Finally posting this on the right day! Welcome all new members. No TW needed here for loss discussions, but please use a TW to discuss living children.
How far along are you?
Current mood?
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs?
GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job?
Current mood? Starting to be anxious as I have my first ultrasound tomorrow.
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. I had a MMC at 8w3d in Feb 2013, a CP in May 2013, a MMC at 8w3d in May 2015, and another MMC at 8w3d in July 2016.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? I need all the positive thoughts I can. First US tomorrow at 6w2d, we all know how indeterminate early US can be, I'm hoping it's definitive, one way or another. Another weird thing is that my first loss EDD was just one week after this one so having a September EDD is surprisingly tough for me.
GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? I was an ice cream scooper and cake decorator at Baskin Robbins. My favorite job is my current one, I'm a physician and I take care of sick and premature infants.
Current mood? Anxious and tired of this cough and cold. Waiting for my beta results is nerve racking
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. MMC @ 8wks in August 2018
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? Had my 3rd beta today. FX numbers double. Will go in to OB in 1-2 weeks according to my results.
GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? My first job was selling silver jewelry at the swap meet. I was 15. My favorite job is my current job as a cancer researcher.
Current mood? So tired. Irritated bc I just moved to a new city and had to find a new OB. I explained that I previously suffered a loss at 9 weeks and would like to meet with someone sooner rather than later, and they said “we dont do appointments before 8 weeks and can’t promise an ultrasound at first appointment.” Deciding if I should keep looking for a different practice who might be more understanding?
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. MMC @ 9 weeks in April 2018. Found out at first ultrasound when there was no heartbeat. Baby has stopped growing around 8 weeks. My husband wasn’t with me, so after I found out I sat in my car sobbing and then had to drive myself home. Worst experience of my life.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? Ugh, see above.
GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? My first job was as a lifeguard. My favorite job is my current job where I head up project management for an ad agency.
@klhelder I’m sorry about not getting an earlier appointment. Even though what they said is standard practice for OB clinics, I have found that practices that are willing to put you at ease, even if it doesn’t change things medically, are more likely to be caring in other ways. I would keep looking if you can, what’s the downside? Let us know what happens.
How far along are you? 4 weeks 4 days (it still seems strange to me that I know this early!)
Current mood? Happy, optimistic, nervous, questioning every symptom
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. Miscarriage at 8 1/2 weeks in November of 2018.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? First appointment is scheduled for January 30th. We'll be 7 + 4. My practice usually won't see anyone until week 8 or 9 but with my loss history she wants to see me earlier.
GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? First official job was a cashier/gift wrap girl at a Hallmark store. Favorite job is my side business, I own & operate a Family & Newborn photography business (aside from my full time gig) It keeps me really busy but I'm passionate about it and I love it.
How far along are you? Estimated 4 weeks 2 days (also strange I know this early). I started getting faint positives as early as 1/2
Current mood? Anxious, but optimistic. We are beyond thrilled & I have a good feeling about this...
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. MMC at 9 weeks at end of September (2018). I had to have a D & C because my body wasn't recognizing it. With a history of depression & anxiety, the doctor didn't recommend I wait.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? First appointment is scheduled for February 6th. I just got my first HCG levels back 226.8 at 3W6D. I expect I will be heading back within the next week or so.
GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? My first job was a hostess/cashier/car hop at Bob's Big Boy!! LOL!! My favorite, is my career as a teacher. I genuinely really enjoyed working with students with behavior disorders. However, it is a high burn out rate due to physical & emotional demands. So I have been in the inclusive classroom for the last four years. I have my MAED in Special Education.
@MsBeachNJ The only downside to knowing this early is that wait for the first ultrasound, only 3 weeks away! It’s also a good time to go in because it should be more definitive than a 6 week ultrasound.
@eme520 Hope your u/s goes/went well! So so exciting. Is YH coming?
@maserrano714 I got my results next day; hope yours came back awesome & that you got them today.
