TTTC Checkin 11/05/18

funkykey · November 2018

Hi All,

Keeping FX for those who are mere days away from graduation! @Worldtravler0522 @Bababatty - hoping you move on soon!

Also keeping FX for those in the TWW or getting beta/HPT results soon.

As always, please double-check your name and confirm your Dx & Rx.

QOTW: How do you feel when you see Christmas decorations in stores right now? At last or too soon?

2018 BFP Hall of Fame:

lablover78 dx: PCOS, Compound Heterozygous MTHFR Rx: IVF

Tops-2: dx: anovulatory PCOS Rx: Metformin, Letrozole & TI

halfanewt: possible PCOS, MTHFR gene, slight MFI Rx: IVF

seethosestars: dx: DOR Rx: IVF + FET #1

Kim41313: dx: unexplained Rx: IVF

soehlerk: dx: Unexplained Rx: Femara + IUI

Mlight28: dx Unexplained Rx: Clomid

SoonToBeMommaHowe: dx: Unexplained Rx: naturally until IVF

honeybeebub: dx:septate uterus, MTHFR Rx: septum resection surgery, baby aspirin & progesterone

be08ryan: dx: PCOS and AO Rx: Clomid

kiwielopingbride: Dx: Unexplained Rx: IUI

thothscribe81: dx: unexplained Rx: IVF

kristimh80: dx: unexplained Rx: Injectables + trigger + IUI

BWhitta: dx: PCOS, low AMH and endo Rx: letrozole

PAGING:

@aeb1116: dx: unexplained Rx: IUI
@allisona66: dx: waiting for testing
@amac2313: dx: unknown Rx: Clomid
@Asampson87: dx: unexplained + MFI Rx: metformin + testing
@Bababatty: dx:Low Motility Rx: IVF
@Bgreenfield10: dx: anovulatory PCOS, LPD Rx: Clomid + trigger
@Brooke4131: dx: Secondary unexplained Rx: in testing
@BenJay: Dx: PCOS/unexplained Rx. Metformin + supplements
@beec2421: dx: PCOS, hypothyroidism Rx: metformin, synthroid, clomid
@bbtobumpie - dx: irregular cycles, in testing. Rx: pending.
@ChristinaV2015: dx: blocked tubes, PCOS, endo + MFI Rx: lap, OPKs + TI
@ChristenMA83 : dx: MFI Rx: IVF w/ISCI
@Charligirl28: dx: unexplained Rx: Clomid
@courtneyh2013: dx: MFI Rx: IUI + clomid
@drewsdarlin: dx: RPL, PCOS, Hashimotos, low vitamin D and Iron RX: ?
@echocharlietango: dx: Unexplained Rx: trying naturally
@emgem819 dx: PCOS, Rx: provera, femara + Bravelle
@emmasemm: dx: DOR & autoimmune Rx: IVF
@eranvo27: dx: anovulatory PCOS Rx: metformin
@floridanursegirl: dx: unexplained anovulation Rx:Metformin, IUI+Femara+trigger
@fluffybookworm: dx: Anovulation + insulin resistance Rx: Metformin + prometrium + testing
@funkykey dx: unexplained Rx: IVF
@hannahlce: dx: anovulatory PCOS Rx: metformin + letrozole
@Happyin14: dx: unexplained, RPL Rx: IVF
@inthewoods23 - dx:MFI. Rx: pending.
@jrm_14: dx: Adrenal/overian insufficiency, Borderline-low AMH, Low progesterone Rx: IUI w/ injectables.
@jmr1515: dx: Mild MFI/morph, fibroid Rx: Surgery + TI
@kgabhart: dx: Unexplained/PCOS Rx: letrozole + IUI
@Kate437: dx:anovulatory Rx:Letrozole + trigger
@Knottie1467155066: dx: unknown Rx: letrozole + trigger + TI
@kls2016 - dx: in testing. Rx: pending.
@ladystout08: dx: unknown Rx: waiting for testing
@leafyarch: dx: MFI, no thyroid Rx: IVF
@linz36: dx: Low AFC, MFI Rx: testing/IUI
@manhattanmama2: dx: unexplained Rx: IVF
@mirabelle33: dx: endometriosis/endometrioma, DOR, AMA, Rx: IVF
@meganttc3: dx: PCOS, unexplained Rx: waiting to test
@mrsjcrane: dx: unexplained Rx: femara + trigger + TI + 2nd HCG booster
@mighty-mouse: dx:pcos & HA Rx: provera/letrozole + trigger
@mackenzie07 dx: PCOS and Endo Rx: metformin, letrozole, ovidrel
@MicahDahn: Dx: irregular cycles Rx: preparing for testing
@moloninge Dx:PCOS, hypothyroidism, insulin resistance, fibroids. Rx:Metformin,Synthroid,IUI w/letrozole, ovidrel, and progesterone.
@mandasand: dx: low AMH Rx:IVF (Lupron, Menopur + Follistim)
@Mythril: dx: PCOS (anovulatory) Rx:levothyroxine, metformin and femara + TI
@nurseerin2012: dx: unexplained Rx: letrozole + IUI
@oklahomak: dx: PCOS Rx: metformin/letrozole/estradiol/progesterone+ trigger
@rachlee2010: dx: DOR Rx: IUI
@rmarble23: dx: MFI Rx: IVF
@Samanthaarielxo dx: anovulation Rx: still in testing
@sarah0985: dx: PCOS, possible blocked tubes Rx: Lap
@SM746830: dx: PCOS, blocked tubes Rx: Surgery, Clomid
@starlitfae dx: MFI & balanced translocation, thyroid Rx: ivf with pgd testing
@SP128: in testing/unexplained
@serownarain: dx: in testing
@sarahven dx:anovulation and PCOS. Rx: femara
@sincethelastday - dx:irregular cycles, low morph. Rx: Femara.
@sailorariel - dx: fibroids. Rx: fibroid removal surgery.
@wishing-and-hoping: dx: unexplained rx: poss. IVF
@Worldtravler0522 dx: PCOS/Unexplained Rx: IVF

