Childcare in our area (upstate New York) averages between 600 and 800 per month. We currently pay a little more 220/week (about 880/month), for a licensed inhome daycare. It is a little more than we paid for ds1 but ds2 is fed 2 meals a day plus snacks and his sitter is amazing! Lots of music, and books, and play, he has thrived there so for us it is worth a little extra (though I realize it is peanuts compared to what costs are elsewhere). I finally got up the nerve to ask if she could take the new baby too, just this week, and I am so relieved she said yes! One less thing to worry about.
If anyone is struggling finding childcare I highly suggest checking out your state or county’s childcare council. In our county you can fill out an online form and they will send you a lost that matches your needs with local licenses daycares and sitters. It is a good starting point especially if you are looking for childcare in a home environment.
@eatinwatermelonseeds Glad to hear you are feeling better, sending positive thoughts your way!
Daycare in NE Indianapolis is a racket. I am convinced some of these places are trying to shake people down. I toured a facility at lunch today and they wanted an application fee, materials charge (though for infant care, I'd have to provide nearly everything) and first and last week's payment. That could be 600-800 dollars just to hold a spot and it is NONREFUNDABLE! Multiple places I have been recommended to see by my patients who live in the area around where I work are like that. Who has money to throw around like that, especially when there are no spots until 2020?!
I have grad school loans, so we need both incomes, but I am looking into live in nannies right now in case we don't find anything.
Im sorry i havent been active lately, ive been having a hard time keeping up and feel awkward responding days later (im trying to do better).
i live outside of Philadelphia, Pa in the suburbs. Im not sure if childcare is expensive for this area or not (i feel like everything is supermover priced after living in the midwest almost my whole life). However when we first trying to get pregnant i priced several daycares in the area to get a rough estimate and i was quoted between 275-300 a week for a newborn. I thought it was pretty reasonable as it was 1/2 of my take home pay. However sincd becoming pregnant DH has really pushed for the LO not to gondatcare as he went and had didnt like it. As we dont have family in the area that can help watch LO and DHs job has mandatory OT, i will be staying home until LO goes to school. I have worked full time hours since i was 15 years old so its going to be a big adjustment stating home, though dh and I are thankful we are in a position to be able afford doing so.
@eatinwatermelonseeds I wasn’t able to respond earlier but I’m so glad it wasn’t early labor. I’ve passed kidney stones before and what you have described definitely sounds like you did. The pain of passing a stone can also cause contractions so it’s possible while in pain you had a couple and they stopped when you passed the stone. Did they check to see if you have any others sitting in your kidneys?
Ivy: July 2010 | Stella: Dec 2012 | BFP#3: MMC at 11Wk's, July 2017 | Wyatt: April 2019 | BFP#5: Twin Girls due Sept 2020
@robyn2201 they did do an ultrasound but didn't find anything in either one. They only give a tiny bit of info so I'm waiting for the results of the ultrasound to pop up on the portal to get the full picture. They felt pretty confident since my pee cleared that I passed one. But I'm nervous there's more they can't see. The tech said that ultrasound isn't the best avenue to see them because depending on what they're composed of, you can't always see them.
Yes that it true. But it sounds positive that there aren’t anymore. I believe the most common composition is calcium oxalate and they generally are very dense and hard and show up on ultrasounds. I have a very long history with stones and have done a lot of research on them. You may want to see if you can get referred to a urologist at some point. They can do a 24 hour urine collection to see what can be done about diet and prevention.
Wow I cant get over the cost of daycare where some of you live! So expensive! It's about $800-$1000 per child under 3 here. After this baby is born if I can't find a full time teaching position (I'm only part time right now) then I'll definitely be staying home with our kids for a few years. I'd likely do an in home daycare as I have all the qualifications and we would be really strapped living off of only DH's income. I would actually be totally okay doing this and being home with our kids for a while but I'm scared if I do that then I'll never get back into teaching.