@omg1108 (If I haven't already indicated that I yr screen name, let me say so here.) My Mom was a special ed. teacher when I was growing up--so much respect to you. I know it's a rewarding job, but it's also an important one, and a job I really respect.
How far along are you? 4w6d
Current mood? Happy, optimistic, motivated
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. I had a CP in Oct. 2018.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? I had my labs taken yesterday & they called this morning w/ the results. The nurse who I first called actually called last night to make sure I came in yesterday--she'd been the one I spoke to when I called to make the first appointment, & she was also the one who called this morning to get my my results. She's so... happy and enthusiastic and that's part of why I feel like I'm in such a good mood. She said everything looks super good & gave me my numbers & now I'm glad I can try to go about my day. Thanks, Nurse Taylor, for being so super good at your job!
GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? I worked at a comic book store at the mall in NJ! Which I hope wins an award for "most 90s job." My fave job... I am a Professor of Lit/Creative Writing/Research Writing right now & I really love this job, and I'm on the market for a tenure-track job in that field so it can be my forever job. I don't know what I like teaching most... I would say CW/Lit rank above Research Writing, but I have my Research Writing class down to a science, so I actually enjoy that as well these days.
Current mood? Exhausted, nervous and yet also so hopeful.
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. MMC @ 13w back in Oct.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? I have my first ultrasound next Thursday. I really hope it is definitive. I can't do the waiting game much longer. Also really curious to know if this progesterone is helping.
GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? My first job was at Water World! It's a gigantic water park. I worked there for 6 summers and had the time of my life. It is also my most favorite job. In the span of 6 years I worked as a cashier, as a food service worker and then got a promotion to the warehouse where I did ordered all the food and supplies for the entire park. I got to work in PJs, air conditioning and got free food. Best gig ever.
*TW*
Me: 32 │ DH: 35 Married 8/16/13 BFP#1 DS 11/13/16 BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18 BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
@kagesstarshroom Thank you so much! It is actually kind of funny, but my initials are OMG....haha...and my birthday is 11/08, so that is the beginning of my email since FOREVER!!.
@omg1108 That’s an excellent first number! Can’t wait to see the next.
@kagesstarshroom I am so happy to hear about your great results and that you have an awesome nurse in your corner! Yep, my husband is coming today, thank goodness. We have rarely had a good US, so need him there either way. It’s quite traumatizing for both of us.
@zuuls_mom I hear you on how hard the wait is for the first scan. I’m going in today and it seems like it’s been forever.
My numbers doubled! Yay! I feel such relief. My 3rd beta was at 1222 yesterday, which doubled from 546 on Monday. They scheduled me in for another ultrasound on Weds 1/16. Hoping that appt goes well also. At least I have some peace of mind until then. Thanks for all your support, it really helps with the anxiety.
@klhelder I would try and find a new OB. I feel like they should be sensitive to your losses and more concerned about helping you maintain your pregnancy. They should be checking hcg levels and progesterone.
@kagesstarshroom yay! So glad your labs all came back good. Also, working at a comic book shop sounds like a fun 1st job.
@zuuls_mom the wait for the scan is the worst. Hopefully the next 7 days will go by quickly.
How far along are you? 5w5d ish
Current mood? Still anxious because of the lack of symptoms and cramping. But I had betas drawn yesterday and they came back close to 6000, so that makes me feel a little better.
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. MMC at 9 weeks in Jan 17 and an infant loss at 9 days old in Oct 17 due to pregnancy complications.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? First U/S isn't until 1/22 and it can't come soon enough
GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? I was a nanny for a 2 year old boy for my first job. My favorite job is probably my current one as a hairstylist. It's rewarding to make someone's day.
October 2017 May siggy challenge - Parenting fails
@flowerintherain Oh man, less than 2 weeks until your US and those numbers sound great! My hairstylist is one of my favorite people in the world, you have a great profession!
@maserrano714 Yay for great numbers!!! Thanks for coming back to update.
