Mental Health Check-In (11.12-11.18)

hnbergeron · November 2018

This day...f this. I am over this pregnancy thing. I am not used to being "weak". I was the one that did everything and would not sleep or eat and pick up slack. Now? I can't even work anything over 9hrs without feeling horrid. I get mad and struggle. Then I cry because I am frustrated. I don't do emotions. Now, I have to deal with them and just wish they would go away.

kayjay44 · November 2018

I’m struggling. My OCD is flaring up which makes me really nervous - it was so severe at a few months PP with DS I ended up in an outpatient program (we’re lucky to have great PP mental health resources in the Seattle area, at least) and I’m worried about it happening again.

episcowitch · November 2018

I went to see A Star is Born. There should have been a trigger warning. I should have read about it in advance. There may have been.

As someone who struggles with ideation, I should not have gotten anywhere near that theater. Since Friday, I have been a mess. My trichotillomania and dermatillomania are out of control. Thankfully I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow. I had been doing so much better leading up to seeing the movie. Hopefully processing what it brought up will help me get back on track.

BourbonBiscuits · November 2018

Not doing well over here either. Just overcome with anxiety. My son slept through the night two nights ago (the big boy bed transition has been tough!) and I immediately assumed he'd been kidnapped or that he'd died in his sleep. I was so overcome with anxiety that I couldn't even walk into his room to check on him. It's been all downhill from there - just constantly anxious and short-tempered with everyone. Really needing it to be Friday night when I'll have some time off with family.

kayjay44 · November 2018

@episcowitch So I’m avoiding A Star is Born until I read about it for sure... I had an incident with a TV show a few weeks ago where I went in with no context and it caused a full blown meltdown.

@BourbonBiscuits - I have pure OCD and struggle a lot with harm OCD (basically, thoughts that’s something bad is going to harm someone, even things I have absolutely no control over). It fucking sucks. I sorry you’re having similar thoughts.

episcowitch · November 2018

@kayjay44 the soundtrack is amazing and the movie was well done. However, the climax of the movie shook me from a healthy place to a very bad one. I had finally had everything healed up, but by the time the movie finished I couldn't speak and was bleeding from several places.

We all have different triggers and tools. I might have been okay if I had read up on spoilers. I also read spoilers of books so I don't get blindsided with reliving trauma.

sjnsjnsjn · November 2018

I am the same with obsessive thoughts of all the imagined threats or harms that could befall my son by factors outside my control. Right after I sent him to daycare and went back to work when he was 4 months, I had vivid waking daymares that the city was being bombed including his daycare and I could not get to him. Talk about irrational but the level of irrationality did not make it feel any less intense. I’m sure it did not help that it was right after the election!

kayjay44 · November 2018

@sjnsjnsjn - same here. I knew it was time to get help when I sobbed all the way to work because I couldn’t stop thinking about DH getting eaten by a shark. At a daycare 2 miles from the water where shark attacks don’t even happen. It snuck up on me last time and I’m determined to not let that happen again and I’m noticing some of the same things perk up. The 2016 election happened like 2 weeks into my outpatient treatment and that fucked everything up too.

lzzfrancisco · November 2018

@episcowitch Thank you for the warning! @kayjay44 I just read the plot spoilers, I'd suggest you avoid the movie, or at least google the ending before deciding if you want to see it. May not be a huge shock if you've seen either of the first two versions, but I have not.

kayjay44 · November 2018

Just read the synopsis - Yep, that would have been bad. I need to be mentally prepared to watch things involving suicide. I still will likely watch it, but I know I need to be in a good headspace since it triggers my OCD (due to the horrible PTSD I had for most of my pregnancy with DD after my brother’s death).

lzzfrancisco · November 2018

I remembered you talking about that as soon as I read about the ending. I don't have a direct reference/trigger like you do, but that will still be a movie I'd watch at home when I'm in control of the pause/play button!

megpants209 · November 2018

I saw A Star Is Born when I was completely fine and it STILL shook me. I can only imagine what it brought up for you @episcowitch.

Shocker, I’m still struggling over here. The one feeling I wasn’t prepared for was fear. I am overwhelmingly terrified that someone else I love is going to just die. Oh and I’m convinced my dog is out of remission and going to die. It’s exhausting.

kayjay44 · November 2018

@megpants209 - have you thought about seeing someone and/or going to a grief support group?

megpants209 · November 2018

@kayjay44 I haven’t thought about a support group but I did find someone that I’m going to contact in the near future. I’m not quite there only because I’m still so focused on getting everything taken care of for my mother. Once she is a bit settled I’ll feel more able to focus on my own grief.

I will say I’m not quite as much a Debbie downer as I often seem here lately. I’m just more comfortable writing the feelings out here rather than sharing with a lot of people around me. Went to the gym tonight for example! A little thing but still important

PurplePoppy424 · November 2018

I’m so glad I read this thread today. I was actually planning on going to see that this weekend. I won’t bother for now. I can’t handle that topic.

I’m doing slightly better this week, mentally. It just depends on the day anymore. I’m still planning on talking to my OB, though, and I’m still waiting on my labs to come back from my endocrinologist.

I am so sorry to all of you struggling right now. I have nothing to add, other than thank God we can all talk to each other.

danixbanani24 · November 2018

@kayjay44 @sjnsjnsjn I also have the obsessive, irrational thoughts. Seriously only thought it was me which I know is ridiculous but I often am like what the hell is wrong with me? I have severe panic attacks thinking about something completely irrational that hasn’t happened but COULD happen.

I also feel like since I’ve had a major death in my family every year since 2015 - I fully expect something bad to happen in 2019. Because all the outrageous deaths each year that were NOT expected except for my 96 year old grandmother - I’m convinced something horrible will happen to DS like a cancer diagnosis (god forbid) or this LO being stillborn or something seemingly else fucked up. It’s really hard to shake but I try to cope by taking one day at a time.

sjnsjnsjn · November 2018

Yeah, @danixbanani24, that last one is one my brain has not been able to shake lately. I have to give myself the “it’s just fear” talk and it will go away for a bit but the feeling lingers with me ...

kayjay44 · November 2018

@danixbanani24 - it took me years to get my anxiety actually diagnosed as pure OCD (meaning my compulsions almost always manifest as thoughts rather than physical compulsions). Totally worth looking into if you think you might have it as the medication can be a bit different as are the recommended treatments!

episcowitch · November 2018

Thanks everyone for being so raw and real here. I am struggling to be able to share these thoughts/feelings with my in person peers. The knowledge that I'm not alone in this difficult journey is so helpful.

I wish everyone here increased peace of heart and mind.

Mental Health Check-In (11.12-11.18)

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