My Recent Experience - Chemical Pregnancy & Phantom Twins

hopeful207 · November 2018

**Trigger Warnings: Positive Test(s) & Loss**

Ok, so.. This is a bit of a crazy story, but here it is:

I had my last regular period Sunday September 30th, starting late evening.

I have been tracking my cycles and using the calendar method for birth control for the past 9+ years. I have a very regular 28-30 day cycle, very rarely as few as 26 or as many as 32 days.

I estimated the risky days to be Thursday October 11th to Wednesday October 17th, based on most likely ovulation on the 15th.

I had sex with my partner on October 10th and again on October 24th. Nothing in-betwern, protected or otherwise. The 10th was cutting it kinda close, but it was his birthday. I did kegels as I fell asleep with his cum inside me and when I woke up the next morning it seemed to be gone, but it didn't seem to have leaked anywhere.

The morning of the 11th my sex drive had suddenly disappeared. This continued through my expected fertile period, which is very unusual for me. Then the other symptoms started. Nausea, strange cravings (steak & bagels mainly), low energy, very moody, super sense of smell, and I even thought I felt what seemed like implantation twinges, a strange sorta but not quite uncomfortable feeling in my lower abdomen, different than cramps. Not ovulation, either. I know what that feels like, and where.

Monday October 29th was the date of my expected period, but it didn't come.

Tuesday October 30th bo period, so I took a FRER with FMU. Negative.

Friday November 2nd, same thing.

Monday November 5th I was a full week late. I took another FRER test with FMU (very dehydrated) and this time it showed a faint positive. Faint but definitely there at the appropriate 3 minute read time. First positive pregnancy test in my entire life. I'm 28.

I was so excited I rushed to the clinic to confirm. But their test required twice as much HCG to register as FRER and it was now later in the morning, so it was no surprise when it came out negative. I made an appointment the following week to retest.

On the drive home, I started to bleed. My periods usually start with pink or light red spotting and increase from there, but this was different. I felt a strange twinge in my cervix and when I went to investigate I found a lot of thick, dark brown/red substance that looked like old blood and/or tissue.

I continued to bleed heavily for 2 days with some small clots, then spotted for 3 more. During this time I was incredibly weak, had zero energy, was super achey, and it felt like the more I moved the more I bled.

At this point, I understood I had most likely had a chemical pregnancy but there was a small chance that it was either an ectopic pregnancy or that I was pregnant with multiples.

I took another FRER test on the morning of Saturday November 10th and it was negative. That made ectopic more likely than multiples (but with chemical oregnancy still the most likely by far).

I was feeling very emotional and wanted to be sure I didn't have an ectopic, so I drove to the er to request an ultrasound to rule it out. I told the triage nurse I estimated chance of chemical oregnancy at 95%, chance of ectopic at 4%, and chance of multiples at 1%. And I explained it was worth it to me to pay for the ultrasound to rule out ectopic despite the relatively low likelihood.

While waiting for the practitioner, they piss test me. Negative. No surprise there. Then she refuses to run any further tests (after I hadn't even requested the UA) and I had to ask for a different practitioner.

This one was much nicer, but said since it was the weekend he didn't have an ultrasound tech on site to run the equipment. We compromised on a quantitative blood test, with the agreement that if it was just very low we would retest in a few days. It was zero. I left smiling and happy, assured I was not about to have a little explosion in my reproductive organs.

On the drive home I instinctively laid a hand on my lower abdomen and felt that it was still hard to the touch. I wondered why I had forgotten to mention that to the doctor. Oh well, I thought, it will probably go away soon.

But then something strange happened. As soon as I had finished spotting, some of my symptoms seemed to change and even get worse. My cravings for steak turned into an aversion to steak, and I developed a strong aversion to chocolate. I usually love chocolate, but I tried to eat a Reece's cup and ended up spitting it out in the trash. I also started having to pre much more often (sorry, tmi), about twice as often during the day and 2-3 times throughout the night. I regained most of my energy, but still felt occasionally lightheaded. And my constipation was getting worse, where as it was usually releaved when I got my period. I also felt what seemed like possible a second implantation on the opposite side from the first right after the bleeding. Not by my ovaries like ovulation twinges, but each in opposite upper corners of my uterus. I also was having trouble sleeping, and ended up basically building a maternity pillow out of 4 smaller pillows. When I did manage to get to sleep, I had very weird dreams.

Now the strangest part...

The night after going to the ER, Sunday November 11th, I was lying in bed on my side with one hand resting on my abdomen and I felt something strange. It felt like the faintest movement. I had been gassy and this felt similar to that but distinctly different.

Now that was nearly a week ago and I seem to feel bits of movement pretty much every time I lay my hand on my abdomen. My abdomen also seems to be swelling, and when I put my hand on it I dont feel like my intestines are right there. It is difficult to explain, but I feel pregnant. More specifically, it feels like I am pregnant with twins.

Of course it would be insane to be feeling movement this early, so I did some quick math. When I thought I started feeling movement was almost exactly 14 weeks before I had had another sexual encounter. This one had been just 2 days before my expected ovulation, putting me in my peak fertile range. But... I had been getting periods regularly since then up until this most recent one.

So now I'm not sure what is going on. FRER with FMU yesterday Sunday November 18th is still negative, but I seem to be feeling what seems like movement more and more frequently and with increasing intensity.

It is almost certainly psychosomatic. After all, I wanted a baby so bad when I was 14 (and still a virgin) that I started lactating and have been ever since.

But... I can't help but wonder. There are stories scattered around of women diagnosed late because they dont test positive for HCG. My little sister kept bleeding regularly until she found out she was pregnant at 15 weeks. I know I have low estrogen, but not super low. I also know I have off the charts low HGH (despite being average height), and wonder if that might contribute to not producing HCG normally.

In conclusion, I am still uncertain. I am torn between grieving for my loss and being hopeful that I may still be carrying. In a failed attempt at compromise, I find myself doing both simultaneously.

This is not an "Am I Pregnant?" Thread. I know those are not allowed. I am just sharing my experience to get it off my chest. Please feel free to leave any comments that feel relevant, empathy or disdain or personal experience. I'm open to anything.

Thank you for reading.

hopeful207 · November 2018

Apologies for any typos. I just wanted to submit before firefox deleted it all a second time and now it won't let me edit. Hopefully you can at least understand what I am trying to say.

delujm0 · November 2018

Why don't you call your OBGYN? The emergency room is ill equipped to assist you with pregnancy concerns. ER doctors are not OBs. Your OB could see a potential pregnancy on an ultrasound as early as 5 weeks based on the date of your last period and it seems like you're in that range. So maybe stop overanalyzing and self-diagnosing a chemical pregnancy and just go see a professional who has been trained in women's health and pregnancy.

Please do not self diagnose a loss without having had a doctor ever confirm your pregnancy. It's entirely possible that you just had a weird cycle and that the 2 days of heavy bleeding followed by spotting was just your period.

Also after seeing your post o the BOTB board, I'm wondering if any of what you've said in either post is true.

stassischroeder · November 2018

sheknows6 · November 2018

hopeful207 said:

**Trigger Warnings: Positive Test(s) & Loss**

Ok, so.. This is a bit of a crazy story, but here it is:

I had my last regular period Sunday September 30th, starting late evening.

I have been tracking my cycles and using the calendar method for birth control for the past 9+ years. I have a very regular 28-30 day cycle, very rarely as few as 26 or as many as 32 days.

I estimated the risky days to be Thursday October 11th to Wednesday October 17th, based on most likely ovulation on the 15th.

I had sex with my partner on October 10th and again on October 24th. Nothing in-betwern, protected or otherwise. The 10th was cutting it kinda close, but it was his birthday. I did kegels as I fell asleep with his cum inside me and when I woke up the next morning it seemed to be gone, but it didn't seem to have leaked anywhere.

The morning of the 11th my sex drive had suddenly disappeared. This continued through my expected fertile period, which is very unusual for me. Then the other symptoms started. Nausea, strange cravings (steak & bagels mainly), low energy, very moody, super sense of smell, and I even thought I felt what seemed like implantation twinges, a strange sorta but not quite uncomfortable feeling in my lower abdomen, different than cramps. Not ovulation, either. I know what that feels like, and where.

Monday October 29th was the date of my expected period, but it didn't come.

Tuesday October 30th bo period, so I took a FRER with FMU. Negative.

Friday November 2nd, same thing.

Monday November 5th I was a full week late. I took another FRER test with FMU (very dehydrated) and this time it showed a faint positive. Faint but definitely there at the appropriate 3 minute read time. First positive pregnancy test in my entire life. I'm 28.

I was so excited I rushed to the clinic to confirm. But their test required twice as much HCG to register as FRER and it was now later in the morning, so it was no surprise when it came out negative. I made an appointment the following week to retest.

On the drive home, I started to bleed. My periods usually start with pink or light red spotting and increase from there, but this was different. I felt a strange twinge in my cervix and when I went to investigate I found a lot of thick, dark brown/red substance that looked like old blood and/or tissue.

I continued to bleed heavily for 2 days with some small clots, then spotted for 3 more. During this time I was incredibly weak, had zero energy, was super achey, and it felt like the more I moved the more I bled.

At this point, I understood I had most likely had a chemical pregnancy but there was a small chance that it was either an ectopic pregnancy or that I was pregnant with multiples.

I took another FRER test on the morning of Saturday November 10th and it was negative. That made ectopic more likely than multiples (but with chemical oregnancy still the most likely by far).

I was feeling very emotional and wanted to be sure I didn't have an ectopic, so I drove to the er to request an ultrasound to rule it out. I told the triage nurse I estimated chance of chemical oregnancy at 95%, chance of ectopic at 4%, and chance of multiples at 1%. And I explained it was worth it to me to pay for the ultrasound to rule out ectopic despite the relatively low likelihood.