I posted in the ultrasound thread, but overall pretty good news for me today.’Measuring 1 day behind, but I know that’s within the margin of error, but you all know how it goes in your head.
@eme520 measuring 1 day behind isn't bad at all! Maybe you just o'd a day late or the egg implanted late in night and since your U/S was early in the day it still hadn't caught up. So happy you heard a heartbeat
October 2017 May siggy challenge - Parenting fails
Mood: Yesterday I had some thoughts of miscarriage and sorta spiraled, until a friend of mine reminded me that it’s normal to have those thoughts after having a past experience, but it doesn’t mean the experience is happening again. I’m making a point to say “I love you” to my baby every day. It seems to be helping my mindset, as it’s just simple and true in this moment. I’m so glad to have so much from you all to read everyday, so thank you to everyone for keeping these threads going with sich strong support!
loss history: 2 missed miscarriages around 7 weeks and a chemical pregnancy in between those
upcoming appointments: I’m struggling so I asked the doctor if I could do betas and 1 more progesterone check next week since the ultrasound isn’t for another 2 weeks.
@eme520 So happy for a great U/S! Don't worry about 1 day- there's a lot of measurement error this early on and 1 day either way really shouldn't alarm. Enjoy this moment!
@flowerintherain your beta is super strong for end of 5 weeks! That's great news
@kagesstarshroom I am so happy for you on great labs and even happier you have a supportive practice! I love my practice and it makes all the difference, especially during this time. That said, they think I am nuts
@zuuls_mom let's wait together! I have an u/s next week, also but earlier in the week.
How far along are you? 5 weeks and 2 days (I think)
Mood: I am basically a crazy person. Just so that I can confess to someone, I am still POAS'ing...! <insert intense feelings of shame here>. Otherwise, I am trying to keep busy. I have to make some decisions about work. I was going to take another job offer but it just doesn't feel right. And also, it would be hard to get a lot done at a new job before I have to be out for mat leave (I hope and everything crossed!). I am going to trust my gut.
loss history: CP 6 weeks
upcoming appointments: I have an appointment on Monday for repeat bloods and u/s. I've had 3 betas so far. first one was and the last one was too high...? I love all of the information we get in early pregnancy but I also HATE having all of this data. Someone needs to cut off my access to google. Now I am on pins and needles and I am praying for good news on Monday.
Thank you all for the support. I can't tell you how much it's made my week to read everyone's good news!
@blitzybee I think saying things like that are helpful as well. I also think a lot of us have PTSD from our losses and being pregnant forces us to relieve a lot of these experiences and thus we spiral. It’s totally normal, but I’m glad you were able to come out of it.
@rms924 I doubt you are the only still POASing! I still did last week because it made me so happy to see such a dark positive. Also, re: Google, I’ve done the same thing, it’s ok unless it’s causing too much distress. Just vent to us and give yourself a challenge, one day at a time, not to google. Give yourself a reward every day you don’t. Don’t beat yourself up if you do!
@blitzybee ...I was waiting for one more sentence--and the Dr. agreed? I don't see why they wouldn't, but just making sure.
@eme520 I peed on four total sticks, spread out to be every other/every 2 days before my first labs appoint. & was nervous each time hoping for a darker line (which happened.) I tried to explain to my mom, when I told her, how this was good, but she told me--she never POAS! She "just knew." Oh, the wild 1980s! Also, I never thought of a loss as something that could cause PTSD, that's so interesting. If you were my research writing student, I would encourage you to write a paper on this/see if anyone else out there had nabbed this argument yet.
@rms924 Thanks for sending yr well wishes! also, Trust yr gut! You got this! ( ALSO: the above reply re: POAS was for you, too,) & OMG me & Google had such *fun* yesterday after my #s came back! The only thing I can say to my adventure down Googely lane was that most of the sites I went to that talked about early beta #s said the same EXACT thing, which eventually made me stop Googling. Do you know if you have the possibility of/gene for hyperovulation?
