May 2019 Moms

Unpopular Opinions 11/29

2

Re: Unpopular Opinions 11/29

  • @chloe97 I do not think yours is an unpopular opinion. At 22 I thought I was SO OLD πŸ˜‚πŸ˜­ now at almost 30 I look back and realize we were babies. Our whole relationship was impulsive. I've shared before that we started dating in September, moved in together in October were engaged in November and married in January. Almost 7 years ago. It was INSANE. We had a lot of rude awakenings because yes, we were growing up together but we were also getting to know each other at the same time. There's just so much you can't possibly know about a person in 4 months (go figure πŸ™„πŸ˜‚). Having a baby was a rude awakening. We love our kid, and I'm not sure we ever could've gotten to this point without him, but we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. I think I'll likely spend the rest of our lives (if our marriage continues to be successful) wondering how the f we got here. But I will say this: our fighting has improved. Both frequency and how we fight. Some of our biggest disconnects (help from him) is constantly improving. Also, our entire relationship has been me in school. (Yes, it took me a long ass time to get a freaking associate's πŸ˜‚) and now he's been in school the last 3.5 years. I think there are even better days ahead. I hope.Β 
  • @chloe97 This was actually my concern. I've been with DH since I was 16 and he was 18 but we got married at 27 and 29. I had shit to do first and was not interested in being a 22, 23, or 24yo bride (although DH would have married me way back then) expected to churn out children. We went to (separate) college(s), studied abroad different places at different times, and I moved across the country so we were distance for almost 2 years before he moved to CA (and another almost 2 years before that for study abroad and internships I had in NY and CA). DH is "the guy you marry" and I didn't want to throw it away since IMO we met "too early." I do not encourage people to do long distance or get caught up in their high school relationships BUT I think we have one of the strongest relationships of most of the people I know because of all the work we put in and our communication skills are amazing at this point. I was big on making sure we "grew together" if we stayed together and was constantly trying to make sure we weren't just staying together for the sake of it. I think that's me agreeing and disagreeing with your UO at the same time.

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  • This is totally because I didn't grow up with it, but Santa creeps me the f out. Don't even get me started on elf on a shelf.

  • @DuchessOfCambridge I wrote a paper on Christmas traditions/origins around the world and it was really interesting to learn/write about all the different versions of Santa but I can kinda see that. There's a reason there are all those crying kids in pictures with Santa you mentioned earlier. I didn't grow up with elf on the shelf and I definitely think it's weird.

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  • @eatinwatermelonseeds my cousin and his wife have the absolute best pictures of their kids sitting on the Easter bunny's lap. At first it was their daughter sobbing for 3-4 years, then when she grew out of it, they had a son that picked up the family tradition πŸ€£πŸ˜‚. I get it though - a giant white bunny! ?Wtf?Β 
  • @eatinwatermelonseeds the Easter bunny also freaks me out! Something else I didn't grow up with. We're not doing tooth fairy either. My parents were like "the tooth fairy isn't real, God is real, but if you really want we can put money under your pillow after you fall asleep" πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  • @wishiwaspreggo YES! Some days my son eats great and some days not so much but he’s fed. We have a snack basket with a variety of options from healthy, fruits and granola bars, to the unhealthy, cookies and cheese-its. He picks his own snack and normally he’ll pick a healthy option first and then if he comes back for more he might pick something unhealthy.

    @eatinwatermelonseeds How terrible! I would expect other parents to be a bit more understanding having probably experienced that situation or something similar themselves.

    @duchessofcambridge 100% agree. I’m not going to force my kid to sit with Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. just for a picture if he is terrified and crying. And yes, Elf on the Shelf is so dang creepy!


    I hate apple pie, really any pie with fruit in it. Yuck.






  • BTW, I feel like I have to say this out of respect. If santa/Easter bunny/etc were things parents also believed, I'd keep my mouth shut. I don't get down on other people's beliefs. I think it's because they're sort of a lie? that kids later find out is made up that I feel okay finding them creepy πŸ˜† I understand they are others traditions though. My plan with my kids is to say "we don't have santa/bunny because we don't celebrate Christmas/Easter" and I think that should be sufficient for them to tell classmates and not ruin their family's traditions.