While waiting for the practitioner, they piss test me. Negative. No surprise there. Then she refuses to run any further tests (after I hadn't even requested the UA) and I had to ask for a different practitioner.

This one was much nicer, but said since it was the weekend he didn't have an ultrasound tech on site to run the equipment. We compromised on a quantitative blood test, with the agreement that if it was just very low we would retest in a few days. It was zero. I left smiling and happy, assured I was not about to have a little explosion in my reproductive organs.

On the drive home I instinctively laid a hand on my lower abdomen and felt that it was still hard to the touch. I wondered why I had forgotten to mention that to the doctor. Oh well, I thought, it will probably go away soon.

But then something strange happened. As soon as I had finished spotting, some of my symptoms seemed to change and even get worse. My cravings for steak turned into an aversion to steak, and I developed a strong aversion to chocolate. I usually love chocolate, but I tried to eat a Reece's cup and ended up spitting it out in the trash. I also started having to pre much more often (sorry, tmi), about twice as often during the day and 2-3 times throughout the night. I regained most of my energy, but still felt occasionally lightheaded. And my constipation was getting worse, where as it was usually releaved when I got my period. I also felt what seemed like possible a second implantation on the opposite side from the first right after the bleeding. Not by my ovaries like ovulation twinges, but each in opposite upper corners of my uterus. I also was having trouble sleeping, and ended up basically building a maternity pillow out of 4 smaller pillows. When I did manage to get to sleep, I had very weird dreams.

Now the strangest part...

The night after going to the ER, Sunday November 11th, I was lying in bed on my side with one hand resting on my abdomen and I felt something strange. It felt like the faintest movement. I had been gassy and this felt similar to that but distinctly different.

Now that was nearly a week ago and I seem to feel bits of movement pretty much every time I lay my hand on my abdomen. My abdomen also seems to be swelling, and when I put my hand on it I dont feel like my intestines are right there. It is difficult to explain, but I feel pregnant. More specifically, it feels like I am pregnant with twins.

Of course it would be insane to be feeling movement this early, so I did some quick math. When I thought I started feeling movement was almost exactly 14 weeks before I had had another sexual encounter. This one had been just 2 days before my expected ovulation, putting me in my peak fertile range. But... I had been getting periods regularly since then up until this most recent one.

So now I'm not sure what is going on. FRER with FMU yesterday Sunday November 18th is still negative, but I seem to be feeling what seems like movement more and more frequently and with increasing intensity.

It is almost certainly psychosomatic. After all, I wanted a baby so bad when I was 14 (and still a virgin) that I started lactating and have been ever since.

But... I can't help but wonder. There are stories scattered around of women diagnosed late because they dont test positive for HCG. My little sister kept bleeding regularly until she found out she was pregnant at 15 weeks. I know I have low estrogen, but not super low. I also know I have off the charts low HGH (despite being average height), and wonder if that might contribute to not producing HCG normally.

In conclusion, I am still uncertain. I am torn between grieving for my loss and being hopeful that I may still be carrying. In a failed attempt at compromise, I find myself doing both simultaneously.

This is not an "Am I Pregnant?" Thread. I know those are not allowed. I am just sharing my experience to get it off my chest. Please feel free to leave any comments that feel relevant, empathy or disdain or personal experience. I'm open to anything.

Thank you for reading.

QFP

Mack2342 · November 2018

Is this post for real?

hopeful207 · November 2018

delujm0 said:

Why don't you call your OBGYN? The emergency room is ill equipped to assist you with pregnancy concerns. ER doctors are not OBs. Your OB could see a potential pregnancy on an ultrasound as early as 5 weeks based on the date of your last period and it seems like you're in that range. So maybe stop overanalyzing and self-diagnosing a chemical pregnancy and just go see a professional who has been trained in women's health and pregnancy.

Please do not self diagnose a loss without having had a doctor ever confirm your pregnancy. It's entirely possible that you just had a weird cycle and that the 2 days of heavy bleeding followed by spotting was just your period.

Also after seeing your post o the BOTB board, I'm wondering if any of what you've said in either post is true.

I dont have an OB. I currently have no health insurance. I also have no PCP. I tried just calling a women's health facility, but they said I needed a series of referrals for them to even see me. Then I called Maine Family Planning and they said they would do an ultrasound for $100 if I wanted one, but that the resolution on their machines weren't good enough to pick up anything under 6 weeks (I though I would have been 5.5 at the time).

Um... pretty sure a weird cycle would not make a pregnancy test turn positive. In fact, I have a bachelors degree in medical sciences and am quite certain that is not a real occurrence. If I had not gotten the positive test, I would be willing to accept a strangely irregular cycle as a possible diagnosis.

Why do you wonder? It is all entirely true. There are no contradictions, so what is causing your skepticism?

hopeful207 · November 2018

cait32 said:

"It is almost certainly psychosomatic." After all, I wanted a baby so bad when I was 14 (and still a virgin) that I started lactating and have been ever since.

The most relevant part of your entire post is bolded above.

I think you should probably talk to a therapist rather than an OB. Between this and your post about timing the next 4 years of cycles to make sure you give birth by 35 (despite not currently having someone you want to get you pregnant), I'm concerned that you have an unhealthy obsession with pregnancy. It sounds like you had a period. I question whether the one test you claim was positive actually was, based on the timing of everything (its never taken me until a missed period to get a positive HPT). I really recommend you talk to a counselor. And this board is for women who have been through losses -- not speculative losses, but actual real confirmed losses that they've grieved. Don't borrow trouble.

I'm not asking for any trouble. I thought this was for women to share their experiences. I am grieving a loss, and I had a practitioner double check my test and say it was indeed positive (I took a picture at the appropriate read time, but I'm not allowed to post it here). In fact, many practitioners will intentionally not diagnose chemical pregnancies to shelter women from the reality of what they lost. And not getting a positive test until that late is actually a normal (but not consistant) occurrence in chemical pregnancy. An unhealthy cluster of fetal cells will often not produce hcg normally and therefore not show until late if at all. Same is true of ectopic pregnancies, which is why I wanted to rule that out.

I understand you disagree with my priorities, but imo I think everyone else has an unhealthy obsession with getting married and settling down in monogamous relationships. Everyone has different wants and needs and goals and life experiences. I dont think wanting to try to conceive in the next 4 years makes me baby crazy.

hopeful207 · November 2018

sheknows6 said:

hopeful207 said:

**Trigger Warnings: Positive Test(s) & Loss**

Ok, so.. This is a bit of a crazy story, but here it is:

I had my last regular period Sunday September 30th, starting late evening.

I have been tracking my cycles and using the calendar method for birth control for the past 9+ years. I have a very regular 28-30 day cycle, very rarely as few as 26 or as many as 32 days.

I estimated the risky days to be Thursday October 11th to Wednesday October 17th, based on most likely ovulation on the 15th.

I had sex with my partner on October 10th and again on October 24th. Nothing in-betwern, protected or otherwise. The 10th was cutting it kinda close, but it was his birthday. I did kegels as I fell asleep with his cum inside me and when I woke up the next morning it seemed to be gone, but it didn't seem to have leaked anywhere.

The morning of the 11th my sex drive had suddenly disappeared. This continued through my expected fertile period, which is very unusual for me. Then the other symptoms started. Nausea, strange cravings (steak & bagels mainly), low energy, very moody, super sense of smell, and I even thought I felt what seemed like implantation twinges, a strange sorta but not quite uncomfortable feeling in my lower abdomen, different than cramps. Not ovulation, either. I know what that feels like, and where.

Monday October 29th was the date of my expected period, but it didn't come.

Tuesday October 30th bo period, so I took a FRER with FMU. Negative.

Friday November 2nd, same thing.

Monday November 5th I was a full week late. I took another FRER test with FMU (very dehydrated) and this time it showed a faint positive. Faint but definitely there at the appropriate 3 minute read time. First positive pregnancy test in my entire life. I'm 28.

I was so excited I rushed to the clinic to confirm. But their test required twice as much HCG to register as FRER and it was now later in the morning, so it was no surprise when it came out negative. I made an appointment the following week to retest.

On the drive home, I started to bleed. My periods usually start with pink or light red spotting and increase from there, but this was different. I felt a strange twinge in my cervix and when I went to investigate I found a lot of thick, dark brown/red substance that looked like old blood and/or tissue.

I continued to bleed heavily for 2 days with some small clots, then spotted for 3 more. During this time I was incredibly weak, had zero energy, was super achey, and it felt like the more I moved the more I bled.

At this point, I understood I had most likely had a chemical pregnancy but there was a small chance that it was either an ectopic pregnancy or that I was pregnant with multiples.

I took another FRER test on the morning of Saturday November 10th and it was negative. That made ectopic more likely than multiples (but with chemical oregnancy still the most likely by far).

I was feeling very emotional and wanted to be sure I didn't have an ectopic, so I drove to the er to request an ultrasound to rule it out. I told the triage nurse I estimated chance of chemical oregnancy at 95%, chance of ectopic at 4%, and chance of multiples at 1%. And I explained it was worth it to me to pay for the ultrasound to rule out ectopic despite the relatively low likelihood.

While waiting for the practitioner, they piss test me. Negative. No surprise there. Then she refuses to run any further tests (after I hadn't even requested the UA) and I had to ask for a different practitioner.

This one was much nicer, but said since it was the weekend he didn't have an ultrasound tech on site to run the equipment. We compromised on a quantitative blood test, with the agreement that if it was just very low we would retest in a few days. It was zero. I left smiling and happy, assured I was not about to have a little explosion in my reproductive organs.

On the drive home I instinctively laid a hand on my lower abdomen and felt that it was still hard to the touch. I wondered why I had forgotten to mention that to the doctor. Oh well, I thought, it will probably go away soon.