NEWCOMERS:To be added to the Weekly Checkin, please answer the following:

1. How long have you been TTC?

2. What is your diagnosis?

3. What is your current Rx plan?

funkykey · November 2018

Update from me: we did our fourth FET today. I had a brief moment of feeling very excited, but my overwhelming sense is one of dread. This month marks 3 calendar years of TTC for us. Over that time, I've produced ~ 60 eggs. It's just really hard to imagine that this time will be different. Bah.

Anyway, hoping we see some good news stories this next couple of weeks. I don't know about you guys, but sometimes the experiences I read about here keep my heart from totally breaking. IF sucks, but the reality is that lots and lots of couples who struggle go on to have healthy babies.

inthewoods23 · November 2018

@funkykey hoping for some good news for you too! I agree that hearing other people's stories of their TTC journey gives me a lot of hope too for my own situation. Too often it feels like everyone else can just blink and get pregnant while I'm over here like "must be nice to not have to pay to attempt making a baby".

ASM: I'm halfway through my TWW. AF predicted to be due on Friday. Might take a HPT if my temp doesn't drop that morning. Sometimes the drop occurs on day 2, but usually it drops day of. If AF arrives then it will be time to call the RE to have blood work done.

QOTW: I think I saw some Christmas decorations back in October. I think that's too early. Start putting that up in November! Somewhat related - but I remember seeing summer items already on clearance when it was like... Mid June or July this year. Like WTF summer isn't even close to being over! But of course they have to start setting up all the back to school stuff. I think I was looking for some new beach towels for a trip in mid July and they only had like 1.5 aisles for summer items. I almost thought they didn't have towels anymore, but I did find a few.

ChristenMA83 · November 2018

@funkykey *hugs* I hope so much for you that this time is different, but I totally get where you're coming from. My nurse was talking this morning during our blood draw about how she knows this process is so hard, but it's so cool because she gets to see it work. I love hearing the success stories of those that have struggled.

