So I want to see if their are any mamas out there that have any insight/advise/encouragement, etc!
My beautiful baby boy was born 10/24, easy labor and delivery, bit of a hard time of sleepless nights in the hospital and high anxiety over breastfeeding, but we made it home and began our journey as a family of 3.
I have a history of anxiety, not HIGH anxiety, but enough to where I have always been on a light medication for it.
Due to low supply and other factors we supplemented with formula and DS got breast milk for a little over a month. This was a stressful process and decision but in the end it was what was best for mom and baby.
The first 4 weeks were awesome, exhausting, stressful, but they will always be a great memory in my heart. My husband was off for those first 4 weeks with me and we bonded with baby and with one another and I will always cherish that time.
Hello week 5...I was hit by a semi-truck called PPD/PPA and it took my breath away. The next 7 weeks were an emotional roller coaster for everyone involved. Even our outside family members who were our support system.
I won't go into too much detail because although I was able to love and take care of my baby boy I was not myself, I felt the worst mentally I had ever felt in my entire life, and hated every minute of those feelings. I do have happy memories sprinkled throughout the hardest times of my life but it still tugs at my heart how rough of a time I had.
After much trial and error I was able to find some meds that helped me get out of that dark cloud. I am now back to work (came back to a job I love 3 days a week and am very blessed to be able to work PT and spend the rest of the time with my family) and I am loving it.
The first day back was not as rough as I thought it would be...my entire support system kept telling me what I needed mentally was to GO BACK TO WORK! And I even knew that myself. I am now on the 3rd day of my first week and I feel great. I love our sitter and my mother who both will be watching him when I am working, and I am loving being back among adults and doing what I love.
My question to you all is...has anyone had a similar experience and look back and get sad over the hard times over your leave? I knew it wasn't going to be a fairy tale but nobody prepared me for the possibility of how hard it would be just dealing with my own hormones and myself mentally. I knew PPA/PPD was a possibility but I was totally taken by surprise when it hit me after 4 weeks of amazing moments with my new baby and husband.
I feel embarrassed, sad, and am mourning that time. But I am also so relieved to be back at work and have something to focus on other than my child and being in a place for many hours that is not my own home.
Can anyone relate? Have any thoughts? Encouragement for me?
Close friends and women who have experienced similar say that the sad memories fade and soon I will forget about most of it.
I just wanted to reach out to see if anyone had a similar experience.