Good news ladies!! I had my second round of bloodwork done yesterday & my hcg went up to 579.4. My doctor messaged me & said that my numbers are good & rising appropriately & she will see me on 2/6 for the ultrasound. She doesn't need me to get another round of blood tests. I am thrilled she has such confidence. I am really trying to calm my nerves & be happy with all the positive news. I can't let my anxiety get the best of me. Thanks for the support!
I am loving all the good news from everyone. Lots of positive number increases & ultrasounds.
@eme520 I completely agree about the PTSD. Anything that causes trauma and then causes repeat memories, sadness, and fear counts as a form of PTSD as far as I’m concerned. I would never compare it to what war veterans go through (which is where most seem to correlate PTSD to), but it absolutely is in the category. Thank you for understanding!
@kagesstarshroom - yes, I asked and they said no problem! Since I’m on the progesterone medication, I think they can justify checking it via bloodwork:)
@rms924 I’m still taking pregnancy tests too. It’s like the only thing I feel I have control over right now, even tho at this point they don’t really show anything new.
I was feeling so optimistic and positive today and then WHAM, intense anxiety. Now I am googling all sorts of BSC stuff because I think it will make me feel better, but I totally know all of these success/failure stories mean absolutely nothing regarding what will happen to me. I can already feeling myself bonding to this group and I'm so scuuured!
*TW*
Me: 32 │ DH: 35 Married 8/16/13 BFP#1 DS 11/13/16 BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18 BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
@zuuls_mom It’s almost like a harder fall when you get in that place of anxiety after being so optimistic. Like what goes up must come equally far down or some such nonsense. I’m sure your experience with the May group makes it so hard to join this one, but we are glad you are here.
Current mood? Anxious and calm all in one. I’m thinking and hoping this will be a successful pregnancy, but I’m terrified to get my hopes up.
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. I had a CP in May 2016, then successful pregnancy in May 2016 (born 2/4/17) then three miscarriages in December 2017 (due Aug 2018–D&C), March 2018 (due Nov 2018) and July 2018 (due March 2019). I recently had a polyp removal in November, allowing us to TTC in December. Every time we’ve TTC, we’ve achieved pregnancy, we just continue to have MMCs
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? I can’t waaaaait until my ultrasound on 1/25! Can time fly by the next two weeks please?!??
GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? First job was at the Disney Store! Favorite job was being an English-speaking tour guide in Florence, Italy, while I studied abroad.
@zuuls_mom OMG SAME. I came here to rant about that exact thing. I was optimism queen yesterday and today-- a mess. @sunshine2417 I love your fave job. I am doing my best to make time fly for us all, but I am not really a physicist soooo.... I hope the weeks go by fast for you until your U/S! (& for the rest of us)
I am guessing my breakdown/fall from optimism today was bc when i had my loss, it was a textbook cp & the day that it happened, like, cycle day-wise is coming up tomorrow--and even though my labs came back good, I was/am still freaking out. DH was awesome when I was just... crying on the couch & not really able to say much, so I was super grateful. I watched some boring TV and felt a little better-- but then we went grocery shopping & his mood did a 180. There's something wrong with our fridge that he can't fix (he's like the Ultimate Handyman™ so it REALLY pisses him off when he can't fix something--but that's not why he was in a bad mood. [He has BPD, so his moodiness is for real/unpredictable/not always easy for either of us. Luckily for me, he is going to start therapy soon {so he says}] But he seems to be taking it out on the fridge, not me, so. Anyway. I'm glad I feel slightly better, but I'm just... blargh. I just needed to type all these words bc I know so many of you would understand. Thanks.
@kagesstarshroom that's the hard part about grief from loss--it can hit you so quick and suddenly and provoke all sorts of crazy anxiety. Hopefully with all of us here we can just keep chatting along and distract each other to help time continue to pass! Keeping busy, finding fun projects and routines, and things to do and talk about will help us all move forward!