I'm cringing at how much day care is for everyone. We are fortunate enough that my mom lives 5 mins away and will keep him. We however are going to pay her something at least. I don't think I could even trust a stranger with my newborn.
@justharrison I think I recall you mentioning the Philly suburbs in the intro thread. Like direct suburbs? My grandparents lived in the Fox Hollow neighborhood when they were alive. I lived truly ina suburb outside the city, right near Valley Forge.
We thought DH would be a sAHD but as we get closer I’m getting nervous because DD loves daycare and we don’t make enough money to keep her in if DH is not working. He would stay home and watch both to make it economically feasible. I feel bad. It’s not that I don’t trust him but I don’t think he’d be happy staying home, even though he’s willing. So even though we’d bring home minimal money I think we might try, at least to begin with, the two working parent thing. And we’re asking our daycare for a two child discount and considering maybe asking DH’s mom to watch them one day a week to save daycare money. Im lucky we have MIL but I can’t in good conscious ask her to help watch the kids as a money saving tactic because she lives on limited disability income. So if she were to watch them more than one day a week, we’d have to pay her. How do others deal with family watching their kids?
Holy Moly on Daycare costs!! We pay $680 a month for DS. They just went up on fees slightly but we will get a discount when he moves to the next room in a month or so and for having 2 kids. It will be about $1,400 a month for both. I am now grateful for our cost of living! If we were looking at what you ladies are being quoted I would be staying home for sure.
I was lucky in that my ex-H stayed home with my first son for the first year (well, he worked nights and watched him during the day, and they both survived, so that's lucky lol). He's been in full time care ever since. It's about $1200 a month for a very good Montessori facility. I have to say, attending daycare and preschool has made him so independent and self sufficient, that I think that alone has been worth the cost. He's learned so many great life skills and he genuinely loves being helpful, doing chores, etc. He sleeps well on his own, entertains himself, makes his own snacks, and I know I owe a lot of that to the care environments he's been in (aka I take very little credit for it ). I think the socialization and independence is well worth it, even if it's a couple days a week or a mother's day out program when they are a little older!
I see some of these prices and get kind of jealous but I also know that I make much more money here than I would anywhere else in the country, so I can't really complain. DH probably also makes more here than he would elsewhere, but not to the same extent since he isn't directly in tech (we say he's tech adjacent). We pay $1700/month for DD - it's a flat rate and some other places start at $2400/month for a newborn and then you get discounts as they move into the upper rooms and it comes down to almost the $1700/month. A 2br 2ba ranch on our street (we're in an apartment) costs $1.5M so the fact that we can afford daycare on our salaries when we can't afford a house is something I'm thankful for. We'll be moving to the east coast sometime in the next 2 years (all dependent on when DH wants to move since I made him move out here and have more flexibility to keep my job on a remote basis, at least for a little while, if we move). We could move further away from our offices and get something a bit more affordable housing (and daycare)-wise but that kind of defeats the purpose for us so when we're fed up with 4 people in a 2br 1ba apartment, we'll move closer to our families (New England or DC areas).
I am hoping that we will get some family support to be able to do part time daycare, but I am not interested in family doing full time for multiple reasons. For one, I think daycares are more aware of your wishes where I am sure my MIL would do what she thinks is best and ignore what we want because clearly she knows better...🙄 I also don't want a family member raising my kid. It sounds awful, but at least daycare is a separation from that.
I am hoping that we will get some family support to be able to do part time daycare, but I am not interested in family doing full time for multiple reasons. For one, I think daycares are more aware of your wishes where I am sure my MIL would do what she thinks is best and ignore what we want because clearly she knows better...🙄 I also don't want a family member raising my kid. It sounds awful, but at least daycare is a separation from that.