AFM: Thank you all for your support last week. I talked through it a bit with my husband and it was good to get it off my chest, but in the end, there's really nothing anyone can say, I just have to power through - but it does help to share. @funkykey I like your idea, and you're right, I wouldn't want to have a family with either of these men - not that there's anything wrong with them, but I can't imagine a better father and partner than my DH - so I'll try to quietly remind myself of that when times get tough.

ETA: QOTW
Any Christmas before Thanksgiving is too soon. I rolled my eyes on 10/31 when I stopped for some last minute Halloween candy and they were replacing the costumes with stockings. DH, on the other hand, loves it all as soon as possible.

sincethelastday · November 2018

@ChristenMA83 - sorry to hear about the rough situation with your co-workers! That sucks! It’s one thing when someone knows what you’re going through, but another when that person(s) have no clue. Sometimes I don’t know what’s worse, because sometimes it’s the people who know about my struggle that I find the most hard to be around (due to advice giving, pity looks, etc). I hope you start feeling better soon! Is your retrieval still looking like it will be around Nov 14-16? Good luck at your US on Wed!!

@funkykey - oh, I hope so much that this FET is the one!! I can imagine that going through this so many times before makes it hard to get excited. Kind of reminds me of that Albert Einstein quote about insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result (clearly, Mr. Einstein never dealt with IF). I hope though that this TWW goes by super fast and that you will soon be able to join that “graduate” list!

@mirabelle33 - how are you holding up? Thinking of you!

@autumnlvs - congrats on the doubling beta! Hope that things continue to progress nicely for you!!

@inthewoods23 - hope the remainder of this TWW goes by quickly!!

AFM: Just sitting over here being impatient for DH to get home (little under 2 weeks) and AF to show up in a couple of weeks. Hate how useless I feel by just waiting.

QOTW: I’m the type to wait to put up the Christmas tree, start listening to carols, etc. once December hits. Before that is too early. Saying that though, I kind of dislike November because there’s no real holiday to celebrate (I’m Canadian, so our Thanksgiving is in October). And that’s when we usually begin getting dumps of snow, so yeah, sometimes I wouldn’t mind having some Christmas decorations up a bit earlier lol.

Bababatty · November 2018

@funkykey Congratulations on being PUPO!! I am so anxious and excited for you. Take it easy; I won’t even say try to relax because God knows we can’t do that. May the days go quickly. When is your beta?

sincethelastday · November 2018

@mirabelle33 - will be thinking of you today! I believe you said you receive your first beta today!

funkykey · November 2018

Whoops, I forgot to answer the QOTW!

I think it's a little soon for Christmas decorations, but waiting until Thanksgiving seems too long! I won't put any up in my house until later, but I love seeing ornaments & window displays around Nov. 15.

@inthewoods23 - I hope you are holding up with this TWW better than I am!

@ChristenMA83 - how are you feeling? When do you think you'll have your ER? Good luck!

Exactly - it's not like there's anything wrong with these other couples, but I want a baby with my DH - I want our own little family. So while sometimes I'm jealous of how easy other couples have it, I'm also not really jealous of them at all. I just want it to be my turn, you know?

@sincethelastday - I keep thinking about that Albert Einstein quote too. Technically, we have been doing different things this whole time, but the changes are so incremental, it feels like nothing. For example, this round of IVF I had slightly different dosages of stimming meds than last round, and we added PGS testing. So - we made changes, but it really feels like we're just doing the exact same thing. Ugh.

I hope AF shows for you soon!

@Bababatty- thanks!

@mirabelle33 - I am thinking of you too! FX!!!!!!!

ChristenMA83 · November 2018

@mirabelle33 fingers crossed for good results!

@funkykey I'm doing ok. A little brain fog and the headaches set in today - but other than that I'm feeling fine. Retrieval will be between the 14-16...I'll know for sure on Monday probably. I'm hoping for Friday the 16th, but it'll probably be sooner than that based on my last cycle.

autumnlvs · November 2018

@funkykey congrats on being PUPO!!

