UO Thursday/ FFFC Friday

kosmo86 · January 2019

Adding both here since we tend to kind of combine them.

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kosmo86 · January 2019

I am 100% ok with kids having TV time.

I have a coworker whose almost 2 year old has NEVER watched TV. He said he showed him a 2 minute youtube video for the first time last week. That is INSANE to me.

We don't do TV during the week since DD is at daycare and we get only a little time with her but on the weekends its totally fine. SHe has her own tablet and can pull up videos and watch stuff/ play games all by herself and she is 2.5 She also knows all her colors, can count to 10 and sing the alphabet. so she will be just fine.

gollygeeitsamy · January 2019

@kosmo86 Ok, either they are lying or their kid is really chill. Sometimes the only way I can get something done is to put on Daniel Tiger (or other various show) and I'm 100% okay with that.

lyse01 · January 2019

@kosmo86 what if that coworker wants to watch the news? Or god forbid a scripted television show?

sheknows6 · January 2019

DH and I are OAD by choice.

I would never have thought this would come up before this one even gets here but apparently everyone already has #2 on their minds and have proceeded to snottily tell me how I'll change my mind once this LO is here. My aunt literally got upset and snapped at me about how I'm selfish for not wanting a sibling for her..... are you planning on contributing to the cost of 2 under 5 in daycare?!

Why are people so obsessed with other people's family size?! I've never understood this.

batmama31 · January 2019

@sheknows6, WORD! I knew we'd be done after 2, even before we had our first. the first thing MIL said when we told her we were having another boy was, "well, now you need to try for a girl." um, no we don't. I just want 2 little things that my husband and I will mold into better humans than ourselves. that's it. and other folks, family, friends, co-workers, have expressed their disappointment when we tell them we're done after this. um.. unless you plan on helping us raise a 3rd, keep your opinions to yourself!

browneyes88-2 · January 2019

Our 21 month old isn't really in to TV. Don't get me wrong, we've tried but he's just not interested. Sometimes I just wish he would watch a show so I could get some work done around the house or relax on a plane but he would rather play with his toys, or books, or us. All in good time.

kosmo86 · January 2019

@sheknows6 - I thought about being one and done but for me the cons outweighed the pros. I am a 2nd generation only child (both my mom and myself are only children, not by choice) , as a kid I was totally fine with it. As an adult it is kind of awful. My mom is having to take care of her parents now and has to shoulder 100% of the burden and there is no one to help or lean on (besides me). My mom and Dad also come with issues and I have had to deal with them alone. I hate that my family is so small and feel like I have issues bonding with people my own age and wish I had a sibling.

sheknows6 · January 2019

@kosmo86 I'm truly sorry to hear that. I have quite a few friends that are only children and I have heard both sides of the coin from each of them. Some of them wish they had a sibling like you and some of them don't. I've also heard something along the lines of "but they'll be weird, they'll be lonely, they'll be spoiled" etc. repeatedly and I disagree.

In my experience, having a sibling doesn't make you less lonely, and there is no guarantee you'll even bond or get along with them. I have a sister who is 14 months younger than me and we never speak. We hated each other growing up and even now that I'm expecting and she'll be an aunt, we still don't talk and I don't see this changing. My DH has a younger brother who is 13 months younger and while they get along, they don't really talk outside of family get-togethers/holidays and are not close.

IMO you should have more than one child because you want more than one child, full stop. I have a nuclear family and have found more meaning and closeness with outside friends that I'm not related to than my own flesh and blood. It really boils down to this: it's a different experience for each person.

I wish people didn't equate having a sibling to some sort of magic cure-all to loneliness/personality quirks/hardships (not saying that you are, it's just an observation).

kaitykins · January 2019

I think people project their own family size beliefs because they want validation for how they feel, if you agree, “yes more kids or yes we will try for a girl etc...” that is validation for them. Vs if you choose one child or to not care about your kids being all the same sex they feel the need to second guess their lifestyle choices.

we watch tv, but she didn’t until about 18m. And from 18-24m it was mostly Casper baby pants music videos. She is super sensitive and can’t handle Disney movies or anything with strife or disobedience or villains. She just cries. We do a lot of Daniel tiger and super why right now. She just turned 3 a couple weeks ago.

catherineclaire78 · January 2019

My dad is an only child and hated it, completely hated it. So much so that he says it’s why he thinks he married my mom, because he fell in love with having a big family (she’s one of 8)—obviously not the best reason to get married and it didn’t last lol. On the other hand I know plenty of incredibly great people and friends who are only children who loved being only children. This is our fourth baby, but he was a surprise and so he will be 9, 12, and 14 years apart from the other three kids—so in many respects will grow up like an only child. I’m just grateful he will have three cousins within 6 months of him to hopefully provide the sibling-type experience.

thatbaintforbetty · January 2019

Also just because you have siblings doesn’t mean they are capable or willing to potentially share in the care of aging parents or life decisions.

You even say the word doctor and my sister passes out. I’m fully aware that any help or care my parents will need will rest solely on my shoulders. My youngest half-siblings are 20+ years my junior, and will not probably be in any place in life to help in any way.

And for DH, neither of his sisters are responsible enough to handle such a thing for their dad. Or care enough either. His youngest sibling (who has a different dad) will probably never leave his mom. Not that she would probably let her.

HGRich · January 2019

@kbirchtree my DD is really sensitive like that too. Pretty much all she watches is Sarah and Duck. But we don’t do much tv because it turns her into a monster. But I definitely use it if I have to.

kosmo86 · January 2019

I actually always LOVED being an only child until about 2 years ago. My grandfather died and a lot of the burden got placed on me because my mom could not handle it. Also my mom is clinically depressed and basically needs a lot of help and I just can't help her nor do I have the time to get her the help that she needs. My poor DH did not plan to sign up to be a caregiver either.

Besides myself I know LOTS of only children. Most only children are well adjusted and just fine (but yes most of us are VERY spoiled). Most of the happiest only children I know still have a lot of family around (cousins, aunts, uncles)

kaitykins · January 2019

HGRich said:

@kbirchtree my DD is really sen sitive like that too. Pretty much all she watches is Sarah and Duck. But we don’t do much tv because it turns her into a monster. But I definitely use it if I have to.

thats my daughters favorite but we can’t watch it anymore because they left Netflix.

HGRich · January 2019

@kbirchtree I was so mad they did that! But I ended up buying a few seasons on amazon prime video. I hope they decide to come back to Netflix at some point.

batmama31 · January 2019

I have to echo what @sheknows6 & @thatbaintforbetty touched on: having multiple kids doesn't guarantee they will be close, or help each other in adulthood, or anything else for that matter. just the same, having any child under the expectation that they will give you or anyone else anything in return is setting oneself up for disappointment. I have a friend who is a OAD b/c she "doesn't want to die alone." I'll never tell her that is the wrong reason to have any child. but I think it is. there is nothing that guarantees her daughter will be at her side when she goes. our children don't ask to be born. they owe us nothing. and siblings don't owe each other anything, either. it's sad. I don't like it. I wish my siblings and I were closer. but I have to remind myself that they don't owe me anything. it hurts, but that's reality.

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