  • We have always told our kids that Santa is just pretend, (same for tooth fairy and Easter bunny).Β  They do get an Easter basket and a Christmas stocking, but they know they are from us.Β  We have never before taken them to see Santa, until this year.Β  Both my brothers families get totally into Santa, so we have to play along every other year and pray our kids don't spoil it.Β  When we were together for Thanksgiving, my sil wanted to get a picture with all the kids with this authentic looking Santa in Minneapolis.Β  When we were about to head over, my very logically minded 6 year old said fairly loudly, "Why are we going to go see a fake Santa?"Β  Luckily, the older ones all know and I don't think any of the little ones heard him.
  • @mrskoz428 right now he can't read, so I don't even label πŸ˜‚ but yeah, I won't do that. I remember that as a kid.Β 
  • @fatmonica We've always told our kiddos that Santa is a pretend game we play, and we all get to be Santa and surprise people with a gift. That being said, DD1 still gets WAY excited about the idea of Santa. I re-explain it to her every year, but this year she seemed genuinely shocked by it.
    kids with flags
  • @eatinwatermelonseeds I feel the same way about Santa. I loved believing and I love Christmas! I do feel weird "fibbing" to my kiddos. If my kids ever ask about the mall Santas I plan to just tell then they are not really Santa, just helpers. Santa is way too busy in the North Pole to be in every mall across the country lol. My 6 year old said he doesn't want to go see the mall Santa and I am so fine with that lol. I thought about not doing the Santa thing when my oldest was little but just went along with it... so here we are lol.









  • @ElleJDubs last year I got a video of Santa saying his name and talking to him, and watching him light up and ask Santa where he was and if he was coming to give him presents. It just completely solidified my choice. We don't do mall Santas, I don't have the patience and I honestly think the atmosphere would be so overwhelming for him. But I did consider a sensory friendly Santa I just always forget to order tickets.Β 
  • My mom always said mall Santas weren't real - just helpers. I never wanted to see them. We've never taken DD to see Santa and probably won't unless/until she's old enough to ask. But DH insists on doing that whole Santa magic/gifts from Santa. I don't like the lying, but it's not forever. I can't decide if I want to do Elf on a Shelf, but I am LAZY so I feel like I shouldn't open that can of worms.Β 

    My UO is that I don't enjoy alcohol - never really did, just drank socially and tried to like it - and I don't miss it at all. In no way does it enhance my life. And I hate those wine glasses that say "Mommy's Sippy Cup."Β  Barf. I probably won't pick up drinking again even after this baby is born. My dad also stopped drinking around age 35, and I totally get why. Oh, supporting data: we both get "Asian Glow" (if you don't know what this is, please Google it), and it's extremely uncomfortable. It's not just turning red (skin flushing) from drinking, it's head pounding, heart racing, getting super hot, and then after the body processes/flushes out the alcohol it's had, and you get really cold and go into instant hangover. In college this made for never being hungover the next day and being able to wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, but the few times I've had a decent amount to drink after turning 25 have been extra horrible for me. I'm just done with it, I think.Β 
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  • @poshspice staying sober gets increasingly easy when I have friends who get drunk and make stupid decisions frequently. It reminds me of why I quit and why I never want to drink again. I stopped drinking when I was 22. I got a lot of questions and a lot of people telling me I didn't have a problem and they had no idea why I wasn't drinking. I'm learning more and more who I always have been and who I never really was. I was never really that girl who got drunk and did stupid shit. Physically, yes, daily, but mentally and emotionally-- that wasn't who I wanted to be. I had values before I started drinking, strong ones. I think a lot was stolen from me and caused me to drink, and turned me into that person. But I heal daily, and staying sober is why. I see absolutely no appeal in drinking anymore. None at all.Β 
  • @eatinwatermelonseeds I think I'm lucky because the asian glow thing makes me get sick before I can get black out drunk. I've thrown up from drinking way more than from being pregnant - and I think that's another deterrent for me. Good for you for making the choice! My dad never had a problem with alcohol, and I haven't either, but I feel like it's just not for me anymore. I don't enjoy the taste, it doesn't provide a good feeling for me, and it's just a waste of my time.Β 
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  • @poshspice I’m not a big drinker, either. I will, when not pregnant, enjoy a glass of wine or a Bloody Mary once a month maybe? But my dad is a recovering alcoholic of 22 years and a few years ago, I had to pull my FIL off my MIL because he was becoming angry and abusive because he had to much to drink. I hate the drinking environment, especially in my hometown, because it’s so overwhelming for me. I grew up in the town that has the most bars on one street, the worlds largest six pack, three colleges, and a brewery. It’s the norm here so I am definitely an outlier as far as not enjoying the drinking culture.
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  • @poshspice I don't drink at all so I'm with you! I actually really don't like the mom drinking culture. My kid does not drive me to drink. Don't get me wrong, he totally tires me out, but in a way that means I need to zone out on the couch for a bit with no one talking to or touching me, not have a drink.