But then something strange happened. As soon as I had finished spotting, some of my symptoms seemed to change and even get worse. My cravings for steak turned into an aversion to steak, and I developed a strong aversion to chocolate. I usually love chocolate, but I tried to eat a Reece's cup and ended up spitting it out in the trash. I also started having to pre much more often (sorry, tmi), about twice as often during the day and 2-3 times throughout the night. I regained most of my energy, but still felt occasionally lightheaded. And my constipation was getting worse, where as it was usually releaved when I got my period. I also felt what seemed like possible a second implantation on the opposite side from the first right after the bleeding. Not by my ovaries like ovulation twinges, but each in opposite upper corners of my uterus. I also was having trouble sleeping, and ended up basically building a maternity pillow out of 4 smaller pillows. When I did manage to get to sleep, I had very weird dreams.

Now the strangest part...

The night after going to the ER, Sunday November 11th, I was lying in bed on my side with one hand resting on my abdomen and I felt something strange. It felt like the faintest movement. I had been gassy and this felt similar to that but distinctly different.

Now that was nearly a week ago and I seem to feel bits of movement pretty much every time I lay my hand on my abdomen. My abdomen also seems to be swelling, and when I put my hand on it I dont feel like my intestines are right there. It is difficult to explain, but I feel pregnant. More specifically, it feels like I am pregnant with twins.

Of course it would be insane to be feeling movement this early, so I did some quick math. When I thought I started feeling movement was almost exactly 14 weeks before I had had another sexual encounter. This one had been just 2 days before my expected ovulation, putting me in my peak fertile range. But... I had been getting periods regularly since then up until this most recent one.

So now I'm not sure what is going on. FRER with FMU yesterday Sunday November 18th is still negative, but I seem to be feeling what seems like movement more and more frequently and with increasing intensity.

It is almost certainly psychosomatic. After all, I wanted a baby so bad when I was 14 (and still a virgin) that I started lactating and have been ever since.

But... I can't help but wonder. There are stories scattered around of women diagnosed late because they dont test positive for HCG. My little sister kept bleeding regularly until she found out she was pregnant at 15 weeks. I know I have low estrogen, but not super low. I also know I have off the charts low HGH (despite being average height), and wonder if that might contribute to not producing HCG normally.

In conclusion, I am still uncertain. I am torn between grieving for my loss and being hopeful that I may still be carrying. In a failed attempt at compromise, I find myself doing both simultaneously.

This is not an "Am I Pregnant?" Thread. I know those are not allowed. I am just sharing my experience to get it off my chest. Please feel free to leave any comments that feel relevant, empathy or disdain or personal experience. I'm open to anything.

Thank you for reading.

QFP

I have no intention of deleting or altering my post after the fact. It is my experience. I am not ashamed of it. I see empathy and compassion are hard to come by here if your experiences are anything other than the usual, but that does not change the experiences themselves. My post is simply my experience, nothing more and nothing less.

hopeful207 · November 2018

Mack2342 said:

Is this post for real?

Yes. And happy to answer any more specific questions if you happen to have any.

hopeful207 · November 2018

stassischroeder said:

This seems awfully close to violating forum guidelines, but I have no interest in reporting because I did welcome unkind responses. I guess I just didn't expect them to be 100% of the replies I received.

Mack2342 · November 2018

I think most of us are questioning this because it is for those greiving and this post went from a chemical pregnancy to a could I still be pregnant with twins. Based on what you posted and if I’m reading this correctly you could have had a chemical pregnancy since you say you had one positive FRER but all testable since then have been negative including a blood test so it doesn’t sound like you are pregnant with twins

delujm0 · November 2018

hopeful207 said:

delujm0 said:

Why don't you call your OBGYN? The emergency room is ill equipped to assist you with pregnancy concerns. ER doctors are not OBs. Your OB could see a potential pregnancy on an ultrasound as early as 5 weeks based on the date of your last period and it seems like you're in that range. So maybe stop overanalyzing and self-diagnosing a chemical pregnancy and just go see a professional who has been trained in women's health and pregnancy.

Please do not self diagnose a loss without having had a doctor ever confirm your pregnancy. It's entirely possible that you just had a weird cycle and that the 2 days of heavy bleeding followed by spotting was just your period.

Also after seeing your post o the BOTB board, I'm wondering if any of what you've said in either post is true.

I dont have an OB. I currently have no health insurance. I also have no PCP. I tried just calling a women's health facility, but they said I needed a series of referrals for them to even see me. Then I called Maine Family Planning and they said they would do an ultrasound for $100 if I wanted one, but that the resolution on their machines weren't good enough to pick up anything under 6 weeks (I though I would have been 5.5 at the time).

Um... pretty sure a weird cycle would not make a pregnancy test turn positive. In fact, I have a bachelors degree in medical sciences and am quite certain that is not a real occurrence. If I had not gotten the positive test, I would be willing to accept a strangely irregular cycle as a possible diagnosis.

Why do you wonder? It is all entirely true. There are no contradictions, so what is causing your skepticism?

Ok so on the BOTB board you claim to be ready to be a single mother you want a child so badly, but you don't have health insurance? Girl, please get your life in order before you willingly become a single mom. From what I'm reading, you are nowhere near mature enough to handle that kind of challenge. I know single mothers. That has to be the hardest job on earth.

Also if you have no health insurance, who is paying for these trips to the ER to check on the baby? You live in the US, I assume, because you mentioned Maine. You can call an OBGYN at any time without a referral. Or just walk into a Planned Parenthood. Please do not get pregnant without access to prenatal care, for the sake of the baby's health.

Also, a single faint positive pregnancy test could very easily have been a false positive, especially in a blue dye test. No one can diagnose a loss other than a doctor, so please stop coming to this board full of women who are grieving actual confirmed losses to talk nonsense. A random unusual cycle is far more likely than a chemical pregnancy, and until a doctor confirms your loss, I'd assume that's what this is.

sheknows6 · November 2018

hopeful207 said:

sheknows6 said:

hopeful207 said:

**Trigger Warnings: Positive Test(s) & Loss**

Ok, so.. This is a bit of a crazy story, but here it is:

I had my last regular period Sunday September 30th, starting late evening.

I have been tracking my cycles and using the calendar method for birth control for the past 9+ years. I have a very regular 28-30 day cycle, very rarely as few as 26 or as many as 32 days.

I estimated the risky days to be Thursday October 11th to Wednesday October 17th, based on most likely ovulation on the 15th.

I had sex with my partner on October 10th and again on October 24th. Nothing in-betwern, protected or otherwise. The 10th was cutting it kinda close, but it was his birthday. I did kegels as I fell asleep with his cum inside me and when I woke up the next morning it seemed to be gone, but it didn't seem to have leaked anywhere.

The morning of the 11th my sex drive had suddenly disappeared. This continued through my expected fertile period, which is very unusual for me. Then the other symptoms started. Nausea, strange cravings (steak & bagels mainly), low energy, very moody, super sense of smell, and I even thought I felt what seemed like implantation twinges, a strange sorta but not quite uncomfortable feeling in my lower abdomen, different than cramps. Not ovulation, either. I know what that feels like, and where.

Monday October 29th was the date of my expected period, but it didn't come.

Tuesday October 30th bo period, so I took a FRER with FMU. Negative.

Friday November 2nd, same thing.

Monday November 5th I was a full week late. I took another FRER test with FMU (very dehydrated) and this time it showed a faint positive. Faint but definitely there at the appropriate 3 minute read time. First positive pregnancy test in my entire life. I'm 28.

I was so excited I rushed to the clinic to confirm. But their test required twice as much HCG to register as FRER and it was now later in the morning, so it was no surprise when it came out negative. I made an appointment the following week to retest.

On the drive home, I started to bleed. My periods usually start with pink or light red spotting and increase from there, but this was different. I felt a strange twinge in my cervix and when I went to investigate I found a lot of thick, dark brown/red substance that looked like old blood and/or tissue.

I continued to bleed heavily for 2 days with some small clots, then spotted for 3 more. During this time I was incredibly weak, had zero energy, was super achey, and it felt like the more I moved the more I bled.

At this point, I understood I had most likely had a chemical pregnancy but there was a small chance that it was either an ectopic pregnancy or that I was pregnant with multiples.

I took another FRER test on the morning of Saturday November 10th and it was negative. That made ectopic more likely than multiples (but with chemical oregnancy still the most likely by far).

I was feeling very emotional and wanted to be sure I didn't have an ectopic, so I drove to the er to request an ultrasound to rule it out. I told the triage nurse I estimated chance of chemical oregnancy at 95%, chance of ectopic at 4%, and chance of multiples at 1%. And I explained it was worth it to me to pay for the ultrasound to rule out ectopic despite the relatively low likelihood.

While waiting for the practitioner, they piss test me. Negative. No surprise there. Then she refuses to run any further tests (after I hadn't even requested the UA) and I had to ask for a different practitioner.

This one was much nicer, but said since it was the weekend he didn't have an ultrasound tech on site to run the equipment. We compromised on a quantitative blood test, with the agreement that if it was just very low we would retest in a few days. It was zero. I left smiling and happy, assured I was not about to have a little explosion in my reproductive organs.

On the drive home I instinctively laid a hand on my lower abdomen and felt that it was still hard to the touch. I wondered why I had forgotten to mention that to the doctor. Oh well, I thought, it will probably go away soon.

But then something strange happened. As soon as I had finished spotting, some of my symptoms seemed to change and even get worse. My cravings for steak turned into an aversion to steak, and I developed a strong aversion to chocolate. I usually love chocolate, but I tried to eat a Reece's cup and ended up spitting it out in the trash. I also started having to pre much more often (sorry, tmi), about twice as often during the day and 2-3 times throughout the night. I regained most of my energy, but still felt occasionally lightheaded. And my constipation was getting worse, where as it was usually releaved when I got my period. I also felt what seemed like possible a second implantation on the opposite side from the first right after the bleeding. Not by my ovaries like ovulation twinges, but each in opposite upper corners of my uterus. I also was having trouble sleeping, and ended up basically building a maternity pillow out of 4 smaller pillows. When I did manage to get to sleep, I had very weird dreams.

