Hi, all. Sorry about the length.
I joined The Bump a long time ago while going through IVF. We dealt with infertility for 3 years, worked a couple times but we miscarried, ultimately decided it was best for us to stop, and now we are adopting a baby boy who is due February 18th. We couldn’t possibly be more excited.
I tell you that backstory to give you context for my current problem. My best friend is a mother to two children. You need to know she never wanted to be a mom (until she tried for a baby with her husband thinking it would take a while & then got pregnant immediately). She loves her kids, now nearly 5 and 3, but hates being a parent. She will say it, too. Told me “welcome to the Suck Club because every stage of parenting sucks!” constantly complaining about her kids and her husband, how tired/stressed/anxious she is literally every day of her life, etc. Her marriage is rocky at best and her oldest misbehaves at preschool - the girl really does have an exhausting life. I don’t know how she does it. But she’s also a helicopter parent which doesn’t make life any easier for her. She brings things on herself & doesn’t see that. I’m not like her in many ways, and my marriage is rock solid & I think we will raise a great kid and be a great team - but still. My best friend is in my ear every day.
Basically, she has complained about her kids ever since the oldest was born, and me dealing with infertility never stopped her. Yet then would have moments of sensitivity toward me with stuff like “omg girl that must be so hard, I’m so sorry you have to go through that” followed up shortly thereafter with “are you SURE you want kids? Listen to how hectic my day has been!” You get the drift.
Now that our baby is due soon and we are really embarking on his journey we have wanted for so long, she’s continuing with the negativity and scaring me with how hard it’ll be. I tried to counter her with pointing out I know lots of people with kids and not everyone seems to hate it that much, and her response was “[her husband] and I laugh at people like that. They’re just hiding it.”
So I gotta know - is it REALLY THAT BAD?! I told her having a baby is NOT harder than constant infertility disappointments but she can’t relate to that at all since she never dealt with that. Help a sister out and tell me it’s not a living nightmare like she makes it out to be. I’m in my 30s, I get it’s not a cake walk. I’m not living in a fantasy about being a parent. But damn if she doesn’t make me second guess even WANTING a baby in the first place.
Thanks, guys! Just trying not to be more nervous as a new parent than I need to be!