  • @eatinwatermelonseeds- I think that might be even worse! You're already in the trenches so to speak and they kick you when you're down! I wish there were more moms who can tell it like it is without feeling like a "bad mom". Sometimes parenting sucks! It's amazing, but sometimes it's really terrible. No one needs an audience judging...Β 
  • @Sarahbtek I found an autism mom here (1 πŸ˜‚) who I will go to her house while our sons are at school and we will just talk about every aspect of life in such a real and raw way with no judgment. It's really nice. I think it's rare to find that in a whole group, but I at least found it in one person lol.Β 
  • @wishiwaspreggo I want to take my son to Disney soooo bad RIGHT NOW. He's at this age still where his imagination is SO big and everything is real. And I wish I could freeze that, but I know it won't last forever. We were going to take him in June, but baby threw a bit of a wrench in our plans. Thinking maybe for his birthday but bummed because it won't be the same.Β 

    That said, πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘ totally agree with your entire comment.Β 
  • @eatinwatermelonseeds - Disney is really magical with little ones :) they get so into it! My son was so elated to be there. Even just stepping out of the hotel and feeling the warmth and sunshine was enough to make him gasp and shout "I love it!" We're used to incredibly dreary winters in Indiana so our brief time in the sun was very welcome. You should be fine to go with a baby, though. I don't know how long it's been since your last time going but all the parks are very parent-friendly. They have baby care centers where you can breastfeed and pump, and they sell at-cost items like bottles, diapers, wipes, infant medicine, etc. It's truly amazing. We took DS when he was just under 2 and we ran out of supplies. The baby care center was a godsend. They even have a nurse there who can help answer questions. I give them an A+ in accommodating families with small kids!
    And, thank you :) I don't want to be an asshole but I know a mom who thinks telling their kids about Santa is lying but then turns around and sneak their boyfriend into their house when the kids are sleeping. She's got her priorities completely mixed up IMO.
  • @wishiwaspreggo my biggest hang up with going to Disney with a baby is that we can't both enjoy the rides with him. I don't know, I'm sure it'll all be great then, but I think it's that small part of me that's a little sad our family of 3 is expanding. Very small part and just because our dynamic right now has worked for 5 years and been all about him. And soon it won't be. Okay, sorry, totally off topic, but it's a part of going to Disney that I was excited to do BEFORE adding a new addition. I wish we could get there sooner with just the 3 of us and go later when baby is older.Β 
  • @eatinwatermelonseeds - I completely understand!! DS has been to Disney a few times already (I married into a Disney family) so for me it's a different approach. But yeah, for his first time I'm glad it was just us and no baby. I get it. I have the same feeling of sadness too, especially with twins :( I feel guilty, like I'm throwing his world upside down against his will. But I know in the end it's for the best. Having siblings adds a dimension to your life that you wouldn't have otherwise.
  • @wishiwaspreggo exactly. I feel like I'm turning his whole little world upside down. And he's SO excited. He wants his little brother. But I'm not sure he totally gets what that means and I really hope I am able to somehow just double my attention versus taking away from him, though I know that's unrealistic. I will need a plan. A big one, knowing my susceptibility to depression, to make sure both boys feel loved and attended to all the time. Why am I going to cry right now? πŸ˜©πŸ˜‚ Get it together. Shew.Β 
  • Idk, I wouldn't necessarily be like "that's not really Mickey Mouse" if we went to Disney, but if my son met characters and asked me if they were real, I'd say no. I think make believe and imaginary play is important and a part of childhood, but that's different than my child asking "is my imaginary friend real" and me saying yes. Again though, I don't understand Santa because I didn't grow up with it but I get that it's a holiday tradition and I'm not going to go around telling kids Santa isn't real :lol: And hopefully my kids will just explain it as "we don't celebrate Christmas so we don't have Santa" and leave it at that and not ruin anything for other kids and their traditions. That's what I used to say and no one thought twice about it, my classmates were like yeah, that makes sense. I don't think you shouldn't do it or that you're a bad parent for doing it or anything like that, I just don't get it, but that doesn't really matter because it's not my holiday! Maybe other people think I'm a bad parent for not playing along with make believe stuff, idk, but I'll do what works for us.