Now the strangest part...

The night after going to the ER, Sunday November 11th, I was lying in bed on my side with one hand resting on my abdomen and I felt something strange. It felt like the faintest movement. I had been gassy and this felt similar to that but distinctly different.

Now that was nearly a week ago and I seem to feel bits of movement pretty much every time I lay my hand on my abdomen. My abdomen also seems to be swelling, and when I put my hand on it I dont feel like my intestines are right there. It is difficult to explain, but I feel pregnant. More specifically, it feels like I am pregnant with twins.

Of course it would be insane to be feeling movement this early, so I did some quick math. When I thought I started feeling movement was almost exactly 14 weeks before I had had another sexual encounter. This one had been just 2 days before my expected ovulation, putting me in my peak fertile range. But... I had been getting periods regularly since then up until this most recent one.

So now I'm not sure what is going on. FRER with FMU yesterday Sunday November 18th is still negative, but I seem to be feeling what seems like movement more and more frequently and with increasing intensity.

It is almost certainly psychosomatic. After all, I wanted a baby so bad when I was 14 (and still a virgin) that I started lactating and have been ever since.

But... I can't help but wonder. There are stories scattered around of women diagnosed late because they dont test positive for HCG. My little sister kept bleeding regularly until she found out she was pregnant at 15 weeks. I know I have low estrogen, but not super low. I also know I have off the charts low HGH (despite being average height), and wonder if that might contribute to not producing HCG normally.

In conclusion, I am still uncertain. I am torn between grieving for my loss and being hopeful that I may still be carrying. In a failed attempt at compromise, I find myself doing both simultaneously.

This is not an "Am I Pregnant?" Thread. I know those are not allowed. I am just sharing my experience to get it off my chest. Please feel free to leave any comments that feel relevant, empathy or disdain or personal experience. I'm open to anything.

Thank you for reading.

QFP

I have no intention of deleting or altering my post after the fact. It is my experience. I am not ashamed of it. I see empathy and compassion are hard to come by here if your experiences are anything other than the usual, but that does not change the experiences themselves. My post is simply my experience, nothing more and nothing less.

QFP

Your experience is that you had your period, and QFP'ing is incredibly common. None of us have any way to know you won't DD, and being that you're incredibly new to the forums and have a very limited post history along with the absolute bonkers nature of this post, the QFP is warranted. You aren't pregnant with twins, and the medical providers you went to declined an US because your UA tested negative. There was no reason, other than the ones in your mind, to test you further.

I also happen to think posting something like this on the loss board is incredibly unempathetic, unkind, lacking compassion, and downright rude. You don't have a confirmed loss, and you appear to think you know more than trained medical professionals which is also incredibly thoughtless to the ladies on this board that are actually suffering confirmed losses and relying on medical intervention.

My advice would be to seek psychological evaluation before becoming pregnant, because between this post and the one you made on BOTB, you seem unwell. Good luck to you.

stassischroeder · November 2018

hopeful207 said:

cait32 said:

"It is almost certainly psychosomatic." After all, I wanted a baby so bad when I was 14 (and still a virgin) that I started lactating and have been ever since.

The most relevant part of your entire post is bolded above.

I think you should probably talk to a therapist rather than an OB. Between this and your post about timing the next 4 years of cycles to make sure you give birth by 35 (despite not currently having someone you want to get you pregnant), I'm concerned that you have an unhealthy obsession with pregnancy. It sounds like you had a period. I question whether the one test you claim was positive actually was, based on the timing of everything (its never taken me until a missed period to get a positive HPT). I really recommend you talk to a counselor. And this board is for women who have been through losses -- not speculative losses, but actual real confirmed losses that they've grieved. Don't borrow trouble.

I'm not asking for any trouble. I thought this was for women to share their experiences. I am grieving a loss, and I had a practitioner double check my test and say it was indeed positive (I took a picture at the appropriate read time, but I'm not allowed to post it here). In fact, many practitioners will intentionally not diagnose chemical pregnancies to shelter women from the reality of what they lost. And not getting a positive test until that late is actually a normal (but not consistant) occurrence in chemical pregnancy. An unhealthy cluster of fetal cells will often not produce hcg normally and therefore not show until late if at all. Same is true of ectopic pregnancies, which is why I wanted to rule that out.

I understand you disagree with my priorities, but imo I think everyone else has an unhealthy obsession with getting married and settling down in monogamous relationships. Everyone has different wants and needs and goals and life experiences. I dont think wanting to try to conceive in the next 4 years makes me baby crazy.

1. The practitioner you saw without health insurance?
2. That's not a thing.
3. The basic fact of you wanting to conceive in the next 4 years is definitely not what we're concerned about.

I'm calling MUD.

hopeful207 · November 2018

Mack2342 said:

I think most of us are questioning this because it is for those greiving and this post went from a chemical pregnancy to a could I still be pregnant with twins. Based on what you posted and if I’m reading this correctly you could have had a chemical pregnancy since you say you had one positive FRER but all testable since then have been negative including a blood test so it doesn’t sound like you are pregnant with twins

I dont believe I am pregnant. If that changed, I would move on to another part of the forum. Perhaps there is some confusion between phantom pregnancy and cryptic pregnancy? In a phantom pregnancy, the person experiences symptoms but is not actually pregnant. I believe that to be the case with me.

hopeful207 · November 2018

delujm0 said:

hopeful207 said:

delujm0 said:

Why don't you call your OBGYN? The emergency room is ill equipped to assist you with pregnancy concerns. ER doctors are not OBs. Your OB could see a potential pregnancy on an ultrasound as early as 5 weeks based on the date of your last period and it seems like you're in that range. So maybe stop overanalyzing and self-diagnosing a chemical pregnancy and just go see a professional who has been trained in women's health and pregnancy.

Please do not self diagnose a loss without having had a doctor ever confirm your pregnancy. It's entirely possible that you just had a weird cycle and that the 2 days of heavy bleeding followed by spotting was just your period.

Also after seeing your post o the BOTB board, I'm wondering if any of what you've said in either post is true.

I dont have an OB. I currently have no health insurance. I also have no PCP. I tried just calling a women's health facility, but they said I needed a series of referrals for them to even see me. Then I called Maine Family Planning and they said they would do an ultrasound for $100 if I wanted one, but that the resolution on their machines weren't good enough to pick up anything under 6 weeks (I though I would have been 5.5 at the time).

Um... pretty sure a weird cycle would not make a pregnancy test turn positive. In fact, I have a bachelors degree in medical sciences and am quite certain that is not a real occurrence. If I had not gotten the positive test, I would be willing to accept a strangely irregular cycle as a possible diagnosis.

Why do you wonder? It is all entirely true. There are no contradictions, so what is causing your skepticism?

Ok so on the BOTB board you claim to be ready to be a single mother you want a child so badly, but you don't have health insurance? Girl, please get your life in order before you willingly become a single mom. From what I'm reading, you are nowhere near mature enough to handle that kind of challenge. I know single mothers. That has to be the hardest job on earth.

Also if you have no health insurance, who is paying for these trips to the ER to check on the baby? You live in the US, I assume, because you mentioned Maine. You can call an OBGYN at any time without a referral. Or just walk into a Planned Parenthood. Please do not get pregnant without access to prenatal care, for the sake of the baby's health.

Also, a single faint positive pregnancy test could very easily have been a false positive, especially in a blue dye test. No one can diagnose a loss other than a doctor, so please stop coming to this board full of women who are grieving actual confirmed losses to talk nonsense. A random unusual cycle is far more likely than a chemical pregnancy, and until a doctor confirms your loss, I'd assume that's what this is.

I pay cash out of pocket for my medical expenses. OB said they would not see me without referral from PCP. Planned parenthood does not offer ultrasounds or prenatal care. Maine family planning did not have good enough ultrasound machine. I used a pink dye test. I have a bachelors degree in medical sciences. I am not a doctor, but I do have a significant amount of knowledge on the subject.

hopeful207 · November 2018

sheknows6 said:

hopeful207 said:

sheknows6 said:

hopeful207 said:

**Trigger Warnings: Positive Test(s) & Loss**

Ok, so.. This is a bit of a crazy story, but here it is:

I had my last regular period Sunday September 30th, starting late evening.

I have been tracking my cycles and using the calendar method for birth control for the past 9+ years. I have a very regular 28-30 day cycle, very rarely as few as 26 or as many as 32 days.

I estimated the risky days to be Thursday October 11th to Wednesday October 17th, based on most likely ovulation on the 15th.

I had sex with my partner on October 10th and again on October 24th. Nothing in-betwern, protected or otherwise. The 10th was cutting it kinda close, but it was his birthday. I did kegels as I fell asleep with his cum inside me and when I woke up the next morning it seemed to be gone, but it didn't seem to have leaked anywhere.

The morning of the 11th my sex drive had suddenly disappeared. This continued through my expected fertile period, which is very unusual for me. Then the other symptoms started. Nausea, strange cravings (steak & bagels mainly), low energy, very moody, super sense of smell, and I even thought I felt what seemed like implantation twinges, a strange sorta but not quite uncomfortable feeling in my lower abdomen, different than cramps. Not ovulation, either. I know what that feels like, and where.

Monday October 29th was the date of my expected period, but it didn't come.

Tuesday October 30th bo period, so I took a FRER with FMU. Negative.

Friday November 2nd, same thing.

Monday November 5th I was a full week late. I took another FRER test with FMU (very dehydrated) and this time it showed a faint positive. Faint but definitely there at the appropriate 3 minute read time. First positive pregnancy test in my entire life. I'm 28.