My mom watches my kiddo whenever there are school holidays and stuff, and she does a great job, but it doesn't even compare. Like, the TV is always on, there's no real structure, they just hang out and have fun. I mean, she does stuff with him, takes him places, etc, but it's not the same as the school environment. She more or less just babysits him. Which is totally fine for a couple of weeks around Christmas, but not great for everyday.
When our girls were younger DH was freelance and worked like Thur-Sun. So at the beginning of the week he was home with them and then his mom would watch one day and we would have a part time nanny watch them the other. It worked out nice because we didn’t have to do drop off and pick up and saved money. He went full time with the company he was freelancing with a couple of years ago and DD2 went to daycare. DD1 was kinder then. But it cost $800 for the three year old class then, infant was over $1000, and that was two years ago. Right before I quit working they had sent out notices of a year plan to increase rates slowly, up to about $200 more a month!
Ivy: July 2010 | Stella: Dec 2012 | BFP#3: MMC at 11Wk's, July 2017 | Wyatt: April 2019 | BFP#5: Twin Girls due Sept 2020
@eatinwatermelonseeds Exactly what my fear is! I know that there would be no real structure. She is also one of those people that likes to hold them when they are babies but once they become mobile they are too much work.
This is a partial BF... Last night, I asked my husband to talk to his mom and he flipped out about why he had to do it. I then said because I am doing all of the other research and asked if he would rather do that. His response was that he doesn't know what he is doing. And I do??? I am winging it here, babe. 🤣
@lappymom2019 I feel EXACTLY the same way about my MIL. She has made it very clear that she knows better about everything concerning pregnancy and motherhood and won't be listening to my instructions. Her niece has a 2 year old and when I visited them in CA, I remarked how it was so great that she left instructions for us to feed her 2 year old (health snacks, her smoothie recipes, etc) and her routine. My MIL kept saying how insulting it was for her to have done that and she would never follow instructions like that.
Luckily, my husband is starting to see this side of his mother recently. He also agreed that the baby cannot be at their house unless he or I are there because their house is a disaster and I didn't think it was safe. I will take that as a big win, but it forces us to find other options for care.
@lappymom2019 lol DH was in charge of finding the JP for our wedding and basically NOTHING else! I asked his input for certain things but that was the only thing he owned. It was a disaster, lol. It all worked out fine but the guy made a joke (asked us if it was okay first) about how DH reached out to him over a year in advance and then he heard nothing until 3 months before the wedding. When getting ready for DD, I basically did everything medical or care related and he owned the financial and legal stuff (will, trust, guardianship, POA, 529, social security card application, etc.). BUT - I do not have the type of relationship with his mom where I would be the one to ask if she were capable to watch DD (as it is, she's 3,000+ miles away and in her mid 70s so literally not an option). Sometimes he asks me to do something that's "his" and I'm like "you mean on top of making all of the doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, packing her food for daycare, buying all of her clothes/shoes, managing the subscribe and save for diapers/wipes/lotion/YOUR hair gel, deodorant, and soap?" We've had discussions about how he doesn't realize all of the little "mental load" things that I do on a daily basis. Not meant as a BF but that is definitely something that continues and I don't know very many women who have figured out how to share things 50/50.
@lappymom2019 that only got worse for us after baby was born. "I don't know why he's crying, what do I do? You take him" "I don't know either, I'm just winging it! I go through a list until he stops." "I think he's hungry" "he was just on my boob for an hour, he's not hungry, figure it out." "No, I think he's hungry, just try" 😒
@kvh22 EXACTLY. I remember one time, DS was like.... A week old? H let me take a nap. I had 10oz of bm pumped in the fridge, and when I woke up 2 hours later it was all gone. Dude. Then he threw it all up, because what newborn needs 10oz of milk in 2 hours?? 🙄😂 Going to find multiple types of pacifiers this time. DS had bad lip and tongue ties and at that point we only had soothies and he couldn't keep them in his mouth. We found one later on that worked, so I think I'll get like 5 different types 😂
@imrachellea im in between those two area in Abington. Though i will be delivering in Doylestown (all the practices associated with Abington has 10 or more doctors that you cycle through and i was not comfortable with that). Whereas the practice in Doylestown has 3. @knarlytaurus i am really nervous. Ive never been at home for long stretches of time without working (the longest has been 2 months). I know it sounds bad but i would prefer DH to stay home but i cant match what he makes with his OT so i am the obvious choice. I quit my job at the end of December because me and the boss were having issues and i wasnt happy there. So right now im home but i am keeping busy with a million and one projects. I start back at school on monday (only one class) also. I just hope it all works out.