@sunshine2417 Yes, terrified to get my hopes up too. I feel like I have one foot in the door and one foot out. I am so sorry for all of your losses. No person should have to endure so much.
@rms924 Definitely still POAS and will be for a while. I think that is pretty common, although definitely not good for our anxiety levels!
@blitzybee I love the idea of saying I love you everyday. I am going to try that. I hate feeling so guarded and less connected.
@zuuls_mom That sounds like the best first job ever!!! @kagesstarshroom I am feeling the same way! I was optimistic during the day yesterday (which is why I even intro'd) and then last night I was hit with extreme anxiety. UGH.
~
How far along are you? 3+5... soooo early!
Current mood? Not great. I'm having horrible anxiety. I almost wish I would have waited to test until after AF was due to test. I am having such horrible anxiety that she is going to show up on Tuesday and crush me. This is going to be a very long pregnancy. I can already feel myself losing the joy that you should feel while pregnant. It freaking sucks.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? I'll get my first Beta on Monday. EDD is 9/23.
GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? I worked at Arctic Circle (a burger chain) in HS. Once time someone actually threw a melted shake in my face. She said I tried to kill her because SHE ordered a shake with chocolate in it. My favorite job was probably a few years ago when I worked in County government. I got paid really well, and compared to my job now, it was pretty easy and stress free.
@kgg2241 So many prayers and positive vibes for you and your anxiety too! It is hard to want to be overjoyed and excited and get super into it but then also not want to get your hopes too high and be crushed.
@rms924 I'm still taking a pregnancy test every morning and every afternoon. I probably will do so until I get to my 6 week ultrasound at least, if not 8 weeks. I'm trying to remember logically that the less I stress, the better it is for the baby! But it is so hard to do!
@sunshine2417 Welcome! I try to remember that worrying doesn’t prevent a miscarriage and just makes me feel awful. I’ve had losses where I “knew” something is wrong and losses where I was super optimistic it would work out. Each loss hurt equally as bad, but I was overall happier when I chose optimism. It’s a conscious effort and doesn’t come naturally.
@kgg2241 Welcome! I found mindfulness really helpful with the PgAL anxiety and with work. I just try to get them though the day or even the hour if it’s really bad. Leaning into it and feeling it through my whole body then telling it to go away and I’ll come back later really helped.
@eme520 what you said about optimism really touched my heart today. I really needed to hear that. It’s so easy to let fear take over and rob you of the joy of pregnancy...so, I am saying “not today, fear!!” I am going to reclaim my optimism- at least for now (the next minute, hour, day whatever I can manage!). So thank you!
To everyone still taking tests: I am not getting any more info and it’s kind of frustrating but also fascinating. I took a frer yesterday (snuck it in my target purchases only to be caught by my husband) and it was all types of wacky. The control line is lighter but the test line varies. Sometimes it’s lighter than my earlier ones which drives me batty. Anyway, I guess there’s a phenomenon called the hook effect that explains it (according to my friend google) but I haven’t tested the theory.
@zuuls_mom I am happy to have you here though I understand how you feel. I feel the same way. lots of good energy to everyone. I think I have everything crossed for all us at this point.
@kagesstarshroom must be something in the air because I totally felt that way today. Went through and spent unproductive time squinting at tests and comparing beta levels on google, all the while judging myself . It’s nice to have the group to connect to during first tri especially ❤️
Thank you for this discussion! It’s been so validating and encouraging hearing about everyone’s journeys
How far along are you? 5 weeks today
Current mood? Really anxious... every day feels like an eternity. I feel like I’m symptom searching throughout the day. Trying super hard to be optimistic!
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. I had a spontaneous miscarriage at around 7 weeks at the end of November 2018. Then got pregnant before my first cycle after being cleared by the doctor. For some reason, I think this is adding to my worries! Keep thinking this might be all a hoax. Though the facts are telling me otherwise
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? My doctor is monitoring my hcg levels. First results came back strong, hoping they will continue to rise My first OB apt is on Feb 6th! I will probably schedule a confirmatory ultra sound before then.
GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? My first job was teaching kids piano. My favorite was working at a concert venue doing coat check, eventually moving on to bartending haha
How far along are you? Still so early at 3 wks + 5 days
Current mood? Hopeful, prayerful, cautious
Loss history: Oct 2018: Went in for our anatomy scan at 18 weeks & there was no heartbeat. Baby was visibly kicking the night before so it was a devastating shock. We rushed TTC again b/c both MH & I are AMA.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? Once it became 2019 it really started to hit that I was supposed to have a baby in my arms in a few months. A few days ago I bumped into my friend who is due 10 days before I was due. She is a beautiful person, has a beautiful belly, & I’m happy for her but still sad for me. Today I got a simple sweet electronic invite to her baby blessingway/ shower & I’m not sure whether I will go. I’m not usually like this—I don’t get surprise feelings of jealousy or hold resentment toward others who have what I want—it just made me sad. And really, I’m so happy & grateful for this new pregnancy. So I’ve been sitting in these new mixed feelings all day. My entire extended family is super close with her entire family so I bet I will go...
GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? First job was a steady summer babysitting gig when I was 11. Best job was a remote consultant position w/travel a few years ago.
Re: PgAL (Pregnant After a Loss) Check-in: Week of 1/9/19
@maserrano714 I got my results next day; hope yours came back awesome & that you got them today.
@omg1108 (If I haven't already indicated that I yr screen name, let me say so here.) My Mom was a special ed. teacher when I was growing up--so much respect to you. I know it's a rewarding job, but it's also an important one, and a job I really respect.
How far along are you? 4w6d
Current mood? Happy, optimistic, motivated
If you haven't already, or want to share again, please share your loss history, if comfortable. I had a CP in Oct. 2018.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? I had my labs taken yesterday & they called this morning w/ the results. The nurse who I first called actually called last night to make sure I came in yesterday--she'd been the one I spoke to when I called to make the first appointment, & she was also the one who called this morning to get my my results. She's so... happy and enthusiastic and that's part of why I feel like I'm in such a good mood. She said everything looks super good & gave me my numbers & now I'm glad I can try to go about my day. Thanks, Nurse Taylor, for being so super good at your job!
GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? I worked at a comic book store at the mall in NJ! Which I hope wins an award for "most 90s job." My fave job... I am a Professor of Lit/Creative Writing/Research Writing right now & I really love this job, and I'm on the market for a tenure-track job in that field so it can be my forever job. I don't know what I like teaching most... I would say CW/Lit rank above Research Writing, but I have my Research Writing class down to a science, so I actually enjoy that as well these days.
Married 8/16/13
BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
@kagesstarshroom I am so happy to hear about your great results and that you have an awesome nurse in your corner! Yep, my husband is coming today, thank goodness. We have rarely had a good US, so need him there either way. It’s quite traumatizing for both of us.
@zuuls_mom I hear you on how hard the wait is for the first scan. I’m going in today and it seems like it’s been forever.
Married 8/16/13
BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
Married 8/16/13
BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
@eme520 So glad the u/s went well! Thanks for sharing the photo w/ us in the other thread.
@omg1108 ooo that's kind of awesome that those are yr initials!
@klhelder I would try and find a new OB. I feel like they should be sensitive to your losses and more concerned about helping you maintain your pregnancy. They should be checking hcg levels and progesterone.
@omg1108 those are awesome first numbers!
@kagesstarshroom yay! So glad your labs all came back good. Also, working at a comic book shop sounds like a fun 1st job.
@zuuls_mom the wait for the scan is the worst. Hopefully the next 7 days will go by quickly.
Pregnancy #2-Due 8/24/17 MMC-01/09/17
DD-Due 10/24/17
@maserrano714 Yay for great numbers!!! Thanks for coming back to update.
I posted in the ultrasound thread, but overall pretty good news for me today.’Measuring 1 day behind, but I know that’s within the margin of error, but you all know how it goes in your head.