I was so excited I rushed to the clinic to confirm. But their test required twice as much HCG to register as FRER and it was now later in the morning, so it was no surprise when it came out negative. I made an appointment the following week to retest.

On the drive home, I started to bleed. My periods usually start with pink or light red spotting and increase from there, but this was different. I felt a strange twinge in my cervix and when I went to investigate I found a lot of thick, dark brown/red substance that looked like old blood and/or tissue.

I continued to bleed heavily for 2 days with some small clots, then spotted for 3 more. During this time I was incredibly weak, had zero energy, was super achey, and it felt like the more I moved the more I bled.

At this point, I understood I had most likely had a chemical pregnancy but there was a small chance that it was either an ectopic pregnancy or that I was pregnant with multiples.

I took another FRER test on the morning of Saturday November 10th and it was negative. That made ectopic more likely than multiples (but with chemical oregnancy still the most likely by far).

I was feeling very emotional and wanted to be sure I didn't have an ectopic, so I drove to the er to request an ultrasound to rule it out. I told the triage nurse I estimated chance of chemical oregnancy at 95%, chance of ectopic at 4%, and chance of multiples at 1%. And I explained it was worth it to me to pay for the ultrasound to rule out ectopic despite the relatively low likelihood.

While waiting for the practitioner, they piss test me. Negative. No surprise there. Then she refuses to run any further tests (after I hadn't even requested the UA) and I had to ask for a different practitioner.

This one was much nicer, but said since it was the weekend he didn't have an ultrasound tech on site to run the equipment. We compromised on a quantitative blood test, with the agreement that if it was just very low we would retest in a few days. It was zero. I left smiling and happy, assured I was not about to have a little explosion in my reproductive organs.

On the drive home I instinctively laid a hand on my lower abdomen and felt that it was still hard to the touch. I wondered why I had forgotten to mention that to the doctor. Oh well, I thought, it will probably go away soon.

But then something strange happened. As soon as I had finished spotting, some of my symptoms seemed to change and even get worse. My cravings for steak turned into an aversion to steak, and I developed a strong aversion to chocolate. I usually love chocolate, but I tried to eat a Reece's cup and ended up spitting it out in the trash. I also started having to pre much more often (sorry, tmi), about twice as often during the day and 2-3 times throughout the night. I regained most of my energy, but still felt occasionally lightheaded. And my constipation was getting worse, where as it was usually releaved when I got my period. I also felt what seemed like possible a second implantation on the opposite side from the first right after the bleeding. Not by my ovaries like ovulation twinges, but each in opposite upper corners of my uterus. I also was having trouble sleeping, and ended up basically building a maternity pillow out of 4 smaller pillows. When I did manage to get to sleep, I had very weird dreams.

Now the strangest part...

The night after going to the ER, Sunday November 11th, I was lying in bed on my side with one hand resting on my abdomen and I felt something strange. It felt like the faintest movement. I had been gassy and this felt similar to that but distinctly different.

Now that was nearly a week ago and I seem to feel bits of movement pretty much every time I lay my hand on my abdomen. My abdomen also seems to be swelling, and when I put my hand on it I dont feel like my intestines are right there. It is difficult to explain, but I feel pregnant. More specifically, it feels like I am pregnant with twins.

Of course it would be insane to be feeling movement this early, so I did some quick math. When I thought I started feeling movement was almost exactly 14 weeks before I had had another sexual encounter. This one had been just 2 days before my expected ovulation, putting me in my peak fertile range. But... I had been getting periods regularly since then up until this most recent one.

So now I'm not sure what is going on. FRER with FMU yesterday Sunday November 18th is still negative, but I seem to be feeling what seems like movement more and more frequently and with increasing intensity.

It is almost certainly psychosomatic. After all, I wanted a baby so bad when I was 14 (and still a virgin) that I started lactating and have been ever since.

But... I can't help but wonder. There are stories scattered around of women diagnosed late because they dont test positive for HCG. My little sister kept bleeding regularly until she found out she was pregnant at 15 weeks. I know I have low estrogen, but not super low. I also know I have off the charts low HGH (despite being average height), and wonder if that might contribute to not producing HCG normally.

In conclusion, I am still uncertain. I am torn between grieving for my loss and being hopeful that I may still be carrying. In a failed attempt at compromise, I find myself doing both simultaneously.

This is not an "Am I Pregnant?" Thread. I know those are not allowed. I am just sharing my experience to get it off my chest. Please feel free to leave any comments that feel relevant, empathy or disdain or personal experience. I'm open to anything.

Thank you for reading.

QFP

I have no intention of deleting or altering my post after the fact. It is my experience. I am not ashamed of it. I see empathy and compassion are hard to come by here if your experiences are anything other than the usual, but that does not change the experiences themselves. My post is simply my experience, nothing more and nothing less.

QFP

Your experience is that you had your period, and QFP'ing is incredibly common. None of us have any way to know you won't DD, and being that you're incredibly new to the forums and have a very limited post history along with the absolute bonkers nature of this post, the QFP is warranted. You aren't pregnant with twins, and the medical providers you went to declined an US because your UA tested negative. There was no reason, other than the ones in your mind, to test you further.

I also happen to think posting something like this on the loss board is incredibly unempathetic, unkind, lacking compassion, and downright rude. You don't have a confirmed loss, and you appear to think you know more than trained medical professionals which is also incredibly thoughtless to the ladies on this board that are actually suffering confirmed losses and relying on medical intervention.

My advice would be to seek psychological evaluation before becoming pregnant, because between this post and the one you made on BOTB, you seem unwell. Good luck to you.

I am sorry that you find my experiences to be so offensive. It is not my intention to upset anyone.

hopeful207 · November 2018

stassischroeder said:

hopeful207 said:

cait32 said:

"It is almost certainly psychosomatic." After all, I wanted a baby so bad when I was 14 (and still a virgin) that I started lactating and have been ever since.

The most relevant part of your entire post is bolded above.

I think you should probably talk to a therapist rather than an OB. Between this and your post about timing the next 4 years of cycles to make sure you give birth by 35 (despite not currently having someone you want to get you pregnant), I'm concerned that you have an unhealthy obsession with pregnancy. It sounds like you had a period. I question whether the one test you claim was positive actually was, based on the timing of everything (its never taken me until a missed period to get a positive HPT). I really recommend you talk to a counselor. And this board is for women who have been through losses -- not speculative losses, but actual real confirmed losses that they've grieved. Don't borrow trouble.

I'm not asking for any trouble. I thought this was for women to share their experiences. I am grieving a loss, and I had a practitioner double check my test and say it was indeed positive (I took a picture at the appropriate read time, but I'm not allowed to post it here). In fact, many practitioners will intentionally not diagnose chemical pregnancies to shelter women from the reality of what they lost. And not getting a positive test until that late is actually a normal (but not consistant) occurrence in chemical pregnancy. An unhealthy cluster of fetal cells will often not produce hcg normally and therefore not show until late if at all. Same is true of ectopic pregnancies, which is why I wanted to rule that out.

I understand you disagree with my priorities, but imo I think everyone else has an unhealthy obsession with getting married and settling down in monogamous relationships. Everyone has different wants and needs and goals and life experiences. I dont think wanting to try to conceive in the next 4 years makes me baby crazy.

1. The practitioner you saw without health insurance?
2. That's not a thing.
3. The basic fact of you wanting to conceive in the next 4 years is definitely not what we're concerned about.

I'm calling MUD.

1. Yes. The practitioner who looked at my test was at Planned Parenthood. The practitioner who did the blood test was at an ER. In the US, you are entitled to medical care with or without insurance. They just bill you for it after.

2. Based on what? Based on the fact it would be unethical, or that is seems illegal, or upsets your sensibilities? I have read/heard multiple first person accounts of this happening. Accounts by the practitioners themselves, explaining the practice and the reason behind it.

delujm0 · November 2018

hopeful207 said:

delujm0 said:

hopeful207 said:

delujm0 said:

Why don't you call your OBGYN? The emergency room is ill equipped to assist you with pregnancy concerns. ER doctors are not OBs. Your OB could see a potential pregnancy on an ultrasound as early as 5 weeks based on the date of your last period and it seems like you're in that range. So maybe stop overanalyzing and self-diagnosing a chemical pregnancy and just go see a professional who has been trained in women's health and pregnancy.

Please do not self diagnose a loss without having had a doctor ever confirm your pregnancy. It's entirely possible that you just had a weird cycle and that the 2 days of heavy bleeding followed by spotting was just your period.

Also after seeing your post o the BOTB board, I'm wondering if any of what you've said in either post is true.

I dont have an OB. I currently have no health insurance. I also have no PCP. I tried just calling a women's health facility, but they said I needed a series of referrals for them to even see me. Then I called Maine Family Planning and they said they would do an ultrasound for $100 if I wanted one, but that the resolution on their machines weren't good enough to pick up anything under 6 weeks (I though I would have been 5.5 at the time).

Um... pretty sure a weird cycle would not make a pregnancy test turn positive. In fact, I have a bachelors degree in medical sciences and am quite certain that is not a real occurrence. If I had not gotten the positive test, I would be willing to accept a strangely irregular cycle as a possible diagnosis.

Why do you wonder? It is all entirely true. There are no contradictions, so what is causing your skepticism?

Ok so on the BOTB board you claim to be ready to be a single mother you want a child so badly, but you don't have health insurance? Girl, please get your life in order before you willingly become a single mom. From what I'm reading, you are nowhere near mature enough to handle that kind of challenge. I know single mothers. That has to be the hardest job on earth.

Also if you have no health insurance, who is paying for these trips to the ER to check on the baby? You live in the US, I assume, because you mentioned Maine. You can call an OBGYN at any time without a referral. Or just walk into a Planned Parenthood. Please do not get pregnant without access to prenatal care, for the sake of the baby's health.

