Just need to put it out there to the universe...

I am freaking out and just need to put it out there, and I know you ladies may understand. Sorry if this is the wrong board. 

My DH and I have been married for 10 years. We literally have been trying for babies for pretty much our entire marriage. It took four years and all the fertility treatments in the world to have my first son, one round of IVF to get pregnant with my second son (almost died in shock)... 

Fast forward and my my youngest son will turn 2 in december. When the doctor asked if I wanted to go on birth control after my second, I laughed because I’ve only been pregnant twice and both times were after some serious effort and significant amount of purpose thrown at it. 

I’ve not had a regular period since my second. I nursed for almost one year, and in the last year have only had my period three times. My doctor said if I didn’t get my period that we would force start it and do some bloodwork and see if there was a reason. Last night I was to take the pill to do so but had to first take a pregnancy test... it came back positive. Five times - 3 different brands. I have never had a BFP... ever. In ten years of unprotected sex (minus the IVF cycles or doctor recommended times)... never once. 

My husband and I are so excited and scared... scared because it’s hard to get your hopes up. Scared because false positives can happen for scary reasons. Scared because my body has felt out of whack for months, and we were looking for answers and got this excellent news... but it’s the weekend and I can’t talk or meet with anyone to confirm it. I’m scared because the last period I got was in August, so I could be 12 weeks along but also know that I’ve been so irregular that I have no clue. Scared it isn’t actual positive and that I know it will crush me. 

We were not and did not not want to try for a third. I always said that if I got pregnant randomly that it would be a sign -  more so people would stop asking me. Upon seeing the BFP, I was confused and scared because I’ve never been caught off guard, but in less than 12 hours, this shifted to so much hope. 

I’m scared of it not being real and how it’s going to crush me. And I know that so many if you understand that part and very few people can. 

If you managed to get this far, I owe you a cookie. Thanks for reading, and I wish you all luck on your journey. IF is so hard and I know I am one of the lucky ones.