Pregnancy #2-Due 8/24/17 MMC-01/09/17
DD-Due 10/24/17
i am team optimism over here, so if anyone needs any thrown their way let me know. ^_~*
How far along are you? 4wks, 2 days
Mood: Yesterday I had some thoughts of miscarriage and sorta spiraled, until a friend of mine reminded me that it’s normal to have those thoughts after having a past experience, but it doesn’t mean the experience is happening again. I’m making a point to say “I love you” to my baby every day. It seems to be helping my mindset, as it’s just simple and true in this moment. I’m so glad to have so much from you all to read everyday, so thank you to everyone for keeping these threads going with sich strong support!
loss history: 2 missed miscarriages around 7 weeks and a chemical pregnancy in between those
upcoming appointments: I’m struggling so I asked the doctor if I could do betas and 1 more progesterone check next week since the ultrasound isn’t for another 2 weeks.
@maserrano714 that's a great beta! Congrats!
@eme520 So happy for a great U/S! Don't worry about 1 day- there's a lot of measurement error this early on and 1 day either way really shouldn't alarm. Enjoy this moment!
@flowerintherain your beta is super strong for end of 5 weeks! That's great news
@kagesstarshroom I am so happy for you on great labs and even happier you have a supportive practice! I love my practice and it makes all the difference, especially during this time. That said, they think I am nuts
@zuuls_mom let's wait together! I have an u/s next week, also but earlier in the week.
How far along are you? 5 weeks and 2 days (I think)
Mood: I am basically a crazy person. Just so that I can confess to someone, I am still POAS'ing...! <insert intense feelings of shame here>. Otherwise, I am trying to keep busy. I have to make some decisions about work. I was going to take another job offer but it just doesn't feel right. And also, it would be hard to get a lot done at a new job before I have to be out for mat leave (I hope and everything crossed!). I am going to trust my gut.
loss history: CP 6 weeks
upcoming appointments: I have an appointment on Monday for repeat bloods and u/s. I've had 3 betas so far. first one was and the last one was too high...? I love all of the information we get in early pregnancy but I also HATE having all of this data. Someone needs to cut off my access to google. Now I am on pins and needles and I am praying for good news on Monday.
Thank you all for the support. I can't tell you how much it's made my week to read everyone's good news!
DS: 18 months
Dx DOR AMH .2
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Pregnancy"><img
@rms924 I doubt you are the only still POASing! I still did last week because it made me so happy to see such a dark positive. Also, re: Google, I’ve done the same thing, it’s ok unless it’s causing too much distress. Just vent to us and give yourself a challenge, one day at a time, not to google. Give yourself a reward every day you don’t. Don’t beat yourself up if you do!
@eme520 I peed on four total sticks, spread out to be every other/every 2 days before my first labs appoint. & was nervous each time hoping for a darker line (which happened.) I tried to explain to my mom, when I told her, how this was good, but she told me--she never POAS! She "just knew." Oh, the wild 1980s! Also, I never thought of a loss as something that could cause PTSD, that's so interesting. If you were my research writing student, I would encourage you to write a paper on this/see if anyone else out there had nabbed this argument yet.
@rms924 Thanks for sending yr well wishes! also, Trust yr gut! You got this! ( ALSO: the above reply re: POAS was for you, too,) & OMG me & Google had such *fun* yesterday after my #s came back! The only thing I can say to my adventure down Googely lane was that most of the sites I went to that talked about early beta #s said the same EXACT thing, which eventually made me stop Googling. Do you know if you have the possibility of/gene for hyperovulation?
Thanks for the support!
I am loving all the good news from everyone. Lots of positive number increases & ultrasounds.
@kagesstarshroom - yes, I asked and they said no problem! Since I’m on the progesterone medication, I think they can justify checking it via bloodwork:)
@rms924 I’m still taking pregnancy tests too. It’s like the only thing I feel I have control over right now, even tho at this point they don’t really show anything new.
