Hello, I need feedback. I'm 42 and the DW is 35: we live in a South East Asian country. I'm American and DW is a local. We spent 2017 TTC naturally and in 2018 we did 3 failed rounds of IUI.
4 years ago she had a ruptured ovarian cyst removed via surgery, no problems since. Our fertility clinic has given her a physical exam and an U/S. She was given 1 blood test before 1st IUI: we were never shown the results, nor were they explained to us. No additional blood tests. In all three rounds of IUI she took Clomid and had 3-4 eggs present. During the 3rd round, the Dr. said that 1 ovary was not producing eggs. She won't explain why or suggest treatment for it.
I was obese, but I have lost 33lbs in the past 11 weeks: now overweight- working on it. The clinic did 1 semen analysis before 1st IUI, no additional tests during our 2nd and 3rd IUI. Original results: low morphology and low total concentration:sperm morphology 2% by KSC, total concentration 15.6 M/ml. The Dr. will not discuss possible causes of this or treatment. She has not done any blood tests on me, nor have I been given a physical exam. I can't find a qualified western trained urologist or endocrinologist.
I decided to get my own blood tests at a private lab: 4 months ago my Testosterone was 501. After weight loss, it shot to 764, on 11/03/18. After that, I decided to go on Clomid. On 11/17/18, my T went over 1,000! However, my Estrodial levels were above normal for men. So, I decided to put myself on Arimidex. In this country, you can get almost any medication without a prescription. Yesterday, I did another blood test: My T is over 1500 and my E has leveled off to normal. Essentially, I am engaging in medical experimentation on myself, due to a lack of information coming from our Dr.
I don't trust her. I don't like her. I believe she does not like me. She has us wait 1-2 hours for every appointment. She only gives us 10-15 minutes face time per visit. While she can speak English well, she spends most of the time speaking the local language with DW, who also speaks English well. Whenever I ask questions, Dr. deflects them or changes the subject. The culture here is that you never question a Dr. However, I expect a Dr. to give me their best hypothesis, tell me what would falsify it, what the evidence is to support it, what competing hypotheses there are and why they reject them. Any decent mechanic does that, why can't an educated Dr.? She diagnosed us with unexplained infertility, but will not explain why.
She is now hard selling the wife into IVF without explaining why. All expenses are OOP. Doing 1 round of IVF will put us in debt. Doing 2-3 would ruin us financially. The other clinic in country is beyond our price range. We could go to better clinics in a neighboring country, but we would burn through savings and I would have to quit my job. They won't give me that much time off.
Meanwhile, DW is desperate to have a kid. In fact, so are MIL, SILs, my mother, my sisters and all of our female coworkers. The failed 3rd IUI has taken a toll: DW oscillates between wanting to give up and wanting to do IVF. I am worried this infertility issue will become a festering wound in our otherwise happy marriage.