I just found out I don't (at least yet) have GD!! I'm seriously surprised! I thought for sure I would have it due to being overweight this time and the prednisone and shit! Ahhh!!! I'm so excited!!!!
How many moms on here have older kids in school? When they get out at 2:30, and you work full time......how does that work? After school programs? Nanny?
@SpaceBurger this isn't an issue here currently, but before we had after school daycare. He had therapy in the morning, bussed to school, bussed to daycare, and then I picked him up a couple hours later. When he gets to kindergarten, bussing won't be an option. His daycare however has an after school program and they would pick him up from school. I believe they even take them to school, but I'm not certain. We plan on doing that if necessary.
We pay $1500/mon for infant daycare in a center. In home would be about $1000, but is a lot harder to find With two, my entire salary will be health insurance and daycare. DH has to work Saturdays, so he gets a weekday off. Doing a 4day daycare didn't save us that much, and my work refused to let me do a work-from-home day, so bleh. I am going to push harder with my work this time. I think I would go insane as a sahm, and DD1 loves daycare and has gained so much from the structure. So fingers crossed.
@SpaceBurger mine will start Kindergarten this fall and our plan is to have him do before and after school care on site at his school. It's offered for a monthly fee and run by, I believe, the local parks and rec department. I know when I was a kid, our school had a similar setup and it was run by the YMCA. It's pretty reasonable, I think maybe a couple hundred a month?
@justharrison I know Abington, we saw the high school at marching band competitions.
@SpaceBurger The preschool I work at has an before and after school program for kids in K-5. Parents drop off/pick up at needed and we are the last stop for the public school buses before dropping off at the elementary. In the mornings it's mostly organized free play with activities at the tables, but in the afternoon they have actual activities planned by the amazing pre-K teacher I work alongside. She also runs the summer program for elementary aged kids. When I was in college i was an aide at a preschool as well, and a couple times a week I went to a local elementary after school and helped run their on site after school program are assisted at. I attended both an off campus and on campus after school program myself when I was in school.
@SpaceBurger The girls school offers before and after care for an additional fee. It’s like $5 for before care and $12 for after care each day. What’s nice is that it’s a per family fee. DD1 did after care for year and loved it. And when they get to third grade they have the older kids do their homework!
Ivy: July 2010 | Stella: Dec 2012 | BFP#3: MMC at 11Wk's, July 2017 | Wyatt: April 2019 | BFP#5: Twin Girls due Sept 2020
@SpaceBurger I teach high school, so my work hours are earlier and I am able to pick DD1 up from school when she gets out. Others in our area do after care either through the school or through a daycare (there's one that sends a bus to the school to pick kids up).
Me thinks we need a separate daycare thread. Im sure some of these questions will come up again as we get even closer to our due dates. What do you all think??
I went to after school care right at my elementary school. Then we were old enough to walk home at a certain point. Once junior high hit, we'd walk home or have sports practice.
Re: Randoms Week of 1/6/19 - 1/12/19
Childcare in our area (upstate New York) averages between 600 and 800 per month. We currently pay a little more 220/week (about 880/month), for a licensed inhome daycare. It is a little more than we paid for ds1 but ds2 is fed 2 meals a day plus snacks and his sitter is amazing! Lots of music, and books, and play, he has thrived there so for us it is worth a little extra (though I realize it is peanuts compared to what costs are elsewhere). I finally got up the nerve to ask if she could take the new baby too, just this week, and I am so relieved she said yes! One less thing to worry about.
