'm sure your pups will all be fine. The nice thing is that the baby comes home from the hospital smelling of you. In a past life, I was an animal trainer at the zoo. I trained monkeys, sea lions, rhinos, and all sorts. Seriously. I think this article from the AKC is a great set of advice for introducing your pup to your baby.
https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/training/how-to-introduce-babies-and-dogs/
I also really appreciate Cesar Milan. https://www.cesarsway.com/dog-psychology/ten-principles/pack-position/how-to-get-your-dog-ready-for-the-baby