Also, a single faint positive pregnancy test could very easily have been a false positive, especially in a blue dye test. No one can diagnose a loss other than a doctor, so please stop coming to this board full of women who are grieving actual confirmed losses to talk nonsense. A random unusual cycle is far more likely than a chemical pregnancy, and until a doctor confirms your loss, I'd assume that's what this is.

I pay cash out of pocket for my medical expenses. OB said they would not see me without referral from PCP. Planned parenthood does not offer ultrasounds or prenatal care. Maine family planning did not have good enough ultrasound machine. I used a pink dye test. I have a bachelors degree in medical sciences. I am not a doctor, but I do have a significant amount of knowledge on the subject.

The website for planned parenthood of Maine specifically says that they will do a blood test for pregnancy at the patient's request, with or without insurance. Also they would have the ability to get you referred to an OB if the blood test is positive.

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-center/maine/portland/04101/portland-health-center-2940-9177

I've changed OBGYNs several times due to moving or just wanting a new doctor, and all it has taken is calling to set up a new patient appointment. At no point was a referral demanded. Unless Maine is currently a part of the Canadian healthcare system, where referrals to specialists are more commonly required, I don't understand how no OBGYN in your area would agree to see you. You could have also set up a new patient appointment at a PCP if necessary.

Regardless, you could have had a chemical pregnancy but you have no confirmation of that, and the ladies on this board have no desire to read about your phantom pregnancy. None of them care. They are grieving the confirmed losses of their pregnancies and don't need to be aware of, or on the lookout for, phantom pregnancies, because those are entirely psychosomatic and INCREDIBLY rare. You should see a therapist probably, if that's what you think is happening to you.

hopeful207 · November 2018

delujm0 said:

hopeful207 said:

delujm0 said:

hopeful207 said:

delujm0 said:

Why don't you call your OBGYN? The emergency room is ill equipped to assist you with pregnancy concerns. ER doctors are not OBs. Your OB could see a potential pregnancy on an ultrasound as early as 5 weeks based on the date of your last period and it seems like you're in that range. So maybe stop overanalyzing and self-diagnosing a chemical pregnancy and just go see a professional who has been trained in women's health and pregnancy.

Please do not self diagnose a loss without having had a doctor ever confirm your pregnancy. It's entirely possible that you just had a weird cycle and that the 2 days of heavy bleeding followed by spotting was just your period.

Also after seeing your post o the BOTB board, I'm wondering if any of what you've said in either post is true.

I dont have an OB. I currently have no health insurance. I also have no PCP. I tried just calling a women's health facility, but they said I needed a series of referrals for them to even see me. Then I called Maine Family Planning and they said they would do an ultrasound for $100 if I wanted one, but that the resolution on their machines weren't good enough to pick up anything under 6 weeks (I though I would have been 5.5 at the time).

Um... pretty sure a weird cycle would not make a pregnancy test turn positive. In fact, I have a bachelors degree in medical sciences and am quite certain that is not a real occurrence. If I had not gotten the positive test, I would be willing to accept a strangely irregular cycle as a possible diagnosis.

Why do you wonder? It is all entirely true. There are no contradictions, so what is causing your skepticism?

Ok so on the BOTB board you claim to be ready to be a single mother you want a child so badly, but you don't have health insurance? Girl, please get your life in order before you willingly become a single mom. From what I'm reading, you are nowhere near mature enough to handle that kind of challenge. I know single mothers. That has to be the hardest job on earth.

Also if you have no health insurance, who is paying for these trips to the ER to check on the baby? You live in the US, I assume, because you mentioned Maine. You can call an OBGYN at any time without a referral. Or just walk into a Planned Parenthood. Please do not get pregnant without access to prenatal care, for the sake of the baby's health.

Also, a single faint positive pregnancy test could very easily have been a false positive, especially in a blue dye test. No one can diagnose a loss other than a doctor, so please stop coming to this board full of women who are grieving actual confirmed losses to talk nonsense. A random unusual cycle is far more likely than a chemical pregnancy, and until a doctor confirms your loss, I'd assume that's what this is.

I pay cash out of pocket for my medical expenses. OB said they would not see me without referral from PCP. Planned parenthood does not offer ultrasounds or prenatal care. Maine family planning did not have good enough ultrasound machine. I used a pink dye test. I have a bachelors degree in medical sciences. I am not a doctor, but I do have a significant amount of knowledge on the subject.

The website for planned parenthood of Maine specifically says that they will do a blood test for pregnancy at the patient's request, with or without insurance. Also they would have the ability to get you referred to an OB if the blood test is positive.

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-center/maine/portland/04101/portland-health-center-2940-9177

I've changed OBGYNs several times due to moving or just wanting a new doctor, and all it has taken is calling to set up a new patient appointment. At no point was a referral demanded. Unless Maine is currently a part of the Canadian healthcare system, where referrals to specialists are more commonly required, I don't understand how no OBGYN in your area would agree to see you. You could have also set up a new patient appointment at a PCP if necessary.

Regardless, you could have had a chemical pregnancy but you have no confirmation of that, and the ladies on this board have no desire to read about your phantom pregnancy. None of them care. They are grieving the confirmed losses of their pregnancies and don't need to be aware of, or on the lookout for, phantom pregnancies, because those are entirely psychosomatic and INCREDIBLY rare. You should see a therapist probably, if that's what you think is happening to you.

As you said, planned parenthood will give you a referral IF you have a positive blood test. Which I did not. Therefore, no referral.

New patient appointment with a PCP takes months to set up around here, then another month to refer to OB. I know because I went through the process 3 years ago when I moved to the state. Considering I was afraid I might have had an ectopic, it should be apparent why that time scale did not work for me.

If people do not wish to read about my experience, that is fine. They dont have to come in this thread if they dont want to. It is clearly and accurately labeled. I will not be posting any more info about this experience in this section except in this thread, and likely only in response to comments, so it should be easy enough to avoid if anyone so desires.

Thank you for at least admitting that a chemical pregnancy was a possibility. It is not my intention to make anyone go on the lookout for signs of a phantom pregnancy. That would be super counterproductive. I'm really not trying to start trouble. I just had a strange and upsetting experience and wanted somewhere to talk about it.

delujm0 · November 2018

I'm going to depart this thread after this. But for anyone reading who thinks they might be having a chemical pregnancy, FYI, your levels of HCG dont immediately plummet to zero when you start bleeding. Which means tht if OP had gone to planned parenthood for a quantitative blood test shortly after the bleeding began, it would have been positive for HCG. Which would have confirmed the loss, and would have enabled them to refer her to a local OB for treatment.

Do not assume you are having a CP. Get it confirmed by a medical professional. For several reasons, not the least of which is that lots of OBs wont do testing for you without multiple CONFIRMED losses, and OP didn't get that done, so no OB will have a record of it, and she'd need to wait for at least 2 more losses before most OBs would do any testing for her, if necessary.

The excuse parade above just reaffirms my belief that this is a troll, so I'm going to recuse myself now.

hopeful207 · November 2018

delujm0 said:

I'm going to depart this thread after this. But for anyone reading who thinks they might be having a chemical pregnancy, FYI, your levels of HCG dont immediately plummet to zero when you start bleeding. Which means tht if OP had gone to planned parenthood for a quantitative blood test shortly after the bleeding began, it would have been positive for HCG. Which would have confirmed the loss, and would have enabled them to refer her to a local OB for treatment.

Do not assume you are having a CP. Get it confirmed by a medical professional. For several reasons, not the least of which is that lots of OBs wont do testing for you without multiple CONFIRMED losses, and OP didn't get that done, so no OB will have a record of it, and she'd need to wait for at least 2 more losses before most OBs would do any testing for her, if necessary.

The excuse parade above just reaffirms my belief that this is a troll, so I'm going to recuse myself now.

I was on my way back from planned parenthood when I started bleeding. They only did a urine test and did not offer me a blood test. That info is all in my original post, as are the answers to most people's questions or concerns posted here. It is easy to misunderstand someone when you dont take the time to read and understand all of the things they are trying to communicate.

I'm not sure what excuses you are describing. I have done nothing other than describe my personal experiences. I dont understand how or why so many people act like the literal events of my life are personal insults aimed at them, and getting upset by them. I thought I was here for the same reason as everyone else, but perhaps some of you are looking for an outlet for semi-irrational and largely hormonally-induced and emotionally-driven anger. And perhaps you found that outlet in me. I have always been unusual, and that has always made me an easy target. I didn't say anything mean or aggressive or insulting to anyone else. I'm sorry you think I am so much trouble, I have just been having a hard time and guess for some reason thought I might find a little understanding from the members in this section. Clearly, I was mistaken.

anonellis · November 2018

hopeful207 said:

**Trigger Warnings: Positive Test(s) & Loss**

Ok, so.. This is a bit of a crazy story, but here it is:

I had my last regular period Sunday September 30th, starting late evening.

I have been tracking my cycles and using the calendar method for birth control for the past 9+ years. I have a very regular 28-30 day cycle, very rarely as few as 26 or as many as 32 days.

I estimated the risky days to be Thursday October 11th to Wednesday October 17th, based on most likely ovulation on the 15th.

I had sex with my partner on October 10th and again on October 24th. Nothing in-betwern, protected or otherwise. The 10th was cutting it kinda close, but it was his birthday. I did kegels as I fell asleep with his cum inside me and when I woke up the next morning it seemed to be gone, but it didn't seem to have leaked anywhere.

The morning of the 11th my sex drive had suddenly disappeared. This continued through my expected fertile period, which is very unusual for me. Then the other symptoms started. Nausea, strange cravings (steak & bagels mainly), low energy, very moody, super sense of smell, and I even thought I felt what seemed like implantation twinges, a strange sorta but not quite uncomfortable feeling in my lower abdomen, different than cramps. Not ovulation, either. I know what that feels like, and where.