If anyone is struggling finding childcare I highly suggest checking out your state or county’s childcare council. In our county you can fill out an online form and they will send you a lost that matches your needs with local licenses daycares and sitters. It is a good starting point especially if you are looking for childcare in a home environment.
Daycare in NE Indianapolis is a racket. I am convinced some of these places are trying to shake people down. I toured a facility at lunch today and they wanted an application fee, materials charge (though for infant care, I'd have to provide nearly everything) and first and last week's payment. That could be 600-800 dollars just to hold a spot and it is NONREFUNDABLE! Multiple places I have been recommended to see by my patients who live in the area around where I work are like that. Who has money to throw around like that, especially when there are no spots until 2020?!
I have grad school loans, so we need both incomes, but I am looking into live in nannies right now in case we don't find anything.
i live outside of Philadelphia, Pa in the suburbs. Im not sure if childcare is expensive for this area or not (i feel like everything is supermover priced after living in the midwest almost my whole life). However when we first trying to get pregnant i priced several daycares in the area to get a rough estimate and i was quoted between 275-300 a week for a newborn. I thought it was pretty reasonable as it was 1/2 of my take home pay.
However sincd becoming pregnant DH has really pushed for the LO not to gondatcare as he went and had didnt like it. As we dont have family in the area that can help watch LO and DHs job has mandatory OT, i will be staying home until LO goes to school. I have worked full time hours since i was 15 years old so its going to be a big adjustment stating home, though dh and I are thankful we are in a position to be able afford doing so.
Eta:
@eatinwatermelonseeds
A great resource for info is the University of Chicago. Dr Fredric Coe is one of the leading nephrologists in the country. https://kidneystones.uchicago.edu/patients/
I feel bad. It’s not that I don’t trust him but I don’t think he’d be happy staying home, even though he’s willing. So even though we’d bring home minimal money I think we might try, at least to begin with, the two working parent thing. And we’re asking our daycare for a two child discount and considering maybe asking DH’s mom to watch them one day a week to save daycare money.
Im lucky we have MIL but I can’t in good conscious ask her to help watch the kids as a money saving tactic because she lives on limited disability income. So if she were to watch them more than one day a week, we’d have to pay her. How do others deal with family watching their kids?
BFP: 8/20/2018 - EDD 5/4/2019
This is a partial BF... Last night, I asked my husband to talk to his mom and he flipped out about why he had to do it. I then said because I am doing all of the other research and asked if he would rather do that. His response was that he doesn't know what he is doing. And I do??? I am winging it here, babe. 🤣
Luckily, my husband is starting to see this side of his mother recently. He also agreed that the baby cannot be at their house unless he or I are there because their house is a disaster and I didn't think it was safe. I will take that as a big win, but it forces us to find other options for care.
@knarlytaurus i am really nervous. Ive never been at home for long stretches of time without working (the longest has been 2 months). I know it sounds bad but i would prefer DH to stay home but i cant match what he makes with his OT so i am the obvious choice. I quit my job at the end of December because me and the boss were having issues and i wasnt happy there. So right now im home but i am keeping busy with a million and one projects. I start back at school on monday (only one class) also. I just hope it all works out.
@SpaceBurger The preschool I work at has an before and after school program for kids in K-5. Parents drop off/pick up at needed and we are the last stop for the public school buses before dropping off at the elementary. In the mornings it's mostly organized free play with activities at the tables, but in the afternoon they have actual activities planned by the amazing pre-K teacher I work alongside. She also runs the summer program for elementary aged kids. When I was in college i was an aide at a preschool as well, and a couple times a week I went to a local elementary after school and helped run their on site after school program are assisted at. I attended both an off campus and on campus after school program myself when I was in school.