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May 2019 Moms
gurrieri2018
member
Weighing Dual Military Options
gurrieri2018
member
Hey everyone. I am AD AF, as is my husband, and we are expecting our first child in May. I've been struggling a lot with the decision to get out after I give birth. On one hand, I really want to be active in my child's life. My father was military, and my mom worked full time and neither one of them was home too much so it was just me and my younger siblings and I wish I had more time with my parents growing up. BUT on the other hand, I've never not worked before and the consistency of being in the military has been nice. I could always get a job on the side, or a job working from home. I just really wanted to know other mom's experiences with this or any thoughts/opinions. TIA.
Re: Weighing Dual Military Options
That said, I freaking HATED going from being AD to an AD spouse. My husband was Army, so it was a different world, but PCSing sucked. AD, you basically have a ready-made life-- job, friendship opportunities, etc. But as a spouse, you're on your own. It was a massive adjustment. Like, all the crappy parts of the military, but none of the fun stuff.
Another possibility is finding a GS job (eventually) and when your husband PCS's, you can go about getting your own orders. I actually started getting into the nursing field partly for that reason. If I worked at a military hospital, then when my husband came on orders, I would too. But this definitely varies based on availability of positions. It's a really difficult decision, I understand that. Just because I can't imagine having kids while being AD doesn't mean you can't do it and be happy with your decision, that's just with my experiences.
Good luck, love ♥️
I will say that, for myself, time with my kids is so so important. I quit a job at the end of last year because they were requiring me to work every single Saturday, which meant that every single Saturday I was missing doing fun things with my kids. My oldest daughter started to resent me which was so SO hard. I work full time now, but only Monday to Friday, which works really well for us. No matter what, it's a really hard decision, feeling like you have to choose between family and career.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
DD: 8/20/14; DS: 11/13/16; DD: 5/3/19; DD: 8/31/21; Baby #5 (team green) due 3/24/24
DS1 is 7. DD is 1. DS2 is coming in late April.
Not military, but I have a ton of military friends due to living in a state with a high military population.
Is a temporary separation at all an option for you? A friend of mine and her H were both AD CG, and she did this when she had their first child. She said it was so easy it was scary - as in, joining the military requires tons of paperwork and all sorts of hoops to jump through and things to do, but the temporary separation was just signing a form. She could do up to two years. If that's an option, it might be a good way to figure out what you want.
Separated Navy O here, with lots of friends who are still in as dual-mil.
Are you close to retirement? If so, it may be worth staying in for the financial and health care security, especially during the time your child won’t really remember.
Can one of you switch to reserves or go FTS? This is a solution for a lot of dual-mil couples during child-bearing years so that the clock keeps ticking toward retirement and so they don’t actually have to implement family care plans (as often...obviously reserves still deploy but there’s usually an op deferment upon transition to reserves, and obviously one associated with pregnancy and post partum timing). One friend moved accompanied to Bahrain as AD with a reserve husband, who subsequently activated on reserve orders to Bahrain. He’s been able to take R&R leave while she’s attended schools CONUS to care for their 2 kids. And plenty of people have swapped back to AD afterwards.
What’s your child care status? Dual mil has priority at CDCs, well, to the extent that there are spaces available (which there often aren’t). Do you have parents who are able and willing to move short/long term to assist in child care or are you basically geographically isolated from your support system? Will you end up paying for an au pair/nanny to cover odd work hours? (Sounds like your job is single shift, but DH’s might rotate around the clock, so if you’re deployed, he might need overnight child care.) Can you do that on a single salary, or will you need family sep allowances to cover child care costs?
Are you and DH on co-lo orders with aligned PRDs or is there going to be a gap during your next PCS? Can you align your PRDs? If no one can extend or leave early, then it’s going to be very rough to geobach with an infant (but NOT impossible). I have another friend who is a reservist at school in Boston (DH AD in SoCal), with an infant, and they spent the pregnancy scrimping and saving so they can fly regularly now to spend time as a family. They have a retired parent assisting with child care.
Do you have or need credentials as an accountant that are going to be difficult to transfer between states? I have no idea, but know that the laws are struggling to catch up with helping mil spouses have portable licenses. In that case, you may find yourself needing to stay AD through the end of this tour, establish yourself with a company that offers telework/remote locations after DH’s next PCS, and stick with them forever. Or go GS. Or stay mil.