@inthewoods23 wishing you positively sticky vibes and warm feet during your TWW!

@ChristenMA83 i'm sorry about the headaches and brain fog

try to get some rest - hope you feel better

mirabelle33 · November 2018

@funkykey How are you holding up? Sending you a big hug

@inthewoods23 Fx for you!

@ChristenMA83 I'm glad you were able to talk to YH about the difficult situation at work and that sharing it here has helped, even if just a little bit

Sending good vibes for your retrieval.

@sincethelastday I hope this last bit of waiting flies by for you and that you can feel more proactive soon

Thank you all for your good wishes and for checking up on me yesterday!

TW:

Welp, the good news is that beta #1 was positive. The bad news is that it was only 15

I know this is not good news and it's most likely a CP, but as suspected the clinic advised us to have a second beta tomorrow. We're hoping for a miracle over here, but staying realistic. Of course Dr. Google has produced cases of successful pregnancies that started with a (very) low beta, but I know it's the exception rather than the rule.

QOTW: How do you feel when you see Christmas decorations in stores right now? At last or too soon?

I think October is way too early, but I don't mind seeing them once the calendar turns to November. But maybe I'm just used to it since they don't celebrate Thanksgiving here and the Christmas decorations always go up early in November.

ChristenMA83 · November 2018

@mirabelle33 all my crossables crossed that your beta continues to rise. How many days past transfer was the beta? Kudos to you for being seemingly level-headed about the situation.

inthewoods23 · November 2018

@mirabelle33 FX for you! I hope your beta results tomorrow bring you good news!

mirabelle33 · November 2018

@ChristenMA83 Thank you

I had to lol at your "seemingly level-headed comment." It does seem like that from my post, doesn't it? Meanwhile I'm over here trying not to freak out and doing all the guided meditations and deep breathing exercises I can stand

My beta was 12dp3dt.

@inthewoods23 thank you!

ETA: add something

ChristenMA83 · November 2018

@mirabelle33 LOL, glad you were amused, I said seemingly because I know I always try to project a logical persona but, like you, I'm googling everything and imaging every scenario because there's just so little in our control through this process.

sincethelastday · November 2018

@mirabelle33 - oh, I’m so hoping that you get good news tomorrow! I hope that whatever you need to do to get through the rest of the day before tomorrow helps with the waiting. And whatever the outcome, we’re here for you!

Worldtravler0522 · November 2018

@funkykey good luck!! Saying a prayer and keeping everything crossed that this is your time for success ❤️

@mirabelle33 hoping your numbers have gone crazy for your next beta! Don’t lose hope until you know there’s none. Saying a prayer and crossing everything I have this is it!

Bababatty · November 2018

@mirabelle33 I’m joining everyone in the crossing everything for you!! Good luck tomorrow!

funkykey · November 2018

@mirabelle33 - thinking of you! Sending lots of love!

mirabelle33 · November 2018

Thank you to everyone for your well wishes and crossed fingers yesterday.

TW:

My HCG level was at 5 yesterday, so it's officially a CP

I've stopped the progesterone support and will likely get AF soon (I'm NOT looking forward to that). I still can't believe we got so far and I was not prepared for an outcome of "yes, but ..." The last two days were some of the worst since we started TTC. Yet I'm unable to cry about it and rather feel completely numb. Anyway, we will pick ourselves up and get ready to try again. We have a WTF appointment at the clinic in 2 weeks. I may not be as active for the next couple of weeks, but I will be lurking and sending all my love and support to all of you. I'm always available by PM. Thank you for being here

@funkykey sending you as many good, sticky vibes as I can.

@Bababatty @Worldtravler0522 hoping for good news and celebrations coming from you both soon!

ETA: does anyone know how to stop adding a new spoiler to your signature each time? Every time I hit return it started a new spoiler. It's really testing my limited patience this morning ...

sincethelastday · November 2018

@mirabelle33 - So, so sorry to hear this news!