Monday October 29th was the date of my expected period, but it didn't come.

Tuesday October 30th bo period, so I took a FRER with FMU. Negative.

Friday November 2nd, same thing.

Monday November 5th I was a full week late. I took another FRER test with FMU (very dehydrated) and this time it showed a faint positive. Faint but definitely there at the appropriate 3 minute read time. First positive pregnancy test in my entire life. I'm 28.

I was so excited I rushed to the clinic to confirm. But their test required twice as much HCG to register as FRER and it was now later in the morning, so it was no surprise when it came out negative. I made an appointment the following week to retest.

On the drive home, I started to bleed. My periods usually start with pink or light red spotting and increase from there, but this was different. I felt a strange twinge in my cervix and when I went to investigate I found a lot of thick, dark brown/red substance that looked like old blood and/or tissue.

I continued to bleed heavily for 2 days with some small clots, then spotted for 3 more. During this time I was incredibly weak, had zero energy, was super achey, and it felt like the more I moved the more I bled.

At this point, I understood I had most likely had a chemical pregnancy but there was a small chance that it was either an ectopic pregnancy or that I was pregnant with multiples.

I took another FRER test on the morning of Saturday November 10th and it was negative. That made ectopic more likely than multiples (but with chemical oregnancy still the most likely by far).

I was feeling very emotional and wanted to be sure I didn't have an ectopic, so I drove to the er to request an ultrasound to rule it out. I told the triage nurse I estimated chance of chemical oregnancy at 95%, chance of ectopic at 4%, and chance of multiples at 1%. And I explained it was worth it to me to pay for the ultrasound to rule out ectopic despite the relatively low likelihood.

While waiting for the practitioner, they piss test me. Negative. No surprise there. Then she refuses to run any further tests (after I hadn't even requested the UA) and I had to ask for a different practitioner.

This one was much nicer, but said since it was the weekend he didn't have an ultrasound tech on site to run the equipment. We compromised on a quantitative blood test, with the agreement that if it was just very low we would retest in a few days. It was zero. I left smiling and happy, assured I was not about to have a little explosion in my reproductive organs.

On the drive home I instinctively laid a hand on my lower abdomen and felt that it was still hard to the touch. I wondered why I had forgotten to mention that to the doctor. Oh well, I thought, it will probably go away soon.

But then something strange happened. As soon as I had finished spotting, some of my symptoms seemed to change and even get worse. My cravings for steak turned into an aversion to steak, and I developed a strong aversion to chocolate. I usually love chocolate, but I tried to eat a Reece's cup and ended up spitting it out in the trash. I also started having to pre much more often (sorry, tmi), about twice as often during the day and 2-3 times throughout the night. I regained most of my energy, but still felt occasionally lightheaded. And my constipation was getting worse, where as it was usually releaved when I got my period. I also felt what seemed like possible a second implantation on the opposite side from the first right after the bleeding. Not by my ovaries like ovulation twinges, but each in opposite upper corners of my uterus. I also was having trouble sleeping, and ended up basically building a maternity pillow out of 4 smaller pillows. When I did manage to get to sleep, I had very weird dreams.

Now the strangest part...

The night after going to the ER, Sunday November 11th, I was lying in bed on my side with one hand resting on my abdomen and I felt something strange. It felt like the faintest movement. I had been gassy and this felt similar to that but distinctly different.

Now that was nearly a week ago and I seem to feel bits of movement pretty much every time I lay my hand on my abdomen. My abdomen also seems to be swelling, and when I put my hand on it I dont feel like my intestines are right there. It is difficult to explain, but I feel pregnant. More specifically, it feels like I am pregnant with twins.

Of course it would be insane to be feeling movement this early, so I did some quick math. When I thought I started feeling movement was almost exactly 14 weeks before I had had another sexual encounter. This one had been just 2 days before my expected ovulation, putting me in my peak fertile range. But... I had been getting periods regularly since then up until this most recent one.

So now I'm not sure what is going on. FRER with FMU yesterday Sunday November 18th is still negative, but I seem to be feeling what seems like movement more and more frequently and with increasing intensity.

It is almost certainly psychosomatic. After all, I wanted a baby so bad when I was 14 (and still a virgin) that I started lactating and have been ever since.

But... I can't help but wonder. There are stories scattered around of women diagnosed late because they dont test positive for HCG. My little sister kept bleeding regularly until she found out she was pregnant at 15 weeks. I know I have low estrogen, but not super low. I also know I have off the charts low HGH (despite being average height), and wonder if that might contribute to not producing HCG normally.

In conclusion, I am still uncertain. I am torn between grieving for my loss and being hopeful that I may still be carrying. In a failed attempt at compromise, I find myself doing both simultaneously.

This is not an "Am I Pregnant?" Thread. I know those are not allowed. I am just sharing my experience to get it off my chest. Please feel free to leave any comments that feel relevant, empathy or disdain or personal experience.

i don’t know what your obsession with multiples is, but since you requested it, here’s my expression of disdain for you. Disdain for someone who would come to a board for women who have suffered losses and post this kind of thing. You want someone to tell you you are pregnant. You say it over and over again. You are not pregnant. You did not have sex and less than three weeks later —with HCG of 0–feel a baby (sorry, two babies) move.

You know who else isn’t pregnant? The majority of women this board is intended for. This is totally inappropriate. If you really believe you are pregnant—please seek psychiatric help. If you don’t—please bother other people with your made up drama. This is the wrong place for it.

hopeful207 · November 2018

anonellis said:

hopeful207 said:

**Trigger Warnings: Positive Test(s) & Loss**

Ok, so.. This is a bit of a crazy story, but here it is:

I had my last regular period Sunday September 30th, starting late evening.

I have been tracking my cycles and using the calendar method for birth control for the past 9+ years. I have a very regular 28-30 day cycle, very rarely as few as 26 or as many as 32 days.

I estimated the risky days to be Thursday October 11th to Wednesday October 17th, based on most likely ovulation on the 15th.

I had sex with my partner on October 10th and again on October 24th. Nothing in-betwern, protected or otherwise. The 10th was cutting it kinda close, but it was his birthday. I did kegels as I fell asleep with his cum inside me and when I woke up the next morning it seemed to be gone, but it didn't seem to have leaked anywhere.

The morning of the 11th my sex drive had suddenly disappeared. This continued through my expected fertile period, which is very unusual for me. Then the other symptoms started. Nausea, strange cravings (steak & bagels mainly), low energy, very moody, super sense of smell, and I even thought I felt what seemed like implantation twinges, a strange sorta but not quite uncomfortable feeling in my lower abdomen, different than cramps. Not ovulation, either. I know what that feels like, and where.

Monday October 29th was the date of my expected period, but it didn't come.

Tuesday October 30th bo period, so I took a FRER with FMU. Negative.

Friday November 2nd, same thing.

Monday November 5th I was a full week late. I took another FRER test with FMU (very dehydrated) and this time it showed a faint positive. Faint but definitely there at the appropriate 3 minute read time. First positive pregnancy test in my entire life. I'm 28.

I was so excited I rushed to the clinic to confirm. But their test required twice as much HCG to register as FRER and it was now later in the morning, so it was no surprise when it came out negative. I made an appointment the following week to retest.

On the drive home, I started to bleed. My periods usually start with pink or light red spotting and increase from there, but this was different. I felt a strange twinge in my cervix and when I went to investigate I found a lot of thick, dark brown/red substance that looked like old blood and/or tissue.

I continued to bleed heavily for 2 days with some small clots, then spotted for 3 more. During this time I was incredibly weak, had zero energy, was super achey, and it felt like the more I moved the more I bled.

At this point, I understood I had most likely had a chemical pregnancy but there was a small chance that it was either an ectopic pregnancy or that I was pregnant with multiples.

I took another FRER test on the morning of Saturday November 10th and it was negative. That made ectopic more likely than multiples (but with chemical oregnancy still the most likely by far).

I was feeling very emotional and wanted to be sure I didn't have an ectopic, so I drove to the er to request an ultrasound to rule it out. I told the triage nurse I estimated chance of chemical oregnancy at 95%, chance of ectopic at 4%, and chance of multiples at 1%. And I explained it was worth it to me to pay for the ultrasound to rule out ectopic despite the relatively low likelihood.

While waiting for the practitioner, they piss test me. Negative. No surprise there. Then she refuses to run any further tests (after I hadn't even requested the UA) and I had to ask for a different practitioner.

This one was much nicer, but said since it was the weekend he didn't have an ultrasound tech on site to run the equipment. We compromised on a quantitative blood test, with the agreement that if it was just very low we would retest in a few days. It was zero. I left smiling and happy, assured I was not about to have a little explosion in my reproductive organs.

On the drive home I instinctively laid a hand on my lower abdomen and felt that it was still hard to the touch. I wondered why I had forgotten to mention that to the doctor. Oh well, I thought, it will probably go away soon.

But then something strange happened. As soon as I had finished spotting, some of my symptoms seemed to change and even get worse. My cravings for steak turned into an aversion to steak, and I developed a strong aversion to chocolate. I usually love chocolate, but I tried to eat a Reece's cup and ended up spitting it out in the trash. I also started having to pre much more often (sorry, tmi), about twice as often during the day and 2-3 times throughout the night. I regained most of my energy, but still felt occasionally lightheaded. And my constipation was getting worse, where as it was usually releaved when I got my period. I also felt what seemed like possible a second implantation on the opposite side from the first right after the bleeding. Not by my ovaries like ovulation twinges, but each in opposite upper corners of my uterus. I also was having trouble sleeping, and ended up basically building a maternity pillow out of 4 smaller pillows. When I did manage to get to sleep, I had very weird dreams.

Now the strangest part...