    By the way, I think Disney magic is different. I love Winnie the Pooh and went back as an adult - I met the characters and cried and was like - this college kid in this costume definitely thinks I'm crazy :lol::lol::lol:

  • @DuchessOfCambridge my son had an imaginary brother for a while when he was about 2 or 2.5. It was obviously because a lot of his schoolmates were getting younger siblings and he wanted to participate in that in some way. So he made up a brother. Named him Greyson (which is crazy, he knows nobody with that name). He'd tell me the things Greyson did, stories about him, etc. My ex's immediate reaction was to tell him no, you don't have a brother, there is no Greyson, etc. But I always just played along with it. You could tell he didn't really think Greyson was real. He just wanted to feel like the other kids at school.Β 

    When we told him we were pregnant with this baby, my mom asked him if he didn't want to name this baby GreysonΒ  :D
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  • @sleepy33 so that I agree with. If it was clear my kid understood it was imaginary, I'd play too. Play is okay with me, thinking imaginary friends are real is not. Also that's really cute and I think Greyson is a super cute name too

  • Maybe my UO is this week's brunch :lol: But I get that, because I'm in the minority who doesn't celebrate Christmas and had a really strict upbringing with strong ties to religion at its core. I'm still navigating how to make religion fun for my kids!

  • lol @ this week's brunchΒ  :D
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  • @DuchessOfCambridge I don't think this is as much of an outrage as brunch πŸ˜‚ I just think it's a topic there are a lot of different opinions on. You're not the only person on the board or that I know in real life who doesn't teach their kid about Santa, and honestly I think it's really interesting to hear the different reasons why. Be it religion, upbringing, just personal preference, they think it's lying. I actually find this topic, whether I agree or not with the discussion, very interesting. I'm actually glad it was brought up.Β 
  • @eatinwatermelonseeds that's true, hating on brunch was taking it too far :lol::lol:

  • @poshspice I definitely enjoy drinking but don't mind at all not drinking during pregnancy. I think those cheesy wine glasses are stupid, too, though. I got drunk twice in the past 2+ years - at a friend's wedding a few months postpartum and at a work conference when we were out drinking as a team after our successful event - but that's literally just meaning I know I was over .08 and couldn't drive. No hangover or anything. I'm in the height/weight range where one drink very quickly puts me over the legal limit. I think if I had bad reactions to alcohol I would feel completely differently about that casual drinking, though. Also, a family history of addiction would make me worried. We definitely drink frequently but not a lot, if that makes sense. The total drinks/week before I got pregnant with DD was definitely higher than the average American. While I was breastfeeding I exclusively drank sparkling or red wine or craft beer from a local brewery because I didn't want to waste what I was having on dumb stuff.

    I doubt this is really much of a FFFC but I definitely would start drinking while DD would nurse if we were wine tasting or out at an event with alcohol and I was having any. I was very strategic to have my one drink so that she wouldn't get much, if any, in her system. The rule of thumb for most is that if you can drive a car, you can nurse your baby, but I tried to play it a bit more conservative than that - which sometimes meant drinking while actively nursing which seems counter-intuitive until you really think about it.

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  • @kvh22 I don't know why, since I don't drink, but I actually researched that when I was nursing. Maybe I was taking a medication? Or someone brought it up on Facebook, but I honestly don't see anything wrong with nursing while breastfeeding. The alcohol won't go directly to your breast milk, it's not like baby is doing a little beer bong via breast. I mean, I may judge if you're getting smashed while nursing, as that could be dangerous (carrying baby, etc), but otherwise I'm surprisingly unphased by that confession lol.Β 
  • My UO is that I tend to believe pretty negative things overall regarding people who are extremely picky eaters. I know being a picky eater (for the most part) is a very minor part of their personality, but I've never met an educated, successful,Β mature, responsible, good humored, attractive adult... who refuses to eat vegetables. Grow up!
    I went on a date with a guy one time to a pretty expensive restaurant. He ordered a $30 steak dinner and refused to eat anything but the meat; it came with soup, salad, rice, veggies, shrimp as sides. I was like "well this is a last date" and I took his rice and veggies home with me.Β  :)Β 
  • @DuchessOfCambridge - Okay, I get not doing Santa if you don't celebrate Christmas to begin with! And I get it if you don't do it for religious reasons (some Christians think Halloween is Satanic and my brother almost married a woman who didn't want to celebrate Christmas because of its ties to Paganism). But I roll my eyes so hard at parents who say they don't want to "lie" with make-believe and then go around telling their kids actual, real, harmful lies like "Condoms are porous so the sperm will slip right through them."
    That and I really believe childhood is the only time in your life when fantasy feels real and it feels really good to nurture that in my 3 year old. Now when he's 6, 7, or 8 and asking me to help him distinguish what's real and what's not, I will be completely open and honest.
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