I can’t imagine how difficult and heartbreaking the last couple of days have been for you and YH! It just makes me feel so mad for you and everyone else dealing with IF - it’s just so unfair!! I hope that your next couple of weeks aren’t too busy and stressful with life in general so you have time to grieve this loss and prepare for your appointment. You’ll be in my prayers and thoughts! Sending a long distance hug across the Atlantic!

inthewoods23 · November 2018

@mirabelle33 So sorry to hear this horrible news!

my heart breaks for you. Take all the time you need.

ChristenMA83 · November 2018

@mirabelle33 I'm so sorry you're having to go through this CP. It's one of the cruelest aspects of IF. Many hugs to you as you grieve and decide on next steps.

Bababatty · November 2018

@mirabelle33 I am so, so sorry! Non-infertiles can’t even grasp how hard a CP is let alone one during IF treatments. It’s absolutely heartbreaking. I’m sending you lots of creepy internet hugs. Take all the time you need to recover!

funkykey · November 2018

@mirabelle33 - Ugh, I'm so sorry. IF is so cruel.

I don't know about you, but I find the hardest part is just everything getting dragged out. I'll tell myself: "It's not going to work, it's not going to work." because I want to protect myself and not get my hopes up, but then everything works just enough that I have hope. And then, whoompf, it gets squashed.

Sending you a big hug. I'm so sorry.

ps. for the signature, I tend to just do it on a desktop computer, and sometimes I even go in and edit the source html. It is buggy!

funkykey · November 2018

AFM: again, I am on the IF rollercoaster. One minute, I'm like: "I feel nothing. It didn't work, again." and I think about actually giving up IF treatments/walking away. I was saying to my husband yesterday: "Let's sell the house, downsize and buy a nice condo, and then go to Hawaii for a month."

And then my breasts will feel a little heavy (likely because of the drugs), and I think: "maybe it worked, maybe it actually worked this time." and then I think about maternity leave and calculate due dates and think about when we can announce it, etc.

I wish I could just curl into a ball and sleep until beta, and maybe even after beta.

I actually think I might take an HPT sometime this weekend, but we'll see.

ChristenMA83 · November 2018

@funkykey you're always so good at articulating the emotions and self-doubt that this process entails.

Worldtravler0522 · November 2018

@mirabelle33 I'm so sorry to hear it was CP. Hang in there, sending so many prayers and good thoughts your way that your next cycle is it. It is perfectly normal to feel numb and need to step away for awhile. If you ever need someone to talk to please don't hesitate to message me.

@funkykey the TWW mind F is the worst. Also, the idea of selling the house is something I have said to DH on many occasions during this process. If I lived close by I would let you have some of the 60 cheap pregnancy tests I bought on Amazon last week. Why I still feel the need to test is beyond me... I will be lurking on here like crazy hoping to see your graduation day in the not so distant future.

Bababatty · November 2018

@funkykey I HATE the TWW mind f***. Like you, I was like, “let’s just do something crazy. We’ve done everything right in our lives and here we are; change time!” Actually, it’s kind of fun to just run with it—like it would feel so weird to just STOP trying so something big would need to change in my life. How could you carry on like normal with the heartbreak? But even taking that out of the equation, just running with the idea of what would I do if I could do something totally unexpected and maybe a little ill-advised?

*TW* I don’t think I had any symptoms during any of my TWWs that resulted in BFPs other than the boobs, which is definitely progesterone related I’m sure. It’s So HARD not to overthink it. I really hope any symptoms you have are NOT just because of the meds. If you were to test early, maybe Sunday? I’ll be eagerly awaiting any test results. Everything crossed!!

sincethelastday · November 2018

@funkykey - sending a bunch of good vibes your way to get through this incredibly frustrating, agonizing wait!! Hoping so hard for you!!

@Bababatty - hope things are continuing to go well for you!! Are you having another ultrasound soon?

@Worldtravler0522 - saw your farewell post and wish only the best for you, YH, and of course your little one!! Hope your sense of worry ceases as you move on from your RE and only have an uneventful, wonderful pregnancy!

