Mother In Law

stefanielyn1991 · January 2019

Ok so my SO already has a kid from a previous marriage. She is a spoiled brat because his mother (my in law) basically tells her she doesn't have to listen to him. She disregards any rules he sets and let's the kid get away with anything. I dont even want my daughter around her but I know that will create a huge fight. Idk I guess I'm just venting. Anyone else in a similar situation?

lyse01 · January 2019

@stefanielyn1991 welcome to the April BMB! Feel free to introduce yourself in the pinned thread and hop on into the conversations in the other threads. We’re generally a bunch that prefers to use existing topics rather than start new ones, and this is a subject that could easily have fit in My Crazy Family.

i don’t have much by way of shared experience, but I do wonder how old your step-daughter is, how frequently MIL sees her (and you), and what your SO and his ex think of the MIL spoiling.

thatbaintforbetty · January 2019

My main question would be why your SO allows this or what he thinks about his mothers involvement. There are a lot of questions and red flags here. You need to talk to your SO and you need to both be on the same page when it comes to your kid.

I dont have have your exact scenario but we have an issue with my siblings. They are 10 &12 and DH and I do not want them around DD If at all possible. The are my half siblings and their dad (my mom and him divorced and she went back to my dad 🙄) and my mom and dad have very different ways of parenting and it’s a nightmare.

My mom is our primary babysittier when we need it so we generally avoid trying to need one when we know she has my siblings. DD has already picked up several bad habits that we are really not happy about and are trying to kick. It’s going to come to a not nice conversation in the near future that DH and I don’t want DDs around them but it’s what’s for the best. Our kids, our rules. Which thankfully we agree on.

phoenix92885 · January 2019

I co-parent my 10 year old niece with my mom since unfortunately both her parents are incarcerated. It's a struggle though when I have to be the sole disciplinarian for her. My mom loves being a Mimi, and I think shes enjoyed taking off her Mom-hat Now that my brother and I are mostly grown. But I've had to have countless conversations with her since my brothers sentencing, that we can't be her friend and that right now she needs parents. For the longest time, I would ground my Niece from some form of technology and my mom would come to me for her asking for it back early! Or would undermine me in a similar way. It would drive me freaking insane. I finally understand now why I respected my father more than her growing up. He was the disciplinarian for us. I know now my mom was the big old softy. After many firm conversations with my Mom, ive helped her see that we are helping my Niece by giving her boundaries. Puberty is on the way and things are getting crazy. Since I've been such a constant in my nieces life she's already come to me about questioning her sexuality. (Don't get me started on that though, I know shes only 10) I bring it up though because it proves that children need consistency, boundaries and rules. They will come to you and count on you because they see you as the person guiding them through life.

With your own baby it'll be a lot easier to demand certain things and be the voice for what your LO needs. Is there anyway you can fill that leadership role with your step-daughter? I saw that the women in my niece's life were failing her so I stepped up but I also know that it's not possible in everyones family dynamic to take over like that.

stefanielyn1991 · January 2019

Sorry I don't know how any of this works and all the acronyms and rules are super confusing! I thought that thread was dead. I would delete this if I knew how.

stefanielyn1991 · January 2019

My SO is just a pushover. He told her she couldn't wear cowboy boots to school and she replied I can if I want too and he just let it go. BTW she's 6. She's a sweet girl but she just doesn't hear the word no because noone ever enforces it. I raised my cousin and he never spoke to me that way so Im just shocked this behavior is allowed.

lyse01 · January 2019

@stefanielyn1991 no worries. We’ve developed a bit of a subculture over the past six months or so and have probably deviated from the rules we set up in the Read This First thread - but that’s a good place to start for definitions of acronyms. Generally, feel free to revive any thread that doesn’t have a date in the title, so Randoms 12/14 should not be revived (because there should be a more recent one) but What’s For Dinner? could be because there’s no limit to what we’re eating. Definitely search for things like product recommendations or babymoons because we’ve probably already covered it. Stick around and I think you’ll figure it out yourself! Glad you’ve found us to chat to

Depending on how sensitive your SO is, I might avoid drawing comparisons between his current parenting style and your parenting style with your cousin, but instead be future-focused, eg, “hey, I’ve been reading these parenting blogs/books/articles about setting limits and think we should be on a consistent page with LO from the start. What do you think?” Let him be the one to bring up his daughter’s attitude.

TheSouffleGirl · January 2019

@lyse01: Dying @ "there is no limit to what we eat."

@stephanielynn1991: Welcome!

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