The night after going to the ER, Sunday November 11th, I was lying in bed on my side with one hand resting on my abdomen and I felt something strange. It felt like the faintest movement. I had been gassy and this felt similar to that but distinctly different.

Now that was nearly a week ago and I seem to feel bits of movement pretty much every time I lay my hand on my abdomen. My abdomen also seems to be swelling, and when I put my hand on it I dont feel like my intestines are right there. It is difficult to explain, but I feel pregnant. More specifically, it feels like I am pregnant with twins.

Of course it would be insane to be feeling movement this early, so I did some quick math. When I thought I started feeling movement was almost exactly 14 weeks before I had had another sexual encounter. This one had been just 2 days before my expected ovulation, putting me in my peak fertile range. But... I had been getting periods regularly since then up until this most recent one.

So now I'm not sure what is going on. FRER with FMU yesterday Sunday November 18th is still negative, but I seem to be feeling what seems like movement more and more frequently and with increasing intensity.

It is almost certainly psychosomatic. After all, I wanted a baby so bad when I was 14 (and still a virgin) that I started lactating and have been ever since.

But... I can't help but wonder. There are stories scattered around of women diagnosed late because they dont test positive for HCG. My little sister kept bleeding regularly until she found out she was pregnant at 15 weeks. I know I have low estrogen, but not super low. I also know I have off the charts low HGH (despite being average height), and wonder if that might contribute to not producing HCG normally.

In conclusion, I am still uncertain. I am torn between grieving for my loss and being hopeful that I may still be carrying. In a failed attempt at compromise, I find myself doing both simultaneously.

This is not an "Am I Pregnant?" Thread. I know those are not allowed. I am just sharing my experience to get it off my chest. Please feel free to leave any comments that feel relevant, empathy or disdain or personal experience.

i don’t know what your obsession with multiples is, but since you requested it, here’s my expression of disdain for you. Disdain for someone who would come to a board for women who have suffered losses and post this kind of thing. You want someone to tell you you are pregnant. You say it over and over again. You are not pregnant. You did not have sex and less than three weeks later —with HCG of 0–feel a baby (sorry, two babies) move.

You know who else isn’t pregnant? The majority of women this board is intended for. This is totally inappropriate. If you really believe you are pregnant—please seek psychiatric help. If you don’t—please bother other people with your made up drama. This is the wrong place for it.

You are mistaken, I do not want to be told I am pregnant. I do not think I am pregnant. Phantom pregnancy literally means not pregnant. This is now the 3rd time of me saying that. I believe I am just still having pregnancy symptoms after an early loss and it is making the grieving process difficult for me. Where would be the appropriate place to talk about that?

kathrenne · November 2018

I have delivered twins, I have had multiple miscarriages and chemical pregnancies, and several ectopics, all *legitimately diagnosed and managed by people with actual medical degrees*.

What you are describing is not how any of that works.

You were never pregnant; you are not grieving a loss because you did not have a loss.

Find a good therapist.

hopeful207 · November 2018

kathrenne said:

I have delivered twins, I have had multiple miscarriages and chemical pregnancies, and several ectopics, all *legitimately diagnosed and managed by people with actual medical degrees*.

What you are describing is not how any of that works.

You were never pregnant; you are not grieving a loss because you did not have a loss.

Find a good therapist.

Are you in the medical field? What makes you so certain that I was never pregnant despite having a positive test? Everyone's experiences are different, so it seems a bit presumptuous to say you know something is not happening because it is different than how you experienced it.

hopeful207 · November 2018

cait32 said:

@hopeful207 in a therapists office...that would be a more appropriate place to talk about that

You have made that opinion clear. It may be worth mentioning that I have actually studied psychology in college and scored very high on the psychology section of the MCAT. How about you?

kathrenne · November 2018

Removed for TOU violation.

hopeful207 · November 2018

Removed for TOU violation.

hopeful207 · November 2018

cait32 said:

You literally said in your thread that you’re torn between grieving your loss and thinking that you might actually be pregnant. I don’t know what you want or expect people to say to that. No other woman on this board is between grief and thinking they might be knocked up. It comes across as insensitive and insane. If you’d come here and said “I had a chemical pregnancy” and that’s it, no one would have been offended. But you wrote a novel about how you might have had a chemical pregnancy or you might be pregnant. THAT is why people feel this is horrible. Also, I have never heard of an ER that doesn’t always have an U/S tech available (or a doctor who does them) on the weekends. It sounds like the person you saw was just desperate to get you out of there.

I dont really think I am still pregnant, hence referring to it as a phantom pregnancy. But the continued symptoms have made the grieving process difficult. If I thought I might be pregnant, I would be posting in the appropriate trimester section because I understand this would be the wrong place for it.

In Maine we have much more limited resources than many places, especially outside of the scattered major cities. The first practitioner was very rude, but the one who said there was no tech on site was actually very nice. He even hung out and chatted to me a bit about stuff unrelated to my care until the attending went behind his back and discharged me.

It was never my intention to upset or offend anyone, and I am sorry that has been the result of me sharing my experience.

coco2787 · November 2018

delujm0 · November 2018

I swore I wouldn't respond here again, but you've now mentioned your degree in medical studies and that you've taken the MCAT and "scored very high" on it, yet you have not mentioned that you are currently in school getting an MD, so I feel like it needs to be pointed out that, despite the schooling and tests you have completed, YOU ARE NOT A DOCTOR. And even if you were, most doctors would tell you that they cannot diagnose themselves, and they use other ACTUAL DOCTORS to do that.

I could ace the LSAT, but that wouldn't make me a lawyer, and i wouldn't be representing myself in court afterwards, because that would be pretty stupid.

If you are actually having these issues and are not a random troll (which I find hard to believe, but whatever), please seek professional help. From an actual, certified professional. And stop acting like your imagined issues have merit on a board full of women who are grieving actual confirmed losses.

Ok I'm truly leaving now. I'm not even going to visit this trainwreck of a thread anymore. I can't believe people exist that would want to troll this board, and I'm sorry that the members have to deal with it.

lulu1180 · November 2018

OP, I find it hard to believe that you're not a troll. You claim to have a degree in medical studies yet you also claim that you "wanted a baby so bad when I was 14 (and still a virgin) that I started lactating and have been ever since." I'm pretty sure nearly anyone on this board could tell you that the fact you started lactating had nothing to do with your unhealthy obsession with having a baby; it's because of a serious hormonal imbalance. And if you do plan on having kids, I would get that looked at because it could be a (benign) tumor causing that large of an imbalance.

To the ladies on this board, I'm so sorry that you all have to deal with this. Creepy internet stranger hugs to all of you.

hopeful207 · November 2018

delujm0 said:

I swore I wouldn't respond here again, but you've now mentioned your degree in medical studies and that you've taken the MCAT and "scored very high" on it, yet you have not mentioned that you are currently in school getting an MD, so I feel like it needs to be pointed out that, despite the schooling and tests you have completed, YOU ARE NOT A DOCTOR. And even if you were, most doctors would tell you that they cannot diagnose themselves, and they use other ACTUAL DOCTORS to do that.

I could ace the LSAT, but that wouldn't make me a lawyer, and i wouldn't be representing myself in court afterwards, because that would be pretty stupid.

If you are actually having these issues and are not a random troll (which I find hard to believe, but whatever), please seek professional help. From an actual, certified professional. And stop acting like your imagined issues have merit on a board full of women who are grieving actual confirmed losses.

Ok I'm truly leaving now. I'm not even going to visit this trainwreck of a thread anymore. I can't believe people exist that would want to troll this board, and I'm sorry that the members have to deal with it.

I understand I am not a doctor (as you noted, I never claimed to be), but as far as I know neither are the other members here responding to this thread with their own diagnoses of my situation. I have spoken to multiple actual practitioners, as detailed above.

Also not a troll though. This is my real life.

hopeful207 · November 2018

lulu1180 said:

OP, I find it hard to believe that you're not a troll. You claim to have a degree in medical studies yet you also claim that you "wanted a baby so bad when I was 14 (and still a virgin) that I started lactating and have been ever since." I'm pretty sure nearly anyone on this board could tell you that the fact you started lactating had nothing to do with your unhealthy obsession with having a baby; it's because of a serious hormonal imbalance. And if you do plan on having kids, I would get that looked at because it could be a (benign) tumor causing that large of an imbalance.

To the ladies on this board, I'm so sorry that you all have to deal with this. Creepy internet stranger hugs to all of you.

Actually, lactation caused by the human psyche is a medically documented condition. Emotions do have a large impact on human hormone production, after all, so at least personally I do not find that particularly surprising. Happy to find a link to a study or scientific paper if anyone is curious.

One doctor a few years ago (around 2013-2015) suspected a prolactinoma (I believe this is what you are suggesting as well) and I have had numerous blood tests and 2 MRIs to assess the possibility. When I lived in Washington state I had health insurance, which is where this process started. They found I had elevated prolactin, estrogen on the very low end of normal, human growth hormone off the charts low (despite being slightly above average height and never having received hormone therapy as a child), and a 3mm growth in the rear of my pituitary. But when I moved to Maine I no longer qualified for Medicaid and had to go on free care instead (where my care is paid for by the hospitals instead of the government) and they found my prolactin to be closer to normal and, upon finding the same 3mm growth, suspected it to be instead a complex Rathke's cleft cyst. They also said they felt no need to continue to monitor it unless I experienced specific symptoms (like vision loss and hair falling out) that would suggest it was growing.

kathrenne · November 2018

Removed for TOU violation.

hopeful207 · November 2018

Removed for TOU violation.

lulu1180 · November 2018

Removed for TOU violation.

hopeful207 · November 2018

Removed for TOU violation.

coco2787 · November 2018

Removed for TOU violation.

My Recent Experience - Chemical Pregnancy & Phantom Twins

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