Worldtravler0522 · November 2018

@sincethelastday thank you! I will still be lurking around a bit

funkykey · November 2018

@Bababatty - I relate so hard to the feeling like: "We've done everything right in our lives and here we are." Like: we've done EVERYTHING right. I tried so hard to "be good", and I've worked so much. Responsible, ethical, fair, thorough - I try to be all these things, and it takes work. I'm surrounded by people who haven't tried as hard, who haven't worked as much - who are arrogant and ignorant - and yet, somehow, they get exactly what they want, when they want it, and here DH and I are, childless, in debt, and without a dishwasher. (

)

OK, maybe I'm not "surrounded" by people like that - maybe I'm just thinking about my two most obnoxious cousins and like one guy I know socially - but they stick out like sore thumbs. And I think sometimes I get tired because I'm a woman in tech, so I deal a little bit with sexism at work - the bar is higher for me there, too. So this higher bar at work, and then dealing with cost of living in our city, and then (on top of that) dealing with IF?

Some days, it just feels like: "F*ck it, let's stop. Let's just give up on all this BS."

I feel like my heart is pretty close to breaking, and if it does, I just might change course completely.

inthewoods23 · November 2018

Small update from me - I've spent the last 3 weeks waiting for AF to arrive and she finally arrived today. I'll be giving the RE a call on Monday to schedule the blood work. I'm looking forward to having a plan put together once we get our results

sincethelastday · November 2018

@funkykey - It sounds like you’re in a really tough place right now! Although probably not the same extent, because I haven’t been on this journey as long as you, I feel like I can still relate to what you’re saying. I have quite a few supportive people in my life, but the ones that are so unempathetic and self-absorbed are the ones that seem to pop up the most when I’m feeling down or upset about all this IF nonsense. Like you, it feels so unfair when you’ve tried and worked so hard at just life in general and to not get the outcome you were hoping for. I’ve always been a control freak with my own life and it’s got to be the hardest thing to realize that even with all the work and sweat and tears and blood being poured into this journey, there may not be the desirable outcome. It just sucks so, so bad and I’m so sorry that you’ve had to put up with all that you’ve had to during your IF journey. Still hoping and praying that this cycle will be “the one” for you!!

When is your first beta?

@inthewoods23 -glad that you’ll be able to start your treatment plan soon! Are you starting with Letrozole or going straight to IUI?

funkykey · November 2018

@inthewoods23 - hooray! FX you get results quickly, and don't have to wait to move ahead.

@sincethelastday - Thank you! If I'm honest, I don't feel like that all the time. Only on my worst days am I like: "I've worked so hard - and for what?!" And lately, on the hours when I have no pregnancy symptoms, that's when I'm like: "Oh God, I can't do this again. I can't feel this heartbreak."

Most of the time though, when I'm thinking more clearly, it's like: "Ok, IF sucks, but a lot of other things in my life are far, far better than I deserve, and have been very easy for me." Even with IF, a bit - we actually live very close to our clinic. It's maybe a 20 minute walk, on nice streets, and there's this really cute coffee shop close by. So, we're totally OOP and it's a pain, but going to get bloodwork or pick up extra meds is no big deal at all. Sometimes I think what this would be like for people who live really far from their clinics - for people who have to like drive 8 hours to get to the closest clinic - and I just think how much harder that would make attempting a first, let alone second round of IVF.

But I definitely have my bad days!

IF is unfair, and it is a terrible struggle. And it definitely brings you up close and personal with "injustice". Like, how hard you work has nothing to do with your fate. That was true before we were diagnosed as IF, and even undergoing the treatments, it's true. It sucks, and I wish it were more fair.

My beta is on Thursday! Thank you for the prayers! Hoping my little embryos is still growing, and grows stronger with each little prayer!

sincethelastday · November 2018

@funkykey - Thursday is so soon!! Hope you get through these last few days with your sanity intact and that they go by quickly! Also, I totally do the same thing and try to remember all the good things in my life. I think it’s a good coping mechanism (along with chocolate lol).

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