Married 8/16/13
BFP#1 DS 11/13/16
BFP# 2 MMC dx @ 13w 10/30/18
BFP# 3 Preemie DD born at 38w (IUGR) on 8/28/19 weighing 5.5lbs. Our little miracle
@sunshine2417 I love your fave job. I am doing my best to make time fly for us all, but I am not really a physicist soooo.... I hope the weeks go by fast for you until your U/S! (& for the rest of us)
I am guessing my breakdown/fall from optimism today was bc when i had my loss, it was a textbook cp & the day that it happened, like, cycle day-wise is coming up tomorrow--and even though my labs came back good, I was/am still freaking out. DH was awesome when I was just... crying on the couch & not really able to say much, so I was super grateful. I watched some boring TV and felt a little better-- but then we went grocery shopping & his mood did a 180. There's something wrong with our fridge that he can't fix (he's like the Ultimate Handyman™ so it REALLY pisses him off when he can't fix something--but that's not why he was in a bad mood. [He has BPD, so his moodiness is for real/unpredictable/not always easy for either of us. Luckily for me, he is going to start therapy soon {so he says}] But he seems to be taking it out on the fridge, not me, so. Anyway. I'm glad I feel slightly better, but I'm just... blargh. I just needed to type all these words bc I know so many of you would understand. Thanks.
@rms924 Definitely still POAS and will be for a while. I think that is pretty common, although definitely not good for our anxiety levels!
@blitzybee I love the idea of saying I love you everyday. I am going to try that. I hate feeling so guarded and less connected.
@zuuls_mom That sounds like the best first job ever!!! @kagesstarshroom I am feeling the same way! I was optimistic during the day yesterday (which is why I even intro'd) and then last night I was hit with extreme anxiety. UGH.
~
How far along are you? 3+5... soooo early!
Current mood? Not great. I'm having horrible anxiety. I almost wish I would have waited to test until after AF was due to test. I am having such horrible anxiety that she is going to show up on Tuesday and crush me. This is going to be a very long pregnancy. I can already feel myself losing the joy that you should feel while pregnant. It freaking sucks.
Any upcoming appointments, milestones, loss anniversaries, EDDs? I'll get my first Beta on Monday. EDD is 9/23.
GTKY: What was your first job? What was your favorite job? I worked at Arctic Circle (a burger chain) in HS. Once time someone actually threw a melted shake in my face. She said I tried to kill her because SHE ordered a shake with chocolate in it. My favorite job was probably a few years ago when I worked in County government. I got paid really well, and compared to my job now, it was pretty easy and stress free.
@rms924 I'm still taking a pregnancy test every morning and every afternoon. I probably will do so until I get to my 6 week ultrasound at least, if not 8 weeks. I'm trying to remember logically that the less I stress, the better it is for the baby! But it is so hard to do!
@kgg2241 Welcome! I found mindfulness really helpful with the PgAL anxiety and with work. I just try to get them though the day or even the hour if it’s really bad. Leaning into it and feeling it through my whole body then telling it to go away and I’ll come back later really helped.
To everyone still taking tests: I am not getting any more info and it’s kind of frustrating but also fascinating. I took a frer yesterday (snuck it in my target purchases only to be caught by my husband) and it was all types of wacky. The control line is lighter but the test line varies. Sometimes it’s lighter than my earlier ones which drives me batty. Anyway, I guess there’s a phenomenon called the hook effect that explains it (according to my friend google) but I haven’t tested the theory.
@zuuls_mom I am happy to have you here though I understand how you feel. I feel the same way. lots of good energy to everyone. I think I have everything crossed for all us at this point.
@kagesstarshroom must be something in the air because I totally felt that way today. Went through and spent unproductive time squinting at tests and comparing beta levels on google, all the while judging myself . It’s nice to have the group to connect to during first tri especially ❤️
DS: 18 months
Dx DOR AMH .2
<a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Pregnancy"><img